tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83000821438590199592024-02-09T04:11:54.218+02:00Just Call Me Chaviva (Gordon-Bennett)The thoughts of a two-time Jewish convert, writer, editor, and mom (to 3) living in Israel.Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comBlogger1931125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-53045042517611608302024-02-08T09:42:00.011+02:002024-02-08T10:08:39.838+02:00Torah Commentary on Mishpatim: The Rules/Laws, Code of Hammurabi, and the Relevance of ReligionTo me, this parashah is probably one of the most complex parts of Torah to relate to in modern times. I also think it's what drives a lot of people away from religion <span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 14px;">—</span> it's outdated, right!?<br /><br />It's all the regulations about slaves and stuff that seems inhumane and absurd in modern times. Many argue that the Torah is unjust in even creating regulations regarding "slaves" because of what the Jews went through in Egypt. Likewise, our modern construct of slavery is one of abuse, neglect, and racism. The interesting thing about Torah slavery, though, is that it is entirely unlike the slavery of Egypt and the U.S. South.<br /><br />Slavery in the Torah is often an individual selling their services to repay a debt or to work off bankruptcy. It isn't buying and selling individuals off a butcher's block on a dock somewhere. This is important to note. Torah begins this parashah, following the Decalogue, with the stipulations of slavery for an important <span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 14px;">—</span> and modern applicable <span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 14px;">— </span>reason. Having just gotten out of slavery, it's necessary to create rules and regulations for keeping slaves to ensure that the treatment of Egypt is never touched again. It's like a "do unto others as you would have liked to have been done unto you" setup. Anyhow, this is applicable in modern times as a reflection of not wishing ill upon those in a situation which you have presently experienced, I think.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnvqEMoHHllwHmGNgsBmlWHuZItOJ7AzZY1a4FyfsaxJ-4Oz-Thoy0YM0YPg_4JATHB3Pguf5AMSFAHaX_BEFght3npKk6tEPoPGMKw1qxEm9QPMPWY4jwO-kuybYic3vTV4Cc3DVqPHIC7IKy7071vfMICu0jMhkQ6BAQ1OvilmCw6_mLYj6D0PcwZyc/s1680/mishpatim.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="945" data-original-width="1680" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnvqEMoHHllwHmGNgsBmlWHuZItOJ7AzZY1a4FyfsaxJ-4Oz-Thoy0YM0YPg_4JATHB3Pguf5AMSFAHaX_BEFght3npKk6tEPoPGMKw1qxEm9QPMPWY4jwO-kuybYic3vTV4Cc3DVqPHIC7IKy7071vfMICu0jMhkQ6BAQ1OvilmCw6_mLYj6D0PcwZyc/w508-h286/mishpatim.png" width="508" /></a></div><div><br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">Does Eye for an Eye Really Mean an Eye for an Eye?</h2>Let me be (not) the first to say I love <span style="font-weight: bold;">Hammurabi</span> and his codes. Love may not be the right word, but the concept is brilliant, and for those who get all sauced up over history, it's absolutely tickling. The Codes of Hammurabi shaped much of the law in those early years based on the <span style="font-style: italic;"><a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/talion" target="_blank">talion</a></span>, or the basic <span style="font-weight: bold;">"eye for an eye"</span> principle. A lot of people come back to this Biblical principle when discussing the death penalty or other punishment. In essence, it seems to make some kind of sense. Why shouldn't the person feel the same pain/anguish that their murderer felt? But luckily, there was wising up, and (most) people realized that in no way does it equate to the original crime. Oftentimes, murderers are conscienceless and will never be able to feel that pain or sorrow.<br /><br />The Sages agree that <span style="font-weight: bold;">people deeply misunderstand "eye for an eye</span>," for the very reason just mentioned. Maimonides said, <div><blockquote>"There never was any Rabbi, from the time of Moses ... who ruled, based on 'eye for an eye,' that he who blinds another should himself be blinded." </blockquote></div><div>Instead, the principle is a graphic way of explaining that punishment should not be too lenient or harsh, but should fit the crime. Torah has ways with words, it's a beautifully written manuscript and oftentimes says a lot of things it does not necessarily literally intend to say.<br /><br />I find myself distraught at times over the literal nature of which things are interpreted. Yes, I preach that poetry should not be overly interpreted and that accessibility in writing is one of the most profound problems of writers who must flaunt some earth-shattering style. But Torah was composed so very, very long ago. Words change. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Etymology</span> is the key to understanding evolution in texts, darn't. Euphemism and analogy should not be taken for granted or go unused when understanding Torah.<br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">Jews Control All the World's Money ... Right?</h2>Say hello to Ex. 22:24, aka the laws of <span style="font-weight: bold;">usury</span>! I take particular interest in this topic, because I once wrote extensively about it for one of my classes, though I forget which. Interestingly, in most Christian texts, this is typically cited as Ex. 22:25. Bizarre, yes? I haven't run into any discrepancies as such before.<br /><br />My interest in this passage relates to the whole (mistaken) idea that Jews are in control of all the world's finances. Most are unaware that <span style="font-weight: bold;">Jews were essentially forced into money lending in the Middle Ages after the Catholic Church outlawed money lending</span> because of this very passage.</div><div><br /></div><div> The catch, of course, was that the text says that you shouldn't charge interest to "my people" or sometimes translates as "to your brethren." That, you see, is how the Church figured that it was okay for the Jews to take on the task ... so Catholics were still allowed to borrow, and it wasn't against the law, because Jews were NOT their "brethren." It was a loophole that the Church was well aware of, and in a way it set up the Israelites for years of victimization. Additionally, it became one of the few things Jews were allowed to do at the time, because so many professions and trades were outlawed for them.<br /><br />So every time someone makes a snide remark about how Jews are incredibly wealthy or run the world's finances, I bring up the fact that it was the Catholic Church who opened this gateway for the Jews. Don't blame the Jews!<br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">Are Religions Like Judaism Still Relevant in 2024?</h2>I read somewhere that many of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Torah's laws are like an onion</span> -- there are many layers to the meaning. As time passes, a layer peels away and we must return to the law to seek out it's spiritual meaning so that we do not simply discard it as outdated and irrelevant. Here's an <a href="http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article.asp?AID=254376">article</a> over at Chabad.org that discusses the different ways we interpret Torah, especially in relation to this parshah.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I'm a firm believer that every rule and law in Torah is completely applicable today</span>, if not from a literal standpoint then from a metaphorical and spiritual standpoint. I highly doubt G-d would reach down and throw out a bunch of essential rules for life, only to have them become outdated in a couple thousand years. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Adaptation is, perhaps, a test of faith, intelligence, understanding, and acceptance.</span><br /><br />Another great <a href="http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article.asp?AID=358696">article</a>, "Is Religion Still Relevant?" by Yossy Goldman, is pretty high-quality. It runs with the idea that "everything has changed, but it's stayed the same."<br /><blockquote>The very same issues dealt with in the Bible -- sibling rivalry, jealous partners, and even murder -- are still the stuff of newspaper headlines today. So what else is new? Has anything changed? Yes, today we have astronauts and space stations and laser beams and laptops, but the basic issues and choices human beings must face remain identical. Once upon a time the question was do I hit him with my club or slice him up with my sword. Today the question is do I call up the nuclear submarines or send in the guided missiles? ...<br /><br />... Torah is truth and truth is eternal. Scenarios come and go. Lifestyles change with the geography. The storylines are different but the gut level issues are all too familiar. If we ever needed religion -- or in our language, Torah -- we need it equally today and maybe more so. May we continue to find moral guidance and clarity in the eternal truths of our holy and eternal Torah. Amen.</blockquote>So whenever you think back to the mitzvot or Torah and think, "Psshaw, oxen and slaves are so old school" take another look. Read the commentaries, explore the Torah, examine the Sages, talk to Rashi and Maimonides because there is definitely more to "an eye for an eye" than meets the eye.<br /><br />(Sorry, had to end like that. It made me giggly silently, hah!)<textarea id="BFI_DATA" style="display: none; height: 1px; width: 1px;"></textarea><title> </title></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Editor's note: </b>This was published in February 2007 and has been updated for accuracy and relevance. </div><textarea id="BFI_DATA" style="display: none; height: 1px; width: 1px;"></textarea><title> </title><div class="LTRStyle" id="WidgetFloaterPanels" style="direction: ltr; display: none; text-align: left; visibility: hidden;" translate="no"> <div id="WidgetFloater" onmouseout="Microsoft.Translator.OnMouseOutFloater()" onmouseover="Microsoft.Translator.OnMouseOverFloater()" style="display: none;"> <div id="WidgetLogoPanel"> <span id="WidgetTranslateWithSpan"><span>TRANSLATE with </span><img id="FloaterLogo" /></span> <span id="WidgetCloseButton" onclick="Microsoft.Translator.FloaterOnClose()" title="Exit Translation">x</span></div> <div id="LanguageMenuPanel"> <div class="DDStyle_outer"><input autocomplete="on" 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href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSftOwme_JcDQb_eX-_sZRFP2FR37pv_kfEdbEm_4U5_hp2TBg/viewform" target="_blank">Ask Chaviva Anything</a> submission in September that has been on my mind since it popped into my inbox. I've been tossing around how to answer it for ages and I'm still not 100% positive that I know how to answer it but I feel like I have to try. </p><p>Here's the question:<br />
</p><blockquote>How did you manage to get a <i>heter</i> (Rabbinic permission) to stop having children after only 3? I'm a convert to orthodox Judaism too and even after 6 kids I can't get a break. Sorry if it's too personal a question, you obviously don't have to answer.</blockquote><p>So, before I can answer this question, let's talk a bit about the commandment (<i>mitzvah</i>) to have children in Judaism. The origin of this <i>mitzvah</i> comes from two verses in Torah:</p><p>
</p><blockquote>"And G‑d created man in His image; in the image of G‑d He created him; male and female He created them. And G‑d blessed them, and G‑d said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the sky and over all the beasts that tread upon the earth." (<i>Bereishit</i>/<i>Genesis</i> 1:27-28) </blockquote>Later on, after the flood when everyone leaves the Ark, the Torah says:<blockquote><p>“And you, be fruitful and multiply (known as <i>periya u-rviya</i>); swarm upon the earth and multiply thereon.” (<i>Bereishit/Genesis</i> 9:7)</p></blockquote>
There are many discussions around why this <i>mitzvah </i>is repeated, but we won't get into that here. In the Talmud, there are deep discussions around the age of marriage and when the <i>mitzvah </i>to procreate should be fulfilled, but we also won't get into that here. Interestingly, the commandment to bear children only applies to men, not to women, but without a woman, it's a bit of a non-starter so we also won't get into that here. <div><br /></div><div>Let's look at the requirements around the volume of children a Jew is obligated to have according to the Talmud. <div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX33C4tL9kI_LvVwVOBpuFLNmDyBSA9IKA7DpA7IJShzoytTJxaTeezuDquVYoV5wYir4_sDXhjuMfoAZ6-BtB8TDIT7-tOw5Rdr_Dfgx1_uGYzXOKY2h29TTTCDQ_loMfkK5GXt5ns7ZwIPGzaR50yXX_jNwBI4kem7seM4-uGlJB0vi_lNJrl-bHzBQ/s4016/anastasiia-chepinska-B7JVo5y3gL8-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2681" data-original-width="4016" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX33C4tL9kI_LvVwVOBpuFLNmDyBSA9IKA7DpA7IJShzoytTJxaTeezuDquVYoV5wYir4_sDXhjuMfoAZ6-BtB8TDIT7-tOw5Rdr_Dfgx1_uGYzXOKY2h29TTTCDQ_loMfkK5GXt5ns7ZwIPGzaR50yXX_jNwBI4kem7seM4-uGlJB0vi_lNJrl-bHzBQ/w400-h268/anastasiia-chepinska-B7JVo5y3gL8-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>In the <i>Mishnah</i> (aka the Oral Torah), there are two opinions coming from the houses of Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel. Those who are familiar will note that we typically hold by the rulings of Beit Hillel, but not always. In this discussion in <i>Mishnah Yevamot </i>61b, Beit Shammai says that one is required to bear<b> two male children</b>, and Beit Hillel says one is required to bear <b>one male child</b> and <b>one female child</b>.</div><div><div><br /></div><div>In <i>Shulchan Aruch Even Hoezer </i>1:5, Beit Hillel's approach wins the day. If you've had one male and one female child, you've fulfilled the Biblical command to procreate. Mazal tov!<div><p></p><p></p></div></div></div><div>So why are there people who don't stop at two or have a dozen kids of all genders anyway? This originates in rabbinic texts and understandings, particularly <i>la-erev</i>, which means to continue having kids even after you've hit your Biblical requirement. It originates in this verse</div></div><div></div><blockquote><div>“In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening [la-erev] do not desist.” (Ecclesiastes 11:6)</div><div></div></blockquote><div>Although some rabbinic authorities say that <i>la-erev</i> is obligatory, others do not see it as a strict requirement. </div><div><br /></div>Ultimately, although Jewish law strongly encourages large families, contraception is permitted! In fact, it's even required in certain situations. There are <a href="https://www.yoatzot.org/family-planning/2128/" target="_blank">many instances in which birth control is permitted</a>. The founding rabbinic adviser of Nishmat, for example, ruled the following:<div><blockquote>Rav Henkin <i>z”l</i> generally permitted a couple that had already fulfilled the <i>mitzvah</i> of <i>piryah v’rivyah</i> (the Torah commandment to be fruitful and multiply) and had compelling reasons not to have more children (e.g., concerns about the woman’s health, finances, or <i>shalom bayit</i>), to practice contraception indefinitely. (B’nei Banim II:38)</blockquote><div>So, it's important to do two things:<div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Study the halachot (laws) with your spouse so you know what the reality is</li><li>Speak with a rabbi you trust who understands you, your family dynamic, and your needs</li></ul><div>Obviously, you can't shop around for a rabbi who will tell you what you want, but not all rabbis are deeply knowledgeable on every single aspect of the laws of family and family planning. It's crucial to find a rabbi who knows the laws inside and out and that will truly listen to your needs. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>If the problem is with your spouse (i.e., you want to stop having kids for whatever reason and your spouse refuses), then you need to have some very hard conversations with a rabbi and perhaps a therapist you trust to work through those. </div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>Thus we arrive back at the original question. My answer? I didn't get a <i>heter</i> to stop having kids. I had a boy and then a girl and my third child was the bonus! You don't need to get a <i>heter</i> to stop having kids. Ultimately the decision is between you, your spouse, and HaShem. For us, it was an issue of <i>shalom bayit </i>and finances. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm sorry you're feeling trapped and like you have to keep having kids despite being done having children. You can gain guidance and advice from your rabbi, but if you're being told you <b>must</b> keep having kids, then I advise you to seek guidance from someone you trust or to reach out to <a href="https://www.yoatzot.org/home" target="_blank">Nishmat</a> for help. </div><div><br /></div><div>Do you have a question for me about Judaism? Life in Israel? Something else? Submit it to <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSftOwme_JcDQb_eX-_sZRFP2FR37pv_kfEdbEm_4U5_hp2TBg/viewform" target="_blank">Ask Chaviva Anything</a>! Also, don't forget to <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thechaviva" target="_blank">follow me on Instagram</a>, where I am much more active these days!</div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-22802485141173122792023-12-31T09:28:00.001+02:002023-12-31T09:28:02.060+02:00What Would Happen If We All Just Felt More Feelings?<p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;">Throughout my life the most stressful and inspiring moments have thrust pen to paper. These moments made it easy for me to sit and write without pause until every single feeling and experience had bled onto the page, leaving me feeling relieved, relaxed, and accomplished.</span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;">Yet, for years, I’ve struggled to get it all out. The pull, the need, is always there, but it’s become impossible to sit down and actually get everything out. I open the document, I sit, I wait, and nothing comes. The thoughts and feelings are there, but the words to express them are lost and hidden away. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;">We moved back to Israel in late June 2022, and life has been good since then. The kids made friends, adjusted to school, and picked up Hebrew faster than I could have possibly hoped for or imagined. Work for me hasn’t changed much, and Tuvia got a job working for a company he loves. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">All in all, life is good. We’re okay, we’re doing well, we’re settled. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Then, October 7, 2023, rolled around like any other Shabbat/Simchat Torah/my 40th birthday ... but it wasn't. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjheNqRqmuq_2H85SY-i94YlUQZl6GV1liwIqHiDJ4CCrCjbMU1Tgh1IwA_ZMd2HYKQgi2qx0kspxBqvYIAf8LXaTTrMpmMuRZh1yzzPF2ULB7IzOOnOTpodMEfzUviysclJFPm3cO687_cdF1NYNWnDaHZNIRchmLJAUTll0gXObj0hbRMpve8/s4032/IMG_2596.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjheNqRqmuq_2H85SY-i94YlUQZl6GV1liwIqHiDJ4CCrCjbMU1Tgh1IwA_ZMd2HYKQgi2qx0kspxBqvYIAf8LXaTTrMpmMuRZh1yzzPF2ULB7IzOOnOTpodMEfzUviysclJFPm3cO687_cdF1NYNWnDaHZNIRchmLJAUTll0gXObj0hbRMpve8/w394-h296/IMG_2596.jpeg" width="394" /></a></div><br /><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;">And that’s where my brain fogs and my fingers glitch on the keyboard. There has been so much in the past few months that I have felt, said, and experienced. By and large, I’ve taken them all and balled them up and shoved them down as far as I possibly can because my focus has been on the well-being — physical and mental and emotional — of my kids, my husband, my mother back in the USA. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Tuvia volunteered to serve in the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) and spent two weeks in training getting the basics before being assigned Sunday through Thursday to an Air Force base near Rishon Leziyon. He's repairing bombs or missiles or whatever it is that we use to destroy Hamas and Hezbollah and preserve the only democracy in the Middle East. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I'm at home with the kids, working and trying not to feel too much like I'm living someone else's life. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I think about pre-October 7 and how I was moving in a direction of self-discovery and healing. Or, at least, I was trying. I was going to therapy weekly, I was starting a workbook on self-love, I was prepared to figure out why I'm so sad and angry all the time. Now I just feel numb and tired all the time. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Also angry. I'm still so angry. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">I miss writing. I miss feeling like I know how to express myself and how to take all of the big feels and anger and push them out onto the screen and not deep down into my gut where they just bubble up into my chest and sit like a scream that won't release. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">My therapist asked me last week: "What would happen if you let yourself feel?" </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">And I don't know how to answer the question. I've been thinking on it constantly since our Thursday meeting and I'm blank. Feelings mean vulnerability and weakness for me. Vulnerability and being weak are two things I absolutely abhor in myself. From a pretty young age feelings were something to be locked away and not felt, not addressed, not acknowledged. If you don't acknowledge them, then they'll go away. Right?</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">The funny thing is, I don't parent or respond to my spouse with this approach. Feelings are good! Feel the feelings! Let them out! Let them out into the universe so you can breathe! Don't be afraid to cry! Don't be afraid to feel!</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">And, of course, because of that, I have pretty well-adjusted kids who are open about how they feel and what they're going through and we work through everything together as best we can. I would <i><b>never</b> </i>silence my children or spouse and tell them that vulnerability is bad or that emotions and feelings make you weak. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">So what would happen if I let myself feel?</p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What would happen, indeed. </p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; 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page in {0} translated from {1}" /> <input id="EmailBody" name="EmailBody" type="hidden" value="Translated: {0}%0d%0aOriginal: {1}%0d%0a%0d%0aAutomatic translation powered by Microsoft® Translator%0d%0ahttp://www.bing.com/translator?ref=MSTWidget" /> <input id="ShareHelpText" type="hidden" value="This link allows visitors to launch this page and automatically translate it to {0}." /> </div> <div id="FloaterEmbed" style="display: none;"> <div id="EmbedTextDiv"> <span id="EmbedTextSpan">EMBED THE SNIPPET BELOW IN YOUR SITE</span> <a id="EmbedHelpLink" title="Copy this code and place it into your HTML."> <img id="EmbedHelpImg" /></a> </div> <div id="EmbedTextboxDiv"> <input id="EmbedSnippetTextBox" name="EmbedSnippetTextBox" onclick="this.select()" readonly="readonly" type="text" value="<div id='MicrosoftTranslatorWidget' class='Dark' style='color:white;background-color:#555555'></div><script type='text/javascript'>setTimeout(function(){var 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document.getElementById(LanguageMenu_popupid); var origLangDiv = document.createElement("div"); origLangDiv.id = "OriginalLanguageDiv"; origLangDiv.innerHTML = "<span id='OriginalTextSpan'>ORIGINAL: </span><span id='OriginalLanguageSpan'></span>"; langMenu.appendChild(origLangDiv); LanguageMenu.Init('LanguageMenu', LanguageMenu_keys, LanguageMenu_values, LanguageMenu_callback, LanguageMenu_popupid); window["LanguageMenu"] = LanguageMenu; clearInterval(intervalId); } }, 1); </script> </div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-58848311537157749592023-02-22T20:14:00.005+02:002023-02-22T20:14:54.185+02:00Nishmat Kol Chai with Printable Chart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_x9AqjhfmzrMAGiey8s6NRHqXTWEXybWndTzwo51-ppGkF1FEt_X-xveCehdFPosFlbWV1eLDtJxKC8OMJ_Ue0UmbMEEAnw5fcS9Y4RrxDNGBZH5ZPrOIl62Wga_0_mqqiynNiZa1AbsZpSn648uslLsDb_nFw_kSfns_7JuGhUNQqvmKvBp5hU8t/s1730/Nishmat%20Kol%20Chai%20printable.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1306" data-original-width="1730" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_x9AqjhfmzrMAGiey8s6NRHqXTWEXybWndTzwo51-ppGkF1FEt_X-xveCehdFPosFlbWV1eLDtJxKC8OMJ_Ue0UmbMEEAnw5fcS9Y4RrxDNGBZH5ZPrOIl62Wga_0_mqqiynNiZa1AbsZpSn648uslLsDb_nFw_kSfns_7JuGhUNQqvmKvBp5hU8t/w400-h303/Nishmat%20Kol%20Chai%20printable.png" width="400" /></a></div><p>So I did a thing. There's this beautiful prayer of thanks called Nishmat Kol Chai (the soul of every living thing) that many women take upon themselves to say every day for 40 days. Here's a little more about it from the woman who popularized this, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/charleneaminoff/?hl=en" target="_blank">Charlene Aminoff</a>:</p><blockquote>Rebbetzin Kanievsky, a’h, taught us that Nishmat Kol Chai ... is a <i>Tefila</i> (prayer) of immense #Gratitude to Hashem. And when we express immense gratitude to Hashem in the form of this extraordinarily powerful prayer for 40 consecutive days, MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN!! .<br />Nishmat Kol Chai has become known as a TREMENDOUS SEGULAH ... Whether you’re in need of a Shidduch, Pregnancy, Refuah ... Parnassa, increased Mazal, Simchat Hachaim ... ANYTHING AT ALL, saying Nishmat Kol Chai for 40 consecutive days (preferably before sundown) has been proven to be MIRACULOUS!!<br /></blockquote><p>So I decided to make a beautiful printable to help women who take this upon themselves to keep track of their 40 days of progress. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/17VMdKfNSC6FMHl43jS65S56-KW6KF9U9/view?usp=share_link" target="_blank">Download the 40-Day Nishmat Kol Chai Printable Chart</a> (PDF)</p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ik1xt9i5frjzyEWRTUQtp3LHU_7dTe6yM0zRcAEDIn8/edit?usp=share_link" target="_blank">Download the Nishmat Kol Chai Prayer</a></p><p style="text-align: left;">May you merit to have your prayers of thanks answered completely and quickly!</p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-37819235521678852242022-08-26T09:02:00.002+03:002022-08-26T09:02:18.858+03:00We're Back: Ask Chaviva Anything!<p>It's been awhile and I honestly don't even know if anyone is interested in this series, but I wanted to bring back the Ask Chaviva Anything series because I'm trying to spend more time here on the blog! Ready? Ask away!</p><p><br /></p>
<center>
<iframe frameborder="0" height="548" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" src="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSftOwme_JcDQb_eX-_sZRFP2FR37pv_kfEdbEm_4U5_hp2TBg/viewform?embedded=true" width="640">Loading…</iframe>
</center>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-70964709626714267932022-08-26T08:52:00.001+03:002022-08-26T08:54:57.378+03:00Parashat Re'eh: Worshipping Gods You Didn't Know vs. Just Not Worshipping Other Gods<p>Boker tov and chodesh tov and Shabbat shalom. It's me, again, with another look at the weekly Torah portion from my favorite place in Jerusalem: the shuk!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrEN7KZr31qx1iJELxmnyyF3CFa0tF6o3vZ581QIudtZHL_sBV_EXsvWOToorPZoeoey7vgrh2dtLP_IKlVb90lXWdLQIEIZC6dQMyW4z8lhI2HxVHkFL2vCUrEOCIVQYrfPlrKQxTKZE5Z2SU00sp81rILTWn_N3yQ-RdjBRoZszhzoa40lVRzEPY/s4032/03EB51CB-2CA3-417D-AAC4-8A077784E8D7.heic" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrEN7KZr31qx1iJELxmnyyF3CFa0tF6o3vZ581QIudtZHL_sBV_EXsvWOToorPZoeoey7vgrh2dtLP_IKlVb90lXWdLQIEIZC6dQMyW4z8lhI2HxVHkFL2vCUrEOCIVQYrfPlrKQxTKZE5Z2SU00sp81rILTWn_N3yQ-RdjBRoZszhzoa40lVRzEPY/w300-h400/03EB51CB-2CA3-417D-AAC4-8A077784E8D7.heic" width="300" /></a></div><p>This week's parashah is Re'eh (Devarim 11:26-16:17), and it's chock full of blessings and curses we've all heard before. But one thing I've noticed though is the repetition of a phrase: </p><p style="text-align: center;">(singular you) אֱלֹהִ֣ים אֲחֵרִ֔ים אֲשֶׁר֙ לֹ֣א יָדַ֔עְתָּ</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: start;"> (plural you) אֱלֹהִ֥ים אֲחֵרִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר לֹא־יְדַעְתֶּֽם</span></p><p style="text-align: center;">Gods who you didn't know/haven't experienced</p><p>This phrase is used again and again in requests to not listen to others who try and pull you into worshipping "gods you didn't know." The dangers around worshiping "gods you didn't know" or "gods you didn't experience before." All usages are past tense, as well. </p><p>This line appears in Devarim 11:28, 13:3, 13:7, and 13:14.</p><p>My immediate thought here is ... does this mean we can worship gods that are new to us? So no idols of Avraham's father but yes to all the others?</p><p>Why not just say clearly and definitively, "Don't worship other gods"? Period. Full stop. </p><p>Why the "lo yadata" and "lo yadatem" ... that you didn't know? </p><p>Let's say that the idea here is that the Israelites are supposed to focus on the <b>Gd they do know</b> rather than <b>gods they didn't or don't know</b>. This may be the point of the language because the whole of Sefer Devarim is one big reminder of all the things HaShem did for the Israelites. There is one Gd, HaShem, and He's the end-all, be-all. </p><p>I took you out of Egypt! </p><p>I fed you manna!</p><p>I kept you! </p><p>I'm giving you this land!</p><p>I promised you'd be numerous as the stars in the sky! </p><p>Look at all I did for you! </p><p>You <i>know </i>me. You didn't know <i>them</i>. You don't know <i>them</i>. </p><p>Maybe? </p><p>It still doesn't sit well with me. There's something uncomfortable about this line that I just don't like or love. Something uncertain and unnecessary. </p><p><b>What do you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!</b></p><p><br /></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-86729008986258596122022-08-19T09:05:00.002+03:002022-08-19T12:32:58.028+03:00Parashat Eikev: Are Jews really better than everyone else? <p>Happy Friday! I am happy to say these words are coming to you from the comfort of Machane Yehuda, aka the shuk, in Jerusalem, Israel, Planet Earth. Let's dive in. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWdd_YymDs6wRTxbzQb8xv7Ufswd-QEJ58FjZdCciMYMwXsJh2aMrYYgWHnBBzCTKioArRHCmF3vx21y9P8OPnYGAEAqlkBXXrv1nBuUzzUjiXWgR4YPzDT_WaofXQeEg3u3dS_JHnGtPaFHaE63oBFletZMM5hQ2dP-1gjIBO4_XvnYD1yVjWXEOy/s4032/IMG_3063.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWdd_YymDs6wRTxbzQb8xv7Ufswd-QEJ58FjZdCciMYMwXsJh2aMrYYgWHnBBzCTKioArRHCmF3vx21y9P8OPnYGAEAqlkBXXrv1nBuUzzUjiXWgR4YPzDT_WaofXQeEg3u3dS_JHnGtPaFHaE63oBFletZMM5hQ2dP-1gjIBO4_XvnYD1yVjWXEOy/w640-h480/IMG_3063.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><p>This week's Torah portion (aka <i>parashah</i>) is <i>Eikev</i>, which I've written about quite a few times before (including <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2011/08/thoughts-on-parshah-eikev.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2008/08/parshah-eikev-and-my-jewish-birthday.html" target="_blank">here</a>). There are so many compelling events in this week's portion! This portion comprises Devarim/Deuteronomy 7:12-11:25 and includes Moshe's final words to the Israelites and retells the infamous story of the Golden Calf. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Are the Jews better than everyone else? </h3><p>It also includes a verse often cited as troublesome for how the world thinks Jews understand themselves in the expanse of humanity. In Deut. 7:14, the Torah says</p><div style="text-align: center;">ברוך תהיה מכל העמים</div><p style="text-align: center;">Baruch t'hiyeh m'kol ha'amim. </p><p>This often translates as "You will be blessed <i>above </i>all people." This is just one of the places where the antiSemitic trope that Jews believe they're better than everyone else comes from. But that's a mistranslation. There is so much nuance with translation, and this translation misses the mark. The Hebrew uses a mem (מ), which means "from" not "above." Mem is a comparative preposition, and when you compare two things, you're setting them apart from one another. </p><p>The better translation here is "You will be blessed when compared to all people." It's an indicator of a different status of blessing, not a status of being above or better than others. And it makes sense. Jews are viewed by the world as distinct, separate from. Even the most non-religious Jews are still considered as different and separate. This was the blessing from HaShem. </p><p>You can embrace that blessing of difference and celebrate it or view it as a negative and something to fight or battle against. </p><h3 style="text-align: left;">What's the deal with the different versions of the Golden Calf story?</h3><p>Later, the <i>parashah </i>retells the sin of the Golden Calf but changes up a major portion of the story, which makes me wonder. If you recall, the scene here is that Moshe went up on the mount to get the Torah from HaShem. He was gone "too long" for the people, so they panicked and fell back on their old "we need an intermediary to check in with HaShem and see what's doing with Moshe" ways. Thus, they built a calf (not to worship, but to serve as an intermediary to their Gd). </p><p>In Deut. 9:21, Moshe says:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">"As for that sinful thing you had made, the calf, I took it and put it to the fire; I broke it to bits and ground it thoroughly until it was fine as dust, and I threw its dust into the brook that comes down from the mountain."</p></blockquote><p>But in the original incident in Exodus 32:20, it says:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: left;">"He took the calf that they had made and burned it; he ground it to powder and strewed it upon the water and so made the Israelites drink it."</p></blockquote><p>What's missing? The people drinking the water, of course. Why isn't this brought up in this week's portion? </p><p>Ramban says it's because Moshe didn't want to humiliate them, but that doesn't seem to track. This entire portion is an extensive reminder of how the Israelites screwed up. Ramban also says he doesn't want to tell the people because he doesn't want them to know that he did to them what is done to wives accused of adultery. After all, Israel did cheat on HaShem, right? Sort of, anyway.</p><p>Okay, stop. Wait. What? Yes, when a woman is accused of adultery, she's forced to let down her hair and drink some sketchy water. In Numbers 5:17:</p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">"And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is on the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water."</blockquote><div><br /></div><div>So is what Moshe did in Exodus and what happened to an accused adulteress the same thing? The former involves burning something and putting the ashes into water. The latter involves some dust from the floor, which could be some ash mixed in with general dirt. The Hebrew word is the same in Deuteronomy and Numbers, but the version in Exodus doesn't use the word for dust/dirt or ash. But the two don't appear to be the same. Even if the ash on the tabernacle floor was from a sacrifice, those sacrifices are out of holiness. The burning of the calf has nothing to do with anything holy. </div><div><br /></div><div>All of that to say I don't buy the Ramban's perspective here. But when something in one place in the Torah doesn't match something in another place in the Torah, we have to explain it, right? </div><div><br /></div><div>The reality here is that the drinking that is explicitly called out in Exodus is merely implied in Deuteronomy. One can safely assume that there was a single source of water where the Israelites were camped. When Moshe says, "I threw its dust into the brook that comes down from the mountain" the implication is that the people were drinking out of this brook whether they wanted to or not. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>And that concludes this week's thoughts on <i>Eikev</i>. There are a bunch of other interesting sections in this portion, including gobs of talk about conquering and possessing the land, but I've covered that in previous years pretty thoroughly. Until next week ... Shabbat Shalom!</b><br /><div style="font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></div><p><br /></p></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-71063027956315337272022-08-15T10:50:00.000+03:002022-08-15T15:33:52.792+03:00Fun Puns and Alliterations for Celebrating Sukkot in 2022<p>Yes, Sukkot has come and gone this year, but after many years of creating alliterative names for the nightly meals in the Sukkah, I thought it might be fun to compile a ton so that when next year rolls around and we're hopefully gathering with friends and family ... you can have some fun, alliterative meals!</p>
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flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; transform: translateY(-4px); width: 16px;"></div> <div style="border-left-color: transparent; border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 8px; border-left: 8px solid transparent; border-top-color: rgb(244, 244, 244); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 8px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; height: 0px; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px); width: 0px;"></div></div></div></a> <p style="margin: 8px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CF2twfHFMWh/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Chag sameach! #sukkot #sukkah #beingjewish</a></p> <p style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 8px; overflow: hidden; padding: 8px 0px 7px; text-align: center; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thechaviva/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style="color: #c9c8cd; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px;" target="_blank"> Chaviva Gordon-Bennett</a> (@thechaviva) on <time datetime="2020-10-02T20:41:16+00:00" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Oct 2, 2020 at 1:41pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async="" src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center>
<p>For those not in the know, a sukkah is a temporary structure that is also called a booth or a hut or a tabernacle (the latter most often outside of Jewish circles). With that, I give you the alliterative options:</p><p><b>In the sukkah ...</b></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Sushi in the sukkah (served with sake in the sukkah)</li><li>Spaghetti in the sukkah</li><li>Make-your-own-salad in the sukkah</li><li>Make-your-own-sandwich in the sukkah</li><li><i><a href="https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/03/sabich-sandwich-eggplant-egg-hummus-pita-recipe.html" target="_blank">Sabich</a></i> in the sukkah</li><li>Sausages in the sukkah</li><li>Smoothies in the sukkah</li><li>Subs in the sukkah (as in, sub sandwiches)</li><li><i>Sambusak</i> in the sukkah (think: <a href="https://jamiegeller.com/recipes/pizza-sambusak/" target="_blank">middle eastern samosas</a>)</li></ul><div><b>In the shack ...</b></div><div>These could also be used for "in the sukkah."</div><div><ul><li><a href="https://food52.com/recipes/65845-yotam-ottolenghi-s-shakshuka" target="_blank"><i>Shakshukah</i></a> in the shack</li><li>Schnitzel in the shack</li><li>Shakes in the shack</li><li>Shepherd’s pie in the shack</li></ul></div><div><b>In the booth ...</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Beers in the booth</li><li>Brews in the booth</li><li>Burgers in the booth</li><li>Bagels in the booth</li><li>Banana splits in the booth</li><li><a href="https://mykoreankitchen.com/bibimbap-korean-mixed-rice-with-meat-and-assorted-vegetables/" target="_blank">Bibimbap</a> in the booth</li><li>Blintzes in the booth</li><li>Burritos in the booth</li><li>Bourekas in the booth</li><li><i><a href="https://tastykitchen.com/recipes/appetizers-and-snacks/hummus-with-ground-beef-hummus-ve28099basar/" target="_blank">Hummus v'basar</a></i> in the booth</li></ul></div><div><br /></div><div><b>In the hut ...</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Hot dogs in the hut</li><li>Pizza in the hut (this is not alliterative, but a nod to Pizza Hut!)</li><li>Hamburgers in the hut</li><li>Hot pot in the hut</li><li>Herring in the hut</li><li>Heroes in the hut (as in sub sandwiches)</li><li><i><a href="https://www.afooda.com/hamin-shabbat-tfina-slow-cooked-stew-with-wheat-berries-dish-in-a-cooking-bag/" target="_blank">Hamin</a></i> in the hut (hamin is similar to cholant)</li><li><a href="https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2015/04/quick-and-easy-huevos-rancheros-recipe.html" target="_blank">Huevos rancheros</a> in the hut</li><li>Hummus in the hut</li></ul><div><b>In the tabernacle ...</b></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Tacos in the tabernacle</li><li>Tequila in the tabernacle</li><li>Turkey in the tabernacle</li><li>Make-your-own-toast in the tabernacle</li><li><a href="https://www.onceuponachef.com/recipes/moroccan-chicken-tagine.html" target="_blank">Tajine</a> in the tabernacle</li></ul><div>And a few more:</div></div><div><ul><li>Pancakes in the palapa</li><li>Pancakes in the payag </li></ul></div><div><br /></div><div>Another one that I came up with was <b>cholent </b>or <b>chile en la choza </b>(chili in the hut), but I was told that <b>choza </b>in Spanish is actually more of a hovel than a hut. If you speak Spanish and can let me know, I'd love to hear it in the comments!</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Want to share one I didn't think of? Post in the comments and I'll add it to the list!</b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><p></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-3562013145527129542022-08-12T10:03:00.003+03:002022-08-12T10:09:42.940+03:00Chaviva on the Parashat Ve'etchanan: Aliyah, Changing the Law, Prayer, and moreMany moons ago, I sat down and studied the weekly Torah portion (<i>parashah</i>). I started this when I was living in Washington D.C. right after college. I'd finish my shift at the <i>Washington Post</i>, head to a coffee shop in Dupont Circle, and dig into the portion to figure out "What's bothering Chavi?"<div><br /></div><div>It's been a long time since I had the mental or physical space to do this. Being a full-time working parent means my week is filled with living on other people's timelines and managing other people's problems and needs. Now that we're living in Israel, I have Fridays off (for the most part), which means I'm trying to reclaim Friday mornings as my own. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes, that will mean heading into Jerusalem to the <i>shuk</i> and sometimes, that will mean staying local and bumming it at an Aroma. Sometimes I'll drive around looking for plaques to understand what occurred in the lands around me and sometimes that will mean going to museums, and sometimes that will mean reading the weekly Torah portion to try and reclaim a me of a bygone era ... a me who learned voraciously. </div><div><br /></div><div>This week, it means the latter. This week's Torah portion is chock full of so many thought-provoking verses, but I'm going to try and stick to a few that sing to me at this moment. </div><div><br /></div><div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Devarim 4:1 Possessing the Land of Israel</h2><div>
</div></div>וְעַתָּ֣ה יִשְׂרָאֵ֗ל שְׁמַ֤ע אֶל־הַֽחֻקִּים֙ וְאֶל־הַמִּשְׁפָּטִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֧ר אָֽנֹכִ֛י מְלַמֵּ֥ד אֶתְכֶ֖ם לַעֲשׂ֑וֹת לְמַ֣עַן תִּֽחְי֗וּ וּבָאתֶם֙ וִֽירִשְׁתֶּ֣ם אֶת־הָאָ֔רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֧ר יְהֹוָ֛ה אֱלֹהֵ֥י אֲבֹתֵיכֶ֖ם נֹתֵ֥ן לָכֶֽם׃ <br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div><i>Now therefore hearken, O Yisra᾽el, to the statutes and to the judgments, which I teach you, to do them, that you may live, and <b>go in and possess the land which the Lord God of your fathers gives you</b> </i>(Devarim 4:1).</div></div><div><div><br /></div>Here I am, living in Israel, re-fulfilling a dream I had a decade ago. This life is, without a doubt, filled with struggles and challenges and incomprehensible stumbling blocks. And yet, I'm also fulfilling what the Ramban considers one of the 613 commandments. <br /><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><div style="text-align: left;">There is a positive, biblical commandment to dwell in Eretz Yisrael, as it says, "You shall possess it and dwell in it" (Devarim 17:14, 26:1). (Sefer Chareidim, Mitzvot Asei HaTeluyot B'Eretz Israel, chap. I, sec 15.) </div></div></blockquote><div><div><br />Chazal (חז"ל acronym for Chachameinu Zichronam Livracha, or “Our sages, may their memory be blessed”) say that the mitzvah of living in the Land of Israel is equal to all the mitzvot of the Torah (Sifrei, Re'eh 28). </div><div><br /><div>I suppose, then, that it makes sense that it's so hard. If one <i>mitzvah </i>can be equal to all the <i>mitzvot</i>, then surely there must be challenges and feats to overcome. Imagine taking 613 steps versus taking just one. Imagine answering a test with 613 questions versus just one. </div><div><br /></div><div>(The truth is that the Land of Israel is easy. It's the State of Israel that is the challenge.)</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZlH7g9aLs-v3c2xZND6l9diQpuXGf5s28AHzhGeENx1RODos9rS3LNeW4itH8pACa-hKOy-25jYaOd8MNC-nKDOr-s_TxbuMKcSnJPCWIGjGjZ8GdZD_S5rt0wWqN3hF3FAW7MKnLVksAbiNQtRX4tgIREW1TJvexu0ElSXlQfH0c_7rJSX5yHQj/s4032/IMG_2896.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZlH7g9aLs-v3c2xZND6l9diQpuXGf5s28AHzhGeENx1RODos9rS3LNeW4itH8pACa-hKOy-25jYaOd8MNC-nKDOr-s_TxbuMKcSnJPCWIGjGjZ8GdZD_S5rt0wWqN3hF3FAW7MKnLVksAbiNQtRX4tgIREW1TJvexu0ElSXlQfH0c_7rJSX5yHQj/w640-h480/IMG_2896.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The sun rises over Neve Shamir in Ramat Beit Shemesh.</i></div><div><br /></div><div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Devarim 4:2 Waiting for Revelation, Not Change</h2><p style="text-align: right;"> <span class="he" lang="he">לֹ֣א תֹסִ֗פוּ עַל־הַדָּבָר֙ אֲשֶׁ֤ר אָנֹכִי֙ מְצַוֶּ֣ה אֶתְכֶ֔ם וְלֹ֥א תִגְרְע֖וּ מִמֶּ֑נּוּ לִשְׁמֹ֗ר אֶת־מִצְוֺת֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹֽהֵיכֶ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֥ר אָנֹכִ֖י</span> מְצַוֶּ֥ה אֶתְכֶֽם׃ </p><p><span class="en" lang="en"><i>You shall not add to the word which I command you, neither shall you diminish from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you </i></span>(Devarim 4:2).</p><p>When I was in graduate school at the University of Connecticut-Storrs, I had a fantastic mentor and teacher named <a href="https://judaicstudies.uconn.edu/faculty/" target="_blank">Stuart Miller</a>. He was an Orthodox Jew who was also a professor, striking a challenging balance between "this is what I believe" and "this is what the facts tell me." And he was so good and managing that balance without the friction so many academics suffer while knowing what the historical and cultural record says and what the Torah says. </p><p>This week's <i>parashah</i> is V'etchanan in which the <i>pasuk </i>(verse) above says the laws of the Torah are set in stone and must remain as they are <i>literally </i>written, period, full stop. The challenge here, obviously, is that time changes people, technology advances, and the world has become a different place. </p><p>So how do we reconcile and balance the seemingly archaic and outdated laws of Torah with the way we live our modern lives?</p><p>What I learned from Professor Miller was that we <i>cannot</i> change the law if we are living Torah-observant lives. </p><p><b>The Torah doesn't bend to us; we bend to the Torah. Over time, aspects of the law are revealed to us and re-revealed to the point where we can apply Torah to our daily lives in this modern world. The Torah doesn't have to change; we have to look harder and understand better. </b></p><p>This is where the <i>gedolim ha'dor </i>(the big rabbis or thinkers of each generation) play a vital role. They see how the law applies to modern situations and advise accordingly. It's why there are Shabbat elevators and Shabbat lamps and why we can use timers and hot plates and other things that rabbis of generations gone by would have scoffed at, surely. </p><p>Instead of saying "We live in a new world, the laws of the Torah don't fit with this modern world," we say, "How do these laws apply in our modern world?" </p><p>Obviously, not all streams of Judaism or all flavors of Jews hold by this. In the Liberal world, much of the law has become optional and in the Orthodox world, some groups have taken the law and changed it to be more oppressive and hateful. Neither are what this <i>pasuk </i>says. </p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Devarim 4:7 Waiting for Answers That Never Come</h2><p style="text-align: right;"><span class="he" lang="he">כִּ֚י מִי־ג֣וֹי גָּד֔וֹל אֲשֶׁר־ל֥וֹ אֱלֹהִ֖ים קְרֹבִ֣ים אֵלָ֑יו כַּיהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֵ֔ינוּ בְּכׇל־קׇרְאֵ֖נוּ אֵלָֽיו׃ </span></p><p><span class="en" lang="en"><i>For what great nation is there that has a god so close at hand as is the L<small>ORD</small> our God whenever we call upon Him (Devarim 4:7)?</i></span></p><p><span class="en" lang="en">When I was a little kid, I used to pray every night. I'd beg Gd to help me love myself more, for people to like me more, to not feel so sad, to not feel so alone, to be thinner, to be smarter, to be different, to be better. I never asked Gd for things. I was never the type of kid who'd say "I promise I'll be good for the next week if you convince my parents to buy me x, y, z. I was the type of kid who'd say "I promise I'll be good forever if you promise to convince more people to like me."</span></p><p>I was a depressed and sad kid. I was fat and unhappy and my journals from childhood are incredibly upsetting to read. Even as I continue to struggle with so many of these same issues today, I wish I had been kinder to myself. I was just a kid!</p><p>The hardest part of those prayers and being that kid was that I was never answered. Gd never responded to me. At least, that's what I thought and felt. There was no booming voice from the sky saying I was going to be okay or asking me to do something different to make my asks come true. As a kid who knew the stories of Gd talking to the prophets and Moshe, I thought maybe, just maybe, I'd hear an answer. </p><p>At some point over the past 10 years, I learned that we always get answers to our prayers; they're just not the answer format we expect, need, or want. They don't come in the timeline we demand either. I spent my childhood asking for self-love and it wasn't until I was a fully grown adult human woman that I started understanding what it means to love myself. It took until I was in my late 30s to learn that starving myself wasn't the way to happiness and health. I'm still working on it, and not doing a super-great job all the time, but I'm working on it.</p><p>So this <i>pasuk </i>(verse): Is Gd close whenever we call upon Him? Does he answer when we call upon Him? The truth is the verse says that He's close, but not that he answers. What does "close" mean? <b>It means that HaShem neither slumbers nor sleeps and is always available to hear our prayers, our cries, our requests. </b></p><p>The beautiful thing about Judaism is that the revelation at Mount Sinai/Horeb happened before all the Israelites. Everyone saw and experienced those moments. It wasn't a private revelation to one person. It wasn't a setup that said you have to rely on a specific person or persons as a channel to Gd. In Judaism, we all have access. Constant access. Because HaShem is close at all times and, as this <i>pasuk </i>says, aren't we lucky? </p><p>And, indeed, in this <i>parashah</i>, the next several verses talk about that moment when HaShem appeared before the people and what they saw and experienced to serve as a reminder of this very fact. </p><p><b>What did you see in this week's Torah portion? Do you have any thoughts about anything in this post? Share with me in the comments! </b></p><p>And if you're curious what my TaNaKh of choice is, it's the Koren's Magerman Edition. I love all of the extra goodies in the back, the easy tabs, the two bookmarks to keep tabs on the weekly Torah portion and the haftarah, and more. <a href="https://korenpub.co.il/en/products/the-koren-large-tanakh-maalot-magerman-edition?_pos=1&_sid=d621832d5&_ss=r" target="_blank">Get yours here</a>!</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSQzA1qzzo2xLQJc5Q76kaBRa5HYZOJ5Efp9XI4grWQk3sl2d_2IL1tdqm-eR8TYPNpBzFSgyOvuYyHqiukkYhyJziQ-nGOGP1WODeVm9kgQBJ-9k6McwZ5HZA7jh3g7cqGmJq458sp4SCesSmtB5j7zyZk9xRHqjj3Px9w15JnLZo72aIAWdZGrsk/s4032/IMG_2633.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSQzA1qzzo2xLQJc5Q76kaBRa5HYZOJ5Efp9XI4grWQk3sl2d_2IL1tdqm-eR8TYPNpBzFSgyOvuYyHqiukkYhyJziQ-nGOGP1WODeVm9kgQBJ-9k6McwZ5HZA7jh3g7cqGmJq458sp4SCesSmtB5j7zyZk9xRHqjj3Px9w15JnLZo72aIAWdZGrsk/w480-h640/IMG_2633.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><b><br /></b><p></p><p><br /></p><p><span class="en" lang="en"><br /></span></p></div></div></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comBet Shemesh, Israel31.747041 34.9880993.4368071638211539 -0.16815100000000172 60.057274836178848 70.144349tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-35455760326500680522022-07-28T19:14:00.003+03:002022-07-28T19:14:25.549+03:00One Month in Israel: Aliyah Without Aliyah<p>I thought I'd feel something ... something more. More deep, more powerful, more. Just more. </p><p>When I made <i>aliyah</i> in 2012, I felt it all. I felt the air differently, the mornings differently. Every experience was like I was growing into a new and more meaningful life. I saw everything through new eyes, and those eyes felt and experienced things differently. Everything was shiny and new. </p><p>I was a new Chaviva. A better Chaviva. A Chaviva more deeply in touch with her spirit, soul, and emotions. </p><p>Moving back, I've realized I'm not that Chaviva anymore. I'm eight years, three kids, and so many life experiences (both challenging and rewarding) later. </p><p>And I'm struggling with not feeling that ... feeling everything "more."</p><p>When we landed, Tuvia was on an energetic high. Every sight and sound was big and special and like coming home to him. I was in awe of him. I envied him. At the same time, I didn't understand why he was able to feel that way when I just felt like everything was dulled. The sights, the sounds appeared as if the shine and shimmer had been buffed clean off. </p><p>Over the several weeks we've been here I've been waiting for that more, that shimmer to return. To look around and marvel. I've had a few moments when I step out on the balcony at sunset and the view sucks me into a world of quiet and light. But it's fleeting. It's so fleeting I don't even know how to describe the speed to you. It's shorter than the blink of an eye. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3cbOLLsZ6NjCa_QcNeAsbw7ahrXKS5xe2e-KvUCapRncgRlcgntzkypK_oRtxzUKToYCAVXcsCYftADLh1kQN6F_itQHhu5shoHtsx_FGVvmd-DPzhCPZFZ3YlU18Pwn3G7CvayH-20yPxWoY85MkC1uZBXukAeRoL-Wbvq0RBOSp3cNOoEPIg6k/s4032/IMG_2596.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgM3cbOLLsZ6NjCa_QcNeAsbw7ahrXKS5xe2e-KvUCapRncgRlcgntzkypK_oRtxzUKToYCAVXcsCYftADLh1kQN6F_itQHhu5shoHtsx_FGVvmd-DPzhCPZFZ3YlU18Pwn3G7CvayH-20yPxWoY85MkC1uZBXukAeRoL-Wbvq0RBOSp3cNOoEPIg6k/w640-h480/IMG_2596.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><p>You know when you live someplace a long time and it becomes comfortable? There's two types of comfortable you can feel: the type where it's easy and relaxing and always like coming home or the type where it's too familiar and thus uncomfortable. Somehow, that's how Israel feels to me right now. </p><p>I know I should say I'm lucky to be here, and I am. I feel lucky and blessed and so happy to finally be home. But I want it to feel like it used to. I want to feel <i>something </i>about it. Anything really. It feels too familiar, too normal, too run-of-the-mill, too dull. </p><p>I have a feeling it's because I'm working, and the kids are home, and it just feels like summer back in Denver in many ways. But I'm holding out for the moment, the feeling, the shimmer. I know it'll come back to me. </p><p>I need to start learning again and find an outlet that is more than kids and work and marriage. Kids and work and marriage have been all I've had for so long now. I have nothing that's mine or for me. I have to find that something, and I have to find it soon. </p><p><b>Anyone out there know the feeling that I'm feeling? Drop a line in the comments, please.</b></p><div><br /></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comBet Shemesh, Israel31.747041 34.9880993.4368071638211539 -0.16815100000000172 60.057274836178848 70.144349tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-66508544834492141392022-06-02T20:25:00.000+03:002022-06-20T00:40:34.881+03:00Aliyah Part Deux: We Are Finally Moving Home<p> It's been a while blog readers, but I've got some big ... nay ... huge news. </p><p>Around this time in 2012, I decided to make <i>aliyah </i>to Israel. I sold everything, packed three suitcases, and moved in October 2012 to Nachlaot, one of the oldest neighborhoods in Jerusalem. </p><p>A few months later, I met the man I'd marry (December 2012). </p><p>A few months after that, we got married (February 2013). </p><p>Many months later, we had our eldest child, Asher (December 2013). </p><p>Then, unfortunately, for many reasons (chief among them my father's illness), we moved back to the states in April 2014. Our goal? To move back before Asher entered kindergarten (i.e., mid-2019). </p><p>Obviously, life happens. Pandemics happen. Everything happens in HaShem's time and on HaShem's timeline. I accepted that a long time ago. </p><p>And now? Now is the time. Everything is right. We are finally heading back to Israel!</p><p>It's not <b>technically</b><i> aliyah, </i>because we are all citizens of Israel. But it <b>feels</b><i> </i>like <i>aliyah</i>. We've been gone for more than eight years and the country has changed so much. We're moving to a new build in Ramat Bet Shemesh because I can't return to the Gush (I have my reasons, which I may explain someday). I'm keeping my amazing job at Bizzabo, which has HQ in Tel Aviv. Mr. T is interviewing with some solar companies. The kids are registered for school. There is so much moving and happening!</p><p>Are we ready? Yes! Am I anxious and nervous? Yes! Are the kids stoked? Absolutely! Is our home packed up and on its way to Israel? Yes!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-2194684457607606332021-12-31T20:48:00.003+02:002021-12-31T20:48:09.928+02:00Jews Are Not a Monolith<p>Back in 2019, Delish shared a <a href="https://www.delish.com/food-news/a27090743/coffee-creamer-gradient-chart/" target="_blank">coffee-and-cream colors chart</a>. At some point, it was used to display the various colors of Indigenous peoples as a way of saying, "Indigenous people are not a monolith."</p><p>Now, here I am, using this clever image to say, "Jews are not a monolith." </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjetxdgheSXfqaAXSO_C7H1VIhdCurhJ7bUyTZO0nKVm1zctR3-0cRE1C8GsLAdCVcoLQg2GxqsFyCEsMYnwbJqKWgCQc4UUOVLh8eI9yEGTnoKX1xZettTrYcvqYAWG7ztkA03UJxjQ5FQNe8gynd0_SI2z9Jni157tTXhMl95vhsrqJSKAkbvJHfA=s1080" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="coffee in different shades with the word Jew on each cup" border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjetxdgheSXfqaAXSO_C7H1VIhdCurhJ7bUyTZO0nKVm1zctR3-0cRE1C8GsLAdCVcoLQg2GxqsFyCEsMYnwbJqKWgCQc4UUOVLh8eI9yEGTnoKX1xZettTrYcvqYAWG7ztkA03UJxjQ5FQNe8gynd0_SI2z9Jni157tTXhMl95vhsrqJSKAkbvJHfA=w400-h400" title="Jews are not a monolith" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p>When I <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/p/conversion-posts.html" target="_blank">converted on January 1, 2010</a>, I claimed my place among the Jewish people. I acknowledged the Jewish neshama (soul) that I was born with and set it free to grow and expand. </p><p>Interestingly, while I was living the life of a Torah-observant Jew prior to my conversion and for a long time after my conversion, people were always surprised by me. </p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p>"No Jews in your family? Well, you pass so easily!" </p><p>"You look so Jewish, though! Pale skin, dark hair ..." </p><p>"Are you sure there are no Jews in your family tree? You look more Jewish than some Jews!"</p></blockquote><p>And I got this from Jews and non-Jews alike ... all because the assumption that all Jews are light skinned with dark hair because that's the stereotype. And for the longest time, I had such pride in the fact that I could easily pass when so many other converts I knew couldn't. </p><p>Why? I was never questioned who I was or what I believed or how I observed. The only hiccups came (and continue to come) when people start playing Jewish geography. Only then does my past as a mildly non-denominational Midwestern Christian trickle out. </p><p>But the reality? Jews come in all colors. I may pass because of stereotypes of what a Jew looks like, but there is no one way a Jew should or can look. </p><p>And that's the post. Shabbat Shalom!</p><p><br /></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-82271898976369200192021-10-23T00:22:00.006+03:002021-10-23T01:30:22.977+03:00You Know You're Raising a Jewish Kid When ... As you all know, I didn't grow up Jewish. The first 20 odd years of my life were spent living a generally midwestern Christian/secular lifestyle. So, watching my three kiddos grow up Jewish is fascinating to me. There's a lot that people who grew up take for granted when they look at the world, and I imagine things that are special or weird or amusing to me don't even faze my husband. <div><br /></div><div>Here are a few examples (yes, really) from today:</div><h3 style="text-align: left;">You Know You're Raising a Jewish Kid When ... </h3><div>Tirzah was sitting at the table coloring (this girl is as into art as I was at her age, which makes me so proud) and held up two markers. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Which blue should I use Mommy?" </div><div><br /></div><div>Me, knowing that she's still figuring out her left and right, pointed to the one in her right hand. </div><div><br /></div><div>"The one in my <i>Shema </i>hand?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, my 5-year-old daughter referred to her right hand as the <i>Shema </i>hand instead of saying "this one" or "the one in my right hand?" (Note: The <i><a href="https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-shema/" target="_blank">Shema</a> </i>is a special prayer that pops up throughout the daily prayers and at bedtime.) I'm <i><a href="https://jel.jewish-languages.org/words/394" target="_blank">schepping nachas</a> </i>over here. (Or, if you like my autocorrect, "scheming nachos.")</div><div><br /></div><div><h3>You Know You're Raising a Jewish Kid When ... </h3></div><div>I took Zusha to get his flu shot this morning. The other two got their shots a few weeks ago, and it was an utter disaster. Luckily, Zusha was chill, didn't wiggle, make a peep, cry ... nothing. It was amazing. But because I'd bribed the other two with a Target gift card, I had to deliver with Zusha, too. (Had I known he wasn't going to freak out, I wouldn't have even brought the bribe!)</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMS7hiQQpPYwN5ZbN0hS4LjWLLIpKy6JJE_0P5vdnhHaH34R2hS_rqRigiLIZ4h3vwXHC_McEjlzJ2NOyXSW-tnaRunZ6OtJMlvTpBrnFwyWM0I_BLTrNuDeQuu7gcCoEKCYs1LgnMSPk/s2048/F31DB67E-D387-41A5-B42F-F178869FBC19.heic" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMS7hiQQpPYwN5ZbN0hS4LjWLLIpKy6JJE_0P5vdnhHaH34R2hS_rqRigiLIZ4h3vwXHC_McEjlzJ2NOyXSW-tnaRunZ6OtJMlvTpBrnFwyWM0I_BLTrNuDeQuu7gcCoEKCYs1LgnMSPk/s320/F31DB67E-D387-41A5-B42F-F178869FBC19.heic" width="240" /></a></div>So we headed to Target and he picked out his Paw Patrol toy. We went to self-check out (obviously) and while I was ringing us out, a nice man checking out behind us asked if Zusha had a piggy bank. I answered that he did, and the man handed him about five little coins amounting to something like 36 cents. We hopped in the car and were driving home when ...</div><div><br /></div><div>"Mommy, I want to <i>open </i>them!"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Open what?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"These! I want to open <b>these</b>!"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Mommy's driving Zush, what are you holding?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"The <b><i>coins</i> </b>Mommy!"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Sweetie, those aren't chocolate." </div><div><br /></div><div>Yes, Zusha, my little 3.5-year-old thought they were <i><a href="https://www.chabad.org/holidays/chanukah/article_cdo/aid/103084/jewish/Why-the-Chanukah-Gelt.htm" target="_blank">gelt</a></i>, those foil-wrapped coins you get at Chanukah. He was legitimately disappointed that they weren't. But, we see so few coins and paper money these days, that he thought they had to be Chanukah <i>gelt</i>. Ah! I was giggling the rest of the way home. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Do you have a "You know you'er raising a Jewish kid when ..." story? Share in the comments!</b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-48248444835368305892021-10-14T22:43:00.002+03:002021-10-14T22:43:16.146+03:00Ask Chaviva Anything: The LuLaRoe Documentary<p>It's been a long time since I answered an <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc_FPFVhuBMqgdVk61993bIkAIV4WC7G76f4EEsDSGKD9VlJg/viewform">Ask Chaviva Anything</a> question, but this one came in and I thought, "Well, it's about time!"</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsHZoGaS_B7oL7r045TOQ-f8TRyDxEJpeVHiaLqdF7tFFjaAywMmtx8ZclIa557qejvkooR2tIreurb2fzzGvM6hKr2ZxgvPH54hViAGnzSidi3lefekIsxcokBcsJwe-KG7eanoc_cQU/s1274/Screen+Shot+2021-10-14+at+1.34.24+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1272" data-original-width="1274" height="399" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsHZoGaS_B7oL7r045TOQ-f8TRyDxEJpeVHiaLqdF7tFFjaAywMmtx8ZclIa557qejvkooR2tIreurb2fzzGvM6hKr2ZxgvPH54hViAGnzSidi3lefekIsxcokBcsJwe-KG7eanoc_cQU/w400-h399/Screen+Shot+2021-10-14+at+1.34.24+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><b>Q: Have you watched the Lularoe documentary? If so, was it surprising/ upsetting/ validating/ etc. Thanks!</b></p><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>A: </b>Yes. I watched <a href="https://www.amazon.com/LuLaRich-Season-1/dp/B09CFXPNSX" target="_blank">LuLaRich</a>. I binged every last minute of it, with the line "Oh my Gd, we're in a cult" ringing uncomfortable and accurately true. <div><br /></div><div>For those of you who forgot (or repressed), I drank the Kool-Aid. Yes, I sold LuLaRoe from August 2016 through August 2017. In fact, my <a href="https://www.instagram.com/lularoeteamgb/?hl=en">LuLaRoe Instagram page</a> is still up and so is <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2016/08/lularoe-my-why.html">my (overly) emotional "Why?" video</a>. Yipes. </div><div><br /></div><div>I first heard about LuLaRoe in late 2015/early 2016 in one of the modest fashion groups I'm in on Facebook. Suddenly, Jewish women everywhere were talking about this affordable, fun, and fashionable clothing line and how they were making money as a side hustle. (Funny that they now sell shorts and crop tops!)</div><div><br /></div><div>The company's model and fashion piqued my interest and I found a local seller in Spring 2016. She urged me along and I finally signed up, despite all the red flags and everything else that came along with it. </div><div><br /></div><div>When I was in it, I loved it. I loved the fashion and the ownership and I felt beautiful in the clothes. But it was a lot of work for very little return. Very little. As in no return. I was drowning in clothes no one wanted to buy because they were ugly. But I kept telling myself that it was worth it, that I was an independent, empowered women. And every time I was told that I wasn't working hard enough, I worked harder, because I'm a perfectionist! I was so deep in it ... getting out was a battle and it left me angry and frustrated. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, watching the LuLaRich documentary was definitely validating, with very little in the way of surprising. I did like finding out just why I kept getting bleached skirts (they sat out in the sun, ew). I also found it amusing just how completely detached Mark and Deanne <i>pretend </i>to be from the rest of the company. But what I found most upsetting was the whining and complaining from people who made bucketloads of cash on the backs of people like me. Yes, I feel bad that they suffered, but at the same time, they knew exactly what they were doing. </div><div><br /></div><div>But, truth be told, I'd go through everything (including the thousands I lost) with LuLaRoe again over ever doing Optavia again, because the latter caused more lasting and irreversible harm.</div><div><br /></div><div>Honestly, it's amazing how I got duped into not one but two schemes that saw my insecurities and used and abused them. I keep telling myself: "Chaviva, you're a smart person! Why'd you let two toxic schemes suck you in!?" </div><div><br /></div><div>You see, both LuLaRoe and Optavia do the same thing: They tell women that if they don't see success, it's their own fault. If you can't hit your financial or weightless goals, obviously you're not working the system correctly. Nevermind that one is robbing women and the other is selling eating disorders. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway ... I could go on and on. But ultimately, I was glad to see the reality of LuLaRoe brought to the forefront. I'm glad that the world can see how this company is built on the backs of people who just want to get ahead and support their families but who end up drowning. I was elated that people could see how all of the "experts" running the company are beyond unqualified to do the jobs they're doing. I was happy to see that the true colors of LuLaRoe were revealed. </div><div><br /></div><div>All of that said ... sometimes, just sometimes, I really miss some of the clothes. I even poked around to find out my former mentor/coach is still selling and I almost bought one of the dresses. But. I didn't. Because, I'm still a little angry. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Have a question? <a href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc_FPFVhuBMqgdVk61993bIkAIV4WC7G76f4EEsDSGKD9VlJg/viewform" target="_blank">Ask your question here</a>. </b></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-45371490199671064112021-10-12T18:39:00.004+03:002021-10-14T22:43:34.987+03:00Let's Talk About Conversion to Judaism and Whether a Conversion Can Be Revoked<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsnL6d8wlr6ugI6Bd25GJVOG97LZKyJu6nwn3pa79qvpIXGnZFVS6f_V4YgjkH5ubrBZI9RibU_KIJDCTDK9Ljzo_KroYqqUiHX8QvJsc5ip5IDcJMCYNGvD01KVW94SBwqv-Q0X2iBQo/s2048/photo-1631097969294-c38afba59496.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="conversion to Judaism Star of David necklace" border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsnL6d8wlr6ugI6Bd25GJVOG97LZKyJu6nwn3pa79qvpIXGnZFVS6f_V4YgjkH5ubrBZI9RibU_KIJDCTDK9Ljzo_KroYqqUiHX8QvJsc5ip5IDcJMCYNGvD01KVW94SBwqv-Q0X2iBQo/w400-h266/photo-1631097969294-c38afba59496.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/iQwrPAuodAY" target="_blank">Photo by Benny Rotlevy</a></i></div><div><br /></div>For converts to Judaism, one of the ongoing topics that crops up every now and again is the risk of having their conversion question, revoked, canceled, or retracted after the fact. There is a lot of hype and misinformation on this topic, especially in recent years as Israel and Diaspora rabbinic courts vie for control over the challenging, confusing, and often mysterious world of conversion to Judaism. <div><h2 style="text-align: left;">How a Person Converts to Judaism</h2>There are a multitude of paths for conversion to Judaism, no matter whether that conversion is through a Reform, Conservative, or Orthodox <i>bet din</i> (rabbinical court). There are even more reasons that someone chooses to convert to Judaism: </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They grew up in a Jewish neighborhood or surrounded by Jews and felt a pull to join the Jewish people. </li><li>They discover they have Jewish ancestors and feel the pull to realize their ethnic and ancestral religion and people. </li><li>They have a Jewish father but not a Jewish mother and want to be part of the Orthodox community (patrilineal Jews are not considered <i>halachic</i> Jews in Orthodox Judaism and in some Conservative circles).</li><li>They have no connection and don't know a single Jew but learn about Judaism and feel like they're finally at home (<b>hey, this is what happened to me!</b>). </li></ul>No matter what draws an individual to Judaism or what stream of Judaism they choose, there are basic steps to complete the conversion process:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b>Learning</b>: studying the laws, traditions, holidays, observances of Judaism based on whichever movement an individual chooses to convert within</li><li><b>Living in the Jewish community: </b>most Orthodox conversions require that you live within a community for at least a year so you experience the full cycle of holidays and the Orthodox lifestyle</li><li><b><i>Bet din:</i></b> meeting with a rabbinic court whose members' statuses vary from movement to movement, as some require three Shabbat-observant men while others simply require three individuals be they men or women <b>(I had four rabbis on my <i>bet din!)</i></b></li><li><i style="font-weight: bold;">Brit Milah </i>or<b> <i>hatafat dam brit: </i></b>for men, an actual or symbolic circumcision is required by some movements and not by others</li><li><i><b>Mikvah:</b></i> a dip in the ritual bath is standard among all movements</li></ul><b>Fun fact: </b>When the Temple still stood in Jerusalem, conversion also included an animal sacrifice (Keritot 8b-9a)! Makes you wonder if, when the Temple is rebuilt, whether that requirement will be re-upped, right?<br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">The Controversy About Converting to Judaism</h2>Among the many difficulties with conversion to Judaism are the realities that Orthodox Judaism does not accept conversions that take place in Reform, Conservative, or other movements as <i>halachic</i> (legally binding).<br /><br />The reasoning behind this is that conversion to Judaism, according to Orthodoxy, requires the basic commitment to the <i>mitzvot</i> (613 commandments of the Torah). Non-Orthodox streams of Judaism do not adhere strictly to following the <i>mitzvot</i>, so Rabbis Moshe Feinstein and Yaakov Ariel argued that non-Orthodox conversions are unacceptable according to <i>halacha</i>. <br /><br />There are also many complexities involved with the Orthodox conversion process, with standards varying from community to community. Some Orthodox rabbinic courts will accept conversion for marriage, while others will turn away an individual based on the desire to convert to marry a Jew (this goes back to the Talmud, Yevamot 24b). <br /><br />For all intents and purposes, someone who converts with an Orthodox rabbinic court is fully and completely a Jew from the moment they visit the <i>mikvah</i> at the culmination of the conversion process. They're even considered a Jew if it turns out they did marry strictly for marriage or they stray from Judaism later. In the latter case, the individual should be treated as any other sinning Jew (Bechorot 30b).<br /><br />However, in recent years there have been cases in which a conversion or a series of conversions performed by a certain <i>bet din</i> or rabbi are called into question. In these cases, an authoritative body has gone through the process of "reviewing" the conversion to determine whether it is, in fact, <i>halachically</i> valid. <br /><br />The problem with this, unfortunately, is that — according to <i>halacha</i> (law) — only in very specific cases can a conversion be questioned and revoked. In many of these investigations, there is no grounds for an investigation, let alone talk of revocation. <br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">Modern Cases About Revoking Conversions</h2>Up until Emancipation (late 18th to late 19th century) and well into the 20th century, conversion to Judaism was rare and largely unheard of because, in many places, it was illegal to convert to Judaism. In most cases, a non-Jew converted to Judaism in order to marry a Jewish person, but, even still, it was rare. </div><div><br /></div><div>Following the Holocaust, conversion to Judaism blossomed and has continued to gain steam well into the 21st century, especially within Orthodox Judaism.<br /><br />The entire issue of modern conversion nullification has an interesting background that stems from a revocation of a conversion 30 years after the fact so that two individuals with questionable Jewish legal status could legally marry. You can read more about this in <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2012/05/heres-to-you-rabbi-goren.html">the Rabbi Goren case</a>.<br /><br />Then, in the 1970s, Rabbi Betzalel Zolty nullified a conversion after the rabbinic court discovered that a certain group of individuals were Christian missionaries trying to move to Israel under the Law of Return. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yisrael_Rozen">Rabbi Yisrael Rozen</a> nullified a conversion after the Israel Interior Ministry found out that a convert was romantically involved with a non-Jewish woman during and after his conversion process. <br /><br />In 2008 in Israel, a senior rabbinic court headed by Rabbi Avraham Sherman nullified a single conversion performed by a different Israeli rabbinic court. This nullification called into question thousands of conversions performed within the context of the Israeli army and began an investigation into conversion courses established by Israel and overseen by Rabbi Chaim Druckman.<div><h2 style="text-align: left;">So can you revoke a conversion or not? </h2>Ultimately, the <a href="http://www.jewishideas.org/articles/retroactive-annulment-giyyur-conversion">law on conversions and annulment</a> is such:<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>If an individual converts under non-ideal circumstances (e.g., for marriage), he or she is still Jewish and the conversion is valid (Yevamot 24b). </li><li>If an individual converts and sins or strays from the path of Judaism, he or she is still Jewish and the conversion is valid (Bechorot 30b,Yoreh De'ah 248:2). </li><li>If the rabbinic court fails to investigate the intentions of the convert or even failed to give the individual a proper education prior to the conversion, he or she is still Jewish and the conversion is valid (Yoreh De'ah 248:12). </li></ul>The only way that a conversion can be nullified is in cases of fraud. In these types of cases, the individual converting knowingly misleads the rabbinic court regarding their intent to convert. Usually, these types of cases involve Christian missionaries attempting to convert for nefarious reasons, such as moving to Israel under the Law of Return to do missionary work. Talk about shady!<br /><br />Although there are plenty of terrifying cases that have created uncomfortable situations for converts around the world in recent years, it is very rare and, in fact, highly unlikely that a conversion can or will be revoked. <br /><br />Yes, plenty of conversions are questioned regularly by individuals who do not know the laws of conversion and how to treat a convert. In these cases, an individual may stray from Judaism following a conversion or do something that calls their knowledge/commitment to Judaism into question. <br /><br />But questioning a conversion and <a href="http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/sites/default/files/public/halakhah/teshuvot/19861990/saltzman_deceit.pdf" target="_blank">nullifying a conversion</a>, are two very different things.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Have questions about converting to Judaism? Let me know! I'm here to help. </b></div><div><br /></div><div><span><i>For more about the topic of the nullifying of conversions, check out Shlomo Brody's <a href="http://www.korenpub.com/EN/products/maggid/halakha/9781592643516">A Guide to the Complex: Contemporary Halakhic Debates</a> and read Rabbi Gil Student's article "<a href="http://www.torahmusings.com/2012/01/conservative-annulments/">Conservative Annulments</a>."</i></span><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comDenver, CO 80224, USA39.6928764 -104.909684611.382642563821157 -140.0659346 68.003110236178856 -69.7534346tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-87155662923736462552021-05-05T02:36:00.001+03:002021-05-05T02:36:04.421+03:00This Truth? It Hurts: Michael and Amanda Elkohen<p>Well. The truth is often a hard pill to swallow, and this has been one of the hardest. Nay, most frustrating. Nay, most infuriating. This blog article is all about this earth-shattering news that came out a little over a week ago: <a href="https://www.jpost.com/israel-news/haredi-rabbi-accused-of-being-a-covert-messianic-missionary-666517" target="_blank">Haredi ‘rabbi’ accused of being a covert Messianic missionary</a></p><p>For more than a decade, I'd called Amanda and Michael Elkohen friends. I "met" Michael online way back in 2010 (possibly earlier?) on the Jewish blogging circuit. We emailed. We became friends. </p><p>When I traveled to Israel, I ate at their Shabbat table. </p><p>Michael gave me and my ex-husband guidance on a family Torah scroll that was being fixed and checked. He was, after all, a scribe. A Jewish scribe. A <i>sofer</i>.</p><p>When I got divorced and struggled to find my place in the Orthodox world, Michael supported me. He even wrote a blog article about the treatment I was suffering at the hands of other converts. </p><p>When I made <i>aliyah</i>, Amanda was there every step of the way. She offered to stock my kitchen with groceries, she checked in on me almost daily, and, again, I ate at their Shabbat table. </p><p>When my stepson was to become a <i>bar mitzvah</i>, I immediately thought of Michael and Amanda, who, by then, in 2016 was going through chemo. I thought, we can support them financially and put Michael's skills as a <i>sofer </i>to work. We would all win! We paid more than $1,000 for those tefillin.</p><p>And then? For the past week I've read and re-read through emails, Facebook messages, blog comments, as many communications as humanly possible to try and answer the question:</p><p style="text-align: left;"><b>How did I miss it? How did I miss that they were Christians in Jewish garb parading as something they most certainly were not? How did I miss that they were trying to missionize and convert Jews?</b></p><p style="text-align: left;">I grew up in the Bible Belt of Southern Missouri and then in Nebraska, where practically everyone is white and Christian or brown and Christian. I have a Mormon uncle. I have Evangelical friends. I know what missionizing looks like, and I've experienced a Christian intervention. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So how did I miss this? </p><p style="text-align: left;">Listen: This isn't about Judaism vs. Christianity. I've always said that we're all on our own journey and can't possibly know what's true and right for everyone. We only know what is true and right for ourselves. For me, that's Judaism. That's Orthodox, Torah-true Judaism. For others, that may be Christianity. </p><p style="text-align: left;">But this? This is about lying, cheating, stealing. It's about being my friend and telling me you're one thing but you're another. It's about me giving you a bunch of money for religious items that are then completely null and void because the person who made them isn't even Jewish. That's lying, cheating, stealing. </p><p style="text-align: left;">And for what?</p><p style="text-align: left;">While digging through old messages, I started to wonder if Michael's support after my divorce and subsequent foray into dating a nonJew for a short time was nefarious. Was he supporting me to pull me to the other side? </p><p style="text-align: left;">I looked at the Facebook messages where Tuvia and Amanda arranged the tefillin and noticed that Michael originally added "Amanda Elk" to the chat before fixing it and adding "Amanda Elkohen" to the chat. Then I wondered: Did I not wonder why she had two accounts? </p><p style="text-align: left;">No, I didn't. Because I trusted them. I trusted these people who said they were nice, good, Torah-abiding Jews. </p><p style="text-align: left;">And it was all a lie. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Now, all I can think about is those kids. Those children who grew up living a lie and lost their mom and now have no community. Will they be embraced by the Christian world? Will they be shunned by both worlds? Will Michael Elk end up in prison for all of the pain and suffering he's caused and all the money he's stolen? Will those children end up in the foster system and convert to Judaism or end up lost forever? </p><p style="text-align: left;">I was so broken-hearted when Amanda died. She was young, she had a family, she suffered chemo for years. And the moment this story broke a week ago, my immediate thought was, "Thank Gd she's not alive to see this." But she was just as much a part of this as Michael was. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So, I'm torn. I'm shattered. I've fallen down the rabbit hole every day for a week and started wondering if you can ever really know a person. Throughout the pandemic, I've realized that people I thought I knew and whose values and priorities I thought I knew ... well, I don't know them at all. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Because you can never really know a person. Or can you?</p><p style="text-align: left;">This blog has graced the internet for 15 years. For 15 years, I've put my heart and soul on the internet and when I meet people who read my blog in person, the one thing they always say is this: Wow! In real life, you're exactly who you are on your blog. And that's always been my goal: To show you who I am, who I really am, because I want to relate to you and for you to relate to me. </p><p style="text-align: left;">Do I share everything here? No, I haven't written extensively about my <i>lichen sclerosis</i> diagnosis or my anxiety or how the past year has shattered me, but that's less because I don't want you to see and understand me for who I am than it is about time and energy to sit and write. Are there things I don't write about and will never write about? Yes. Things like what really happened in my previous marriage, about Tuvia's stepson and his previous marriage, about my relationship with my parents, and other things that are, well, truly and undeniably private. </p><p style="text-align: left;">And I thought that <a href="http://www.amotherinisrael.com/update-about-amanda-and-michael-elk-elkohen-tzadok" target="_blank">Michael and Amanda</a> were those people too. They were so like who they were on Michael's blog and Facebook and other social channels. They were real, honest, relatable, down-to-earth people who you just couldn't help but love and root for. </p><p style="text-align: left;">So I reached out to Michael:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichPLE-DxaqgyNHvXDU5s107DP-6gvZ06_fctKHUo3wkDIf44JzubeFJBjPxdcb6E0_A0pK-BEFzRnwNJvTyCpfc8u34xMY2VH2YRLTFKtJb8pMzPYUHpDpKZHzLKXOH52Byp1zYvp5Bs/s488/Screen+Shot+2021-05-04+at+5.30.29+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="220" data-original-width="488" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEichPLE-DxaqgyNHvXDU5s107DP-6gvZ06_fctKHUo3wkDIf44JzubeFJBjPxdcb6E0_A0pK-BEFzRnwNJvTyCpfc8u34xMY2VH2YRLTFKtJb8pMzPYUHpDpKZHzLKXOH52Byp1zYvp5Bs/s320/Screen+Shot+2021-05-04+at+5.30.29+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: left;">I'm still waiting for the "truth" to come out. Because, based on the dozens of articles and the people I've spoken with who are close to the investigation ... neither Michael nor Amanda are descended from Jews based on America's very well-kept ancestry records. He's tied to multiple Christian organizations. They had duplicate Facebook accounts: one for Jews, one for Christians. </p><p style="text-align: left;">I don't know if the "truth" will ever come out. I'm still sad that Amanda died from cancer. I'm still sad about those children and what the future holds for them. I'm sad about a lot of things. Where I was angry, I'm just sad now. Disappointed, defeated, and confused. </p><p style="text-align: left;">How could someone lie, cheat, and steal for so long from so many people? All in the name of religion.</p><p><br /></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-73507103518698182742020-12-09T22:22:00.002+02:002020-12-11T20:06:49.056+02:00 Ner Chanukah: A Mitzvah Chaviva<p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>I wrote this little d'var Torah (thoughts on the Torah) for Chanukah for one of the local synagogues and thought I'd share here, too! Enjoy.</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rambam says that the Chanukah lights are a </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah chaviva hi ad meod</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, or an exceedingly precious or cherished </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hilchot Megillah v'Chanukah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> 4:12). This description didn’t strike me just because, well, my name is Chaviva, but because this type of language isn’t used for other </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvot </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(commandments)</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. So why is lighting the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chanukiyah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> considered a </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah chaviva</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? We have to start by looking back at Aharon and the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2020/11/the-difference-menorah-versus-chanukiyah.html" target="_blank">Bonus: What's the Difference Between a Menorah and a Chanukiyah?</a></span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-c831a11d-7fff-67b8-ceda-943d963fdf35"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In Parashat Behaalotecha, we’re told that Aharon is commanded to light the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mishkan</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and that “he did so” (Numbers 8:3). Although Aharon’s tribe had been the only one not to participate in gift giving to the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mishkan</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, the Kohen Gadol had many other vital responsibilities and, let’s be honest, Aharon <b>did</b> sacrifice his sons in the process. But perhaps he still felt a little jilted. After all, the Midrash says that each gift was spiritually specific and significant to each tribe. Perhaps Aharon felt that others were more whole after giving, perhaps in a way that he couldn’t be despite his service. Enter HaShem, who tasks Aharon with the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aharon saw this </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">as </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">chavivut</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and did exactly as HaShem commanded, which, according to Rashi, was a compliment to Aharon and signified that he was uniquely qualified for this job. Just as the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is made from a single block of gold, so, too, do all Jews originate at the same source. By taking on the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> precisely as HaShem commanded, Aharon embodied and delivered on the essence of what the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> symbolized — the unity of the Jewish people. As Pirkei Avot 1:12, says, “Be of the disciples of Aharon, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving mankind and drawing them close to the Torah.” </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWjLvC2o6qEQAJo3pDZQRHhxRh24PjCqI7WtLOyClzfDkQF-m3lio4X7rcUQmMemmnDwlCGBbWqgNVFgTJHa2g46K0aiRSh15T2_l89_LyxXgVZrv8NiudFmxVqIlEdjJ1lvrHCIxx4po/s2048/pexels-cottonbro-4040745.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="woman lighting a Chanukah menorah" border="0" data-original-height="1457" data-original-width="2048" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWjLvC2o6qEQAJo3pDZQRHhxRh24PjCqI7WtLOyClzfDkQF-m3lio4X7rcUQmMemmnDwlCGBbWqgNVFgTJHa2g46K0aiRSh15T2_l89_LyxXgVZrv8NiudFmxVqIlEdjJ1lvrHCIxx4po/w400-h285/pexels-cottonbro-4040745.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From Aharon and the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">to the miracle of Chanukah and the rededication of the Holy Temple, we have the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chanukiyah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Although the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of lighting the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chanukiyah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> could be performed through a spouse, partner, or </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">shaliach</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, it's such a precious and cherished </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> that — like Aharon with the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Menorah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">— we each want to perform it ourselves and thus are commanded to do so. We each want to feel responsible for this </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> and to embody what the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chanukiyah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">symbolizes. After all, this is the one time in the Jewish calendar that we can be a </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">literal</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> light unto the nations!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On this Chanukah, more than any other in recent memory, we must be a light and bring about the unity that this holiday symbolizes. We must light every night, with a care for our fellow — for their health and safety as well as our own. We must pursue justice and peace through a fire that brings light and guides all on the path forward and not a fire that burns down the world around us, leaving us in darkness and chaos. We must be the disciples of Aharon and fulfill the </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ner Chanukah</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> — this </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mitzvah chaviva hi ad meod</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> — with a sense of collective responsibility and the pursuit of a unified Jewish people.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">May we all be safe, healthy, and content as we enter the darkest months of the year. Although we can’t be together as we would all love to be, everything comes from HaShem and everything that comes from HaShem is good. This, too, must be for the good. Chag Sameach!</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-12891610238377014852020-11-30T22:53:00.002+02:002023-11-30T16:05:21.600+02:00What's the Difference Between a Menorah and a Chanukiah?Every November or December, whenever the 25th of the month of Kislev falls in the Jewish calendar, Jews around the world celebrate Chanukah, the festival of light. Although many know Chanukah because of it's fried jelly donuts and games of dreidel, the main religious tradition of the holiday is the week-long lighting of a special item known as the <i>chanukiyah</i> (ha-new-key-uh).<div><br /></div><div>Many know the <i>chanukiyah</i> as a menorah, but there's actually a large difference in the two pieces of Judaica. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpebNj1LNeGaFZzh5t9jTRp6SuVuPjtpLhwhjgjci1L98ORJczcvCDyinaet9kwFaREbr0EhzI69vFK98nsr0fAwQByIZGmwhyphenhyphenRdRN_H5VRR3wf1Lw_Yuf8nZYoRfiTdN10qO99EThtk4/s2048/pexels-cottonbro-4033351.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="menorah vs. chanukiah" border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpebNj1LNeGaFZzh5t9jTRp6SuVuPjtpLhwhjgjci1L98ORJczcvCDyinaet9kwFaREbr0EhzI69vFK98nsr0fAwQByIZGmwhyphenhyphenRdRN_H5VRR3wf1Lw_Yuf8nZYoRfiTdN10qO99EThtk4/w320-h320/pexels-cottonbro-4033351.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><h2 style="text-align: left;">Menorah vs. Chanukiah </h2><div>Both items are a type of candelabra, but the <i>chanukiah</i> has nine branches while the menorah has only seven. The <i>chanukiah</i> has eight candles in a row with a ninth candle separated or raised (depending on the style of the candelabra) and they come in all shapes, sizes, and themes. The <i>chanukiah</i> represents the miracle of Chanukah when, during the rededication of the Temple, the oil that should have lasted just one night lasted for a miraculous eight nights. </div><div><br /></div><div>The ninth branch, known as the <i>shamash</i> ("helper" or "servant"), on the <i>chanukiah</i> is used to light the other branches during each night of Chanukah. Each night of Chanukah the <i>shamash</i> is lit first and then the candles are lit one by one for each night, from left to right (unless you follow another tradition or opinion). </div><div><br /></div><div>The other candelabra, known as the menorah, is more of a symbolic object in Judaism. Dating to the time of the First Temple in Jerusalem, it comprises seven branches and does not have a <i>shamash</i>. The menorah was lit by the priests (<i>kohanim</i>), using olive oil every evening in the Holy Temple. <div><blockquote>"And you must make a lamp-stand of pure gold. Of hammered work the lamp-stand is to be made. Its base, its branches, its cups, its knobs and its blossoms are to proceed out from it. And six branches are running out from its sides, three branches of the lamp-stand from its one side and three branches of the lamp-stand from its other side. Three cups shaped like flowers of almond are on the one set of branches, with knobs and blossoms alternating, and three cups shaped like flowers of almond on the other set of branches, with knobs and blossoms alternating. This is the way it is with the six branches running out from the lamp-stand. And on the lamp-stand are four cups shaped like flowers of almond, with its knobs and its blossoms alternating. And the knob under two branches is out of it and the knob under the two other branches is out of it and the knob under two more branches is out of it, for the six branches running out from the lamp-stand. Their knobs and their branches are to proceed out from it. All of it is one piece of hammered work, of pure gold. And you must make seven lamps for it; and the lamps must be lit up, and they must shine upon the area in front of it. And its snuffers and its fire holders are of pure gold. Of a talent of pure gold he should make it with all these utensils of it. And see that you make them after their pattern that was shown to you in the mountain." (Exodus 25:31-40) </blockquote></div><div>This candelabra became known as a symbol of Judaism and can be found in nearly every synagogue around the world in the form of the ner tamid or everlasting light. In most synagogues, above the arc where the Torah is kept there is a light that is always kept on that represents the holy menorah from the Temple period. The <i>ner tamid</i> reminds us of the Holy Temple and the sadness of its destruction. Whereas it used to be a constantly lit flame, it is now typically an electric lamp that stays on at all hours of the day. </div><div><br /></div><div>As you can see, the difference in the two items is significant. Whereas the <i>chanukiah</i> is used for the celebration of a specific festival, the menorah is more of an everlasting symbol of the Jewish religion.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>What else do you want to know about Chanukah? </b></div><textarea id="BFI_DATA" style="display: none; height: 1px; width: 1px;"></textarea><title> </title><div class="LTRStyle" id="WidgetFloaterPanels" style="direction: ltr; display: none; text-align: left; visibility: hidden;" translate="no"> <div id="WidgetFloater" onmouseout="Microsoft.Translator.OnMouseOutFloater()" onmouseover="Microsoft.Translator.OnMouseOverFloater()" style="display: none;"> <div id="WidgetLogoPanel"> <span id="WidgetTranslateWithSpan"><span>TRANSLATE with </span><img id="FloaterLogo" /></span> <span id="WidgetCloseButton" onclick="Microsoft.Translator.FloaterOnClose()" title="Exit Translation">x</span></div> <div id="LanguageMenuPanel"> <div class="DDStyle_outer"><input autocomplete="on" id="LanguageMenu_svid" 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href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3iWGzOykPGuvE16wlTAvGdlNVaIRGk4AzdER3EmLI0jEhyphenhyphenJtQ9hd-X8MoEEpwQfMkGqzuFWLf-CLe5Weo4DYBmgMc3Q7ftCeFWNOqWh-cyD6MtRduAnnugeiHNnsRxX08j7e3E9PbMwE/s2048/pexels-adriaan-greyling-764310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1366" data-original-width="2048" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3iWGzOykPGuvE16wlTAvGdlNVaIRGk4AzdER3EmLI0jEhyphenhyphenJtQ9hd-X8MoEEpwQfMkGqzuFWLf-CLe5Weo4DYBmgMc3Q7ftCeFWNOqWh-cyD6MtRduAnnugeiHNnsRxX08j7e3E9PbMwE/w640-h426/pexels-adriaan-greyling-764310.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/@adriaan-greyling-234777?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Adriaan Greyling</a> from </i><i><a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-snow-covered-benches-in-the-street-764310/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Pexels</a></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Well, it’s officially my favorite time of year! I like to think I have reverse seasonal affective disorder — I love cold, cloudy weather. I love snow and layering and giant chunky sweaters and hot drinks. I love winter, glittering lights, and everything that comes along with this time of year. <br /><br />When I was a kid, this time of year was the one time of year that I truly felt like my family was fully in-sync. We’d get out the boxes and boxes of Christmas ornaments and set up the Christmas tree with painstaking precision. My mother and her Christmas tree were unlike anything I’ve ever encountered to this day. Her tree was white, silver, and glass. It was a small child’s worst nightmare, and every ornament had a story. I can’t remember breaking a single ornament on my mother’s tree for fear of destroying the symbol of a memory that she held dear. After white lights came the strings of beads, then the ornaments, and finally the tree topper. After Christmas, taking down the tree was a chore, because every ornament had to be carefully re-wrapped and placed carefully in a very specific order back into the storage boxes. <br /><br />I loved it. I loved every minute of it, even as a child. <br /><br />Another tradition was that we’d pick a night to drive around and look at all of the lights in their glittering glory. These were the days before programmed lights that danced around houses to Mannheim Steamroller. My parents liked driving us to the neighborhoods with the largest houses because they lined their streets with luminaries and the lights were classic white and stunning. When we lived in Southern Missouri, a short drive from the Precious Moments Park & Chapel, we’d drive out every year for Christmas to see the light displays there and go through a drive-through display at a large Catholic Vietnamese institute run by a group of priests. <br /><br />Lights were an essential part of my childhood and, for me, signaled what a family did in December. <br /><br />The only other tradition my family had was that, on Christmas Day, if we could afford the expensive meat, my mom would make <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2015/12/what-is-it-about-christmas.html"><i>rouladen</i></a>. This dish is honestly the only “ethnic” dish my mom ever made, and I don’t know our family history with it other than my mom’s family is German-French. With its expensive, thinly sliced beef with onions and pickles rolled up inside, it was then stewed in tomato sauce, and I grew up hating this dish (pickles are delicious, but not warm). But my mom? Much like the extravagant tree laden with delicate ornaments, my mom looked forward to it every year and it became part of the Edwards family Christmas. <br /><br />But now? I’m Jewish. Even though Christmas never meant church or Jesus or anything religious, I stopped celebrating Christmas or anything that resembled it back in 2006 after I graduated college and moved out East to pursue my dreams and live Jewishly. My mom slowly stopped setting up the tree because there was no one to help her, and it broke my heart. One year, when she finally decided she was done with Christmas and the tree, she sent me one of her mirrored ornaments shaped like the Star of David, so I could always have a piece of the family tree with me. She joked that, maybe they always knew I'd be Jewish and thus, they had a six-pointed star. It made me sad, it made me wonder what this time of year meant for me and my future children. <br /><br />Now, I’m lamenting that I can't sit in my favorite independent coffee haunts because of the pandemic. I miss listening to the tunes echoing through the cavernous spaces, with classics such as “Silver Bells” and “Gloria in Excelsis Deo” — songs that swung me back to a different time in my life. In high school, this time of year meant solos in the choir Christmas concert, so I can’t help singing along with the tunes. They make me smile, they make me feel. The concepts or meanings are not what do it, but the simple beauty of the voices and the melodies. <br /><br />When I had my first child in December of 2013, I was living in Israel and this time of year was strange, but easy. I didn’t have to worry about Santa Claus at the mall or all of the lights or the trees or kids in daycare who weren’t Jewish talking about the holiday. It was easy. But now that we’re in Denver, and kids have questions, I’m constantly assessing how I should tackle this time of year in a way that makes sense to my three littles, yet somehow honors my own upbringing. <br /><br />I will admit that it's easier this year with the pandemic. We aren't going to the mall where there's large displays of Christmas, and we're not going into grocery stores or Target where everything is red and green. I’m obviously not making rouladen (yuck), and I’m most definitely not putting up a tree. <br /><br />So? This leaves us with lights. Homes around ours are stringing up lights in all colors and styles, and it reminds me of those evenings out in the minivan driving through the ritzy neighborhoods with my parents and brothers. It’s such a simple thing, but such a meaningful thing — for me — and I want to be able to share that with my kids. <br /><br />‘Tis the season, after all, because light is what Chanukah is all about. The world emerged with the words “let there be light,” and light is often understood in the Torah to mean knowledge or wisdom. Since creation, we’ve fought to bring those sparks of light back into the world and to bring ourselves out of darkness. As a Jew, I yearn, pursue, and seek that light every day, even as I relish in the cloudy cool of winter in Denver. <br /><br />During Chanukah’s eight days, the world is illuminated with the light of the chanukiyah. These lights are special because we can only gaze upon them, we can’t use them for any personal reasons. They serve as a message to all who pass by that “<a href="http://www.chabad.org/holidays/chanukah/article_cdo/aid/103086/jewish/Whats-Light-Got-to-do-with-it.htm">darkness can be dispelled with wisdom, obscurity can be illuminated with truth</a>.” <br /><br />I look at my neighbors' holiday lights much in the same manner. Giant inflatable Santa Clauses and nativity scenes aside, the lights are bringing a beautiful light into the darkest time of the year, and it’s an innocent way I can bring my children into a space that for me has great meaning and history. I can’t wait to pack up my kids and drive them around the nearby neighborhood filled with giant houses to look at the lights. We won’t be listening to Christmas tunes on the radio, but I might pop on some of <a href="http://theleevees.com/">The Leevees</a> to set the mood. <br /><br />We'll call them holiday lights and talk about how in the darkest months of the year during a pandemic, more light is what we all truly need. That said, several years ago, Asher did ask, “Mommy, why don’t we have any lights up on our house?” I happily responded, “We will, sweetie. As soon as Chanukah comes, we’ll have eight days of special lights to share with our neighbors.” <br /><br />Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-15623754655450982672020-11-17T05:19:00.004+02:002020-11-17T05:19:47.054+02:00Do Jews Celebrate Thanksgiving? Is Thanksgiving a Kosher Holiday?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAmdOf9pwcw6UMUUFW9olY_JicsfqpKNOwlS03xECCvJ6WkodTKtkvsF0WKHS5oG_hP07lSbf2bRi0ADP6R3ov4d4C265bNF4nRqqblV879WV1N8OOYMhtzV2v4RsFlCgiydkOcGFSd38/s2048/element5-digital-RPjyNMHDrFY-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="photograph of people celebrating Thanksgiving with pumpkin pie and challah" border="0" data-original-height="1356" data-original-width="2048" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAmdOf9pwcw6UMUUFW9olY_JicsfqpKNOwlS03xECCvJ6WkodTKtkvsF0WKHS5oG_hP07lSbf2bRi0ADP6R3ov4d4C265bNF4nRqqblV879WV1N8OOYMhtzV2v4RsFlCgiydkOcGFSd38/w438-h290/element5-digital-RPjyNMHDrFY-unsplash.jpg" width="438" /></a></div><span style="caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><p><span style="caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></p>One of the biggest questions this time of years for Jews is whether Thanksgiving is a kosher holiday. Can (and should) Jews celebrate Thanksgiving? How does the secular, American holiday fit into the Jewish experience?</span><p></p><h3 style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px; margin: 17px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thanksgiving's Origins</h3><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In the 16th century, during the English Reformation and the reign of Henry VIII, the number of Church holidays was drastically decreased from 95 to 27. However, the Puritans, a group of Protestants that fought for further reforms in the Church, sought to completely eliminate Church holidays in favor of replacing the days with Days of Fasting or Days of Thanksgiving.</p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When the Puritans arrived in New England, they brought these Days of Thanksgiving with them, and there are many documented celebrations of thanks during the 17th and 18th century following the end of bad droughts or successful harvests. Although there is much debate about the specifics of the first Thanksgiving as we know it today, the commonly accepted belief is that the first Thanksgiving occurred sometime in September-November 1621 as a feast of thanks for a bountiful harvest. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">After 1621 and until 1863, the holiday was celebrated sporadically and the date varied from state to state. The first national day of Thanksgiving was proclaimed by President George Washington on November 26, 1789, to be a "day of public thanksgiving and prayer" in honor of the forming of a new nation and new constitution. However, despite this national declaration, the holiday was still not celebrated regularly or consistently. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Then, in 1863, at the prompting of a campaign by author Sarah Josepha Hale, President Abraham Lincoln set the date of Thanksgiving officially to the last Thursday in November. However, even with this proclamation, because the Civil War was in full force, many states refused the date as official. It wasn't until the 1870s that Thanksgiving was celebrated nationally and collectively. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Finally, on December 26, 1941, President Franklin Roosevelt officially changed Thanksgiving Day to the fourth Thursday in November as a means of boosting the U.S. economy. </p><h3 style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px; margin: 17px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Issues</h3><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">At first glance, it appears that Thanksgiving is a religious holiday founded by a Protestant sect, even though they were attempting to minimize the role of Church-based holidays. Although in the 21st century Thanksgiving has become a largely secular holiday chock full of football and belt-busting feasts, because of the holiday's potential origins as Protestant, there are several issues that the rabbis address to decipher whether celebrating this holiday presents a <span style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">halachic</span> (Jewish legal) problem. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In medieval Talmudic commentary, the rabbis explore two different types of customs that are forbidden under the prohibition of "imitating Gentile (non-Jewish) customs" from Leviticus 18:3:</p><span style="caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>idolatrous customs</li><li>foolish customs found in the Gentile community, no matter whether the origins are idolatrous</li></ol></span><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Maharik and Rabbenu Nissim conclude that only customs based in idolatry are prohibited, but secular customs that are considered “foolish” are permitted with a reasonable explanation. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, a leading 20th-century rabbi, published four rabbinic rulings on the issue of Thanksgiving, all that conclude that it is not a religious holiday. In 1980 he wrote,</p><blockquote style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 17px 0px 17px 40px; padding: 0px; quotes: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px !important; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"On the issue of joining with those who think that Thanksgiving is like a holiday to eat a meal: Since it is clear that according to their religious law books this day is not mentioned as a religious holiday and that one is not obligated in a meal [according to Gentile religious law] and since this is a day of remembrance to citizens of this country, when they came to reside here either now or earlier, halakhah [Jewish law] sees no prohibition in celebrating with a meal or with the eating of turkey. … Nonetheless it is prohibited to establish this as an obligation and religious commandment [mitzvah], and it remains a voluntary celebration now.”</p></blockquote><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik also stated that Thanksgiving was not a Gentile holiday and that it was permissible to celebrate with turkey. Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner, on the other hand, ruled that whatever the origins of Thanksgiving, the establishment of a holiday based on the Christian calendar is closely tied to idol worship and thus is prohibited. Although he advises Jews to distance themselves from these customs, this is not widely practiced in the greater Jewish community. </p><h3 style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px; margin: 17px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Giving Thanks</h3><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Judaism is a religion devoted to the act of gratitude from the moment an individual wakes up and recites the <span style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Modeh/Modah Ani </span>prayer until he or she goes to sleep. In fact, it is believed that the Jewish lifestyle provides for the recitation of at least 100 prayers of gratitude every day. Many of the Jewish holidays are, in fact, holidays of gratitude and thanks -- like Sukkot -- which makes Thanksgiving a natural addition to the Jewish year. </p><h3 style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px; margin: 17px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How To</h3><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Believe it or not, Jews celebrate Thanksgiving just like everyone else with tables overflowing with turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce, but likely with a bit of a Jewish touch and attention to the meat-milk balance (if you keep kosher). </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Even Jewish Americans living in Israel get together to celebrate, often ordering turkeys months in advance and going out of their way to find American staples like canned cranberry sauce and pumpkin. I personally prefer to pick my kosher turkey for roasting up at Trader Joe's and serve it alongside my childhood favorites: </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; vertical-align: baseline;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Watergate Salad (made with <a href="https://sodeliciousdairyfree.com/dairy-free-foods/dairy-free-frozen-desserts/coconutmilk/cocowhip-original">Cocowhip</a>)</li><li>Green bean casserole (which I make with portobello mushrooms, French green beans, <a href="https://www.imaginefoods.com/product/creamy-portobello-mushroom-soup/">Imagine creamy mushroom soup</a>, and gluten-free fried onions)</li><li>Mashed potatoes or no potatoes at all</li><li>Pumpkin pie in a gluten-free crust</li></ul><p></p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you want a more formal approach to your Jewish Thanksgiving celebration, you can always check out Rabbi Phyllis Sommer's "<a href="https://reformjudaism.org/seder-thanksgiving">Thanksgiving Seder</a>."</p><h3 style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 21px; margin: 17px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">BONUS: The Thanksgivukkah Anomaly </h3><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In 2013, the Jewish and Gregorian calendars aligned so that Thanksgiving and Chanukah fell in sync and was coined Thanksgivukkah. Because the Jewish calendar is based on a lunar cycle, the Jewish holidays fall differently from year to year, whereas Thanksgiving is set on the Gregorian calendar as the fourth Thursday of November no matter the numerical date. Also, Chanukah is a holiday that lasts eight nights, offering a bit of room for overlap. </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 17px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Although there was much hype that the 2013 Anomaly was the first, last, and only time that the two holidays would ever coincide, this isn't exactly true. In fact, the first occurrence of the overlap would have been on November 29, 1888. Also, as late as 1956 Texas was still celebrating Thanksgiving on the last Thursday in November, meaning that Jews in Texas got to celebrate the overlap in 1945 and 1956!</p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Theoretically, assuming no legal holiday changes (like that in 1941), the next Thanksgivukkah will be in 2070 and 2165. I'll be long dead for the latter, but for the former, I'll be 87 and ready to parrrtayyy! </p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></p><p style="background-position: 0px 0px; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; caret-color: rgb(25, 25, 25); color: #191919; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>What about you? Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions that marry Judaism with Turkey Day?</b></p>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-26710056698618768402020-08-13T22:53:00.006+03:002020-10-21T22:51:41.491+03:00True Story: I'm on an ISIS Hit List<div><br /></div><b><i>Note: This story was original published on Medium in February 2019. I don't know </i><span style="font-style: italic;">why </span><i>I chose to post it there instead of here, but I did. But now, I want to share it here, where people know me best. Can't wait to hear what you think about this one, friends!</i></b><div><br /></div><span></span><div>When I was a kid, I wanted to be one thing: an artist. As I got older, this “future me” strove to be a photographer, poet, copy editor, and, ultimately, a writer.<br /><br />Of course, one thing I never followed up “When I grow up I want to be …” with was “A target on an ISIS hit list.”<br /><br />I’ve been an online blogger since the dark ages of LiveJournal, parlaying my love of storytelling into a blog back in the mid-2000s focused on my journey into and through Judaism. Yes, I’m a small-town girl from southern Missouri whose family relocated to Nebraska during my formative years. I went to and graduated from a Midwestern school, converted to Reform Judaism in 2006, and then I lived here, there, and everywhere around the U.S. Several years later, I converted to Orthodox Judaism, got a Master’s degree, got married, got divorced, moved to Israel, got married again, had a kid, moved back to the U.S., had another kid … you get the idea.<br /><br />And all of this? It’s online. My life is quite literally an open website. I’ve always been an early adopter, and every digital space I find online is a medium for me to share my story — not for selfish reasons, but because I’ve found that my voice gives other converts a voice and I’ve got hundreds of outreach emails from people around the globe to prove it. I used to speak on panels, make good lists like “Top XX Jewish Women on XX,” and be the go-to for all things Jewish and social media on the web. I lament that my days are now filled with poopy diapers and scut jobs needed to pay the bills, but my digital life is still very much active.<br /><br />My truth is that I have nothing to hide, so I don’t have to hide. The government can pop my laptop camera (or <a href="https://www.wired.com/2017/03/kellyanne-conway-microwave-spying/">microwave</a>, of course) on and watch me if they feel like it, because everything in my life is safe, legal, open.<br /><br />But let’s be honest. What you see out there in TV land is the “Candyland version” of my life (props to <a href="https://rivkamalka.com/">Rivka Malka Perlman</a> for this concept). Although I like to think that everyone sees and experiences my life exactly as it is, that’s not the truth. It’s not even close to the truth.<br /><br />So here I am, one year out from an incident that shook me to my core and made me question everything I thought I knew about being a super-public Jewish blogging mommy, and I still haven’t written about it — until now.<br /><br />I usually leave my house in the morning, because if I attempt to do my various contract jobs from home my day becomes all about the laundry, the dishes, the cucumbers and potatoes embedded in the carpet, the filthy fish tank, and all of the things that distract a working mother from, well, working. But one day last summer when my baby was still a newborn, I came home mid-day for something, I don’t even remember what, and found a business card stuck in the iron screen door of our small home.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img height="241" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/1456/1*u15Z-_fBqF8zSrWt2zWOEQ.jpeg" width="320" /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>I plucked the card out, and it was just a blank card, with the handwritten words, “Please Call Me” and an arrow. I turned the card over and saw that it was from an FBI Task Force Officer. My first inclination was that someone was playing a joke on me, because the shiny gold seal looked absolutely fake as can be.<br /><br />Me being me, I Googled the information on the card, half expecting to get a dozen links about some prank or phishing scheme.<br /><br />The officer on the card was real.<br /><br />My next inclination was that they obviously wanted to talk to my husband my husband, the British-Israeli Green Card holder, for some kind of immigration hangup. He had, after all, gotten stuck outside the country from <a href="http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/2014/10/the-update-advance-parole-immigration.html">October 2014 to July 2015</a> thanks to the bureaucratic mess that is immigration.<br /><br />I sent my husband a text with a picture of the front and back of the business card and suggested he call the number because, it only made sense, they needed to talk to him.<br /><br />A few seconds later, he texted me back: “They want to talk to you.”<br /><br />Me being me, again, began to panic. I couldn’t fathom what the FBI would need from me, and then my husband followed up with, “A threat has been made.”<br /><br />I started racking my brain. I thought about all of the online spaces where people bashed me, devoted entire threads of forums to talking trash about me and my life choices, and wondering if one of the trolls had actually turned into violent. But these were just anonymous whackjobs hiding behind their PCs in Suburbia, not the type to elicit a response from the FBI. Right?<br /><br />my husband told the officer he could come over and then he came home from work because I was, understandably, a bit panicked. When the officer arrived, he came in, sat down, and got to it.<br /><br />“You’re on an ISIS hit list.”<br /><br />In a fog of WTF is happening to my life, the officer went on to tell me how easy it was to find me, physically, that day, despite the fact that my divorced name was on the list. The officer also said that there are a lot of these lists and that I don’t really need to panic. Not too much, the officer said. The list, I was told, was geared toward lone wolfs, extremists who want to do their individual part by knocking off a single person — me.<br /><br />When I asked <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/isis-releases-new-hit-list-featuring-american-jewish-church-worshippers-479629">how I ended up on a list</a>, the officer didn’t have a great answer. Was it because I’m Jewish? A blogger? On Twitter?<br /><br />The officer left, saying that if we see anything suspicious or alarming, to be in touch with him immediately. He also reminded us that we had a good friend in the community at the FBI (“I should have just asked him where to find you, it would have been even quicker!”), and that we were in good hands.<br /><br />So. There I was, in my single-family starter home, counting down the moments until I needed to pick kids up from daycare, wondering when I was going to get assassinated in the name of a Holy War I really don’t understand.<br /><br />I reached out to the local ADL, just so they’d know they had an ISIS hit list member in their midst. The response I got: “There has not yet been a case of violence resulting from any of these lists, but it is very important for everyone to be smart, alert and vigilant.”<br /><br />Even my rabbi seemed unphased. My neighbors, on the other hand, asked if they should relocate, move, perhaps go into witness protection. I think they were half joking (they have a dog named ISIS, which made for some fun jokes), but maybe they weren’t. Who wants to be associated with someone potentially in the crosshairs of a militant terrorist group?<br /><br />I basically spent the next two months being completely irrational and paranoid. There was one day where someone came to my door that I didn’t recognize, so I hid and called my husband, who told me to call the FBI. The person outside the door started to peek in the windows of my home and I was pretty sure he was an operative sent to end it all. I felt silly calling the FBI about it, so my husband came home from work quickly and when I re-described the person outside the house to him he quickly said, “Oh, that’s our new neighbor! Maybe he lost something over the fence?”<br /><br />I genuinely thought I was losing my mind.<br /><br />Every time I’d be walking across an intersection and a cab driver was edging slowly into the intersection I was convinced that he or she was sent by ISIS to commit vehicular manslaughter. I realize now, outside the fog of irrational shock, that assuming every cab driver is either Muslim or an ISIS operative is pretty crazy. Probably racist, too. Being on an ISIS hit list was making me a paranoid racist who was losing her mind.<br /><br />The worst part about it all was that I couldn’t talk about it. I didn’t tell anyone except my immediate family, my rabbi, my kids’ daycare director, and our neighbors. It wasn’t safe to write about it, to talk about it. And writing about it was my natural form of self-therapy. Storytelling is my drug.<br /><br />And then? I woke up one day and had all but forgotten about it. Most days, I don’t even think about it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not likely to be tagged and bagged by a lone wolf out to fulfill his ISIS mission. There has to be a statistical analysis of the likelihood, doesn’t there?<br /><br />But every now and again, the fear and paranoia sneaks up on me. Sometimes, like this week, when I open Twitter and I’m being trolled by a “Muslim cleric” who liks approximately 30 of my Tweets in quick succession, I start to fear for myself, my husband, my kids. I fall down the rabbit hole Googling the name, location, trying to figure out if it’s a credible threat or just a zealous Twitter user showing me some legitimate love.<br /><br />Last week I got a series of emails from someone trying to “meet up” with me to discuss something. They even called me, although I don’t know how they got my number. Luckily, I hate talking on the phone and never answer. I Googled the name, the email address, any identifying information, and what came up was not what the email sender provided and I began to panic again. I cut off communication and am hoping it wasn’t a legitimate request to meetup that could help me make millions.<br /><br />At this point in my life, I can’t hide. What I’ve put out on the web is there for all eternity. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t delete even a single step in my digital footprint, just like I can’t delete my name from that looming ISIS hit list.<br /><br />And I know what the comments will say: “You’re crazy! You’re writing about it? Now they’re going to find you!”<br /><br />Storytelling is my drug, remember? My reality is that, for better or worse, the only way to overcome being on an ISIS hit list is to write about it.</div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-17018787208582483312020-08-01T03:39:00.004+03:002020-08-13T22:54:26.035+03:00It Begins AgainAs I sit and await Shabbat’s arrival I find myself filled with exhaustion and frustration. I’m asking myself why we are bringing in another Shabbat without a Temple in Jerusalem, without Mashiach, without the safety and serenity that comes along with knowing we as a people finally got it right. <div><br /><div>I really want to reread <i>The Princess of Dan</i>, but I feel like it’s just going to make me sad and fill me with longing and even more frustration. I want to experience the potential and possibility but not the frustration that we aren’t there yet. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, I’m bringing in Shabbat again and hoping I find the mental and emotional space to step back and find some peace and hope. </div><div><br /></div><div>And, here’s to more regular blogging here. It’s been far, far too long. Shabbat shalom!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-8548831927583563672019-05-14T23:15:00.000+03:002019-05-14T23:15:46.483+03:00When You Can't Live Your DreamI've written nearly 2,000 posts on this blog since launching it in 2006. In my life and career, I've written millions of words. I was once an influencer in the Jewish world who spoke at conferences on panels and was a sought-after source of ... something. I've somehow impacted hundreds of people, answering questions about Judaism and converting to Judaism. I've managed to be the subject of forums and conversations and harassment and abuse, as well as praise and appreciation.<br />
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When I launched this blog, I wanted to tell my story and share my experiences. I don't know that my goal was to help others, but it was most definitely my version of self care before it was trending. And it had the happy byproduct of making me something of a "who's who" in the world, even if that world was small and it was Jewish. I loved that world.<br />
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And now? Although I have a dozen angles with which to share my life to the world, it no longer feels like a priority. I post a lot on Instagram, but my life is largely consumed with work and then the side hustles and helping my kids' preschool with marketing and my kids and husband. My spare moments are rare, and when they come, they're eaten up by grocery shopping or cooking or maybe catching an episode of <i>Superstore</i> with my husband or taking a shower.<br />
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I don't know who I am or what I'm doing anymore. When I ask myself what my passion is, what would make me happy, all I hear is "I want to write. Just let me write."<br />
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But most of the time, when I sit down to write, the keys are empty.<br />
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I write at work about manufacturing and marketing and fintech and senior living and a million other topics that I'm proud to be <i>able </i>to write about because I'm a damn-fine researcher and an even better writer.<br />
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I think the biggest problem is that I can't drop everything and do whatever I want because I'm not independently wealthy and we haven't saved properly. I can't live on a whim or live my dream or live my passion or whatever because it's not an option. I can live my truth, that's for sure, because my truth is that life is hard and I can't do what I want. Still.<br />
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So I'll keep plugging and chugging along and hoping something clicks, something happens, something sparks, something that means I can stop the side hustles and extras in favor of something that is fully satisfying and stuff-dreams-are-made-of worthy.<br />
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<br />Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-57623185987342836322019-04-02T16:00:00.000+03:002019-04-02T16:00:07.697+03:00Ask Chaviva Anything: Shabbat Candles, Mitzvah #16, and More<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hey hey, it's time for another installment of Ask Chaviva Anything! Let's dig in.<br />
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<b>Q: How do Jews participate in lighting candles on Friday evening when they have a son who plays high school football on Fridays?</b><div>
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If someone has a son playing football on Friday evenings, after sundown, on Shabbat, there is a pretty good chance they're not Torah observant (Orthodox if you want to go that route), so their observance of candle lighting will be in accordance to however they understand the law. Many families across the spectrum will light Shabbat candles, have some challah and wine and a nice dinner, and then go to the movies or sit down to binge on Netflix on Shabbat. </div>
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Is this how I believe and feel that it should be done? Nope! Would I chastise someone who is going to take the step to light candles and then go to a football game? Nope! Is this how I want my children to observe Shabbat when they're older? Nope! But Jewish observance is fluid and people are on the ladder moving up and down and up and down. The ladder leads us all to HaShem, so as long as Jews are <i>on </i>the ladder, I think that's a darn good thing. </div>
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<b>Q: I am studying the 613 Mitzvot. #16 - what is the scroll of Torah that is to be written? </b><div>
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Good question here! So according to the Rambam's list of <i>mitzvot</i>, #16 is actually a <i>mitzvah</i> about character: "You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him" (Leviticus 19:17). The #16 you're citing comes from a different list, probably those listed out by the Chofetz Chaim.</div>
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In most lists, the writing of the Torah <i>mitzvah</i> is #82 I believe.</div>
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Either way, the scroll of Torah is exactly what it sounds like! It's the five books of Moses, the written Torah. </div>
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<b>Q: Do Jews light a 7 branch menorah in their homes and is there a special way to light it?</b><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><div>
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Nope, and nope. Now, if you're thinking about the <i>chanukiyah </i>that we light every Chanukah, then yes, we light an eight-branched <i>chanukiyah</i>, and there is a special way to light it. <a href="https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-a-hanukkiyah-2076536">Read more here.</a> </div>
Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8300082143859019959.post-38421860030019618042019-04-01T04:47:00.002+03:002019-04-01T04:47:54.289+03:00Judaism and Sparking JoyI might be late to the party, as is want to happen when you've got three kids and a full-time job, but I want to talk about the Marie Kondo "KonMari" movement and that whole "does it spark joy" mantra. I've watched quite a few friends KonMari'd their houses and lives, and I got to thinking about the concept of joy and what sparks joy in my life, not to mention the amount of excess junk floating around my house that leaves me feeling like I'm drowning most days.<br />
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You see, I moved around a lot as an adult. I was never particularly attached to things. The stuff I was most attached to were my words, and those went with me wherever I was because of the magic of the interwebs. I remember losing a hand-scribbled poem I feverishly wrote in the back of a poetry venue in college and freaking out until I could actually locate the flyer (yes, the poem was written on the back of a bright orange flyer for another event). Paper was my enemy, things were my enemy, words were my voice and my power.<br />
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So, as I moved from Nebraska to Washington D.C. to Chicago to Connecticut to New Jersey to Denver to Israel, I took very little with me from place to place. I had my clothes, some books, a bit of Judaica, and that was it. I didn't need much. I never needed much. Things were replaceable, and they were just things.<br />
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Then I met my husband. Although he didn't have much in the way of stuff, he had a lot of stuff. Does that make sense? I feel like over the past six years we've collectively amassed an immense amount of junk and despite taking a bag or two to Goodwill every other week or so, we still have so much stuff. Is it because we have kids? Is it because we're settled? Why do we have so much stuff?<br />
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I'm sitting in the basement of our little house (seriously, our backyard is the same square footage as our whole house), looking around the room, and although I love this couch, I could live without it. Same with the TV and most of the books and the lamps and the other random things laying around. The photos, of course, would stay with me, as would the memory books from my kids' schooldays. I want them to be able to look at them someday and decide how and when to dispense of them.<br />
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But if I ask myself, do these things spark joy? That's different than asking if I <i>need</i> or even if I <i>want </i>them, isn't it? And it's definitely different than asking if these things make me happy, right?<br />
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According to some definitions, happiness is fleeting, while joy is long-lasting and deeply embedded in the mind, body, and spirit. So, although a quick trip out of state alone without having to worry about crying babies in the middle of the night might make me happy, will it bring me joy?<br />
<br />In Hebrew, there are a number of words that are translated regularly as "joy," including:<br /><ul>
<li>simcha (שמחה): broadly used for happiness, but also for special happy occasions</li>
<li>osher (אושר): used for a deeper, more lasting happiness (also where we get our son's name Asher!)</li>
<li>gilah (גילה): often refers to an ecstatic outburst of joy</li>
<li>ditzah (דיצה): often translated as a sublime joy</li>
<li>sasson (ששון): a sudden or unexpected happiness</li>
<li>... and many, many more</li>
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Simcha, in particular, is fascinating in the Torah, because it's never experienced alone. Simcha is joy that is shared. In this way, then, happiness is a larger concept while joy is what happens in the moment (contrary to the definition offered above). Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, <a href="https://www.ou.org/torah/parsha/rabbi-sacks-on-parsha/the-pursuit-of-joy/">in a discussion of happiness and joy</a>, quoted J.D. Salinger, who once said, "Happiness is a solid, joy is a liquid." And further, Rabbi Sacks says,<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Happiness is something you pursue. But joy is not. It discovers you. It has to do with a sense of connection to other people or to Gd. It comes from a different realm of happiness. It is a social emotion. It is the exhilaration we feel when we merge with others. It is the redemption of solitude." </blockquote>
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This idea really resonates with me. Rabbi Sacks says that Judaism is an ode to joy, because through all of the ups and downs, tragedies and successes, the Jewish people have always found a way to be joyful, to gather, and to rejoice. Joy is found in the now, in the acceptance and appreciation of this very moment, and it all happens in the pursuit of happiness, I suppose. </div>
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So, in a way, the KonMari approach of asking "Does this spark joy?" makes sense in the moment. It makes you consider the very instance in which you're living. However, if joy discovers you and not the other way around, the method makes no sense. </div>
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Looking at my life, and knowing that I don't live in a world based on things, it's easy for me to see what joy there is in my life. People who come and go, experiencing the unexpected, moments that I could never have possibly imagined, those are all of the things that bring me joy, because it's about connections, engaging with words and emotions. It's bigger than things and stuff, it's all about something greater, something larger, something more important. </div>
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And then, of course, there's the whole issue that the KonMari method might be venturing into animism, which presents a whole other issue ... but <a href="https://jewinthecity.com/2019/01/is-the-animism-of-marie-kondos-konmari-method-problematic-for-jews/">I'll let Jew in the City tackle that heavy topic</a>.</div>
Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.com