An Unexpected Turn of Events

Listen, it was really bright outside. But hey! Snow! It's our first

snow together as an "us." Talk about a highlightable moment.

Life has this funny way of being completely and utterly and ridiculously unexpected an oftentimes unpredictable. Some of those unexpected mometns are horrifying and scary and some of them are amazing and uplifting.

It's me and the illustrious Laura Ben-David at the engagement
party. Mad props to Mr. Ben-David for the excellent photo.

Last week, Mr. T and I gathered with dozens of friends (who spanned my life in Connecticut, Colorado, and Israel) of ours at Ha'Gov to celebrate our engagement. People just kept coming! There was a lot of laughing, noshing, reminiscing, story-telling, and general joviality. The most unexpected result of the evening for me is something of a PSA for any and all naysayers:

My dearest Melissa, a friend who helped pick me back up a week after my get when I arrived in Colorado, thank you.

The news below impacts my coworkers Sue (left in the picture) and
Melissa (right in the picture). But we're still happy to be together!

Here's another case in point from this week of the unexpected and unpredictable. Many of you will read this and say, "Aha! Things aren't going so smoothly now, are they Chaviva!?" But I urge you to read all of what I write and then 

On Monday night I got fired from a job I have absolutely loved and done nothing but kvell about at every conference and to every Jewish professional I've run into. Yes, the Colorado Agency for Jewish Education has let me go starting January 15, 2013. The moment I found out, the feelings I had weren't so much of panic or devastation but more a sadness that another Jewish agency is losing it's ties to any kind of presence in social spaces. Immediately I put the call out on Twitter and Facebook: "Help find me a job!" The next morning, I had a half-dozen jobs in my inbox sent by dozens of people. I've applied to them all, and I have a very important and hopefully fruitful call on Sunday afternoon. B'ezrat HaShem (with the help of G-d), I might have this full-time loss filled up more quickly than I can possibly imagine. This job loss was unexpected, and I had no clue it was coming. I anticipated at some point the distance with Colorado would become an issue, but the reality was finances -- not distance. Mr. T, the amazing man that he is, has reassured me time and again that we'll survive, and it's amazing how much I feel that. I'm not panicked, I'm not worried, I'm not stressed out. It's a funny feeling to be in the right space and to know that somehow HaShem will provide.

So, with IKEA bookshelves in our possession, a dryer on its way, wedding plans just about finished, life is moving along. The amazing thing about Mr. T and me is that we have something unique going on in that we manage to communicate everything, and even when we disagree, we don't fight. It's funny, and really unexpected, but I didn't know that having an argument didn't require yelling, crying, and hurt feelings. (Yes, we looked up the Merriam-Webster definition of argument just to be sure.) I feel incredibly lucky to have someone so easy-going, hilarious, and positive in my life. May things always be this good, even when they're not.

Onward and upward!

When e-friends Meet IRL!

Tonight, @enfini and I got word that @Extended_Vacay was in the hood having dinner, so we decided to walk over and say hello IRL (in real life), which was a true treat. I love @Extended_Vacay's Louisiana accent and quiet reserve.

@enfini is wearing the radioactive shirt and @Extended_Vacay is rocking a stylish fedora!
(You know which one is me, right?)

And even as she and her friends offered us some nosh, I didn't have the heart to tell them I was fleishig (they were at Mocha Bleu, a restaurant I don't recommend)! It was nice to meet yet another friend from the invisible and vast online world in the flesh.

Like Coming Home

When I can't sleep, I compose. Usually this entails a body too exhausted to move and a brain too active to shut up before getting all of its thoughts, emotions, and plans down in some unwritten vault of my brain, never to be written in any tangible form. I've written papers, book intros, you name it -- my brain has processed it brilliantly. But will you ever see the genius? Nah. I've always been too tired to put pen to paper. However, tonight I thought maybe if I write it all down, my brain will shut down and go to sleep, and maybe, just maybe, my stomach (which is upset from a cleanse-gone-wrong) will be satisfied and the two can agree peacefully to leave me alone.

So, on to the meat and potatoes of the post. After all, that was about all one could eat over Passover, right?

The last two days of Passover, Tuvia and I were in West Hartford staying with our most favorite Israeli transplants who, unfortunately, are re-transplanting to Israel in a few months. These are the amazing people that I stayed with for much of my time in West Hartford, bunking in a guest room and being woken up by the cutest little girl named after a body of water in Israel one can imagine. (That's Kinneret.) The great thing about this family is that they lived about two doors down from the shul, so my knees remained in tact and my soul got a lot of love.

Family, after all, is more than the people whose blood runs through our bodies and whose character traits we have unwillingly adopted.

Going to West Hartford, then, was like coming home. (Roll DirtyDittyMoney's "Coming Home.)

I didn't sleep much the last two days of the chag, for one reason or another. The sugar consumption of Passover was catching up to me, and the heat was obnoxiously keeping my cool-style sleep schedule off balance. So I didn't go to shul the first night, or the next morning, or the evening after that. Everyone knew I was there, because Tuvia was at shul, and the joke was that I was so frum I wasn't going to shul anymore. As. If. I was almost anxious to go to synagogue, the place where I really fell into my Orthodox pattern of life, where I learned to love and judge (yes, you read that right) other Jews and their practices, where I watched Tuvia grow in his Judaism, and where, eventually, I finalized my Orthodox conversion process.

We left that family nearly a year ago. After our May 31, 2010, wedding, we practically disappeared. Friends came to our wedding, and poof -- just like that, we were gone, caught up in the whirlwind of married life, moving, changing jobs and communities, and starting a new life. It's been great, too.

But sometimes, you just miss your friends. The people who know you best. The people who listened to your concerns, your fears, your life story in all of its detail and still chose to love you. Those people, Baruch haShem, I got to spend some time with over the last days of the chag. 


It was an amazing meal with two couples who are on a plan to move back to Israel when life gets easier. It was bonding with a wee lad named Asher (the name I've chosen for a future son of my own), who somehow gravitated toward me, staring at me deeply in the eyes looking at something that I can only imagine he saw in me. It was talking about the haggadah and the command to return to Israel. Then it was meals with our hosts, the casual and friendly way that I love it. The kids moving from couch to table and the littlest one patiently noshing tuna salad without a care in the world, smiling and giggling the whole time. It was being heard by our hosts in discussions about some of the hardest aspects of life and them being devoted to helping us along the way. It was schlepping a long way for a meal at the Brenner Bed & Breakfast (ha, ha) with some visitors from London, and learning about how the neighborhood has changed since we left and, of course, how lives have continued to move forward.

And seeing all of the regular kids in shul, grown up ... towering over each other and moving at the speed of life toward adolescence? It shook me.

The last time we were in West Hartford wasn't that long ago. Maybe six months? But in those six months, new couples have come, marriages have occurred, babies have been born, children have sprouted like well-watered plants, and people have continued living. Without us.

But walking into that synagogue, into the homes of our friends, and sitting down at the tables and chairs of people who know us all-to-well, well, that was more than I could have asked for during the last days of Passover. Being liberated from Egypt is one thing, but being liberated from the fear that the people who once knew you have forgotten who you were or stopped caring about you?

Priceless.

A Wedding and a Stylish Hasidic Woman (Er ... Me)

Saturday night, the moment Shabbat ended, Tuvia and I got all gussied up and schlepped off super fast to Deal, NJ, for the wedding of one of Tuvia's oldest friends, Elan, to his lovely kallah, Elana. Yes, I know what you're thinking: Elan and Elana? Seriously? And yes, that's right. The joke was made all throughout the reception, and it is really bizarre and awesome.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful, from the one-of-a-kind chuppah, which I will continue to covet for the rest of my life, to Elana's amazing wedding dress and the crazy dancing by the very, very upbeat and energized crowd. Bruno Mars and Rihanna kept the guests dancing all night long, beyond even when Tuvia and I left a little after midnight.

We were incredibly happy to be able to celebrate in their simcha, especially because they came to celebrate in our simcha nearly six months ago. Tuvia rolls with a specific crowd of friends that he's known forever, and it consists of four very close friends: Tuvia, Elan, Yoni and Yoel. Yoel, currently in Moldova with Peace Corps, even sent in a hilarious video. I recorded the reactions of Tuvia, Elan, Yoni and Elana for Yoel, and I hope he enjoys the playback of exactly how people felt about his words and well-wishes.

I would be remiss, of course, to not mention my fashion choice for the wedding, which came with great thought. One of Tuvia's high school friends mentioned later that when she initially walked by me, she thought, "What a stylishly dressed Hasidic woman!" This made me giggle, immensely. When pondering whether to sport my shietel fall, Tuvia assured me that I would stand out like a sore thumb. "You'll be the only one there wearing a sheitel," he said. But, as I've mentioned in the past, there's something about hair that makes you feel a little more dressed up, more professional. And? There was another woman there clearly sporting a wig, which I proudly pointed out to my dear husband.

So, after a trip to Dress Barn, I put together the following outfit, which made me look like a well-dressed religious woman. Tuvia's friend remarked that I pull off being religious and fashionable pretty well. Folks, it can be done. I apologize that the picture is not great, but, well, I left my profesional camera at home, so we relied on camera phones.

Sequined Hat from Target

Black Satin Skirt purchased last fall from Dress Barn

Satin Grey Tank and Floral-embellished Jacket purchased this fall from Dress Barn

Black Clutch purchased from Target many moons ago

School Marm Grey and Black Pumps purchased from Kohl's this fall

I am so very pale, no?

The great thing about this outfit? It was super classy, super easy, super cheap, and I didn't have to accessorize at all. No earrings, no necklace, simply my Pandora charm bracelet, wedding and engagement rings. The floral embellishments on the top plus the sequined hat gave this outfit enough pop to not be overly done, but to look upscale for a black-tie wedding. 

Mazal tov to the happy couple. May you live to be a 120 and may you always be as in love as you are now!

She is Wonder Woman. She is @susqhb.

I'm super proud of my very good friend Susanne Goldstone Rosenhouse. It isn't just that she was named to The Jewish Week's "36 Under 36," although that's pretty amazingly awesome. She listens, she enjoys coffee, she digs a late-night run to Golan in Washington Heights, is a fan of good movies, and perhaps most importantly, she put up with me on my pre-wedding weekend and my wedding day. Susanne was with me for TWO majorly important moments in my Jewish life, and for that, her neshama is bound to mine for eternity (sorry, toots). She's always been there for me, and for that I love her. I can't say enough about how much Susanne does for the Jewish community, social media, and the general awesomeness of the Jewish community, so I give to you, below, The Jewish Week article.

Mazal tov, Susanne. I offer you hugs, good movies, and delicious BBQ ribs!

Susanne Goldstone Rosenhouse, 30
Social media rock star 

Julie Wiener
Associate Editor
Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Several numbers structure Susanne Goldstone Rosenhouse’s life. There’s 613, the number of mitzvot that Orthodox Jews like herself observe. And then there’s 140, the character limit on Twitter, where Rosenhouse spends much of her workday.

As founding social media coordinator for the Manhattan-based National Jewish Outreach Project, Rosenhouse, whose handle is JewishTweets, tweets about 12 times per day on myriad Jewish topics. For many of her 8,000-plus followers, Jewish Tweets provides a “sense of community” and is their main link to the Jewish world, she says.

Rosenhouse’s tweets range from trivia and news to questions intended to spark discussions about Judaism (“What was your seder like growing up?”), links to articles and blogs from all over the Web and suggestions of daily Jewish “actions” to take.

Some recent tweets: “It was today, Rosh Chodesh Sivan in Hebrew Year 2448, that the Jews arrived at Mt. Sinai & prepared to receive the Torah!” (May 14, 9:22 a.m.); “Action: If you have a friend or family member in need, find a discreet way to help, such as giving food you ‘over-bought.’” (May 13, 5:32 p.m.)

She answers questions about Judaism (many of which she refers to rabbis), helps connect Shabbat hosts and guests, and reads the posts of the almost 5,000 people she follows. “I don’t want to be followed and not follow back,” she says. “You can’t engage people on Twitter if you just spout, spout, spout.”

She also serves as a program officer at NJOP and was one of the volunteers who helped launch ParnasaFest, a Jewish job-networking event.

Rosenhouse grew up in a Reform but “Chabad-friendly” home in Orange County, Calif. She chose to go to Yeshiva University’s Stern College, where she was one of only a handful of public school grads, because she “loved the idea of a dual curriculum.”

Recently married (she met her husband, also a baal teshuvah and YU alum, through the online site SawYouAtSinai), Rosenhouse lives in Washington Heights and, believe it or not, also has a personal Twitter handle: Susqhb. “It tends to be very Jewy, but I also tweet about things like movies.”

Bet you didn’t know that... Until six months ago, when she got a Droid (“I have Verizon, so the iPhone isn’t in my clutches”), Rosenhouse did not own a smartphone, doing all her Tweeting from computers.

Oy. I'm kvelling :)

Friends Forever: The Long Road of Memory

Driving down a Nebraska road, circa July 2006.

Six years ago, in the summer of 2004, in an effort to occupy ourselves and keep each other on friendly terms while out of school, I took a roadtrip into the country of Nebraska (okay, so it's mostly country) with my good friends of the time Andrew, John, and Anthony. There was a mix CD involved (think: Bob Dylan), and it was that summer that I roamed around freely with my friends, exploring the city and exploring the state. Those summers, when I was in college for my undergraduate degree, were some of the best years of my life. I'm not that far from them (2002-2006), but I look back on them nostalgically because I had a sort of careless fancy that makes me smile when something reminds me of those days. Pictures of country roads, memories of figure-8 races out at the county fair, and watching some country boys watch some very uncomfortable indie flicks that made them cringe and leave. There was cheap beer, coffee, long drives, silent moments, and complete happiness.

My first two years of college were surrounded by men, as I found myself most comfortable around my male counterparts. Andrew, Anthony, John, Caleb, Jordan, Ryan, Greg. These were the guys who, when I think of college (the early years), I think of. To be honest, I'm only still speaking semi-regularly to two of them (one made it to my wedding and another who couldn't, but I still love him). I check in on the others on Facebook, several of them married and others enjoying bachelorhood for all its worth.

I took a drive today from our place in the Poconos to Hawley, PA, a mere 20 minute or so schlep, in order to track down a little coffee shop called Cocoon Coffee House. I didn't think there'd be an actual "coffee shop" out in the middle of nowhere like this, but amid antique stores and general stores, here I am, at a coffee shop with some darn good iced coffee (purchased, kindly, by a local who felt bad that I'd waited so long for my coffee). The drive was on long, quiet winding roads overgrown with trees and old houses with quirky mailboxes. I often wonder what kind of people live in villages or towns like this, where you have to drive a half-hour for groceries and hours further for a Target (I'm hooked, what can I say).

Those, of course, are the moments I think back to the people who lived in middle-of-nowhere Nebraska, where figure-8 races were the highlight of the year, cheap beer was like champagne, and mentalities are slow, easy, and mostly kind.

Sometimes, as Morgan Freeman quipped in "Shawshank Redemption," I just miss my friends. The people who helped me find myself and who took me on the adventure of a lifetime, even if it was just eating Thanksgiving dinner at the table of a family in small-ville, Nebraska, or walking around an Omaha art gallery, or watching movies over cheap beer. Making mixed drinks in a dorm room, watching "A Clockwork Orange" with a complete stranger who would become a best friend, and watching late-night MTV just for the music videos. Those were moments that many people in my Orthodox Jewish shoes never got to experience, let alone understand. I'm privileged to have come from where I came from.

I just wish those people, those boys who turned into men before my eyes, were still active participants in my life and I in their's. When we're back together -- at least with the two I speak two off and on somewhat regularly -- it's like old times. Like I'm still me and they're still them. And in reality, I think we are. I might have changed my clothes and my religion and my hair style (as in, well, it's under a hat now), but I'm still me. I still enjoy cheap beer and Woody Allen and the simple things in life. My friends, my men, I think they're also the same.

Because people don't really change, we just grow up, grow apart, and remember, nostalgically, those long drives down Nebraska highways.

Note: I could devote about 30 blog posts or more to my female friends. It took me a little while to make good female friends in college, and I think the firsts were probably Beth and Melanie, followed by Heather and Ananda. I miss them all oodles, and I get to see Heather fairly regularly. She's my fashionista, design diva BFF. College was a funny time for me and friends. I lost a lot of my high school friends as I made more college-side friends. Luckily, two of my closest friends from high school -- Christina and Maryl -- are still good friends to this day. In the photo below you'll see Heather on the left side of the photo (with her hubby), then me and my man, followed by Andrew (mentioned above), and Maryl (with her hubby). Seriously though -- all of my close female friends have basically been 10 feet taller than me. What gives!? So, see, friends can be continuity. Maryl was my oldest friend there; we got our friendship rolling circa 1998. Twelve long years later, I was so happy she could come to my wedding!

If it looks like my dress looks weird, it's because the bussel broke and Tuvia is holding it up in the back :)

A Meeting of the Minds!

Here's a teaser of our wedding photos, which now are up on Facebook. Unfortunately, you can only see them if you're one of my Facebook friends (sigh), so if you have problems viewing them, just let me know, and I'll hook you up!

Yes, folks, here you see the Twitter fame known as @mrs_Gruven @sebelsky @ravtex @susqhb @gruven_reuven @hsabomilner (and her KoD) @kvetchingeditor @schnit @elianahsharon @chicagoleah @alizahausman @ha_safran and @kosheracademic. I guarantee this photo will make it to the wall of my living room in 8 by 10 fashion :)

The Who's Who of the Jew Crew!

Feeling like home.

My best bud Annie and her beau (that's fiance to you folks!) Ben came to Storrs today to check out my new digs and see a little smidgin of campus (they live just a hop, skip, and a jump away in Hartford). We got lunch, walked around a bit, and then they took me grocery shopping because they are AWESOME. I ended up with some jelly, crackers, microwave-friendly items, juice, oatmeal and more. Essentially, enough to last me when the snack-style hunger comes. But before we went shopping, we spent some quality time with the Huskie dog, Jonathan.

 

  

And my personal favorite, Ben on his mighty steed.

 

I think the greatest thing about B&A is that I've been able to watch their relationship progress since Day 1 since I was there. That makes me happy :) Stoked to see them get hitched in October, just after Yom Kippur, too!

Seder plates inside the wall.

Philadelphi's Magic Garden is probably the most beautiful place I've been -- ever. I can't exactly describe it, but you can see all of my photos on my flickr. There's this beautiful mash-up that struck me, of course. It's a broken seder plate, more or less rearranged with other, colorful pieces of porcelain.

And there's a series of self-portraits through the glass fragments, as well.

But I hope you go look at all the photos -- it's a most beautiful, magical place.