Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

This baby is so cute. I saw her in Dallas, 

and then saw her again in Denver! Oozing cute.

What the what! I haven't blogged in nearly two weeks. What is wrong with me? Where have I been? Where is my mind? Well, fancy you for asking!

The past few weeks have sort of floated by, and because of the nature of them floating, I didn't really notice the time flying so quickly. I'm now sitting in my apartment wondering how on earth I will empty it by Sunday morning when I head to Denver International Airport to head off to New York City where I'll spend Sunday night and then fly off to Eretz Yisrael on Monday evening.

My MacBook Pro was in the shop for two days last week, leaving me largely incommunicado. Then my Sprint service ended, so I was without any form of reaching people on the go. The wifi on my flight to Los Angeles for Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah on Sunday to visit my good friends the Lightstones was patchy, so I didn't get a thing done work-wise. By the time I got to Los Angeles, there was a Hoshana Rabbah meal to be had, followed by unpacking and helping out in the kitchen. I showered and before I knew it, it was chag. After two days at a Chabad Yeshiva davening for Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah and meeting so many amazing and inspiring people who wished me nothing but hatzlocha in my aliyah, the internet was down at my host's house. Without a cell phone with any semblance of technology, I ended up going web-less for a good 72 hours.

It was horrifying and liberating.

I spent most of today on the plane and when I got back clearing out my inbox, finally doing all of the work that had been put off because of computer problems and web issues. And now? Four emails in my inbox, and only two of those are actually pressing work issues that have to be handled tomorrow. Of course, that doesn't include one major, insane project that I really need to finish by Sunday so my head doesn't explode.

For some reason, it feels like I have to get tons of stuff done before making aliyah. Like I'm moving and then not doing my job anymore, but the truth is that I get to Israel, I sleep, I wake up, I work like normal. Life continues, work continues, everything stays the same -- I'm just in a different time zone (a better time zone, if you will). Oy.

In the past few weeks, I saw friends from Dallas, I saw a friend from back East who now lives in Denver, ate a ton of food, saw my friends from Crown Heights in Los Angeles, had an emotional moment realizing where I was staying in L.A. was right near Pink's (which, for those of you who have known me forever know that was the site of my first date with the great love of my life, Ian, who grew up thinking he was Jewish and then found out he wasn't). Two weeks, so many locations. So much food. So many emotions.

And now I have butterflies in my stomach. The kind of butterflies you get when you're going on a first date. You're excited, and worried, and scared, and eager, and it's a big mush that makes you feel like you have to vomit.

I anticipate a vlog coming up in the next day or so as I officially empty out my apartment on Friday morning when ARC comes by to pick up all of my remaining worldly belongings (which, honestly, is mostly kitchen stuff like plates and silverware and storage containers and cups). The only major thing left I need to sell is my bed. Someone, please buy my year-old bed, please!

Can you sense my anxiety? My excitement? My pure and utter elation and butterflies!? If you can't, you will ... oh you will.

Stay tuned for some highlights of my Los Angeles experience. That is, if I have the time to write about it.

What is a Jewish Birthday?

All of the goodness in this blog post comes from the amazing book that is Bnei Avraham Ahuvecha: Gerim in Chassidic Thought by the illustrious and wonderful Dov ben Avraham.

I was born on September 30, 1983 || 23 Tishrei 5744.
I was born Reform-Jewishly on April 28, 2006 || 30 Nissan 5766.
I became a halachic Jew on January 1, 2010 || 15 Tevet 5770.

So, what do I celebrate?

I get excited every year when we're nearing Simchat Torah because that's my birthday! The actual day that I was born day. The day that I crawled out of the womb of a non-Jew into a big world that was just waiting for me to realize my neshama. I like to think of it as HaShem knowing that I'd someday give in to the Jewishness and thus forced me out into the world on the day that we dance around and celebrate the completion of the cycle of Torah. It's celebrating coming full circle. Thus every year I really feel like my birthday and Simchat Torah really offer a unique experience.

But the truth is this: Even though my my actual date of birth remains the same (halachically speaking), I should be celebrating my spiritual birth as a Jew. Even though when a person completes geirus (conversion) it is a rebirth, the ger emerges as a gadol (a fully halachic adult).

In Tosafot Rosh HaShanah 27a, Rabbeinu Tam writes that G-d's ...

"desire for the world began in the month that would eventually become Tishrei, while the physical creation of the world happened in the month of Nissan. The physical creation of the world, however, is not emphasized or celebrated. Instead, we commemorate God's desire for a world which would benefit from His goodness. The date of a ger's physical creation, his biological birth date, is not the tachlis (the purpose) of his being. Rather, his purpose, what God ultimately desires of him, is found in his spiritual birth via becoming a Jew." ("Some Halachic Aspects of Geirus" by Rabbi Avraham Chaim Bloomenstiel in Bnei Avraham Ahuvecha)

Thus it's most appropriate for the convert to celebrate the spiritual creation rather than the physical creation.

That being said, there's nothing outright wrong with celebrating your Gregorian/physical date of birth. In fact, after so many years of doing so, it seems strange to switching to just my spiritual birthday. Celebrating both, on the other hand, seems right up my alley.

I do think it's interesting to consider, however, that a born Jew -- whether they're religious or not -- technically has their "spiritual awakening" at birth, no matter how spiritual. It's automatic.

Then again, I suppose that there is not date and time that a born Jew becomes a ba'al teshuva, right? Or can you pinpoint the moment you returned to religious observance (if you're a BT)? And if you're a convert, what birthday do you celebrate?

Names.Vocabulary to Know

• Rabbeinu Tam was a leading 12th-century halachic authority. 
• Tosafists were medieval rabbis from France and Germany who are among those known in Talmudic scholarship as rishonim that created critical and explanatory questions, notes, interpretations, rulings, and sources on the Talmud.

Links to Visit

• Find your Hebrew birthday and make your own certificate here: http://www.chabad.org/calendar/birthday_cdo/aid/6228/jewish/When.htm

Women in Judaism: Chin up!

I can't help but write about the topic of women in Judaism. Specifically, the reason I'm inclined to write is because several Jewish, woman bloggers have written in the past week about Simchat Torah being a man's holiday. You can find posts over at Ilana-Davita , Kosher Academic , as well as Raizy and Isramom. I'm sure there are an abundance of blogs on the net that share kvetches about the holiday while making an assessment about the situation of women in Orthodox Judaism, but these are all I have in the collection right now. Interestingly, last night at the rabbi's another dinner attendee (a male of the Conservative Jewish variety) and I got into a discussion about the topic of women in Orthodox Judaism, the mechitzah, Simchat Torah and so much more.

The posts are a lot about the division of men and women in Orthodox Judaism, how women don't get called for aliyot and how during Simchat Torah the women all sit around watching as the men and boys dance around in great joy. I'm summarizing here, but it's sort of the same kvetches that people have had for eons about Orthodoxy, and it's one thing that I've never really had a beef with -- and this is coming from someone who wasn't raised Jewish, who came through as a Reform convert. Maybe I'm naive and because I didn't grow up in Orthodox I don't have the beef that others do, but in my experience, the only way that I can truly feel a connection to G-d in prayer and action and sentiment and lifestyle is when it is the "Orthodox" way of doing things.

So when I was talking to a friend last night, I was explaining that the mechitzah -- to me -- is so necessary and important in Jewish prayer. My only beef with mechitzot is when they are too tall and you can't see the rabbi, but even then, I'm comfortable enough in my prayer that I don't need to see the rabbi. After all, the rabbi isn't meant to be like a priest or pastor, he is meant to guide the services, but he isn't the key to a proper Shabbat service or otherwise. The mechitzah, to me, is marvelous. I go to shul for me, I go to pray in a community setting, but I go for me and it's all about how you view it. When I go to shul and people are all touchy feely (this is at a non-Orthodox shul, that is), it seems unnatural to me. It's just people going through motions but without the ability to focus on the point of being in shul. The mechitzah allows me to focus, it doesn't separate me from the men, it allows me to be myself.

Now, when I go to Chabad on campus, the mechitzah isn't like it was back home (about four-feet-tall), but is rather a folding thing that can be easily put up and taken down. It's tall, and it blocks the view almost entirely. During Simchat Torah, the mechitzah was up. We women -- there were never more than five of us -- were cutting a rug, really dancing, really being joyous and taking part in the holiday, and when we got really raucous, we moved the mechitzah so that the men couldn't see us. We were celebrating, and I wasn't thinking at all how awkward it might have been or how separate we were or the division. During the service, the rabbi even had me read the English portion before we chanted -- I was involved. Back in Chicago at the modern Orthodox synagogue I went to, nearly every week one of the rebbetzins got up and did a d'var Torah in the shul and all listened with poise and respect. It is not impossible for women to play a powerful role in an Orthodox setting, and anyone who tells you otherwise is stuck on the "can't" and not the empowering aspects of the mitzvot. Mitzvot are not there to bind us, they are there to make us more aware of how we live, be we women or men, and our differing roles are unique and purposeful.

I guess, what it comes down to, is what you can personally get from Judaism. In my mind, I am so devoted to my personal experience with G-d and within Judaism, and I get to express that in how involved I can and cannot be in synagogue. I know that when women get married, their role changes and they have children and homes to attend to, but if you are driven and inspired to maintain that experience of personal, ethical Judaism, then it will be done. You just can't get caught up in all the "you can't do this" and look at them as G-d's way of providing each of our souls with our unique needs. We don't always know what is best for us, but I have to believe that G-d does.

And it isn't all women raise the kids, make the food, keep the home and men go to shul, study, read Torah, get called for aliyot, etc. There's so much more to it than that. We just get so caught up in what we don't have or don't get to do that we lose the meaning and the purpose for those special things we DO get to do and what our individual needs and experience are.

Chin up, ladies.

The Chag is Over!

The holidays are over -- at last! I don't say this entirely out of excitement, but it will be interesting to get back to the regular humdrum of my academic life. I spent Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah at Chabad, eating in the sukkah with friends and neighbors and playing with the children and then dancing around as the Torah bounced about in the room. It was joyous, by golly, and this being my first year observing these holidays? Well, I feel good about where I am going. The holidays that follow Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are staples in my life now and as an eternal covenant.

What else is new? I got a copy of "Going Kosher in 30 Days" in the mail earlier this week from The Jewish Learning Group. If you'll recall, I blogged about this book earlier this year (in July actually), and they actually sent me a copy! I've only read through the introduction, but I'm already quite excited about the book. I think it might have come in more handy when I wasn't living a kitchen-less college lifestyle, but as I anticipate not getting a meal plan next semester, I'm going to be living a crockpot/microwave/toaster lifestyle that will allow me to do the kosher thing on my own terms. (Okay, I never mentioned it but the vegetarian thing just didn't work out.) Add to this that Evan has decided to go "kosher style," I am finally tagging on no MEAT no DAIRY, period. Before I would rationalize chicken/dairy because it isn't a kid in its mothers milk (as opposed to goat meat in goat milk and beef in cow milk), but, well, I'm going the distance. I know the reasons behind the ruling, and I know that I don't necessarily agree. But the ethical reasons are compelling even if the rabbi's reasons aren't necessarily. Then again, as "Going Kosher" says: "... mitzvot that are observed solely 'on faith' ... are the purest demonstration of our faith and dedication to G-d's Words."

But it's on that note that I offer up a couple little explanatory morsels on things that I've always wondered about and haven't really understood. The challah thing has been something I've wondered about for years and years and have meant to ask about or look up, and yet haven't. The other is something new that I have been exposed to recently that I was curious about. Although I agree with the "Going Kosher" take, I also think it's important for us to understand why we perform the traditions and mitzvot that we do. If there's anything YOU have wondered about, let me know, and I'll fix you up an answer straight away!

+ Why do we say the hamotzi over two loaves of challah on Shabbos and festivals? This has perplexed me for eons, seriously, for years, and I never got around to looking it up, I just understood that that was how things were to be done, and even when I made the blessing myself, I'd make sure I had two challah loaves. This double loaf -- lechem mishneh -- represents the manna that fell from the heavens when the Israelites were wandering in the desert during the 40 years. The manna did not fall on the Sabbath or holidays, instead a double portion fell before the Sabbath and the holidays.

+ Why during the blessing after the meal -- birkat hamazon -- is there a hand-washing portion? So technically the hand washing is meant to happen before the birkat hamazon, so I'm confused (still) about whether the portion before the birkat hamazon is something different or related. But at any rate, the practice is prevalent in Orthodox communities and is more a tradition than a mitzvah. It was instituted for health reasons (back when people ate with their hands more) and there is even a ritual dispenser (called mayim acharonim) that is used to dispense the water. The practice appears in Talmud, but it's sort of up in the air from group to group as to whether it's really binding.