When You Can't Live Your Dream

I've written nearly 2,000 posts on this blog since launching it in 2006. In my life and career, I've written millions of words. I was once an influencer in the Jewish world who spoke at conferences on panels and was a sought-after source of ... something. I've somehow impacted hundreds of people, answering questions about Judaism and converting to Judaism. I've managed to be the subject of forums and conversations and harassment and abuse, as well as praise and appreciation.

When I launched this blog, I wanted to tell my story and share my experiences. I don't know that my goal was to help others, but it was most definitely my version of self care before it was trending. And it had the happy byproduct of making me something of a "who's who" in the world, even if that world was small and it was Jewish. I loved that world.

And now? Although I have a dozen angles with which to share my life to the world, it no longer feels like a priority. I post a lot on Instagram, but my life is largely consumed with work and then the side hustles and helping my kids' preschool with marketing and my kids and husband. My spare moments are rare, and when they come, they're eaten up by grocery shopping or cooking or maybe catching an episode of Superstore with my husband or taking a shower.

I don't know who I am or what I'm doing anymore. When I ask myself what my passion is, what would make me happy, all I hear is "I want to write. Just let me write."

But most of the time, when I sit down to write, the keys are empty.

I write at work about manufacturing and marketing and fintech and senior living and a million other topics that I'm proud to be able to write about because I'm a damn-fine researcher and an even better writer.

I think the biggest problem is that I can't drop everything and do whatever I want because I'm not independently wealthy and we haven't saved properly. I can't live on a whim or live my dream or live my passion or whatever because it's not an option. I can live my truth, that's for sure, because my truth is that life is hard and I can't do what I want. Still.

So I'll keep plugging and chugging along and hoping something clicks, something happens, something sparks, something that means I can stop the side hustles and extras in favor of something that is fully satisfying and stuff-dreams-are-made-of worthy.

I'm Published! Sort of.

Wait, what? I didn't write about this? *Hangs her head in shame*

Well, better late than never. You could say that I'm something of a published author now, thanks to the amazing mind behind PunkTorah.org, in Choosing to be Chosen: Essays by Converts to Judaism!

Choosing To Be Chosen is the first anthology by converts to Judaism from the PunkTorah/OneShul community. From Orthodox to Reform, LGBT and straight, from funny accidents to times of tragedy, this collection of stories is captivating, personal and inspiring.

If you haven't picked up a copy of the book yet, there are only 25 copies of the book in stock and rumor has it they're almost sold out. So for $13.99 with free shipping, you might as well click here. If you're down with the eBook edition, Choosing to be Chosen also is available on Nook and Kindle for only $6.99!

Also, I just got word that the first proofs are finally out for Dictionary of the Bible and Western Culture, for which I wrote three entries (Mara, Naomi, and Tzippora). So that'll make me dual published, I guess? Or at least, twice contributing author. 

On that note, I'm thinking about taking the much-beloved Tzniut Project and putting it in e-book format and compiling it and throwing up for a very, very small price or donation. What do you think?