Saturday, September 2, 2006

When there's too much to handle, look to the sky.

I'm sort of struggling with a lot right now. I'm attempting to maintain calm as I trudge through a seemingly neverending field of thorns. Everytime I come upon a beautiful swath of green grass, I seem to step on the one rock present. One after the other, after the other. But the sky is still blue and the sun bright. I'm trying to keep my head up, and above, what lies below. What else is there to do but hope for things to be okay, coasting at a pace of comfort and ease? If there's one thing I've gained from my experience within and path to Judaism, it's that this is what matters.

I managed to have a day where I lost my place to live, fell in a puddle in the Safeway, got locked out of my apartment and had back and neck pain that surpassed any pains I've had in a long time. This also came after 24 hours of being the happiest and most taken care of I've been in a long, long time. Good with the bad? The past three or four days have been lengthy and painful. I've decided to take my car home to my parents, so they can have the car and I can rely on public transport. Last night, as I told my dad I'd gotten the days off for my trek home, the check engine light came on. The car jerked and the speedometer wigged out. I took it to the Auto Zone today and found out my transmission module is acting up again. The same thing happened last month. I. Just. Can't. Win.

But I'm smiling anyway.

My trip West will be taken with a fellow o' mine. The company will make the adventure less horribly unbearable and probably also easier to do. I'm looking forward to the adventure. Probably my last shot -- for a long time -- at being home. I'll see John, BisonWitches, poke into the Daily Nebraskan, and show him my town. It'll be a good refresher, a good reminder, and time to ease myself into the High Holy Days. And that's why I'm smiling.

I look at it, as the ultimate mitzvah. An adventure to aid my family, to ease their minds and hopefully help them out. What a time for a mitzvah of epic proportion, too. I hope my fellow knows his coming with also is an ultimate mizvah.
Just as a tiny seed awakens the infinite power of life hidden within the earth, so a mitzvah buried quietly in the ground can ignite an explosion of infinite light. Charged with that power, all the world is changed. --Teaching of the Lubavitcher Rebbe
And hopefully, soon, I'll be back on track with my studies, my mind, my prayers, my habits and my life.