Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Emotion fills the Hole

It's that anxious, nervous feeling inside my stomach. The one where everything I eat makes me sick. Where I sleep in the afternoons because the weight of the world is pushing. It's an uncomfortable feeling. It's magnified by people saying things about money and the future and history and sitting in an auditorium where 10 years ago I was a child. I was just a child, and now? I'm not sure what I am.

And I'm not sure what to do with this lyric, that I read on a friend's blog:

"I don't care if forever never comes, 'cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling..."

It's Neko Case. I feel like it's immature in it's essence, but that it's how I feel sometimes. But maybe I want both. Maybe I'm just confused.

I'm worried I won't get to hit up my first Shabbat Cluster, and it makes me pretty damn sad. I want to get involved. I want to meet some nice Jewish folks ... something.

I'm kind of lost right now.