Going to the Chuppah

Another Saw You at Sinai success story. And I thought it couldn't be done. Who was I fooling?!

Just like aliyah, this was the smoothest, calmest, most meant-to-be thing that's ever happened to me. 

Stay tuned!

When Life is Happening

Oh hello blog. Long time no talk. This is what happens when I'm busy actually living my life, I guess, right? The blog slowly takes a back seat to everything else. I've been dealing with graduate degrees and jobs and marriage and everything that falls in between. Never before has the blog taken a random and unforgiving lull.

So what to say? Well, the past week or so has been filled with lots of work, purchasing my first Jerusalem-style chanukiyah (aka one in a box to be displayed outside), an excellent Shabbat with "family" in Ramat Bet Shemesh, a few amazing dates, my attendance at TEDxJerusalem, two major falls that busted up my knee royally, and my first-ever attempt at making my own gluten-free sufganiyot (aka fried jelly donuts).

Yum-my. Recipe can be found here. 

Check out my fancy chanukiyah!

My life seems much more easily documented in images these days than in text, which is a weird change for me. But pictures, you see, are so much easier to capture and post. I envision elaborate posts about every little emotion I'm experiencing, but I'm currently in a place where I'm really enjoying my own emotions in the privacy of my own space. That's a new thing, right?

So, keep tabs on my Instagram for quite literally up-to-the day (if not hour) updates on what's going on. I'm going to try to get better about posting here, but there is just absolutely too many amazing things happening in real life for me to post about right now.

Stay tuned!

Where Have I Been?

IDF in the shuk handing out brochures from the Homefront 

Command about what to do in the instance of an attack [Nov. 21].

It's been more than a week since I updated the blog with substance about how exactly I'm doing. Since I blogged, there were days without sleep, more sirens in Jerusalem, a heightened attack by Hamas, a ceasefire, a calm in my life, an aron (closet) delivery, an utter annoyance with men, Thanksgiving, an amazing Shabbat in Ra'anana, and lots of sleep.

That's a week in a nutshell.

I meant all week to sit down and write how I was feeling, what I was thinking, what life in a "war" zone really feels like, but I was far too busy documenting it on Facebook for the sake of others, for the world to see how absolutely biased and ridiculous 99 percent of the news that goes out really is. Just today I had some guy try to tell me that Hamas dragging Gaza citizens through the street in a bloody display of retribution for supposed "spying for Israel" was fake and not real news. Google it. You'll find dozens, if not hundreds, of sources and images. It happened. Believe it didn't, but those are the kind of thugs that are running Gaza. And I pity the citizens of Gaza who are either brainwashed, suffering Stockholm Syndrome, or too scared to breathe a word of fleeing to a safer place like, oh, I don't know, Israel. The truth is, Muslim, Christian, or Jew, Israel is the safest place for anyone in the Middle East these days.

Sirens last week again in Jerusalem had me leaving some cooking in the oven, running out of my apartment in my frilly, girly apron, to the miklat (bomb shelter) across from my apartment. It was still padlocked up, so a neighbor with a crowbar hit the scene and an Israeli managed to get it open. After breaking a second lock downstairs, and after the sirens had subsided, we entered the miklat to discover a blast from the past in the form of an old office with tons of office equipment. It's rumored that some guy was using it as his office space, and there were other rumors it was rented out as a music school at some point. Chances are both are true, which just makes me laugh. This is how poorly prepared and ready Jerusalem is for an air strike -- this is how completely unlikely we thought the situation was.

After days of rockets and fear, rain swept the country. B"H.

When the ceasefire talks seemed like they were honest and serious, there were lots of mixed emotions from Israelis, myself included. Although I needed the break -- the 24/6 news cycle was creating a culture of no sleep and emotional exhaustion -- I was also willing to go months without sleep to ensure that once and for all Israel would stop allowing Hamas to terrorize Israel and Israelis, that Israel would wave its mighty fist of justice and truth and smash its enemies while showing the world its sincere commitment to human rights and life.

But it didn't happen. The ceasefire came, life has gone back to normal, and I'm finally sleeping. With one eye on Twitter and Facebook at all times, I'm waiting to see what will happen with Hezbollah in the north. When it comes to terrorism and the pursuit of murdering Jews and Israelis and destroying the state, Hezbollah wins. And they haven't even gotten started yet.

At last, it resembles a real apartment. Video forthcoming (maybe)!

Beyond war, of course, there is normal life. I went to a Thanksgiving event at Hineni on Thursday night with an e-friend turned real friend, which was a blast and a half. I'd share some pictures with you, but unfortunately the photographer for the night has failed to post them yet. Although I didn't eat much, my funds went to a good cause for those impacted by the conflict, and I got lots of my favorite Thanksgiving goodies on Friday night for "Shabbat Hodu" -- that's sort of like Indian Shabbat. I was elated and surprised when my friends in Ra'anana put together Gluten-Free Green Bean Casserole for me. It felt like home, it felt like Thanksgiving, for the first time in years. My apartment has finally been filled appropriately with an aron (closet) and a table, so I am not living 24/7 on my bed. I have an oven and plenty of cooking items, so my kitchen is finally feeling like a real place to cook and bake and ease my mind on long days again.

Tonight I made Gluten-Free Oven-Baked Fish & Chips. 

Tilapia + Potato + Seasonings/Corn Meal = Roughly 23 shekels ($6)

Homecooked Meal = Priceless

And dating? Well, that world has continued to perplex me. Men who don't know what they want or can't see what's right in front of them seem to appear at my doorstep, which leaves me nowhere. I haven't had much luck with any of the guys I've encountered on JWed (formerly Frumster), and I just got one match on Saw You at Sinai that I'm contemplating. Meeting people in real life always seems to go well, until the point-blank shoot-down after what appears to be flirtations. I'm either horribly out of practice, or men have become women with their uncertainties, mixed signals, and inability to conjure an honest thought.

So that's life right now in Israel. I'm still happy as a clam here, and I can't imagine any other life for myself. I start ulpan -- intensive Hebrew language learning like I did back in Vermont -- in mid-January, and I'm incredibly eager to make it happen. I hold my own well here, arguing with the bank and bad delivery drivers over the phone without a second thought, but I want fluency and confidence, to fill the gaps, to be able to function fully in Hebrew. Everything's fallen into place with the greatest of ease, and every day that I breathe a little here in Jerusalem is another day I'm sure that I've made the best decision for me.

With that being said, when are you guys coming to visit already!?

Ask Chaviva Anything!: Of Loathing and Family

And now for another installment of ...

Questioner number one asks,

"Besides the shaving issue, what are you disliking about Israel? Do you have a strategy for meeting someone?"

The thing I probably dislike most about Israel is the amount of people who smoke, all the time, everywhere. Shopkeepers leave their cash registers unattended to stand in the doorways of their businesses and smoke. It's that excessive. I feel like I can't breathe half the time, and I'm not looking forward to when it's crazy hot outside and I actually can't breathe. The other thing is how there doesn't seem to be a cozy coffee shop scene like what I had in the U.S. You know, the small, crowded, indie, hipster coffee shops where everyone's working and blogging and writing their life's work. 

As for a strategy for meeting someone, that's a big huge no. I'm on the traditional sites like SawYouAtSinai (major fail) and JWed (formerly Frumster) and jDate (which actually has religious people on it here believe it or not), but so far I haven't had much luck. I've met a few creeps, some crazies, and had a lot of disappointing turn-downs. I honestly was hoping that once I got to Israel that my network of friends and acquaintances would go all shidduch on me and set me up with eligible folks they knew, but so far that traditional means of getting to know people hasn't panned out. I manage to spot cute religious guys all the time, but in this world you don't just go out on a limb and talk to someone. 

Seriously, I'm willing to take suggestions. Or, if you're a cute, religious blog reader out there, I'm also up for super fans. But as one friend said to me, "You sound desperate." So I'm trying to keep all of my dating adventures and experiences offline. It's hard. It's really, really, really hard. But guys don't dig chicks who come off as desperate, now do they?

Questioner number two asks,

How has your family reacted to such a big move? Any plans for them to visit?

Great question! My little brother seems to think it's pretty awesome, and he's been asking me lots of questions about where I am, what it's like, and such. We text quite a bit (thanks Google Voice), which is how we communicated before my move, so it's not like much has changed. In my perfect world, I'd save up the cash to bring him to Israel for his 21st birthday, which happens to come in 2013. 

My dad was really upset about it, because I'm daddy's little girl and I'm moving halfway around the world. He worries, no matter where I am, because that's the kind of mensch that my dad is. But we email regularly, I've called him a few times (also thanks Google Voice), although I seem to always miss him, so we email every other day or so. We keep in close contact, and he also reads the blog when he can (hi dad!) to keep up on things I forget to mention in emails. So we're solid. I also hope to save up to bring him over! Back in his Navy days, my dad floated around in this part of the world, even shuttling some soldiers into the Suez Canal back in the early 1970s. 

As for my older brother, that's kind of a question mark. He's checked in on me a few times, and I still haven't managed to get my adorable nephews on Skype, although that's something I need to pursue more hardcore. I wonder if they're talking yet? It's hard to be far away, and I see cute bobbles all the time that I want to buy for them and send home. Dear Brother, if you're reading this, what do you think of me moving, eh? 

When it comes to the rest of my family, I'm not so close. I don't know if all of my family even knows that I'm overseas, to be honest. I put up a good front working U.S. hours and all of that, don't I? I of course want to visit. The question is when and whether I can afford it. I thought I'd be back in March for SXSW Interactive, but it looks like that's a bust. So I'll probably shoot for the summer, when leaving Israel is actually a good thing to do because it's so blazingly toasty.

Don't forget to ask your question online!

Shabbat in The Swamp

Men in The Swamp do not look like Swamp Thing.

I had quite the Shabbat this week. I round-tripped nearly 4.5 miles by my Google Maps calculations on Shabbat evening. In the morning, I traipsed a mere few feet across the park to the next street for my meal, which was an utter delight with a great family from Canada that's in town until next month experiencing all that Israel has to offer.

But Shabbat night. Where exactly did I go? Why did I schlep so far? And why do my knees hate me today? Well, I was invited down (literally, it was like a long downhill fall) to Shabbat davening at Yakar in Katamon, followed by a meal with seven other singles (seven women, one guy), followed by a Singles Game Night hosted in a local gan (that's like a preschool).

The unique thing about the locale of all of this is that it was in The Swamp. Yes, the illustrious Swamp featured in the hit Israeli TV show Srugim, which some have said is like the Religious Zionist version of Friends.


I realized the depth of the "meat market" that is The Swamp after leaving services at Yakar, because there were gobs, we're talking throngs of singles in their 20s and 30s just hanging around outside the shul. I can't imagine what it looks like on Shabbat day. And I'll admit -- I'm kind of wishing I lived down there. If anything, it would create a lot of fun blog fodder. On the other hand, it would probably result in a lot of frustration and annoyance at the show-stopping antics of single Jewish people. The nice thing about Yakar, however, is that the girls aren't dressed like they are at Mount Sinai in Washington Heights in NYC, so that was a relief for me. Although some gals had on more makeup than Honey Boo Boo at a million-dollar talent show. I felt pretty, oh so pretty. (No, really, I did.)

The davening itself was very much what I'm used to, except that the inside was either too toasty or too swamped, so the balcony outside the upstairs entrance was filled with women, making the entrance an awkward one for the menfolk. And menfolk there were. (Insert obnoxious and unnecessary drooling here.) There was a lot of singing, which took me back to my West Hartford days, but the girls around me were ... well ... let's just say they needed tuning.

Dinner was outstanding, and I was lucky enough to meet a whole new gaggle of awesome people as well as explore the possibility of the gluten-free diet/sourdough bread connection. Stay tuned for more about this. But it did feel like I was in a fun scene from Srugim ...

As for the game night aspect, well, it was a bit of a bust. It's hard to walk into a very crowded space where people have been set up and playing games for a while and interject yourself. There were quite a few attractive Frenchmen there, I will say, and it really makes me wish I had done a better job retaining my French from high school. There's always Hebrew, right? But I have to work on that, too. So I didn't meet anyone, but I did learn how to play Rummikub, and I won the first game. It did make me miss Othello, and Pandemic, and all the other games that I had back in the U.S. that I don't have here. I did bring, however, Bananagrams.

Overall? Worth the more than 4-mile schlep? Sure thing. The walk home was the rough part, but it gave me a lot of time for some personal dialogue, which is necessary when you're as internal-dialoguey as I am.

I'm also semi-happy to have discovered a blog about the scene down in Katamon, although the post from November 1 kind of really makes me sad for people who come with a puppies and roses view about Israel only to have it logically dashed within days or months of arrival.

So, do you live in The Swamp? Have experience in The Swamp? Perhaps you fell in lovveee in The Swamp? I want to hear about it!

The Flattery and Losing

I give you ... my dinner! Here you have in my Middlebury College-Brandeis University Hebrew Ulpan mug, some delicious Schwepp's Riesling-flavored Soda, and then there is some delicious sauteed kale with tomatoes with a bit of olive oil, salt, and pepper. Next to that you have some gluten-free crackers and my new favorite hummus, which happens to be some type of crazy spicy fiery hummus.

Delicious and fresh.

Today was a particularly interesting day. I spent the morning dealing with some cellphone stuff, and I was proud of myself for being able to call and tell the women -- in Hebrew -- that my data plan wasn't working, that I couldn't log on to the website, and that I needed some serious help. Eventually I got to an English speaker and he helped me out.

I spent the afternoon working at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Yafo, and I got to experience my first real bit of rain in Israel. It was warm and cool at the same time, and the world kept moving while it was raining. As I sat underneath the overhang outside the coffee shop, taking in all of the people moving so quickly in every direction, every type of Jew, Christian, Muslim, and non-religionist. If you believe for one second that Israel is filled with nothing but Jews, just sit at a coffee shop on Yafo for fifteen minutes and your mind will be blown.

I capped the day off out with @melschol shopping for some shells (those things women wear under their shirts to be modest, or tzniut) when the craziest thing happened! Yes, I was randomly hit on by a guy trying to bum a cigarette. He was frum (Orthodox) enough to not have an email address but not frum enough to avoid shaking my hand -- twice. It was weird. Flattering? A little bit. But not much.

And now? I'm home panicing because it appears I've lost my teudat zehut already. Yes, that's my ID card. It's like losing your driver's license. I've had it since Thursday. And already it's gone. I know it was in my purse when I left. And I don't know when it disappeared. But when I got home, there were two guys outside my gate who said "Hey, you lose your ID?" and I said "No," because the truth is that I didn't think I had lost my ID. And then I looked, and oh, I'd lost it.

And now? I have no way to look in the mailbox, because it's the whole building's mailbox.

Ahhh ... freak out!

Aliyah: The Pluses, The Minuses

Israel does wonders for my complexion -- inside and out, ya?

When I say to someone, "I'm considering making aliyah," there are a variety of responses, most of which start with a very shocked and concerned facial expression. These are followed by, "Well, you know it isn't easy" and "There are pluses and minuses!" Indeed, there are. But if there's one thing I've learned in life, you don't learn by pontificating, you learn by doing.

Anyway ... 


I was thinking about some of the basic pluses and minuses of moving to Israel. As I was thinking about these things, while driving about picking up gluten-free hamburger buns and beer for the 4th and being in awe of the beauty that is the Rockies, I had one small questioning realization: Do I love the mountains and weather and clear air in Colorado so much because it reminds me mightily of staring out at the hills of Neve Daniel or riding the bus into Jerusalem and seeing the mountainous hills? Thought to consider.

Anyway ... back to the pluses and minuses. Here's a small sampling of things I've been considering:

Pluses

• A vacation can take me to Europe or a cruise around the Mediterranean.
• It's ISRAEL. My heart lives there. Y'all know that. 
• The people I consider my Jewish family live there (looking specifically at The Rs, who have been there for me for more than three years through some of my brightest and darkest days and have always kept a close eye on me). 
• I have a million and one friends there. Okay, not that many, but plenty. 
• I don't have to worry about kosher food. 
• Tech jobs GALORE!
• I speak English. People in Israel desperately need people with good English. Have you seen the signs at any and every historic site in Israel? Who is translating that stuff?
• I don't have to worry about fresh fruits and veggies for my ovo-vegetarian lifestyle!
• I'm living amid some of the oldest history known to man!
• I'm fulfilling the mitzvah of living in the land of Israel, duh. 
• I feel safer when I'm in Israel than anywhere else I've ever lived. 
• Bochurim? 

Minuses

• It's a hard life -- financially. 
• Everyone around you wants to kill you. 
• Converts have a rough take of it. (Sidenote: As I told a friend earlier today, if anyone wants to question my conversion in Israel, I could easily have 100 people flashmob the hearing with the beth din. BAM!)
• I might be miserable. 
• The weather. The weather. The weather ... sigh.

Okay, so, you know, looking at those minuses ... that could be my life here. I have my debt here, I have my enemies here, I could be miserable here, I could run into conversion questioners here. And the weather? Honestly, I keep telling people that's the only reason I don't live in Israel. And you know what? That's a pretty stupid reason to not live in Israel, don't you think? I'll vacation to the Alps when I want snow, right? 

Anyone care to add to the lists? And if you want to add to the minuses, I'm pretty sure I know what else will be added. Ready, set, go!

Okay, Okay, I Get the Hint!

Breaking news today: Israel is swamped with singles!

Yes, shocking as it is, Israel is having a singles problem, specifically with the 35+ set.

According to the statistics, in 1971 the chance of a 35-year-old woman in Israel being unmarried was 1 in 40. Today, at least one in four women of that age is unattached. The situation is the same with men.

That's a huge departure. The article seems to point divorce as being more acceptable today, which is probably true. The bureau of statistics in Israel, up until 1980, didn't even list divorce as an option -- you were either single or not single. 

I don't believe what one sociologist has to say about the future of women in Israel, however. It seems a little, well, Xena: Warrior Princess Amazon Woman for me. Quite literally. According to Oz Almog, a sociologist from the Israel Studies Department at Haifa University, who has written extensively on Israeli culture, he

believes that the number of single people will grow, especially women, who will be inclined to do away with having a relationship altogether. He even believes that in the future women will start to live in communal dwellings, a sort of Amazonian kibbutz.

If that's the case, no thank you aliyah. 

Men in the article seem to complain about the aggressiveness and forwardness of women in Israel. To that I say, HELLO! There are plenty of single, amazing, intelligent Jewish women in the U.S. who won't knock down your door to get your attention but would be more than happy to set up shop with you in Israel (points aggressively at self). 

I'm just sayin'.