When You Feel Like a Hippo

Yes, I also sleep with an eye mask. That is, when I sleep. 

The weirdest thing about being pregnant is that you feel huge -- like hippopotamus huge -- even though you don't always look it in the first half or so of the process. I'm in that awkward phase of the pregnancy (20 weeks, about halfway through the pregnancy) where my weight has shifted and the clothing I've been getting by in just isn't necessarily working. Everything feels snug, and the things that I have that are naturally oversized make me look more huge (I think, anyway). 

I'm blessed with an amazing husband who -- on the first date -- told me that he thinks pregnant women are beautiful (it means they work, come on, how is that not attractive?) and that a woman's body changes more rapidly and frequently than a man's body and that he's cool with that. 

I've spent the past few months in anticipation of going to the U.S. and doing a crazy shopping adventure at Old Navy and Target to pick up maternity maxi dresses and skirts and sleeveless tops that I can modest-up with the the shells I own in abundance. When I canceled my U.S. trip, I thought, well, I'll just keep wearing what I'm wearing and if it stretches out, it stretches out and I'll figure out what to do when our finances are more in a mode of being able to afford things that fit. 

Alas, I don't think that's going to work. Or maybe I just need to come to grips with my size. 

As someone who has never been skinny or thin or even average, I can tell you that being pregnant is tough on the ego and self-image. There's a reason I haven't been taking the typical pregnancy photos. I'm struggling with feeling like my overall image hasn't changed much, even though it has, and I can feel it. It's a huge mind-mess. 

Looking at maternity bras and clothing and scanning discussion groups, it seems to me that there's something huge missing from the conversation: what it means and what it's like to be a curvy girl that's pregnant. 

When I was living in New Jersey and Colorado, I had a fairly regular gym regimen. In Colorado, I was going almost every day, spending a half-hour on the elliptical and then a half-hour on weights and working on balancing exercises. Burdened with misaligned patella on both legs, there are not many exercises I can do that aren't going to worsen an already bad knee problem (swimming and elliptical were the two okays I got from the last three physical therapists I had). Unfortunately, there isn't a pool super close, and there's no gym in sight. 

Right before I found out I was pregnant (which we found out while we were in England over Pesach, by the way), I was game to start a workout regimen again. I wanted to track down a Wii Fit and get moving, but the moment you find out you're pregnant, all the books and advice sound bytes tell you not to start up anything new. 

Stick to walking! they say. 

I've always found walking to be like ... the most boring thing on the planet when you don't have someplace to go. It's why I always hated running during volleyball in high school. When your'e running in circles, it's just pointless. Give me a destination!

So I'm doing what I can. My diet is still largely vegetarian (although with the pregnancy I've been craving meat and feeding that craving once a week or so), so I'm not gaining weight very rapidly according to my checkups. At my size, you're encouraged to not gain more than 15 or 20 pounds during the pregnancy, and I'm on a good pace for that. I try to walk up to the grocery store, even on the hottest of days, and every Shabbat we take a hard schlep around the neighborhood, which is crazy hilly and hard on me, but it's something. 

Anyone out there struggled with the "I'm already curvy" and "I'm getting much curvier" transition? How did you handle it? Did you just layer more? Wear more loose-fitting clothes? Or is it a non-starter when it comes to dealing?

Ask Chaviva Anything: The Um What Edition

From the files of "Wait, what?" comes the following question:

How much do you weigh?

Okay, I'm curious what the inspiration for this comment was. I mean, yes, you can ask questions anonymously, but, why this one? Why would you want to know? What can you gain from knowing my weight!?

At any rate, what I can tell you is that I've been told my whole life that I "wear my weight well," whatever that means. I weigh more than most people would ever guess, so I suppose there's some credence to the statement.

Something I can share in regards to this question is that I finally tracked down my wedding dress, paid the customs fees, tried it on, and blamo it fits, with plenty of room to spare. It needs to be shortened and taken in a few places, and the sleeves need to be cut down a bit because I prefer the 3/4-length-sleeve dress as opposed to the crazy long sleeve thing.

The reason this fits into the question above is that I ordered the smaller of two sizes between which I was waffling, despite advice otherwise. The thing is, typically wedding dresses are made small, so you have to buy two sizes or so larger than the size you really wear, which makes every bride to be feel absolutely delightful about her size. Because I went the nontraditional route and purchased a dress off the internet from the U.S. (I also did this for my first wedding dress, mind you), I was shocked to see the sizing matched that of my actual size. I was sort of in between two sizes, but, feeling confident, I went for the smaller size, which is truer to my normal size.

Lo and behold ... it fit. It fit! Talk about a boost to the self esteem. I now have a beautiful veil from a gemach that my friend found for me, and I just need to find some shoes to fit the evening and get the dress tailored.

Easiest. Wedding. Planning. Ever. Go small or go home. That's my new policy.

But seriously, my weight? You'll never get the number, which, I might add, seems to be dropping thanks to the requisite schlepping of life in Israel. Now get busy, because you know you can Ask Chaviva Anything, right?

School, Food, Books, and More!

So much to say! So little space. I'm torn between writing several blog posts all in one effort, or to just pile it all in here. There are some bloggers who will post 10 posts in a day, clogging up the old Google Reader. There are others who will write a novel, making my brain bleed. So where is the happy medium? To be honest, I don't know. So for now, we'll just throw it all out there in a couple itty, bitty morsels of goodness.

Topic No.1: Food, Kashrut, and Weight Watchers
I'm back on the wagon with Weight Watchers online. It was about a year ago that I hopped on the bandwagon, I lost about 20-25 pounds, and I was feeling good about  myself. Now? Well, there's something about this weather that makes me want to lose weight. So I'm on again. The great thing about this, and how it ties into this blog, is that I'm making all efforts to go kosher. Tuvia has managed to pick up a variety of sets of silverware, baking dishes, plates, bowls, you name it. When we eat at his place, we do it kosher. Here in my dorm room, I'm pretty much pareve. I will do fish or veggies, but no meat, so I don't have to worry about much. I'm still actively reading Going Kosher in 30 Days , kindly granted to me by the folks over at the Jewish Learning Group, but I'll just say that it hasn't been 30 days. It's a longer process -- a much longer process. I have oodles of questions for people about dishes and the kitchen, for one. It's so easy here, but it's difficult at Tuvia's (at least, I think it is). So what would you say about the following:

• How do you keep track of what baking pans/pots/etc. are Meat and what are Dairy/Pareve?
  
• Do people have different dishes/silverware/etc. for Pareve? Or just use Dairy?
  
• Do you wash them separately in the dishwasher? All together?
  
• What's your policy on the oven and cooking dairy and meat at separate times?
  
• How do you make the kitchen work like clockwork while trying to make everything not mesh?!
  

So, it seems like a lot, I know. But I now understand why Jews are keeping the toss-away aluminum baking-pan business and paper plate/plastic silverware businesses in business. I mean, it just makes life easier. This is why I like my vegetarian/pareve way of life. It's just easy. And for me, it's all about ease. Or maybe it's not supposed to be easy? I suppose that could be the Jewish way.

Topic No. 2: Chavi's Academic Life, or A Class Breakdown!
I know my readers just LOVE to hear what's going down in my academic life. So I thought I'd fill you in on the classes I'm taking this semester. 


Class No. 1: I'm once again doing Modern Hebrew, which after one day already has me overwhelmed. I'm going to try my hardest to get to an Ulpan this summer so I can brush up and really be ready for a second year as a master's student. I want to be able to read the texts in their original and to really be able to participate in class. But so far, everything is NOT coming back to me at a quick pace, which has me quite nervous. 
Class No. 2: Probably my most challenging class, Talmudic Historiography and Midrashic Thought is a graduate seminar that will definitely make me think. The amount of reading alone might kill me, but it's very much up the alley of what I want to be doing. Keeping up with the professor and some of the more advanced students, though, might stress me out unnecessarily. Add to this that the course reserves aren't yet on reserve and the books are expensive and the library is slow ... oy. My mind is already ready to explode. This will be another last-minute semester with me trying to figure out which of 20 topics I want to write a term paper on. I can't wait. 
Class No. 3: My third and final course shouldn't be too difficult, but it could prove to be more challenging than I think. It's with an adjunct professor (a new, original face, huzzah!), and it is the Ancient Near East taught using the Tanakh as a frame to analyze the rest of the Near East. I think it'll be interesting, considering it's an undergrad course with about 50 people in it, many who scoffed at the idea of using the Hebrew Bible as a source book. I'll let you know how it goes, but the class relies on a 20-page paper that I will surely rock. I just have to figure out what to write about ... something obscure, perhaps. Maybe looking or focusing more on archeology. I could, of course, just write more about Ba'al and calf figurines ... cross-cultural review? Who knows.

Conclusion
You like how I have things divided up like a nice little paper or outline? Welcome to my world. I have to think of everything as a finely organized outline, and I'm very much NOT an outline kind of person.

As an aside, there's a delicious little book by Joel M. Stein on its way to me (which I hope to review amid all the serious academic books that I'm reading) called "Webstein's Dictionary: The Essential Guide to Yiddishizing Your Life." OyChicago did a nice little write-up on it, and you can actually buy the book over on Pop Judaica. If you want to wait and see what I think, feel free. Either way, it'd probably be a stellar gift or a hilarious coffee-table companion.

At any rate, this is all for now. In the morning, thanks to the suggestion of Tuvia, I should have a d'var Torah on this week's parshah. It's wishful thinking, maybe, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of looking at the Torah portion each week on Fridays between Hebrew and Ancient Near East. Until then, be well!

Dieting. Weight weight wait a few months, and you'll see!

Well, I took the plunge. I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I couldn't go the full mile and do the in-person thing. Though I'm not sure if the online includes going to meetings anyhow. I should look into that. So far, I've still got six points left to waste today, and I plan on using this later on a light dessert before bed. I was shocked to find out how many calories are cut out of a Jimmy John's sandwich when you cut out the mayonnaise. Are you serious? Like, freaking amazing. It removed ALL the fat. Just ridiculous. No more Mayo for Chavi!

I often think that maybe if I were to keep completely, full, strictly kosher, then maybe it would be easier to eat healthy. My logic comes from the idea that there would only be a certain amount of items that one could really buy and eat. It would mean no eating out (unless it was vegetarian, I suppose, but even then it would be a little sketchy), which would mean losing most fried foods and bad things. I mean, it's still possible to eat crappily at home, but it's just harder.

But then I step back and think: Chavi, come on, you live in CHICAGO. Do you know how hard it is to eat well in a city like this? I mean this in the manner that it's difficult to not want to eat at a nice, Chicago restaurant at least once a week. For that once-a-week splurge. I mean, it's doable with Weight Watchers if I really try and keep track. But it's sort of like, do I really want to risk it?

Anyhow, I'm hoping this really helps me put my foot to the grindstone. I don't stick with things -- medicine, diets, exercise. I get bored, I get distracted. But this, this I am going to devote myself to. Why? Because I'm PAYING for it, that's why. Free stuff is easy to brush off. But I'm sort of stingy with the cash, so this means really getting my money's worth, darn't. And maybe I'll pick up Chava Goldman's "How to Succeed on Any Diet: A Jewish and Friendly Guide to Exercise and Dieting."

Books and scales and things and stuff. Sushi!

I got the coolest book on the planet (okay, not really, but it's that initial new-book reaction) in the mail today. It took forever to get here and after lots of complaining and a reshipment, it made it here from Edward R. Hamilton Booksellers. The book? "Women in Scripture: A Dictionary of Named and Unnamed Women in the Hebrew Bible, The Apocryphal/Deuterocanonical Books, and the New Testament." Now, if you're not familiar, this place has books that are fairly fresh and are super, super cheap. It's like a book warehouse. This book arrived in mint condition for 10 bucks. The other book I'd ordered -- The Essential Talmud -- failed to arrive and I was refunded the $3.95 it was supposed to put me back. (I'm going to have to pick up "Essential Talmud" anyhow, because it looks like a stellar addition to my collection.) The "Women in Scripture" should be a helpful resource for those women who I spot in my study but know little to nothing about and where the commentary is nil. Anyhow, the New Testament information might not be as useful for what I'll be using it for, but wow! What a buy, eh? I also have "Constatine's Sword" in my corner, and I actually need to renew it from the library. It's quite a read, and I wish it weren't so clunky because I'd love to read it on the El, but it's awfully difficult. If only I could break it into sections! I am, however, going to hit the library before it closes to pick up Art Spiegelman's 9/11 book, "In the Shadow of No Towers" as well as Marjane Sartrapi's "Persepolis: The Story of Childhood," since it comes out here in Chicago in movie form fairly soon. Plus, I find graphic novels are pretty quick to get through. I really should spend more time reading them!

I also picked up a scale today. Yes, everyone does this on January 1 and 2, right? Well, I'm going to try to stick to the healthy eating and working out and hopefully can lose about 50 pounds this year. Here's hoping, and here's hoping G-d gives me the strength to actually stick with it for once in my short, yet fascinating life.

So that's that. Lots of books and healthy things in the future for Chaviva, v.2008.