Day Two: Hello, Problems

It's a new month, and if you recall from this post, I promised to focus on a different thing every day that will help me refocus on myself. So I give you ...

Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

UGH. Seriously? Day Two and I have to take all of my problems head on. My problems, as you well know, are vast and ridiculous and I'm really good at shoving my problems into tiny little holes and forgetting about them. Despite being one who often preaches that the only thing we can control is how we react to problems, I rarely practice what I preach.

Wait, I take that back.

When it comes to life's small problems, this is precisely what I do. When it comes to divorce, family excision, financial problems, and the like, I react poorly. Despair has become second nature for me. It's the easiest way to react to any situation. Pain and hurt and hate are always easier than healing and learning to love again.

I'm working hard right now not to push the pain of the past year and a half of my life. It's what I know, it's what easy, but it's also stopped working. For years, it worked. And then something broke and it stopped working. So acknowledging what I have done is all that I can do now. Baby steps!

I'm just eager to make those steps turn into miles. Because once there are miles, I'll be ready for all that life has to offer.

Also, I have to add an anecdote I recently read about worries. There's a classic Yiddish blessing that says:

May you have many worries.

At first glance, it seems like a horrible blessing. Why would you tell someone to have many worries!? It's counterintuitive. However, when you think about it, many worries are better than one gigantic worry.

I'll take that. I just have to let those many problems and worries stop defining me.

Day One: Good Times, Good People

It's a new month, and if you recall from this post, I promised to focus on a different thing every day that will help me refocus on myself. So I give you ...

Day One: Start spending time with the right people.
These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

The funny thing about this particular item is that my therapist has tasked me with integrating myself into a community, with good people, healthy people. Over the past week, I hit up some YAD events, spent Shabbat with friends and spent Sunday up in Boulder getting to know new and awesome Jews. I think I'm off to a good start. 

The bummer is that so many of the people who love and appreciate me are in far-away lands like New York, New Jersey, Canada, Israel ... and I have them only in my online world. Despite how strong the connections and emotions are, it's not the same as in-person interactions. 

So what can I do to start spending time with the right people? Well, I think that canceling my internet and cable will go a long way in forcing me to be more social. Either that or it will drive me to become quite the hermit. But then I think: Doctor's orders!

I'm trying to spend regular time at the gym, but lately it's only been about three days a week, which is my commitment on GymPact. This past week I flaked and ended up suffering my $15 pact fee. I've never been good at talking to people at the gym, but every time I see someone wearing a remotely Jewish shirt I think "I should talk to that person." Not that I only want to make Jewish friends, but you know, it's the easiest connection for me. 

And, of course, I want to spend more time in Boulder. I feel like the people there, even if they don't know me well, love and appreciate me. 

So Day One: Start spending time with the right people. It's more challenging than you think. I might seem like an extrovert, but shockingly I spend a lot of time with me, myself, and I. 

Do YOU spend time with the right people? If you've also struggled, how have you made it happen?

Chaviva's Greatest Hits

Because I appear to be in a creative drought (this time last year I wasn't blogging because of conversion drama), I've decided to take a page from the book of many great bloggers and give you some of my greatest hits. These are some of my favorite blog posts, as well as some that seem to be exceedingly popular with the Googling-and-Reading crowd. Enjoy, and let me know if you want any guided posts in the coming month. Happy Holidays!

• How Quickly We're Okay With Moving On | April 28, 2006 ~ My Reform mikvah experience. 
• There Are Some Things You Don't Expect | August 20, 2006 ~ Yes, there is a Jewish homeland in Russia. 
• Va-Yiggash: The Family Reunites! | December 28, 2006 ~ I struggle with the word ger and whether post-conversion a convert should be called a ger or a toshav. 
• The World to Come | September 2, 2007 ~ I consider what the World to Come really is. 
• Can You Sense the Struggle in My Words? | March 14, 2008 ~ I struggle with rationalizing Shabbat observance and whether I can actually handle it. 
• Why am I Converting Orthodox? | March 29, 2009 ~ It is what it is. 
• Swallowed Up in the Mikvah | January 4, 2010 ~ This is my post-conversion post. It's a popular one. Tell me why, please. 
• Shabbos or a $20 Bill? | February 14, 2010 ~ I recall an event from 2008 where I had to choose Shabbat or $20 on the sidewalk. 
• Modesty, Shomer Negiah, and Me | June 9, 2010 ~ Yes, I think all of these things are for me. Why? Read on!
• Shabbat Thoughts | July 23, 2010 ~ This one reminds all the born Jews why they should be nice to the converts. Food for thought, that's all. Wink!

Enjoy, folks. There is a *lot* of good stuff in the archives. I just wish I had been using tags and labels pre-2009 ... growl. 

A list in the works.

I've decided to compile a list of some books I plan to pick up between now and then. Then being the not-so-distant future, of course. There are topics of which I have wanted to spend more time with, yet haven't really researched books on which to examine them. Thus, on this slow day at work, I'm searching Amazon.com for texts. Yes, they're all Jewish-related. But I'm a Jewish scholar and this is a Jewish blog. Do I read non-Jewish texts? Not if I can help it, hah. I'm passionate and completely absorbed. I think it's important for people to have something that is all-consuming (in a healthy way, that is). I'm not uneducated or ignorant of worldly events or non-Jewishly-related historical happenings. I'm well-rounded. I've just found the calling academically. Anyhow, here are a few:



Also, I'd kill to have this:


Verily, this list will grow. I'll just have to continue to update it and link it when I do. Aside from these are a bounty of fiction works that I've been meaning to read. I'm trying to get back into reading nonfiction, though. I went so long reading nothing BUT nonfiction and then hopped on the fiction wagon. I currently am reading the following books (the former picked up free at work and the latter borrowed from a gal at work):

and

Send in the clowns?

I went to Starbucks to get a Carmel Apple Cider, which I was told was absolutely delicious and after having one yesterday see myself becoming addicted to, but they informed me that they were fresh out of apple juice. WTF? They could easily have jaunted across the street to the Yes! Organic Market and procured some, but no. So instead? I'm drinking a Coke. I don't even like soda. It burns my throat and makes me feel gross. But water just didn't sound right. (Sidenote: Thanks to those who have responded to my last post. In due time, in due time.)

And now, stolen from my good friend from the north, Beth:

Complete the Thought:

Never again in my life: will I allow myself to be torn down. Verbally or emotionally (hopefully physically is never something I'll step upon).

When I was five: I believe my family had recently moved to Joplin, Missouri, where we lived in a duplex on 33rd Street. I loved Barbies, of course, and dreamed that someday my brother would play house with me. He never did.

High School was: not as good as college, but one of the best four-year periods of my life. Most people have horrible middle school/high school experiences ... but I? I loved high school, though I wasn't "popular" or anything, I was involved in drama, choir, sports, math club, acadec, quiz bowl ... and my first love came in high school, and that's a memory of a person I cherish.

I will never forget: the summer that Andrew, Anthony and I spent so much time together, once driving to a small Nebraska town to visit a friend, where we watched figure-8 racing and a movie that freaked our friend's friends out. I still have the mix CD from the trip, too.

I once met: Topher Grace, Joshua Jackson and Gideon Yago. Okay, so they were merely in my presence, but Topher Grace did say some things one thing to me, such as "excuse me" (when he was standing in the aisle as I tried to pass). That's another experience I will never forgetting ... being in a swanky bar filled with no more than 30 people, 3 of which were the afformentioned stars. Actually, he was wearing a ballcap just like that when he was standing in front of me, which was why it took a few seconds for me to be like, "that's him!"

There’s this girl I know who: I wish would drop everything and go back to school and get her master's and PhD, because she's brilliant, driven and selling herself short.

By noon I’m usually: still in bed. When I'm not, I'm usually sitting ni frnot of my laptop watching crappy Danielle Steele movies on WE.

Last night I: worked till 10:30, went to SoHo until their internet crashed, went home and made eggs and waffles, got a stomach ache, talked to David until he was too tired and went to bed, watched some crappy TV and then read about 30 pages in "Extremly Loud and Incredibly Close" before turning off the light around 4:30 in the morning.

Next time I go to church: interesting. Church, you say? I guess my mother often says "did you go to Jewish church?" It isn't church. It's synagogue, temple, shul, house o' Jewish worship. Anyhow, the next time I go hopefully will be Saturday morning, G-d willing and sleep willing.

What worries me most is: that I won't end up in grad school and will regret it for the rest of my life.

When I turn my head right, I see: the entire Washington Post newsroom (the 5th floor, that is, which includes Metro, Financial, Foreign and National).

When I turn my head left, I see: Joe's, JoAnn's and Leslie's desks, the obiter desks and the construction going on to the east of the copy desk. They ripped out our coffee/food station, bastards.

You know I’m lying when: I fess up two seconds later. I have a hard time lying.

If I was a character written by Shakespeare I'd: probably have to ask David what character I should be. He's the Shakespeare whiz, not I. The only character I know well enough to even mention is Juliet, and I sure as heck am not her.

By this time, next year: who knows where I'll be and what I'll be doing. I can't really foresee anything right now except that I hope to still be with David and I hope to still be on the Right Coast.

A better name for me would be: Chaviva. It is in the blog name, it's my Hebrew name, and I like that it encompases the meaning of my birth name and Hebrew. That's probably why I chose it.

I have a hard time understanding: genocide. I'll leave it at that and speak at length at another time.

If I ever go back to school I’ll: focus on Judaic Studies for a master's and possibly PhD, specifically on history and more specifically on medieval Jewry (the thinkers and teachers).

You know I like you if: I can have a conversation with you while looking you in the eye at length.

Three people who bore me are: unnameable.

Take my advice, NEVER: drive 19 hours without any sleep and without stopping except for meals. Take your time on a roadtrip, okay?

My ideal breakfast is: scrambled eggs, homefries (the potato things, not hashbrowns), toast with jelly, a cup of milk and a cup of juice.

A song I love, but do not have is: Al Green's "Let's Stay Together"

If you visit my hometown, I suggest: going to Runza, Sher-E-Punjab, Bison Witches, and to go to Pioneer's Park and walk around UNL and downtown Lincoln.

Why won’t anyone: genuinely surprise me (I hate surprises, but long for them, I've never really been surprised ... I wait for it, I hope for it ... and nothing).

If you spend the night at my house, DO: not sleep on the floor. Really, please don't.

The world could do without: a lot of things. The first things that came to mind were GWBush, guns, fast food, soda, candy and war. But come on now. I really think the world could do without the notion or presence of "superiority."

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: eat steak, roast beef, pot roast, bacon, sausage, ham or any similar products.

My favorite blonde is: John Wenz. Oh wait, this says "blonde," which implies a female. I don't think I have a favorite blonde.

Paperclips are more useful than: corpses. Have you seen the movie "Paperclips" ...?

San Diego means: Saint Diego? Je parles Francais!