Quite Like It

For those of you who never got to peek at the invitations to our wedding (circa May 31, 2010), here's a look at them, taken from the designers of the beautiful, unique invitations, QuiteLikeIt.com. The gals behind QLI are two of my BFFs, Heather and Ananda (mazal tov to the latter, who recently had a baby girl!).

So here's a screen-shot of the invite on their page. I feel so dazzled to be featured in their homepage montage!

I was their first Hebrew-language invite, but their experience with invitations for any and every event is expansive. I can recommend them personally and professionally (after all, we were journalismos together for a few years), so if you're looking for invite designers, these girls are the most creative, talented designers I know.

I've Got Questions, You've Got Answers!

From my questioning brain to your eager eyeballs, I have a question. Are you ready?

On which hand/finger do you wear your wedding band and/or engagement ring? 

I think it's interesting that the logic behind the left-hand-ring-wearing tradition is partly due to the fact that most people are right handed and thus the ring might become busted up if worn on the dominant hand. I do, however, appreciate the idea (shared also by the Eastern Orthodox Church) of using the right hand. Why? The right hand resembles oaths, at least traditionally. Think about when you go to court or swear an oath, you're always asked to "raise your right hand." This also was a Roman and biblical tradition, that is to use the right hand. If you want to get more sticky, you can also reference the fact that the left hand is viewed as evil or sinister. Interestingly, there was a long-standing belief that people who were left-handed were somehow defective or damned. In many cultures, children were trained (I even know someone who had to deal with this in the not-so-distant past) to write with their right hand, just in case. It's just a hand people!

Anyhow, feel free to answer. I know the traditional way is to wear the wedding band on your right finger, and only much later did Jews start wearing the band on their left finger in the Protestant fashion. I'm also curious how other folks roll -- Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, etc. Different people have different traditions, so fill me in!

I'll Take the Tanker of Coffee Now, Please

I give you, the tanker truck of coffee, spotted on I-84 near Hartford.

I must apologize to my readers, friends, lurkers, and other blogging types for my lack of presence over the past week, especially when it comes to reading your blogs and responding with appropriately Chaviva-esque comments. What have I been up to? A lot. A whole lot.

Aside from my regular coursework -- which includes (for one class) reading a book or so a week plus various primary sources, in addition to (for a second class) lots of reading and more reading and some more reading of yummy things about the Samaritans and the Ptolemies, and, of course, Hebrew work and general office work of book inventorying -- I've been thrown the setup for our graduate exam, which is in and of itself wretched. Now, being an academic I'm secretly thrilled about the work and reading; I'm merely in shock and distress about the volume of it. Typically, students will receive the corpus of reading in their first semester, not their fourth. So I'm in "holy crap" mode right now. Pardon the ever-present kvetching.

Superbowl

Additionally, Tuvia and I decided it would be a most outstanding idea to invite over a ton of people for a Super Bowl viewing. Last year we had four or five friends over, and it was quiet and cozy and I really didn't pull out all my Jewish mother stops to feed the masses with thirty different types of chips and dips. This year, however, I went all out. After all, we were inviting over upwards of 20 people and expecting at least 14 to 16 to show up. So what did I do? Well, I made a big batch of pasta and threw it into the crock, I made a spicy veggie chili, I made a giant red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting with my new cake pan, I made a delicious batch of Chocolate Cheerio Marshmallow Bites, and then we bought a bunch of dips, sliced a bunch of cheese, put out gobs of veggies and fruit, and filled bowls full of a half-dozen varying types of chips. Yes, it was a ROYAL spread, fit for a Superbowl King. It just took a long time to put together and perfect -- I am, after all, a perfectionist OCD-aholic. I'll admit, it was loads of fun. Having all of our closest friends over to partake in food and a good game was honestly one of the best things we've done in a long time. I really felt like it gave us a chance to pay back the community, in the best way we know how, for the kindness they've shown us with food, lodging, and friendship. We seriously have the best friends on the planet.

Wedding Dresses

Oh, and then there was the pre-kickoff wedding dress viewing that actually ate up most of the first two quarters. I didn't realize we were upstairs that long, and the game truly was flying by. But this was the wedding dress that I purchased online. Yes, I bought a wedding dress ONLINE. I never saw it in person, I didn't know it's dimensions exactly, I had no idea how it would look or feel beyond the photo of the girl on the website, who, by the way, was about 50 sizes smaller than me. But I had an instinct. It was the first gown I found online when I started looking, and after perusing many other gowns, I was still stuck on this first one. I emailed my two best buddies up in the Great White North, and they agreed it was stunning. So I bought it. Then it came, about three days later (talk about quick shipping -- most wedding gown sites make you wait upwards of 20-40 days for the dress), and I had approximately three additional days to figure out whether it was right. Yes, the online wedding dress business is cut-throat, and they keep their claws in you as long as they can. So the Superbowl Sunday party was perfect as far as timing goes. We all crawled up the stairs, I stripped, and the dress was on and zipped in seconds. The reaction? Completely positive. And then? The "tuck this here!" and "tuck that there!" comments came. I am lucky to say that I am blessed, absolutely blessed, with seamstress-minded lady friends. These women, after expressing their love of the dress, were all ready to point me in the direction of a seamstress/tailor and get the job done -- there was no way I was returning this gown. I expressed my concerns to them -- Tzniut? Length? Fit? The answers were that the tzniut was perfectly modest, the length could be fixed (the dress was MADE to be tailored like a charm), and the fit was perfect for my figure.

So it's decided. I, Chaviva Edwards, purchased a wedding gown online, from a store out West where nary a Jew probably lives, and I am keeping it with utter and absolute pleasure. Yes, I am an online dress purchasing success story! You, too, can buy a wedding dress online and be satisfied!

My only beef? I returned a slip that I bought but definitely don't need (for poof's sake), and it cost me a whopping $30+ to ship back. Is that worth it? Probably not. I'll get back, in the end, about $30 for my troubles. My advice? Don't buy a slip online until you absolutely know that you'll need it.

So I'm pleased. I had a million friends over, fed them successfully, decided on a dress that I absolutely love, finished a bunch of editing that leaves me with only two more weeks of such editing, and I just submitted an application for a fellowship assuming I get into NYU or UMD for further studies. It has been a truly, truly productive three days. Oh! I also cleaned out my inbox. Thank heavens. I was about to lose my mind.

I guess, my point, then, is that everything is doable. It takes time management, sleeping about four hours a night, and a passion to have things just how you want them right when you want them. I'll take my little successes when I can get them. I couldn't ask for anything more. And when all else fails, there's always that tanker truck of coffee!

(For what it's worth, that tanker truck actually said "PILOT" on the side. It was a clever ploy by the popular roadside gas station chain! From a distance, it looks like it just says "COFFEE." Upclose, however, it mentioned something about them having the best roadside coffee. Clever!)

Goin' to the Chuppah and We're, Gonna Get Married ...

I can't believe I did it. I just purchased a wedding gown off the internet, before viewing, before trying on, before anything. Now, I know what you're thinking, Are you crazy!? And yes, I am a little off my rocker, but it's hard to be a tzniut-style girl searching for a proper wedding gown. So I went to Nordstrom's at the advice of a few Twitter friends for my measurements, sent them off to the gown's e-store, heard back from a nice lady, and ordered the gown. It should get to me in approximately two to three business days. Talk about FAST service. I'm praying like you wouldn't believe that it's the ultimate, perfect wedding gown. I just have to get over the self-esteem shocker of ordering a wedding gown two/three sizes too big. What's the deal with that anyway? I mean, if someone wears a size 10 (not me, that's for sure), why should they have to buy a size 14 wedding gown? Don't you think brides have enough issues about size and shape on their mind that forcing them into a super-sized wedding gown will only make matters worse? Egads.

Anywho, at the advice of a friend from shul (and subsequently a few other friends from shul), I nabbed a copy of a classic Judaica book that, I was told, will enlighten not only me, but any family members with lingering questions or queries, about what to expect with an Orthodox wedding. The book? "Made in Heaven" by the illustrious Aryeh Kaplan. If you start out with the "dedications" page, you'll rest assured that this guy's advice is second to none -- the book is dedicated to the author's nine children! Obviously, Rabbi Kaplan knows his stuff, right?

I'm not one for touchy-feely books, and aside from tidbits here and there about the eternal bond of marriage and the future generations, the book is very readable, and I highly recommend it to those who are prepping for marriage. Each chapter homes in on a specific topic: the ring, the chuppah, the wedding day, the ketubah, the processional, and more. It even gets as specific as talking about the tallit and the various specific blessings. The chapters are short, and the author was very, very good about being concise and quick in his lessons on the halakot.

I can't even begin to tell you how many questions I've developed for my rabbi. Feel free to chime in here, but I've heard some "that sounds crazy!" comments from friends. I'll let you know what my rav thinks. I'll admit, many of these are CUSTOMS, but still, I like to know/make sure I'm doing things "right."

• Some sources say that, for the wedding band, gold is preferable to silver, others silver to gold. Add to this the fact that you are supposed to use a ring that is pure -- not masked, such as plated gold -- because this could invalidate the ceremony entirely! Does this mean I can't have a white gold ring? The point of the ring being simple (no designs, no stones) is that the bride (and others) should be able to ascertain the value of the ring at a simple glance. If it's plated or masked in some way, it's harder to discern. As such, white gold has a specific value, right? So white gold *should* be okay? 
• The tradition is that the kallah (bride) gives her chatan (groom) his tallit (prayer shawl) for the wedding. Often it's used for the chuppah, too. Now, Tuvia has a tallit his paternal grandfather bought shortly before his death, so he wants to use that since it's unused and in great condition. What do I do for the chatan then!?
• What's doing with this whole no seeing each other for a week before the wedding? According to the book, many hold the tradition of just the day before hand, but even then, it used to be a tradition to hold a prenuptial meal the night before the wedding! What did you do at your wedding? What's the tradition/community custom/standard these days?
• There is a definite decision that men fast the day of their wedding, but some rabbis hold that the kallah does not fast! What gives!? Do I fast, or do I not fast?

And those are my questions and I'm not even halfway through the book! Luckily, Rabbi Kaplan's given me plenty of insight and things to think about. 

I've also discovered -- via the advice of the same friend that suggested I pick up this book -- a way to involve people in the entire service without violating halakot! The great thing about a Jewish wedding is that there are about a million different positions people can serve. There are six witnesses -- all must be shomer mitzvot, Jewish males -- as well as those who read the sheva brachot (seven blessings), and thanks to this friend's great thinking, the translations of these brachot also will be read, that is, by women and non-Jewish friends of mine. It's a beautiful way not only to involve everyone, but also to help those who aren't familiar with Hebrew or the Jewish traditions to really get the full impact of the blessings in order to understand the service. 

You'd be amazed at all of the obstacles and pits of fire and dragons that await one with planning a wedding like this. I'm sure they exist in all faiths, but with there being specific binding laws regarding various parts of the service, you really have to think hard about who to involve and how to involve them. It's a delicate, delicate process.

All I can say is, I'm getting married in less than four months, and I'm jazzed!