Stressed. Out. Hardcore style.

I'm a walking, talking, fully functioning stress ball. I've been missing a few Friday classes here and there because of logistics and needing to be in West Hartford to meet with the rabbi, and between not having a car and Tuvia having a full-time job, things are complicated. So, being back on campus Sunday afternoon for the first time since Wednesday night, having classes canceled today, and knowing that I won't be here this Friday because of my Chicago adventure ... well ... that's a lot of missed class, a lot of stress-inducing moments of lost instruction.

I'm trying to make a mental list of all the things I need to do before Thursday, when Tuvia and I trek off to Chicago. Spring Break is next week, so the first real week of education I'll have in a long while is in two weeks. Then in a month we have Pesach and, well, my time feels chopped up into tiny little pieces and there just aren't enough of them.

So I have a headache and there's a tiny bump on my chin -- the ultimate sign that Chavi is stressed -- and I'm attempting to stay calm but every few seconds I remember something else I needed to do. Something I promised someone, something I was supposed to send, someone I was suppose to call, an email I was supposed to send, something I should know or study but just can't seem to grasp.

I suppose this is the pre-Spring Sinking that graduate students feel?

School, Food, Books, and More!

So much to say! So little space. I'm torn between writing several blog posts all in one effort, or to just pile it all in here. There are some bloggers who will post 10 posts in a day, clogging up the old Google Reader. There are others who will write a novel, making my brain bleed. So where is the happy medium? To be honest, I don't know. So for now, we'll just throw it all out there in a couple itty, bitty morsels of goodness.

Topic No.1: Food, Kashrut, and Weight Watchers
I'm back on the wagon with Weight Watchers online. It was about a year ago that I hopped on the bandwagon, I lost about 20-25 pounds, and I was feeling good about  myself. Now? Well, there's something about this weather that makes me want to lose weight. So I'm on again. The great thing about this, and how it ties into this blog, is that I'm making all efforts to go kosher. Tuvia has managed to pick up a variety of sets of silverware, baking dishes, plates, bowls, you name it. When we eat at his place, we do it kosher. Here in my dorm room, I'm pretty much pareve. I will do fish or veggies, but no meat, so I don't have to worry about much. I'm still actively reading Going Kosher in 30 Days , kindly granted to me by the folks over at the Jewish Learning Group, but I'll just say that it hasn't been 30 days. It's a longer process -- a much longer process. I have oodles of questions for people about dishes and the kitchen, for one. It's so easy here, but it's difficult at Tuvia's (at least, I think it is). So what would you say about the following:

• How do you keep track of what baking pans/pots/etc. are Meat and what are Dairy/Pareve?
  
• Do people have different dishes/silverware/etc. for Pareve? Or just use Dairy?
  
• Do you wash them separately in the dishwasher? All together?
  
• What's your policy on the oven and cooking dairy and meat at separate times?
  
• How do you make the kitchen work like clockwork while trying to make everything not mesh?!
  

So, it seems like a lot, I know. But I now understand why Jews are keeping the toss-away aluminum baking-pan business and paper plate/plastic silverware businesses in business. I mean, it just makes life easier. This is why I like my vegetarian/pareve way of life. It's just easy. And for me, it's all about ease. Or maybe it's not supposed to be easy? I suppose that could be the Jewish way.

Topic No. 2: Chavi's Academic Life, or A Class Breakdown!
I know my readers just LOVE to hear what's going down in my academic life. So I thought I'd fill you in on the classes I'm taking this semester. 


Class No. 1: I'm once again doing Modern Hebrew, which after one day already has me overwhelmed. I'm going to try my hardest to get to an Ulpan this summer so I can brush up and really be ready for a second year as a master's student. I want to be able to read the texts in their original and to really be able to participate in class. But so far, everything is NOT coming back to me at a quick pace, which has me quite nervous. 
Class No. 2: Probably my most challenging class, Talmudic Historiography and Midrashic Thought is a graduate seminar that will definitely make me think. The amount of reading alone might kill me, but it's very much up the alley of what I want to be doing. Keeping up with the professor and some of the more advanced students, though, might stress me out unnecessarily. Add to this that the course reserves aren't yet on reserve and the books are expensive and the library is slow ... oy. My mind is already ready to explode. This will be another last-minute semester with me trying to figure out which of 20 topics I want to write a term paper on. I can't wait. 
Class No. 3: My third and final course shouldn't be too difficult, but it could prove to be more challenging than I think. It's with an adjunct professor (a new, original face, huzzah!), and it is the Ancient Near East taught using the Tanakh as a frame to analyze the rest of the Near East. I think it'll be interesting, considering it's an undergrad course with about 50 people in it, many who scoffed at the idea of using the Hebrew Bible as a source book. I'll let you know how it goes, but the class relies on a 20-page paper that I will surely rock. I just have to figure out what to write about ... something obscure, perhaps. Maybe looking or focusing more on archeology. I could, of course, just write more about Ba'al and calf figurines ... cross-cultural review? Who knows.

Conclusion
You like how I have things divided up like a nice little paper or outline? Welcome to my world. I have to think of everything as a finely organized outline, and I'm very much NOT an outline kind of person.

As an aside, there's a delicious little book by Joel M. Stein on its way to me (which I hope to review amid all the serious academic books that I'm reading) called "Webstein's Dictionary: The Essential Guide to Yiddishizing Your Life." OyChicago did a nice little write-up on it, and you can actually buy the book over on Pop Judaica. If you want to wait and see what I think, feel free. Either way, it'd probably be a stellar gift or a hilarious coffee-table companion.

At any rate, this is all for now. In the morning, thanks to the suggestion of Tuvia, I should have a d'var Torah on this week's parshah. It's wishful thinking, maybe, but I'm hoping to get back into the swing of looking at the Torah portion each week on Fridays between Hebrew and Ancient Near East. Until then, be well!

I'll Trade You An A+ for This Book?

I just realized that tomorrow, at 10 a.m., I will get back the first quiz I have taken in more than two years. It was my Hebrew aleph-bet quiz, and it jarred me. Why? I'm not sure. I've always been a really confident test taker (well, at least with essay-style tests and simple things like this), but for some reason when the professor started reading off letters for us to write in the blanks, the letters jumbled themselves in my head. I had to ask for letters to be repeated. I felt completely out of sync with the page. Now, I'm wondering, what will the tests in my other classes be like? At any rate, I'm nervous about the results. My first homework came back looking good, and aside from needing to define a few of my letters more correctly, I think I'll do okay. But thinking and doing are two different things.

So on a happier note, I have a new post up over at The Chosen Blog, the blogging wing of PopJudaica.com, on Lisa Alcalay Klug's brand-new book "Cool Jew," which I HIGHLY recommend everyone go buy. I mean, at least pick it up for someone for Chanukah. It's seriously the most resourceful book I've ever seen on hip/kitschy/pop culture Jewish stylings. Add to that the fact that's hella informative and even comes with a letter of approval (you have to read it to believe it!) in the front, and, well, you can't go wrong. Also, Lisa is headiang out on a book tour, and I'm thinking about trying to make it to her November 20th New York JCC book launch appearance, so keep an eye out.

Oh, and I also thought it was rad that the Modesto Bee blog gave me a nod for my blog post on the New York Times article re: kosher goods for Shabbos as a tip off for their own post. Wahoo! I may not be in the journalism business anymore, but I'm not that far away!

Qohelet (a note to self)

Qohelet (Ecclesiastes) is an observatory lament of the absurdity of this life, promoting a resignation -- albeit not negatively -- to having no control over one's own existence or destiny and an enjoyment of the pleasures of life (which G-d and G-d alone is responsible for having provided) while steadfastly upholding and fulfilling the commandments of G-d. 

(Note: all work is futile, as G-d either will or will not provide, but enjoying that which G-d does provide is necessary and it seems all there is. Also, man's destiny is not in his own hands, but in those of G-d, whether man is wicked or foolish or full of wisdom, so dwelling is perhaps a folly, but rather we should live as simply as possible.)

It seems like a very Jewish thing to me -- live in the here and now, not to dwell on an afterlife which is essentially nameless and directionless (thinks of a girl in class today asking about the eternal soul/everlasting life; think: Christian concept). But the essential call to fulfill the commandments because that's all there is to do and G-d has already decided the fate of man, no matter his persuasion, seems a little ... frustrating.

Anyone who has done research/work/study whether religiously or academically on Qohelet, please feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree. But from just a few readings of the work, as well as a bit of reading by Michael V. Fox on his analysis of various theories, this is what I've gathered is the gist of Qohelet (contrary to popular theories that it is a gloom-and-doom expose on the tragedy of life and the welcoming of death).

Look Ma! I Done it!

It only took me about 3.5 days to master the Hebrew script. Seriously? I bought a book with the express purpose of mastering Hebrew Script because I was fearful of this class, and I get here, and with one day's worth of homework assignments under my belt and two days (that's actually three) classes, I have for you, Aleph-Bet a la Chavi:

Let's call it Chavi script. And if you want to see what the REAL Hebrew Script looks like, you can click here and check out the fancy, handy dandy chart that every Hebrew professor on the planet uses. Of course, I have to wait and see what the professor thinks of my take on the letters, since, as with all handwriting, things come out different. Maybe I should take on Rashi Script next? HA! But I just wanted to share my mastering what I was so scared of.

The long weekend approaches, and right now the only plans I have tentatively made are for a fellow I've met on JDate and I to perhaps get some nosh and explore Letterboxing on Monday afternoon. Other than that, I intend on doing a lot of reading in Qohelet, some exploration in Exodus for Bible class, a bit of dabbling in the Hebrew vocabulary, and reading up on something to prepare some quirky interview questions for PopJudaica's blog, AND ... yes, lots of blogging here. In the works are the following:

• Blog on Rabbi Marc D. Angel's "The Search Committee" ... long overdue, and needing to be written!
• Blog (perhaps a video blog?) on how I managed to organize myself and all there is to know about Judaism during my conversion process (a nod to Rachel at Shavua Tov! for inquiring and inspiring!). 

And of course, some sleep (though I seem to get plenty) and I might actually manage to trek to the gym and see what they have to offer! Oh, and I suppose I should start figuring out my late September, early October plans, buying plane tickets back to Nebraska for my BFF Annie's wedding and figuring out High Holiday plans.

Why must they creep up so!?

(By the way, don't tell anyone, but now I'm thinking ... wow ... becoming a Professor of Hebrew? That would be the most awesome job ever. The question is ... am I too far behind in getting started to even consider such a thing?)

Adamah and Eretz: Worth Looking at?

Are you prepared for me to geek out? Torah style? Well, here goes.

I was tasked with reading Genesis 1-25 for class tomorrow, which is actually only going to be focusing on Gen. 1-3, but that's beside the point. I've read Genesis a million times, and the stories grow more familiar each time I read them. At the same time, with any study of Torah texts also comes the new and the different, which is what I've run across this time. I was keeping tabs on the various themes or words that pop up frequently -- separation (night/day, shabbat/the week, earth/heavens, water/water, etc.), the nature of a fruitful people, water (to grow, but also to destroy), covenants/promises/"deals," and then there was this word "ground."

It kept popping up, at first in a positive sense with creation, and then when things started going bad it became associated with the not so good things. Of course, when you're creating the ground/earth/soil is pretty important. But there was an obvious distinction between the choice of "ground" as a translation and "earth" as a translation in other locations. In Gen. 2:7, G-d makes man from the dust of the ground -- adamah (אדמה). Which is why Adam becomes known as Adam. Of course, prior to this we have plenty of mentions of the word earth -- eretz (ארץ), but the usage of adamah here is distinct. One of my texts has the translation as "dust of the earth" and the other says "dust of the ground" so it's obvious that there are some unsettled translation concerns when it comes to earth/ground/soil. In Gen. 2:9, the Lord causes trees to grow from adamah. Then, G-d creates all of the beasts and the birds of the sky from adamah. And then? There's the whole apple in the garden shtick and after this we have G-d cursing the adamah because of Adam. We later have Cain and Abel and G-d saying to Cain that Abel's blood cries out "from the adamah." And at last, G-d tells Cain that he shall be "more cursed than ha-adamah." (Gen. 4:11). But then later G-d, speaking after the flood, vows to never again "doom the ha-adamah" -- of course, in my Etz Chayim this is translated as "earth" and in my Holy Bible is translated as "ground." And this? Well, this is as far as I paid attention before I got engrossed in the story itself and stopped taking notes.

The thing is, there is obvious discussion and confusion about the difference or perhaps the proper usage of adamah versus eretz (and I'm sure there are other words out there, as well). I'm hoping, perhaps to signify a distinction (not now, but perhaps for a paper?) between the usage not in the technical sense, but rather in the mood -- is adamah more appropriate for speaking about the "toil" of man, whereas eretz is perhaps more positive and encompasses the more hopeful side of the struggle of man? We have many instances of adamah in reference to the burden of working the ground, to eat of the ground, to be cursed of the ground, to return to the ground from which we came. Whereas eretz is bringing forth vegetation, life, and it is oft paired with heaven expressing the all-encompassing domain of G-d. At the same time, perhaps adamah is completely literal -- it is soil, ground, that which we walk on -- while eretz is the bigger picture.

Or I could just be searching for a completely not-there connection. What do you think?

A few randoms.

A few of the randoms to help you sleep at night.

• BIBLES: I bought my first Holy Bible today. It's the Revised Standard Version, and it cost me about $12. Yes, when I say Holy Bible I mean the whole thing -- that Hebrew Bible and the new stuff, too. I don't do the whole "New" and "Old" bit, simply because, well, some people just don't like the way it sounds. Some, they say, think that by calling the Hebrew Bible "old," it's implying false or impractical or completely out of date and obscenely wrong. So I've got the Hebrew Bible and the Christian Bible (that works, right?) here in my clutches. I owned a Holy Bible once, back in the day, that was a gift from my parents when I was a wee lass. It was a Precious Moments bible, and I loved -- I repeat loved -- that thing because of the neat pictures it had. I remember at a very early age trying to get through Genesis, but all the so-and-sos begatting so-and-sos left me feeling empty, so I went back to the pictures. I will say, though, that it was, well, unsettling to have to buy this Holy Bible. Why? Because I'm moronic sometimes. Yes, every scholar should probably have a copy of the working Holy Bible, but I guess I've just never had a use for it before. But now, with my Bible Topics class, I have to prepare to delve into the Christian side of things. It makes me a little nervous ... everything I've ever read out of Paul just makes me want to ... well, that's a different discussion. Let's just say that I prefer my JPS Tanakh. 
• NAMES: I realized that Chaviva is a more practical name than some might thing. Yes, it might be difficult for the masses (Jew and gentile alike) to pronounce, but when I was walking through the dining hall tonight I kept hearing someone yelling "AMANDA! AMANDA!" and I, of course, looked. It isn't like I know anyone here, but I still had to perk up my old ears because, well, for nearly 25 years people have been yelling "Amanda!" I'd prefer to be able to not perk the ears any more with such a common name. I mean, how often do you hear someone yelling "CHAVI!?!?!" across a college dining hall? Yah, I'd know it was for me.
• NERVES (not of the steel variety): I've decided that the stomach ache I've been nursing since Monday evening is a big pile of nerves mixed with stress stewing in my insides. I get so worked up about things, even when, well, it isn't outwardly obvious. I'm really focused on doing things right, especially this first semester. It will likely result in anti-social behavior (sorry fellow graduate students -- read: Jess!), but I'm going to devote myself to studying olam in the realm of Qohelet, mastering the Hebrew language, and hopefully passing some tests and writing some massively lengthy papers. I figure if I can get through my first semester with brilliant, flying colors, then I will feel a bit better about everything.
• LUNGS: I've also decided that I need to breathe. 
• KASHERING: Unfortunately, I have yet to set foot in the kosher dining facilities. You see, I'm over here, and they're over there, and it's a bit of a jaunt. Yes, there are people who live even further south in the alumni dorms who I know are kosher and who trek over to Nosh for meals, but, I'm just not there yet. I mean, will it be awkward if I go into the kosher dining hall wearing capri pants, a tank top and a cardigan? Is there a typical dress code for fitting into the kosher dining hall? In truth, it isn't that that's keeping me, it really is the distance. It's a schlep and a half, and if the Hillel building were actually functioning, well, it'd be worth going over there for dinner at Nosh, then studying at Hillel. But that's a no-go so my inspiration is nil. On the other hand, I have eaten vegetarian since being here (well, if you don't count the chicken at Panda Express on Sunday when I had visitors), so that's a start, right? No opportunity to mix meat and milk there. 
• GRAD GUIDELINES: Someone really needs to write a book about the tricks to graduate school. On day one I was thinking, so I bought this UCONN t-shirt, right? I figured, school spirit, a new t-shirt, it's a win-win. But then I started thinking ... if I'm a grad student, should my loyalty continue to reside with my undergraduate university? Should I not show grad school pride? Is it one of those, once you're done you can exude pride kind of things? It was suggested that the UCONN t-shirt should be worn passively, perhaps under a sweater or other shirt. As a graduate student, am I to get involved on campus with groups? Or should I steer clear? What are the policies on campus pride, darn't!? I mean, I'm not about to go to football or basketball games, simply because they won't compare to Husker games (I'm a Husker for life), but add to that that I'm a graduate student and it seems to label me "apathetic, disinterested, nose-in-a-book student." Someone, please tell me the rules of the game?

Well, I think that's all for tonight. I'm trying to extend my awake hours so I can adjust for those nights that I really, really need to be awake to study or write or read or cry. This going to bed at 10 p.m. thing just isn't going to fly in this world. 

The first day of school.

Here I sit, in my slightly larger than nine-by-twelve feet dorm room in Storrs, Connecticut, mulling over my first day of classes while nursing a stomach ache probably induced by too much dairy. I need not mention, though I guess I am now, that three of my last five meals have included a grilled cheese sandwich from the cafeteria; it's a comfort food, and when you're nearly 25 and surrounded by 17/18-year-old kids staring at the most scantily clad girls I've ever seen, well, you need comfort food. Perhaps I'll venture to Nosh, the Kosher dining facility, starting tomorrow. But back to the basics.

I had two of my four classes (only three of which I'm registered for -- one I'm just sitting in on) today, one of which was three hours. My first class was beginning modern Hebrew, which was absolutely wonderful. The teacher is energetic, the class is full of interesting and interactive people, and the professor began speaking Hebrew right away! Lots of what is your name and yes and no and how are you (tov, ma'od, todah rabah!). I felt really good leaving that class today. And after visiting the Judaic studies office and hearing about my eventual fellowship check, etc., etc., I came back here for some downtime.

I was actually really excited for my evening class on biblical interpretation in medeival and post-modern literature. I mean, medieval was what I'd wanted to do when I started out on this whole grad school adventure a few years ago (well, that's when I started applying anyhow). So why shouldn't I be excited? I got there, am in the class with four comparative lit students and three other Judaic studies students -- all at the grad level, so far as I know -- and that gave me hopes. But ... yikes.

<<>> Edit: Okay, I'm going to give this class a chance before I start kvetching about it. I'm far too impulsive. <<>>The upside is that he mentioned the importance of the word olam, which I've written about at length here and here, so hopefully I can turn that into a term paper (since, I think that's really the only grade IN the class). It's supposed to be a lot of exegesis, which I love, but the first class just wandered and wandered and wandered and I wasn't exactly sure what the class was meant to be about. So I'm going to start in on Qohelet (Ecclesiastes) and hope for the best ... let's hope that "I'm Rashi's long lost daughter" comes in handy with the picking apart of the text. <<>>More editing<<>>

In other news, the Jewish barbecue last night was great. I met a lot of people who gave me some interesting insight into how the Jewish campus runs. There is a Jewish fraternity and a Jewish sorority (ooh scary), and there is a Hillel House and a Chabad. Turns out that the Hillel building has been deemed unsafe, so they're not going to be able to use the building for the Reform/Conservative/Orthodox Shabbos services; instead, they'll be moving to another building for services. But what I've heard is that there's usually no Orthodox or Conservadox style service, just a Reform/Conservative service, but more at the more liberal end of the spectrum. Chabad is sort of off campus, in the rabbi's house. There is dinner, shmoozing, etc., etc. and it sounds like a good time. In fact, Chabad also does Torah on Tap on Mondays (yup, that's tonight) at 8:30 at the bar at the hotel on campus, but, well, this stomach ache is not leaving me in the mood for d'var Torah or beer. But there are oodles of Jewish kids in my Hebrew class (the prof got excited with every Hebrew name -- Rivka, Dovid, Rachel, etc.). So, I think I've got myself into a good situation. One of the girls even called tonight to remind me about the Torah on Tap. 

So anyhow. That's how my first day was, and what's mulling about in my head. I have a lot to do before I hit the sack tonight. The busy of the graduate student doth begin!