Going to America

With a heavy, heavy heart and the anticipation of assumptions, we're moving to the U.S. for a few years to be near my family. I'm not going to go into the details, but your thoughts and prayers are always welcome.

We're heading back after Passover, where we'll be stationed in Colorado with very frequent trips back and forth to Nebraska (the drive I've done 1 million times).

Stay tuned for more details. It's all happening very fast. This approach is like a bandaid, folks.

Note: We're coming back to Israel as soon as we possibly can. Most definitely by the time Ash hits school. Never fear. Eretz Yisrael hasn't spit us out for good. 

That Woman: We're Heading Stateside

We're seven weeks in to life with Ash, and it's magical.

Magical.

The first few weeks are hard and exciting, then things get rough if and when baby gets colicky, so you try a few things, figure out a plan, and attack. Then baby gets better, happier, and then the cooing and moments-that-sound-like-giggles-but-aren't-exactly start and it's falling in love like the first moment all over again.

I've learned to truly appreciate the Asher Yatzar blessing that Jews recite after going to the bathroom thanking HaShem for the proper functioning of the body. With a colicky baby whose gas and reflux make him a mini Godzilla, you realize the blessing of communication and proper body function. Can you imagine not having the ability to say "it hurts here, please help me" ...? That's a baby's life.

And now, with baby having calmed down a bit, we're off to the United States so he can meet his Grandma Deb and Grandpa Bob, his Uncles John and Joe, his cousins Owynn and Oliver, and his Aunt Jess. And ... maybe, just maybe ... he'll meet another new cousin if she shows up on time.

I'm scared to death of becoming "that woman" on the plane. You know, the one with the screaming child that won't calm down. I don't sleep on planes in any circumstances anyhow, so I don't mind being up and about with Ash while Mr. T catches some Zzzzs, but being "that woman" has always been my greatest fear when it comes to parenthood.

Assuming all goes well and the three legs of the flight go according to plan, we'll be stateside on Tuesday for a few weeks in Nebraska and Colorado. I'm hoping for snow, lots of cold weather, and all of the comforts of being back in familiar surroundings (Target, gluten-free and vegan food out my ears, and the ease and quiet of a life I know well).

I'll admit I'm anxious about going home. The fact that I call it home is enough to get me lashed here in Israel, too.

When you make aliyah to Israel, you are home. Right? But I still refer to Nebraska as home. If home is where the heart is, does it mean my heart is in the U.S.? Does it mean I'm not really committed to life in Israel?

It's stupid that I'm eager to shop at Trader Joe's and pick up the gluten-free food that made life easy and liveable back in the U.S. I'm excited to go to Target where the clothes are inexpensive and fit me. I'm elated to see coworkers I haven't met yet and to spend even half a day working with them in a "normal" work environment for the first time in a year and a half. But at the same time, it isn't stupid. It's just the life I know. The life I've been comfortable with. It's the life I know how to live. Emotionally and financially.

Since Ash was born, I've been scared to death of postpartum depression because of what I've been through in the past. I've been keeping the most obsessive and close tabs on it. Luckily, I haven't been experiencing depression.

But am I happy?

There's something a little askew right now, and I'm worried that going home is going to show me that little bit that I'm missing. That nudge of what I need to feel stable. And then what?

I suppose we'll see what two weeks in the U.S. does for me. Maybe I'll have the reaction of some friends that people in the U.S. are commercially obsessed and life there is miserable. I have an inkling that it will be quite the opposite of reactions.

Either way, I hope Ash doesn't make me "that woman" on the plane. Let's start there.  

A Historical Minute

The hat tip on this goes to my Uncle David, who sent this to me via email today. It's an interesting look at some important historical moments in Jewish history. Enjoy!

American Minute with Bill Federer
Ferdinand and Isabella sent Columbus on his voyage in 1492 after they liberated Spain from occupying Muslim forces.

Spain's policies then forced Jews to flee, first to Portugal, then to Amsterdam, where some sailed with Dutch merchants to South America.

When Spain attacked there, they fled again and 23 refugees, on the French ship Sainte Catherine, became the first Jews to arrive in New Amsterdam in 1654.

Governor Stuyvesant tried to evict them, not letting them worship outside their homes.

In 1664, New Amsterdam became New York, where the first synagogue was built in 1730.

Jewish population in colonial America grew to 2,000 in 7 synagogues from New York to Savannah.

Beginning in 1830, Ellis Island had 250,000 Jews immigrate from persecution in Bavaria.

Starting in 1881, over 2 million Jews fled Russia's pogroms to America.

By 2006, Jews comprised 2 percent of U.S. population.

President Woodrow Wilson wrote:

"Whereas in countries engaged in war there are 9 million Jews, the majority of whom are destitute of food, shelter, and clothing; driven from their homes without warning ... causing starvation, disease and untold suffering. Whereas the people of the U.S. have learned with sorrow of this terrible plight, I proclaim JANUARY 27, 1916, a day to make contributions for the aid of the stricken Jewish people to the American Red Cross."

The Way We Were.

A friend posted on a forum some classic photos taken from 1939-1943 in color! Photos in color were rare back then, and these photos are so vivid and gritty ... I really can't put into words the emotions some of them evoke. This one, in particular, really struck me. It looks like it could have been set and taken today.

Women workers employed as wipers in the roundhouse having lunch in their rest room, Chicago and NW Railway Company. Clinton, Iowa. April 1943. Photo by Jack Delano. (Library of Congress)

You think about people looking different in a different era, their faces expressing the time, the place, their life then. I often look at the Jews around me, and -- morbidly -- I attempt to picture them in 1940s garb, what they'd look like in a kitchen in Germany or Austria or France circa 1938, and into the 1940s. Is that weird? Like I said, it's probably morbid. I have such an affinity for the past, my memories of moments thousands of years old vivid (that's another blog post, standing at Sinai, the imagery clear as my childhood in my mind), so these photos really sing to my spirit.

Woman working on a "Vengeance" dive bomber. Tennessee. February 1943. Photo by Alfred T. Palmer.
(Library of Congress)

You can view the rest of these photos by clicking here. Check out No. 30! (Shout out to Lincoln, Nebraska, there!)

Vote 2008!

Brace yourself, United States. Brace yourself for a huge, huge voting day. Chavi officially endorses Barack Obama. GO OBAMA GO!!!! It's a proud year to live in Illinois; most definitely folks.