Long Awaited: How to Tie Your Tichel

I've had many requests, so I finally sat down last week and did this. Of course, then I neglected to take the time to edit the video and upload it, but I finally got to it and here we are!

In these two videos you'll see just what "the bump" really is and several different types of scarves I use with the bump and how I tie them.

If there's one thing you should walk away from these videos with, it's that it's not a perfect science and learning to roll and tuck those pesky pieces of scarf away will become a piece of cake.

The Bump: A How-To Guide (Please forgive my misspelling ... I'm under the weather!)


How to Tie Your Tichel 

A Head Covering Giveaway!

The folks over at HairCoverings.com were kind enough to send me one of their amazingly lightweight berets to take on a test-drive. When it first arrived, my initial thought was: Turquoise? Me? Really? Never! But then I put it on, and I was really jazzed with the color and I've probably worn it four or five times in the past week and a half! I'm huge on these kind of hats, and in the winter I live in knit hats, so a lightweight version for summer really sang to me!

And now for the super-stellar part in which you guys get a chance to win a $25 Box of Surprise Hair Accessories! And better news is that the box can be shipped worldwide!

All you have to do is visit www.HairCoverings.com and write a comment here on the blog on which items you would love to have!


If you want additional entries, you have some options, and all you have to do is post here (honor system) where else you posted.

• Add www.hairproductblog.com to your blogroll and/or subscribe to our our Blog Feed.
• Join our Google Friend Connect: Go to www.haircoverings.com/blog and click "Join This Site" in the Google Friend Connect box.
• Follow us on Networked Blogs, Go to www.haircoverings.com/blog and click "Follow This Blog" on the Networked Blog box.
• Follow us on Twitter.
• "Like" us on Facebook.

Remember: All you have to do to enter is comment here, but if you want extra entries, be sure to do those extra things!

CONTEST CLOSES on WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 2011 at 8 PM!

The Underground Scoop on Tzniut Style

I try really hard not to contact awesome retailers for product samples, because, well, I feel like it cheapens the whole experience. But when retailers contact me with beautiful, tzniut products, I can't turn them down, and I never have! Thus, I'm excited to share with you a retailer that I've been hoping and praying would contact me for some time now (ever since I moved into Teaneck and heard about it, that is), and that is The Style Underground, the fine purveyors of innovative, classic, and modest hairwear and headgear. Julie at TSU contacted me and sent me two amazing products: A Purple Yoshi Braid Hat and the Luxe Silk Voile Scarf.

I'll admit it -- when the package came, it was small and well wrapped, and I was concerned. Will her products fit my gigantic German noggin? Yes, I have a big head, and it's always caused me woe and drama when it comes to buying hats, which is why I don't really wear hats outside of winter when slouchy, knit hats are oversized and comfortable. If I had my way, I'd wear comfy hats all year round, so consider me stoked to discover that TSU makes a comfortable, stretch-cotton hat, called the "Yoshi Braid Hat."

The Yoshi Braid Hat is what it says -- it's soft, cotton, and stretchy, but without that "you wore it once and now it's stretched out" kind of feeling. It was comfortable, looked like a tichel (according to Tuvia), and it provided versatility, as the braid is attached in the back but is able to be moved around on the crown of your head. I was incredibly excited the moment I put it on -- I felt like summer wouldn't be so bad after all! My only concern is that, because my noggin is so big, the hat doesn't look exactly like it does on Julie on her website. It's just a little too snug to look casual. As Tuvia said, from the side I look like an elf. I tried to rectify the situation by pulling and tucking the extra fabric in, and it worked for the most part, but I noticed throughout the day that I did suffer some slippage of the hat because, well, of my gigantic head. (I know, I know, it doesn't look that big, but it is.) Overall, however, I'm super excited about the hat, and I'm excited to buy the other colors (especially the versatile black!).

The Luxe Scarf at first glance had me thinking that this wasn't anything special, but then I unwrapped it and ... holy wow ... it's shaped like a triangle! Which means there isn't gobs of extra fabric to try and tuck away, and it makes it easier to leave the part around the neck out without it reaching half-way down my back and making me look like a peasant. The fabric is incredibly lightweight and comfortable -- it honestly feels like I'm wearing nothing on my head, which is perfect in time for summer. The stitching on the scarf, too, is impressive. I can't use a sewing machine, let alone make something this elegant.

Overall, I have to say I am very, very impressed with what The Style Underground has to offer. I was taken aback at first by the prices, but after receiving the products, I can tell you that it is beyond worth it. The product is elegant, the stitching is expert and flawless, and the color options are innovative and seasonal. I'll be wearing these for years, and they won't show the wear, either. We're talking Boutique Tzniut, folks! And I'm sold.

Do you have a favorite The Style Underground scarf or hat? Let me know what you think!

EDIT: Don't forget to check out the invaluable resource of The Style Underground's scarf-tying videos on Facebook!

Tale of a Sheitel, Tale of a Scarf

I'd thought long and hard about video blogging this (vlogging, as it were), but I opted out of it. When I vlog, I tend to wander and not stick to a set trajectory of conversation. Thus, here we are, a text blog. Old fashioned-style.

I went to an event last week, between all of my orientations and receptions at NYU. My first day of classes is Tuesday, so I was excited to hit campus last week and meet the new students and do some student-y activities. So I showed up for a Jewish student event to visit the Jewish Heritage Museum down in Battery Park, eager to meet some students (knowing most would be undergrads) and excited to see the museum. I walked in to this facility around 10 a.m. where we were congregating before heading down to the museum and was greeted by a familiar face who quickly jetted off to a meeting or something elsewhere. Then, I was left in a room of about 10-15 people, whom I didn't know. There were about three or four individuals who were dressed in the facility's garb, and it became quickly clear that these were the group leaders, there to introduce themselves to the students, ask them how things were going, and make them feel warm and welcome as we schlepped down to the museum. So I stood there, awaiting the introductions. And then?

One of the group leaders stepped -- literally, and I mean that -- in front of where I was standing to address a group of students sitting in the lounge area. She proceeded to introduce herself to everyone in the room, except for me. She asked them their names and what they were studying. She even went out of her way to walk over to a guy that walked in a little late, asking him his name and how he was liking everything. He, too, was a graduate student.

So I stood. I waited. I thought, Okay, this girl is going to talk to me, right? She's made an effort to speak to every single person in this room, so I'm next. And I waited. I waited. I waited for anyone in this group of people -- leaders and students alike -- to say ANYTHING to me. And? Nothing. Not a darn word. Not a smile or a look or anything.

One of the girls offered water bottles to everyone in the room, I said no thank you, and we were off. As we were nearly at the transit station, finally a girl said something to me. "What are you studying?" she asked. I told her, she said that it was nice, and moved along.

Now, I'm not trying to play the oppressed Jewess here, but after my day there and at the museum I sort of had this realization of being exceedingly uncomfortable as the Frum Jew in a Secular Room. There was one guy there in tzitzit and a kippah, but he was the life of the room. There I was, in my skirt and ridiculous sleeves for the heat of the weather and the scarf covering everything but the tefach of my bangs. And no one wanted anything to do with me. People didn't look at me, smile at me, come near me. I was the leper in the room. At least, that's how I felt. It's entirely possible that these people were just as shy as I was. But that girl ... that girl who made such an effort to speak to everyone in the room ... bypassing me with a serious effort ... that says something to me. Something negative. Something hurtful.

I later thought to myself that maybe if I had been wearing my sheitel (wig), I would have fit in. Looked normal. Like a girl with long dark hair like the rest of the girls in the room. I would have been worthy of an introduction or a "hello" or something. Anything. But is that a good enough reason to actively wear it?

I spent Shabbos tormented over this incident and my sheitel. We were back in West Hartford, in our old community of no scarves or some scarves. I opted out of wearing my sheitel both Friday night and Saturday during the day for two reasons: fear of judgment that I'd gone off the deep end and my husband's aversion to the darn thing. I ended up throwing the sheitel on for motzei Shabbos as we drove to the Poconos because it's the easiest way to travel with it -- on my head. Friends saw it, and some said it was cute and one told me I looked silly. I felt ... relaxed. I felt the sheitel on my head, the netted cap causing a bit of an itch, but I felt good. I was irritated with myself that I had let what I worried the community and my husband would say reign over my emotions. The rabbi's wife wore her sheitel both days. Why didn't I? Fear. My old community is a very Conservadoxish one. When we siad we were moving to Teaneck we got laughs, scoffs, and questions of "Why?" I didn't want them to think I'd consumed the Kool-Aid or become one of those "rightwing judgmental Jews." I'm still me.

Sheitel or not. I'm still Chaviva. I'm still who I've been and will be.

But for those who don't know me, I'm a girl in a scarf or a hat or a sheitel and whatever my headgear says about me, I find myself frustrated. I've been told before that I've become more judgmental since becoming "more observant." The funny thing is, I almost feel like my observance allows other people to judge me in ways I have never been judged before. The way I dress, my headgear, my language, everything physical about me says to other people that I'm something that I'm not.

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that a scarf on my head made a room full of Jewish people not want anything to do with me, and that the thought of wearing a sheitel made a room full of other Jewish people cringe at who I've become. But how much of this is a projection, and how much is reality?

I guess I'll never know.

DMV = Driven Mad, Verily!

I always tell people that what makes my blog (and others like it) successful is the human interest aspect. Storytelling. People like to hear and read stories, because it plays to the parts of us that are sympathetic and empathetic. I like telling stories about my experiences and life because I think it allows others (that's you guys, the ones reading this) to see something in me that you can relate to, or something that you can't relate to, and then, poof, you have a dialogue.

That being said, I spent my morning at the DMV, which I did just a few months ago back in Connecticut after Tuvia and I were hitched. I thought going to the DMV there would make the process all sorts of smoothness and light, but it didn't.

Exhibit A: Blago Hair

I went back and forth to a man with a gigantic Blago-style tupee about six times, one involving him yelling at this poor old woman (who was awesome, by the way) across the crowded DMV office regarding what exactly a "power of attorney" meant. The husband assured me that this DMV was low-key, uncrowded, and that it would go quickly and smoothly (this being his answer to me inquiring as to why exactly he chose a DMV that was a half-hour away from our apartment). Oy va voy. I arrived to a huge line, that branched into a half-dozen other lines going in all directions of registration and "express" registration (whatever the heck that means) and licensing and so on. I went to one table, spoke to the tupee'd fellow, filled out some forms, went back to the tupee'd fellow, went to the nice elderly woman to get a number and have her re-check the forms, filled out some more forms, went back to the elderly lady, then went to the tupee'd guy again, who yelled at the elderly woman, then went back to the elderly lady, then finally got called (No. 44!), stood up at the counter for a half-hour while the guy did something on his computer, sat down, got called up again to a nice Latina lady, sat down and filled out some forms over again because the tupee'd fellow got it wrong, then went back to the Latina lady, and then ... only then ... after my zig-zagging across the office a dozen times, did I have my plates and my new driver's license.

The perks of this experience: The guy who fuddled around with his computer for a half-hour simply said "Do you always wear glasses?" to which I replied "Yes," followed by "Do you always wear a head-covering and is it for religious reasons," to which I replied again "Yes." And that was it. No interrogation, no letter to write, no form to sign, zehu! (that's it!) Talk about miraculous. That was a breeze.

Oh, and then there was the hilarious guy working one of the licensing counters who I've decided would be the prime character for a sort of dark comedy. Picture it: Phillip Seymour-Hoffman as a lonely DMV worker, who jazzes up his counter duties by calling out people's numbers with a hilarious, yet obnoxious flare, driving his coworkers to loathe him uncontrollably. On his off-hours, Seymour-Hoffman's character is an OCD psycho killer in the vein of the great Steve Buscemi. That is, until a new girl shows up in the office, played likely by a Latina hottie like Jennifer Lopez. Seymour-Hoffman's character, in love, vows to stop his killing and woo the Latina who can't use the internet and doesn't know what "Firefox" is. Alas, she rejects him and he kills her and then ends up in jail, sharing with his fellow inmates all the woes of being a DMV counter guy. The inmates subsequently beat him down because of all the unfortunate hours they spent waiting in DMV lines. Fin!

That's what waiting in the DMV line will do to you, folks. It'll drive you to insanity and screenwriting. (By the way, if you know an agent, let me know ... wink!)

Down With Doilies!

The doily: Where did it come from? Why is there a box of them at Orthodox synagogues? And, perhaps most importantly, why has the doily replaced head-covering?

I'm finding that more and more women at my Orthodox shul aren't covering. Now, outside of shul to each their own, but it seems to me that in shul, wearing a hat has always been sort of a sign of modesty and married-ness. Lately, however, women who covered (at least in shul) have stopped. Some have lost their scarves and hats in place of, you guessed it, the doily.

Now, I'm not out to chastise anyone for not covering (some of my closest friends don't cover on a day-to-day basis, but I'm pretty sure they at least go that extra mile for shul!), I'm just trying to figure out if this is a trend Orthodox shul wide, or if it's just something unique to my current, modern Orthodox community.

Can I expect doilies galore in Teaneck, New Jersey when we move there in a few weeks? Or is it more of the traditional, tichel and hat-wearing kind of place? Is a doily okay?

Let's talk halakot on hair covering. Let's get down and dirty. On doilies.

A Tale of a Tichel

Note: A tichel is a head scarf, much like the one I'm rocking in this photo from one of my many adventures at Starbucks. 


I'm so glad that my post on shomer negiah elicited so many comments -- both positive and critical of a sweeping understanding as modesty and separation as a cure-all for wedded bliss. I agree: There is no cure-all, not even the observance of ta'arat ha'mishpacha (family purity) can guarantee that a couple will last as many years as Abraham and Sarah or that they'll be blessed with a gaggle of children and happiness.

But those who warn, Beware, you feel this now, but in a few years? ... I ask you to hold that thought. I know a lot of people who have stopped covering seven or ten years into a marriage, women who have opted to wear pants three years in, or couples that have decided that observing the laws of niddah just isn't working for them. I know women who don't go to mikvah, women who cover their hair in-shul, but cherish their flowing locks outside the walls of the beit k'nesset. And yes, I'm aware that at some point, without knowing it, I might become one of those women. I hope, however, that I always feel as I do now.

The funny thing is that covering, for me, is something I was excited about. A friend commented that at some point, I might miss being able to soak my hair in the fresh rain. Truth be told, I hated walking in the rain before I covered. After all, my hair style limited me from just about any kind of poor weather. I hated walking to shul in the rain, I hated rain jackets, I hated wearing hats (they flattened my awesome hair). Now? Well, it's been raining the past few days and I've relished in it. I've walked outside, looked upward, and almost danced to my car with rain drops on my tichel or hat. At last, I feel comfortable in my skin -- and all because of a simple head covering.

I feel more comfortable walking around Monsey, too. I know it's silly, and I don't seek acceptance, but walking around with Tuvia before I felt like people knew we were dating, shopping together, even, but unmarried! What a shonda! I'll admit that little kids still look at me funny when I'm in Monsey (after all, my jean skirt and colorful tichel with bangs a blowin' in the wind don't exactly scream "Monsey), but I felt like the reason the clerk at the health food store spoke so kindly and willing with me was because, well, I clearly was an observant, Jewish woman.

The funny thing is, I almost feel less comfortable walking around in the general Connecticut population. A man with a gigantic cross at Christmas Tree Shops (oh the humor in that one) looked me up and down, watched me standing at the register. Maybe I was paranoid, but I felt a piercing glance. If anything, covering my hair makes me "look the part" a little more than I used to. In the end, I'm okay with that (I dream of someday living in Jerusalem when looking the part just means looking like everyone else).

I know it's crazy to think that a few weeks into being married I'm so sure about how I feel, where I'm going, and how I will observe for the expanse of our happily wedded future, but my neshama hasn't led me astray yet, and the excitement, passion, devotion, and eagerness I feel about all of the things rolled up into the ideas of modesty and family purity has me thinking positive.

For all intents and purposes, I'm a modern girl. I'm liberal (let's not go into how I feel about women and the GLBT community and how people think it doesn't fit into Orthodoxy), I'm a Democrat, I like funky fashion, I think communication with the outside world and within the greater, global Jewish community starts with Social Media and the Internet, and I see Orthodoxy as awesomely modern and beautiful. I may appear to be a contradiction in terms to many, but in truth I see myself as a positive example of the possibilities of Orthodoxy in the 21st century -- what Orthodoxy should be: halakic, positive, modern, fulfilling.

I hope you all stick around for my journey as a married, Jewish, Orthodox woman ... I'm sure I'll have plenty of interesting things to offer you as life moves on (and I mean that literally, as we're moving at the end of the month to Teaneck, New Jersey!), and I only hope that you read with open eyes and ears and that if -- at any time at all -- you have questions or misunderstandings about something I say, that you'll email me and ask. I'm equal opportunity here, and I want to appeal to every person (Jew or not, Orthodox or Reform or Reconstructionist or Humanist or Lubavitch, etc, etc).

Peace and tichels, friends!

Where's the Hair?

I've been married for just under 36 hours, and let me tell you what ... it's nice. It's nice to finally be able to touch the groom (that's Tuvia) and to be able to see each other again (the ridiculous choreography over the past week was, well, ridiculous). I'll need to sit down and write a good, long post about the wedding itself and what can be described only as an "out of body" experience for much of it, but for now?

Let's talk hair-covering.

I've been stocking up on tichels, and I went to Urban Outfitters (yes, you read that right) last week to pick up a few hats. I've always been planning on covering, I've even blogged about it. The things I've gotten since I started covering, well, this morning when I woke up, have been entertaining.

Did you shave your head?
Is your hair still under there?
I really liked your hair, why are you covering?

My answers?

No.
Yes ...
Because I chose to! Don't you like my hat?! I got it at Urban Outfitters!

It's a cute little knit number with a big bow on the side. This picture of me is horrible and doesn't do the knit-number justice, but you get the point. Day One of covering: Good, awesome, easy. I didn't miss doing my hair at all. B'ezrat HaShem, this will be an easy, breezy transition.

Oh, and here's a picture of us, since I'm sure you guys are dying for wedded-bliss photos! There are a ton on Facebook, so go there, look at my profile, and enjoy! (Thanks to everyone who masterfully threw them up there within moments of the wedding, lol.)

Yes, I'll Cover. Now Cover Your Hair!

EDIT: CONTEST FOR GIVEAWAY OPEN UNTIL MONDAY EVENING, 10 p.m. SHARP!

In about three months time, I'll be a happily married kallah. First and foremost this means I'll be both happy and married. What comes next, of course, are a few changes, the most immediate probably being that I'll be covering my hair! Yes, I'm going to cover my hair. The devastated looks on peoples' faces when I relate this news is funny to me. The typical verbal reaction is, "But your hair is so ... it's so you!" It's true, and I've had this hair for a long time, since I cut it right before my senior year of high school. I've been using the same product, styling it the same, for the past nine years. I'll admit, I'm a little sad about the prospect, too. In shul, women identify me by my hair, and I'm worried that the when I start covering I'm going to fade into the background, being just another married Orthodox Jewish woman with her hair covered. This, of course, is a truly fleeting thought for me. After all, isn't my personality the one thing that truly should shine? Not my hair?!

So why am I covering my hair? Maybe it's all of the incredibly beautiful hat, scarves, and other things I'll be able to paint my noggin with! (That's too easy, however, especially with all of the pretty things over at CoverYourHair.com.) In truth, the reasons are plenty. I don't know that I can really verbalize them well, but it's about being committed to my husband, spiritually and visibly; it's about respect to HaShem; and it's about being me, a new phase of me, the Jewish married me. I'm excited about covering, and in preparation for this new step, I've been stockpiling pretty head coverings, including when I was in Israel and bought a few scarves. I'm not going sheitel style, at least for the immediate future until it is or becomes necessary. One of the beautiful items I've added to the collection, provided by the lovely ladies of CoverYourHair, is a Cute Pull-On Hat -- a cute, crocheted number that, well, give it a look below.

I'm excited to tote this little number around after I get hitched in May, and it fits like a glove. It's a one-size-fits all, and for someone like me who sometimes has a noggin too large for some hats, I was so excited to find one that fits perfectly. And the flowery embellishments? Ooo so cute! It's definitely one of my favorite colors (brown), but with a flare of color (green and shades of brown/tan). Now, I just have to figure out what to do about my bangs once I go for hats and scarves! While I contemplate my visible hair choices, you, my lovely readers, get the chance to win something great from the folks at CoverYourHair.com!

----------------------------------------------------------------

CoverYourHair.com is offering a free $25 box of surprise Hair Accessories to ONE lucky winner! There are a variety of ways to enter this contest. Also, they ship WORLDWIDE, so everyone can enter!

First thing's first: Visit www.CoverYourHair.com, find some items you would LOVE to have, and then post a comment HERE, on THIS BLOG, of those items you're Jonesing for.

For more chances to win, do the following and post a comment here of which of the following you completed.

[NOTE: Try to keep your commenting to a minimum for ease of drawing a winner. Try to only post ONE comment, saying what you want and what you've done!]

1) Join our Google Friend Connect. Go to www.coveryourhair.com/blog, and click "Join This Site" in the Google Friend Connect box.

2) Follow Cover Your Hair on Networked Blogs. Go to www.coveryourhair.com/blog, and click "Follow This Blog" on the Networked Blog box.

3) Follow Cover Your Hair on Twitter. 

4) Subscribe to our our Blog feed:  Click here. 

5) Add www.coveryourhair.com to your blog roll.

Good luck to everyone!

[NOTE: This contest will close on Friday, February 26 at 4 p.m., unless I decide to extend until Motzei Shabbos around 11 p.m. Saturday. I'll likely extend the contest if I want/need more entrants!]