Only in Israel

Every time I come to Israel, I feel like there are more and more things that stand out to me as "only in Israel" kind of experiences. I think it's staying in an apartment and not a hotel that aids to this experience, but also schlepping around and seeing Israelis and experiencing the life that really makes these things stand out. There are moments when I'm actually saying to myself, "Good lord, this would never happen in New York!" ... Let alone Teaneck, New Jersey.

I mean, we complain about keeping kosher in the U.S., but here it's a ridiculous experience trying to buy a jar of mustard in the store let alone figure out which booths at the shuk are good for spices or loose-leaf tea. It's funny how the te'udot (the document that explains a restaurant or booth's kosher affiliation) have changed since December when Tuvia and I were here last. I still can't manage to tell the difference between  Kosher L'Mehadrin and Rabbanut. Yes, I know, I should just read the documents, but, when you're being shoved around by a hundred other people trying to buy tomatoes, it's kind of hard to stop and smell the roses and analyze a document hanging high above a wall under which is a man yelling for you to buy his delicious, red agvaniot.

Things that happen only in Israel?

• You take a shower and soak the entire bathroom floor. Why? Well, either the shower doors aren't really shower doors, or the Israeli folks behind the bathroom's construction expect that small tilt in the floor to do the job. Of course, there's always the gigantic squeegee. 
• Your feet, the floor, and everything else is perpetually dirty, no matter how much time you spend cleaning (with the squeegee, of course). 
• Leaving your door open for a nice cross-breeze means stray cats think you're inviting them in for a visit.
• A man will sit on the stairs outside your apartment screaming at the top of his lungs into a cellphone -- wearing a kippah and cursing, that is -- without a care in the world. And no one, not a single person, screams out the window "SHUT UP!" 
• Another man (or maybe the same one) will walk down your street coughing as though the world's largest hairball has found its way into his mouth, again, of course, without a care in the world. (The word "restraint" must not exist here.)
• People on the street move for no one -- not the elderly, not babies, nothing. You can say slicha (excuse me) a million times, and they won't budge. Not even IDF soldiers! Call me old fashioned, but ...
• Strangers will speak to you freely, willingly, saying whatever is on their mind or asking you any kind of information. 
• People don't know the next street over. Unless they live on it, they can't tell you where it is. Especially in Nachlaot. 
• People will push, shove, and knock you down to get to the Kotel on a holiday. They'll watch you freaking out, being crushed in a crowd, when they know that there is no room to move forward or backward, watching children be crushed in a crowd, and they will continue to push and push and push until you're forced to freak out in a way that you've never freaked out before. I will never forget the word for stroller (agalah), and I will never forget the nice EMT who once-upon-a-time lived in Memphis, TN. 

And, I'm sure more will be added to this list as my trip goes on. I'm looking forward to be secluded for a few days out at the Dan Hotel on Mt. Scopus for ROI, to be honest. I love Jerusalem, but I don't love being here without Tuvia, and I don't love how claustrophobic a single event has made me. 

If I weren't halfway around the world, I'd pickup and go back to Teaneck. 

In Israel, and ROI Cometh!

My little street in Nachlaot, Ma'on.

Well, here I am in Jerusalem safe and sound. I'm not sure why I'm more exhausted this trip than past trips -- maybe because I don't have Tuvia with me to keep me alive, alert, awake and enthusiastic. Either way, I was up later than I wanted to be last night (millions of emails in the inbox), and there was someone upstairs have a crazy party in which the music rose in volume about every two minutes. I'm worried I might not be able to swing a Shavuot all-nighter, but we'll see. If anything, I'm going to make it to the kotel, even if ever-so-briefly. Then? I might need to sleep some more. But this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime kind of things, I feel like. Pilgrimage holiday at the pilgrimage locale? Awesomesauce.

So tonight and tomorrow are Shavuot, which I'm spending with some new and old friends, followed by some chillaxing and then an as-yet-unknown Shabbat in Jerusalem. I kind of want to get my Shabbos on at the kotel, so I'm staying local. Next Shabbos I'll be in Ramat Shlomo with my awesome Lubavitch family (Tuvia's side, of course).

And then it's on to the races. Er ... the 2011 ROI Summit at the Dan Jerusalem Hotel. Still not sure what this ROI thing I'm talking about is? Well, this is the press release, and you can follow everything on Twitter with the hashtag #roicom! (Read more here.) I've got three main areas of passion: Conversion, Social Media, Hebrew Language/Israel Education. I can't say my Hebrew is stellar (sigh), but hopefully this trip will prove my passion worthy.

You can expect gobs of blogging and Tweeting about the event, so if I bog you down, feel free to tune me out for a few days, but I hope you'll listen and learn along with me!

---

Connecting to Create the Jewish Future
Young Social Innovators Will Collaborate at Global Summit in Jerusalem to Transform the Jewish World and Beyond. June 12-16, 2011, Dan Jerusalem Hotel


As cyber-activism and Facebook revolutions sweep the Middle East, 150 Jewish social and business entrepreneurs, technology whizzes, thinkers and artists from Hong Kong to Zagreb, Sao Paulo to San Francisco, and Melbourne to Beersheva, will converge on Jerusalem for the ROI Global Summit of Young Jewish Innovators, to connect and create new tools and novel approaches to shape the Jewish world and beyond.

ROI Community is an international network of 600 social entrepreneurs and Jewish innovators in 40 countries on six continents who are creating innovative ways to connect to Jewish life.

“These young Jewish social entrepreneurs are transforming the Jewish world through their vital initiatives and commitment to tikkun olam, repairing the world,” said Lynn Schusterman, the American Jewish philanthropist who, in 2005, created ROI Community as a partnership with Taglit-Birthright Israel. “As change agents within their own communities, in Israel and beyond, these 20- and 30-somethings are key to ensuring the vibrancy of Jewish life 3,000 years down the road.”

Keynote speaker Marina Nemat, whose best-selling memoir Prisoner of Teheran recounts the torture she endured while imprisoned by the Khomeini regime as a teenager, will address human rights and the revolutions sweeping the Middle East. Opening keynoter Daniel Birnbaum, who, as CEO, oversaw Israel’s biggest IPO in 2010 for start-up SodaStream International, will share how building a corporate culture grounded in environmental responsibility boosts business. And, in conjunction with the Jerusalem Season of Culture, world-renowned video artist Kutiman will unveil a new piece inspired by Jerusalem during the ROI Global Summit.

At the heart of the program is peer-to-peer training and collaborative project-building lead by ROI network members from around the world. In addition, some of Israel’s most successful entrepreneurs and thought leaders will teach Master Classes to inspire the ROIers with their personal stories and insights for effecting change. Among the dozen Master Class teachers will be Yossi Abramowitz, president of the newly formed Arava Power Company and Jewish educator/activist; Independence Party MK Einat Wilf, a Cambridge PhD and former Senior Fellow at the Jewish People Policy Planning Institute, who serves on the Foreign Affairs and Defense, Education and House committees; and, Rachel Azarya, the youngest Deputy Mayor of Jerusalem.

ROI Community has played a key role in seeding and supporting such cutting-edge Jewish start-ups as Moishe House, G-dcast, Jewcology, Omanoot.com, andHaggadot.com. ROI also offers an expansive Micro Grants program to help ROI members turn ideas into actual meaningful projects.

“ROI Community creates a space where connection and innovation happen,” said Justin Korda, ROI Community Executive Director. “Our ultimate goal is to link up dynamic, creative young Jews, enabling them to translate their ideas into initiatives that bring the joy of Jewish life to Jews around the world and impact the world around them. Ultimately, we envision a thousand-strong network of innovators engaging a million people in diverse forms of Jewish life.”

Shavuot is Coming, Do You Know Why?

I wrote this in 2010, but it was too good not to post again, so here it is -- my Shavuot post!

---

Shavuot is right around the corner, and by that I mean it starts tomorrow night! Have you made your cheesecake? Warmed your blintzes? Figured out where all those Lactaid pills are? But seriously, cheese aside, have you really thought about Shavuot? Have you considered what the chagmeans, what it stands for both historically and religiously? Or has it been Colby Jack, Mozzarella, Cheese Puffs, and more dairy?

I was blessed to have a professor who really stressed to his undergraduate students the importance of the historical and the religious of the three pilgrimage festivals (a.k.a. Shlosha Regalim): Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot.

The funny thing is, they've all but lost their agricultural (that is, pilgrimage) meanings, and they've come to mean a variety of things: Pesach being the holiday where we eat matzo and do those annoying seder things; Shavuot being that holiday where we stay up all night studying Torah and noshing dairy; and Sukkot the chag where we sit outside in booths and swat at flies. But what do these chagim really mean, and why are they tied together so tightly? In reality, you can't have one without the other, and if you celebrate one or two but not the others, you're really missing the point.

In a nutshell, agriculturally and historically, Passover starts the grain harvest, Shavuot marks the end of the grain harvest and the beginning of the fruit harvest, and Sukkot marks ... you guessed it ... the end of the fruit harvest. Living in the Diaspora, you really miss the sense of the seasons, and as such you really don't get these simple and basic histories behind the holidays.

Of course, each of them have religious significance as well, with Passover marking the Exodus, Shavuot marking the giving of the Torah at Sinai, and Sukkot commemorating the living of booths in the Wilderness of the Exile. Again, these historic/religious events are cyclical and play a part in a timeline that is, without a doubt, connected. You can't remember the Exile without remembering the Exodus, and the giving of the Torah is sort of insignificant unless you understand why it was given, where it was given, and how.

What's my point? My point here is that these holidays aren't just about our modern observances. Much of what we know about our modern observances (especially about Sukkot) come from sort of a mishmosh of understandings of the Biblical and Rabbinic texts, and although they are just as valid as everything else, it's the basics that are found in the Torah -- in regards to the agricultural festivals -- that really evolved these three pilgrimage/agricultural festivals!

Are you still jonesing to know why we down lots of dairy (and Lactaid) on Shavuot? There are a few interesting and compelling reasons for this. Perhaps my favorite being that the Israelites didn't know how to properly take on meat before the giving of the Torah, so they opted for dairy, dairy, and more dairy, until Moshe came back down and told them how to properly handle meat. Another popular opinion is that it is the sense of Israel as the "land of milk and honey" that appears throughout the Torah that is cause for us to get all milchig over the two-day chag in the Diaspora.

Whichever opinion you like, just make sure you don't forget where Shavuot really came from and that it's the beginning of the next harvest season. You might say, I guess, that the Jewish holidays are "more than meets the eye."

Men's Edition | The Tzniut Project 3: Behavior Around Women

This is the third in the Men's Edition of a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. For the Men's Edition, men from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. 

Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project and the Men's Edition to read more stories!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. 

---

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself.
In America I'd be called Modern-Orthodox, and in Israel I'd be categorized as Religious-Zionist. Overall, I'd say that I believe in strict adherence to Halacha, but realizing that sometimes different ideals, both sanctioned by the Torah, can clash and require you to make compromises in order to balance them out.

2. I say modesty or tzniut … as a man, what does that mean to you?
This means dressing in a manner that respects the people around me and the activity that I am partaking in.

An even bigger part of it is how you interact with women you meet, at work or socially.

I also believe, in general, in going a bit beyond that to make this issue more vivid in my day-to-day experience. Thus, while I will go on hikes in shorts, in general I will always leave the house in long pants.

3. Growing up, did your father or grandfather wear a kippah or any other “modest” or recognizable Jewish dress?
Yup. All my family, from both sides, is strongly Orthodox.

4. Do you think tzniut was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress with any type of modest or recognizable Jewish dress growing up?
For sure. However, the question, I believe, does not hit the mark for men as much as it does for women. Men hardly have any clear halachik restrictions in terms of dress code, and after discussing this with my wife in past years I realized that this is probably not a coincidence: men are simply more drawn to physical stimuli than women are (in general).

To me, in today's day and age, a man's modesty is not expressed so much in how he dresses --  a more important factor is how he behaves around women, or when exposed to indecent images on the street or on television. Once you are married, these issues become even more important. In this sense, I feel that these issues were instilled in me as a kid. However, I only have brothers but no sisters, and so some of these issues came up much later in the game than for others, I would assume.

5. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices regarding tzniut? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you?
I am married, and as far as I know she is fine with my choices. When an issue comes up, I'll ask her if she thinks I should take extra precautions, and I will follow her advice unless I have a strong rational why not to do so.

6. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress or carry yourself differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how?
I wear a shirt (long/short sleeve) and long pants -- and a Kipa and Tzitzis, of course. On Shabbat, I'll dress in formal cloths. However, as I mentioned above, this question is much less relevant, I feel, for men than for women.

7. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and head-covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You wear a kippah, so you must be x,y,z”)
Actually, that DID happen to me a few months ago. I was walking around where I work and someone came up to me and said, "I knew there were religious people here, but its great to see someone walk with their Tzitzis out like that." It made me feel good --  I was just being me, but to this person, I was making a statement, that you can be proud of who you are and not feel the need to fit in to the point where you need to hide your Jewishness.

8. Have you ever surprised someone by way of tzniut, making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew?
Many non-observant Jews and non-Jewish people I've talked to were surprised to hear about Isur Negia and how my wife and I were never intimate or even close to that before we married. They usually find it unbelievable to think that one could decide to marry without having a physical relationship to build on first. Of course, the fact that their grandparents probably had no problem with this concept usually eludes them ...

9. When you see someone who observes tzniut or dresses differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them?
I respect people that go the extra mile to be modest, especially women, who have to work harder at it. On the other hand, extreme immodesty makes me uncomfortable, and when I'm exposed to it on the street I wish people would respect the public spaces we share and not force upon me this feeling. Of course, I live in this world, and if I have to interact with these people I put civility first -- they might make me uncomfortable, but I realize this is a culture thing, and they have a right to their opinion and style even if I think its morally problematic.

10. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more!
Just to say that the most important thing I feel about modesty is to be honest with yourself about it. Especially for men, today's world is so full of immodest images and interactions that it takes a lot of work to maintain modesty on all these levels, and its important to always check yourself to make sure you are happy where you are on this spectrum.

Men's Edition | The Tzniut Project 2: Compassion, Shame, Benevolence

This is the second in the Men's Edition of a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. For the Men's Edition, men from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. 

Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project and the Men's Edition to read more stories!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. 

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself.Modern Orthodox or Centrist Orthodox. The elaboration: I use those terms as R Aharon Lichtenstein and R Lamm taught me to define and embrace them.

Although the approach of R Jonathan Sachs to shun all limiting labels or R Josh Yuter's Shomer Torah are attractive, I am still influenced by R Lichtenstien and R Lamm definitions/terminology from my formative years

2. I say modesty or tzniut … as a man, what does that mean to you?How one acts and dresses. Dress: I rarely wear shorts in public. To the extant my kids express shock if I ever do. My clothes for the most part are not loud (a lot of fall colors, toward the end of fall).

It means dressing and acting appropriately. Tzniut is not an objective but a subjective, right time and right place for some things.

3. Growing up, did your father or grandfather wear a kippah or any other “modest” or recognizable Jewish dress?One of my grandfather's did in public. My father was more comfortable without one at work or at a ball game.

I always wore one. I was at a trade show in France and on the first day wore a kippah. WOW did I fee uncomfortable. I did not wear one at subsequent shows.

My mother never wanted me to wear my tzizit hanging out. I subsequently learned that that is preferred by some.

I taught my son that kippah and tzizit is how a Jew dresses at all times (not bathing/swimming). BUT tzizit was more important.

4. Do you think tzniut was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress with any type of modest or recognizable Jewish dress growing up?I did wear kippah and tzizit growing up. In Israel I did not like being in a large institution with everyone knowing my name but I did not know their’s. So I stopped wearing a kippah with a name. I started wearing a plain black knit kippah.

By the by, I do not consider kippah part of tzniut but the questions are pointing in that direction

A kippah should remind one how to act and is at the heart of tzniut. I guess I need to work on that -- not the wearing part, which I do wear one, but the message.

5. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices regarding tzniut? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you?I am married and my wife does it to me, and I know she would be very comfortable if I wore more colors, shorts, jeans. But I don’t.

My grandmother decided to cover her hair after being married for more than 20 years. Her husband went to very traditional yeshivot. Take what you want from the story. It is a good model of doing things because of motivation and mutual respect.

6. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress or carry yourself differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how?Shabbos: white long-sleeve pressed shirt, slacks, jacket in shul (or suit). Tie depends if I am on time or not). Going to the park with the kids I also will only go when wearing a white long-sleeve pressed shirt.

During the week: black shoes, black knit kippah, black pants, grey shirt.

As I said about I think Tzniut is subjective. What is right for Wednesday is not right for Shabbat.

7. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and head-covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You wear a kippah, so you must be x,y,z”)I guess when I am at the Shabbos park in my white shirt I think the contrast to those who don’t is stark. I do want to somehow -- through what I wear -- portray a “Shabbos atmosphere.”

8. Have you ever surprised someone by way of tzniut, making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew?I heard the following this year in the context of sex ed in school: We should not judge young women by what is their hardest challenge. We tend to judge based on dress, but it is a very difficult challenge as they are evaluating their appearance, fashion sense, fitting in with friends, their new body, their sex appeal and how to use it and how NOT to.

"This nation is characterized by three things: they are compassionate, bashful/shameful, and benevolent [rachmanim, baishanim, ve-gomlei chasadim]." (Yevamot 79a)

So for me when someone has these characteristics that is what should strike people and say WOW. (Working on that, too.)

9. When you see someone who observes tzniut or dresses differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them?I am very impressed by the way people act and speak. I am sure to some it comes easy but many people regardless of how they dress do speak and act in a refined way. See Talmud Yevamot 79a cited above.

10. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more!

N/A

The Tzniut Project 12: "Normal" Clothes

This is the twelfth in a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. Women from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project to read more stories and comment abundantly!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. 

---

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself. I am currently trying to convert to Judaism through the RCA (Rabbinical Council of America, Orthodox).


2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up? No, no one in my family ever dressed modestly to the degree of modest I dress now. My family always was respectful, but never long skirts or long sleeves all the time. I in no way shape or form dress modestly growing up, I wore mini skirts/shorts and shirts where my chest was always exposed.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you? I am not married, but I am dating, and my boyfriend has a HUGE impact on how I dress. At first (before my decision to convert), he never cared what I wore, or what I looked like, but now that I am dressing Tznius, he is always concerned, and constantly questions me. I am trying to find my own way around tznius instead of just wearing shells and skirts, so sometimes things always dont look the best.

4. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how? Normally I will wear a shirt, a shell underneath, and a black long skirt. I dont really differentiate how I dress on Shabbos and every other day because I dont have Shabbos at my house, and it gets difficult to lug so many different options around. Currently I am wearing a shirt, with no shell underneath (long sleeve, up to the neck) and a long black skirt. I have been trying to look for shirts that don't require shells.

5. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”) Everyone comments on my dress of choice. Especially my mother. She always says that I look like an old lady with the skirts I wear or that I am not dressing my age. I got used to it. Some people at work also state how I should wear "normal" clothes again, and how they like looking at my Facebook to remember me when I dressed "normal."

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew? No.

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them? Since I am still learning, I take into consideration how different people observe Tzniut, but I know what I like to wear, and how I like to wear certain clothing. If I like a style, I will definitely adopt it, but otherwise, I keep it my way.

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you?Elbows covered, Chest Covered, Knees Covered, Hair Covered, covered everywhere! =]

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more! No, but please let me know if you have any other quesitons!!! =]

Men's Edition | The Tzniut Project 1:People Think I'm a Rabbi

This is the first in the Men's Edition of a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. For the Men's Edition, men from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. 


Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project and the Men's Edition to read more stories!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. 

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself. 
Orthodox, yeshivish, ben Torah.

2. I say modesty or tzniut … as a man, what does that mean to you? 
Keeping shirt buttoned, no shorts, not talking about private matters in public, using respectful language, separate seating, not going up to women to say hello, avoiding places where men and women mix. Not going to the beach. Avoiding places where women don’t dress appropriately. Being careful what I see and what websites I go to and what movies/videos I watch.

I never wear jeans.

3. Growing up, did your father or grandfather wear a kippah or any other “modest” or recognizable Jewish dress? 
My father and grandfather both wore a kippah. My father always wore a hat of some type outside the house.

4. Do you think tzniut was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress with any type of modest or recognizable Jewish dress growing up? 
My ideas of tznius I got from Yeshiva. Not sure that Jewish dress is related to tznius.

5. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices regarding tzniut? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you? 
Yes I am married. My wife has much more stringent ideas of Tznius than I do. She would be very upset if I wore anything but a white buttoned dress shirt with a collar. Tznius in a marriage involves how what dresses and acts in the house alone and in front of others. Each couple has to work that out with each other.

6. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress or carry yourself differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how? 
I tend to wear a white shirt, black pants and a black jacket. I also have a beard. I wear my tzitzis out. On Shabbos and Yom Tov I wear a black fedora and a tie. Why? Because wearing a black hat during the week will just get my hat ruined. The tie is in honor of Shabbos/yom tom.

7. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and head-covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You wear a kippah, so you must be x,y,z”) 
People think I am a rabbi, which is only partly true.

8. Have you ever surprised someone by way of tzniut, making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew? 
No.

9. When you see someone who observes tzniut or dresses differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them? 
I judge people by the way they dress. I will assume they either belong to a particular Jewish grouping or they are totally mixed up and they don’t know what they are doing. I look to see if what they are wearing is consistent with their mores, their speech patterns, accents, and interests.

10. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more! 
My son who is in yeshiva commented about me that the way I dress looks like someone from the past who hasn’t been influenced by the yeshiva style of today. He said in Yeshiva you would not find buchrim wearing black cotton pants, they will either wear polyester or wool. I look like someone who went to yeshiva in the past but I am now “out of it.”

Re-imagining Israel Education Part II: Hebrew!

Okay, so I already posted some theories of mine about the importance of Hebrew in Jewish identity and identification with the land, people, and state of Israel, but I think I need to hit the point home a little more and a little more clearly.

I wrote a paper for one of my courses this semester called "The DNA of Jewish Education: Modern Hebrew and Identity Formation" (<-- that's the Google doc). I don't expect anyone to go read the entire thing, but I want to highlight a few of my findings from my research. For those of you who don't believe that Modern Hebrew language literacy is key in Jewish identity formation and ultimately identification with Israel, I hope this information is compelling! Feel free to argue back any of the points made below or in the full paper. Mad props if you actually read the paper, too.

A thought to consider while reading: Had we decided to teach Yiddish in Hebrew and Day Schools, it likely would have stuck. Why? It was spoken at home; Modern Hebrew as not. But the Zionist lobby won out on this front and thus Modern Hebrew became the tour de force of the Talmud Torah and even made its way into public schools in the New York area (and is still offered as a foreign language in 36 U.S. public schools).

In Gilead Morahg's Language is Not Enough, he cites a 1989 University of Wisconsin survey of all 284 students in the university’s Modern Hebrew program that shows “very clearly” that most of the students chose to study Hebrew because, on one level or another, they were seeking an “authentic connection to their own culture and a more coherent sense of their own identity.” Ultimately, the survey showed, when asked students to indicate and rank the areas in which they anticipated using Hebrew later in life, the students ranked the following as the top three: (1) Travel to Israel; (2) Educating Your Children; and (3) Religious Services.

...

Students in many schools take French or Spanish for language requirements, and so Hebrew tends to fall into the pit of general language instruction. The missing piece, Gilead Morahg argues, is that for most students and teachers, Hebrew is presented as a foreign language, but that for most students and teachers of modern Hebrew, it is not the language of a foreign country but of a people of which they are a part. Morahg refers to this as the “suppression of the profound cultural connection between the Hebrew language and its Jewish learners,” and that this is what threatens to invalidate much of what goes on in the classroom. “It disorients and frustrates the teachers and it almost invariably disappoints the students,” Morahg says.

...

A people has traditions, a shared history, memory, and, most importantly, a common language. “A group speaking the same language different from that of other groups in the same or neighboring location, and identifying with the same language as a symbol of this social unit,” one scholar says, “has basic advantages for maintaining its own existence as a distinct community." Thus, without a common language, cultural and structural assimilationist tendencies become stronger. When groups are faced with rapid assimilation, Elana Shohamy argues, groups tend to use the device of language to recreate their identity, which is what we call subtractive learning in the language acquisition.

...

Elana Shohamy cites a 1996 Imber-Bailey study that examined the hypothesis that children acquiring an ancestor language develop an ethnic identification that differs from those not acquiring it. The study concluded that bilinguals perceived themselves as part of a community using “we” more frequently than monolinguals, not to mention that bilinguals tend to have a more positive evaluation of their culture.

...

If parents and educators can begin looking at the Hebrew language as Waxman does, as “symbolic communication” and as Hayim Nachum Bialik and Ahad Haam did, as a “repository for a culture’s cherished attitudes and values,” perhaps headway can be made.

...

Identity, Morahg argues, is a mode of action: Who you are is not a function of what you know but of what you do. The ability to communicate using the Hebrew language, then, is probably the “most powerful means of enhancing and expressing a personal sense of Jewish identity.” In this way, Hebrew language functions in an entirely different way than most other aspects of a Jewish studies curriculum, because language is more than a form of knowledge, but a “behavior, a mode of personal and cultural action.”

And my conclusion:

Just as Jews cannot agree on a universally accepted definition of Jewish identity, so, too, it is unlikely that educators will ever agree on why we teach Hebrew, let alone how we should teach Hebrew. What is agreed upon is that Hebrew is critical to the social project of Jewish education in its formal and informal modes” and it is a “key component of transmitting Jewish religious and cultural identification.” Citing a Jewish educator, Sharon Avni accurately observes that “Hebrew is the DNA of Jewish education” -- it permeates all areas of study. But there are few external incentives for children to learn Hebrew. 

Aside from the need for central institutions, realistic goals and outcomes, appropriate learning conditions, and a dedicated, passionate, and educated workforce, there are basic ways we can start to infuse Jewish education with the taste for Modern Hebrew. Educators must create classroom environments that encourage students to identify with the communal feelings they have during a Passover seder or when lighting Chanukah candles. Educators need to express the validity of Hebrew as the language of the Jewish people as a cultural construct, and not just a foreign language or rote of the Zionist dialogue. Only then will Jewish students become more engaged in their heritage language, Hebrew, and, one can only hope, in their own Jewish selves as well.

Best Dairy Meal Ever. Period.

No one is paying me to write this. 

I just want to get that out of the way right now, because I know sometimes when I do "sponsored posts" (a girl's gotta eat) people get all in a tissy about me selling out or working for the "man." No, this post is coming straight from the heart. Or, rather, it's coming straight from my stomach and eyes to your eyes. If that makes sense.

I think the pictures can speak for themselves, but just for your info, if you want to read my review of this delicious restaurant -- Ariel's in Englewood, NJ -- on Yelp, be my guest. Also? It's Chalav Yisrael, so I expect @mottel and @wifeofmottel to come enjoy a delicious meal and to bring Baby Boo with them. Everyone else is welcome, too!

Tomato Roasted Garlic Soup, Stuffed Flounder, Gluten-Free Flourless Chocolate Cake

This was probably my last great meal before Israel. Not that I'm knocking Israel's restaurant stylings, I'm just not adept enough to know where to go and what hechshers make the most sense and so on. It's almost harder than keeping kosher in the U.S.

If you have suggestions of delicious kosher restaurants in Jerusalem that won't break the bank and beats this, be sure to let me know!

The Tzniut Project 11: It's a Lifestyle Choice

This is the eleventh in a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. Women from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project to read more stories and comment abundantly!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. 


1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself. 
I would define myself as modern orthodox. I grew up in a modern orthodox community where most women didn't cover their hair, and wore pants, and went to the community modern orthodox yeshivas and high school. I went to a secular, ivy league college. I actually cover my hair, but still wear pants, and T-shirts and at times dresses/skirts that are a little bit higher than my knees (definitely not mini though)

2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up? 
My mom wears pants and T-shirts and does not cover her hair. She never dressed immodestly, although at times she can wear things that are a bit lower cut and definitely skirts above the knees. She also wears long "Bermuda" shorts in the summer. She was always cautious that I not dress "slutty," which meant, in her opinion, very revealing tight tops and very short skirts. However, growing up I did wear short shorts in camp and tank tops as well as sleeveless sundresses.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you? 
I am married. My husband actually prefers women to dress modestly. His opinion isn't necessarily based in halachic principle, rather he cares more about me showing too much to other people, and prefers this only to be for him. He actually really dislikes that I wear pants, again, not because of any halachic reasoning, but because he doesn't like the way women look in pants and prefers me to wear skirts. Before we dated, I definitely wore things a lot more low cut, and I wore pants more often. Now that we are married I wear much higher tank tops under my clothes, as well as higher long-sleeve undershirts and try to buy clothes I know he will like. In terms of covering my hair, he always thought it was my choice and would support whatever decision I chose.

4.What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how? 
I actually work at a religious institution so I wear skirts below my knees, and 3/4-length-sleeved shirts with a high neck everyday. I also have to wear socks or stockings with my shoes. On Shabbos, I tend to wear fancier outfits, also more indicative of my style, so a lot of them have short sleeves or v-necks where I can wear tank tops that don't cover my collarbone. Generally on Saturday nights and Sundays I wear pants or short dresses with tights/leggings underneath. If I didn't work at my current job, I would most likely wear pants more often during the week. My Shabbos clothes are always more fun than my weekday clothes, and I always try to dress up more than I do during the week, by putting on more makeup.

5.What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”) 
I'm not really sure what people think. Walking with my husband, while we are on vacation, I cover my hair and he wears a kippah but I always think people are confused when I wear pants. However, I actually have a lot of resentment from my mom about covering my hair since I chose to do something that she doesn't do. She often comments about the way my sheitels look (in her opinion bad) and asks me to uncover my hair the minute I walk into her home.

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew? 
When I was younger I was extremely active in NCSY, and I spent alot of time with Jewish non-affiliated kids who went to public school. I always wanted them to see me as a more religious version of themselves. A lot of times people can view tzniut as constricting or restricting, but tzniut is really in the eyes of the beholder. Just because you choose to dress more modestly does not mean you cant be trendy, and it doesn't mean your sleeves have to be past your wrists. So I think having me as a reference point was a little less scary to them as lets say someone who was completely covered up all the time.

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them? 
I try not to judge someone based on how they are dressed. I have many family members who are more religious than I am and appreciate the way that they dress, just as they appreciate the way I dress without judging me. I always feel bad for people who wear tights and long sleeves in the summer, it can get super hot! But I respect that they dress the way that they do and hope their shirts are the breezy kind so at least they aren't so uncomfortable.

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you? 
Tzniut to me is a lifestyle choice. It means being modest in appearance but also in personality. I was always taught not to be too loud, or outlandish, or even incredibly flirty with my personality because that isn't necessarily being a modest person. I really feel like if you let your inner modesty show, that even if you do wear pants you can be considered a modest or tzniut individual.

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more! 
Personally, know that wearing pants and covering your hair are two completely separate mitzvahs within the tzniut realm. In terms of wearing pants, I tend to wear less tight fitting jeans or pants and prefer the baggier, or gaucho style believing that to be a bit more tzniut than the traditional tight jeans. After learning about hair covering in school I always felt a great urge to cover my hair and believed in the mitzvah. Many of my more religious family members were surprised that I wanted to do it, and my sisters, when I got married each bet how long I would cover it for (three months and six months respectively), and I definitely have surpassed those numbers being married for two years, and I still really appreciate and believe in the mitzvah.

Re-imagining Israel Education

Toward the end of May, I spent about four days at a conference of sorts as a member of the 2011 iCenter Fellows. What is the iCenter?

The iCenter serves as a national address and advocate for high-quality and meaningful Israel education. The iCenter is dedicated to developing and enhancing the field of pre-collegiate Israel education in North America, in both formal and informal settings. By building upon existing strengths in the field, the iCenter supports the work of Israel educators; identifies compelling educational resources and initiatives; and fosters the creation of a cadre of lay and professional champions of Israel education.

What are the Fellows? Basically we're 19 people who are going to take on the world of Israel Education and completely blow it up in an awesome way. With our powers combined, we're going to make Israel Education what it should be: meaningful, long-lasting, passion-inducing, and fun. But for more specifics:

In a new partnership, six American academic institutions have teamed up to offer their graduate students a Master's Concentration Program in Israel Education. Students study a common curriculum, gather together for eight colloquium days, receive individual mentoring, and create their own learning experience in Israel.

The schools represented in our cohort include New York University (that's me!), Azrieli Graduate School at YU, Davidson School at JTS, Hornstein Jewish Professional Leadership Program at Brandeis, HUC, and Spertus (in Chicago). We spent a Sunday-Thursday presenting on our views of Israel education, what makes good Israel education, listening to the "Jewish Jordan" Tamir Goodman speak, among other informative aspects of the colloquium.

The most interesting thing to me was hearing from a group of six high schoolers with varying levels of observance but all with membership at Reform synagogues/Hebrew schools. One of the students had never heard of Birthright, another came from a Muslim-Jewish background. And all of them responded to my question about the importance of Hebrew language in identification with Israel as extremely important and disappointingly lacking. My takeaway from the colloquium? We're doing our young people a huge disservice by not emphasizing the importance of Hebrew language in Jewish identity formation. My suspicions were confirmed by the high schoolers as well as my cohort from the six institutions.

Another thing I found absolutely fascinating was a text study we did with the Declaration of the Establishment of the State of Israel from 1948. (In Hebrew, it's called a megillah!) We focused on the following passage:

WE APPEAL to the Jewish people throughout the Diaspora to rally round the Jews of Eretz-Israel in the tasks of immigration and upbuilding and to stand by them in the great struggle for the realization of the age-old dream -- the redemption of Israel.  

אנו קוראים אל העם היהודי בכל התפוצות להתלכד סביב הישוב בעליה ובבנין ולעמוד לימינו במערכה הגדולה על הגשמת שאיפת הדורות לגאולת ישראל.

The reason we focused on this passage? We spent a lot of time asking WHY Israel, why should we in the Diaspora care, and why should we convince our kids that we care. So on our last day, we looked at this passage. Why? A few things.

This passage uses the word "them" to refer to those who are physically in the land, while appealing to the Jews of the Diaspora to help this them, those who choose to live in the land, with immigration and upbuilding (infrastructure, basically) and to stand by "them" in their struggles to realize the redemption of Israel. Many people often ask whether Jews have a right to exist outside the land, as it was David Ben-Gurion's dream for all Jews to live in Israel. But this very passage in the declaration of the state validates the existence of those outside the land. However, it also obligates Diaspora Jews. It basically says, if you're not going to join us, you better stand behind us.

Of course, this is merely regarding medinat Yisrael (state of Israel), and we spent a lot of time during the colloquium analyzing the differences between Am, Medinat, and Eretz Yisrael (people, state, and land, respectively). Likewise, we discussed how we would prioritize the following three phrases (hat tip to my awesome roommate Allie, who is studying to become a rabbi at HUC, for this activity):

• A State for Jews
• A State for All People
• A Jewish State

How would you rank them? And do you view a difference between the people, state, and land of Israel? Or are the three the same? Should they be the same?

Do you think your kids are getting a quality Israel education? Is Hebrew important to you or your kids as it pertains to Israel identification?

Trust Set up for the Shuters

My father is in remission from lymphoma, so I know the pain that it can cause. May Barry's memory be for a blessing. 

After a long battle with lymphoma, Barry Shuter succumbed to complications from multiple pneumonias last week, leaving behind his wife, Amy (@tripnmommy), and their 7-year-old triplets. Amy and the triplets will need continued financial help as they learn to live without Barry. The expenses are significant, and they will continue for years to come. To ease their considerable financial burden a trust has been set up that will help with both immediate and longer-term expenses such as bar/bat mitzvahs, tuition, weddings, and more.

Please contribute! Checks should be made payable to “Barry Shuter Family Trust.”

Please send to: 
Adam Hofstetter
441 Oak Avenue
Cedarhurst, NY 11516

Please let me know if you have any questions. And please pass along to anyone you think could help.

Thank you so much for your help.

(Pulled this from In the Pink. I'm looking into whether they're going to make an online donation form.) Update! Donate here: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/barryshuterfamilytrust

The Tzniut Project: Chavi Edition!

I've been very busy gathering and editing content for The Tzniut Project, and I've even started sending out some revamped questions for the Men's Edition of the project, which will have its first post on Friday, but I'm sure many of you are asking yourselves why I haven't answered the questions myself.

The thing is, when I conceived of the idea, I hadn't really thought it was necessary for me to answer the questions. After all, I talk about tzniut all the time, and I post pictures of myself on the blog. However, as answers have come in from people I know "in real life" and those I don't, I realized that I found myself frustrated with some of the answers. I also found that a lot of people were asking "what about the men?" After all, tzniut applies to men just as much as women, doesn't it?

Here are some general notes about the content so far, and following that are my own answers to the very questions I've put out there for everyone else.

• You may have noted inconsistencies in the capitalization of things like Modern Orthodox or Yeshivish, and this is because I maintained the capitalization of the author of each of the posts. I think how we capitalize things actually can say something about how we view denominations/movements/sects/streams. Am I nuts? Maybe. 
• Some people have mentioned it, and some have not: Tzniut is more than just how we dress, and when it comes to men, this is probably one of the most powerful aspects of tzniut. It's speech, how we carry ourselves, the words we do and don't use in public, how we think, the way we do or don't touch our spouses or even people who aren't our spouses. It's the movies we watch and the stories we tell, the way we sit and the way we walk. If it were just about clothes and the cloth on our heads, we'd all be doing it right -- in some way. 
• I think it's interesting how few people mention halacha when I ask about what tzniut means to them (props to No. 1 and No. 6 on this). I'm looking at everything through the lens of the editor, of course, and as someone who wanted to see certain things in the answers that sometimes weren't there. It's sort of like asking a reporter to write a story about x, y, z and him returning with something less focused but equally amazing. I established in one old blog post that hair covering is considered Dat Moshe (law from Torah), and I discussed why we do it the way we do it, too. But what about everything else? What about our hemlines and sleeve lengths and skirts over pants? Perhaps I should delve into the mitzvah of clothing and covering up. I enjoy looking at the law, anyhow!



Kind of really loving this logo I made for the Men's Edition.

• Although I already mentioned it, the number of people asking for men to chime in on the questions was surprising, and I hadn't even thought about having men answer the questions. I revamped and reordered the questions, and I'm hoping that some men will take the time to answer the questions in full and really think about how tzniut fits in a man's world outside of just what his wife or children do/wear. And after seeing a teenager in Lazy Bean in Teaneck today wearing flip-flops, board shorts, a turquoise T-shirt, a Florida Marlins cap, and his tzitzit on top of this entire getup, I'm particularly interested in whether there are even requirements or expectations for men's attire in the realm of modesty. 

Okay, are you ready? You think you know my style? Let's see!

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself. 
I spent a long time calling myself Underconstructionist with the belief that everyone -- Jews and otherwise -- should always be under construction. I also am not huge on labels, since they do more harm than good and, we all know that labels are incredibly narrow. But I affiliate as Orthodox, and many would probably call me Modern Orthodox. I maintain a "centrist" view of Orthodoxy, but I'm guessing because I don't wear a sheitel every day and because I leave that tefach (hand's breadth) of bangs out, most would consider me "modern."

2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up? 
Y'all know I'm a convert, so there's no chance I'd have a mom in stockings and black skirts.

On that note, I don't remember much about my grandmother on my mom's side because we only saw her a lot when we were little and I haven't seen her in years. My father's mother died when he was a child, but in all the pictures I have of her, she's wearing a dress of some sort. My mom never dressed in any kind of sexual way when I was growing up, and she was fond of pants or shorts and T-shirts most of my life that I remember. Oddly enough, I don't remember ever having a desire to wear low-cut tops or short-shorts, so I don't remember ever getting a talk about modesty or being humble in my attire or the way I carried myself. I was sort of self-taught in the ways of how to act and how to speak. I was pretty modest on my own, but that was a result of image issues and a bad case of eczema. I do, however, remember that my dad insisted on us not saying any curse words, let alone words like "frick" that even resembled curse words.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you?  
I am very married -- for a whole year, hoo-rah! I've blogged about shomer negiah before, and I've gotten a lot of interesting reactions to my choices even though I never dressed in any way that would be suggestive (save a short period of time in Chicago when I was sowing my wild oats after losing 25 pounds -- I felt the need to "flaunt it" but it didn't help my body image issues). When Tuvia and I got married, he never sat me down to say that he wanted me to dress a certain way. His only real beef was regarding head covering: He didn't want me to get a sheitel. Tuvia likes the way I look in hats, and he is neutral about tichels and scarves. Every now and again, when I'm wearing something that might be more "low-cut" than normal and my clavicle happens to poke out, he'll make a comment or if my skirt is a bit too short or hugging, he'll say something. But he never demands I change or busts out some Talmudic dictum for me to wear something a certain way. Although he's read the books and knows the details, I'm the one who did most of the research regarding head covering for the blog, so it informed a lot of our understanding and made it "okay" for me to pick up a sheitel.

4. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how? 
On a typical day, you can find me in a below-the-knee jean skirt with some kind of shirt and a 3/4-length or long-sleeve cardigan with Crocs or other flats (sometimes toes peeking out if they're painted) and a knit hat or scarf of some sort. I have one jean skirt that hits me right at the bottom of the kneecap when I'm standing and when I sit it makes even me uncomfortable, so I usually wear this with leggings. Usually, however, in the summer, I'm bare-legged. On Shabbos, I wear things from the "Shabbos" section of my closet! Black skirt, some type of fancy top with a shell under and a cardigan over it. I'm all about layering, even if I'm boiling. I don't wear a ton of makeup on Shabbos, because I've become uncomfortable with the idea of putting makeup on on Saturdays because of certain prohibitions, so I try to go without, which has become easier since I got married!

I haven't worn a short-sleeve shirt in public in nearly two years, and I haven't worn pants in even longer. Pants were easy for me to give up -- it's hard to find pants that fit perfectly anyway. Also, I've been a sucker for layering and cardigans forever, so modest dress was natural.

The shirt in question.

5. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”) 
I'm guessing most people think I'm Modern Orthodox because my hair isn't completely tied back. However, I did find out that many people thought for a long time that my bangs were clip-ins! Impressive, right? I think people usually infer that I'm religious, but normal. Modern, but that there must be a rhyme or reason to why I wear what I do. Although, yesterday when we were at the outlets at Woodbury Commons, there were a million women there from Monsey or Kiryat Yoel or something, and I was wearing my SXSW T-shirt with a pig on it with a cardigan and boy oh boy was I getting some looks. Probably not a good idea to wear that shirt around, irony or not. I used to be a very T-shirts and jeans kind of gal, and I lived at thrift stores. There are some who can pull this look off today, and I can on somedays, but sometimes it makes me feel "dressed down" and not a good representative of how modesty can be beautiful and meaningful.

For those who knew me "before" I joined the dark side, I think my skirts, cardigans in boiling weather, and insistence on covering my head/hair means that I'm something I'm not. I wish more people would ask questions than make assumptions.

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew? 
I asked this question and I don't even know if I have a good answer. I hope people think it means modest = cool!

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them?
I wrote about this here. I got a lot of flack for it, but I was happy that so many others who answered these questions were honest and said "yeah, we judge, it's part of who we are." I'm not alone, I just tend to be the only one willing to say what people are thinking. It's a system, and to acknowledge that what someone else does makes you uncomfortable means you're discovering something about yourself.

When I saw those women at the outlets in dark stockings with the line up the back and their hat-on-sheitel looks atop black-and-white everything, I thought to myself "Are you people nuts? It's so hot out here!" I noticed a frum couple digging through a sale table ... of sweaters ... in 80+ degree heat and thought the same thing. But they're sticking to a level of modesty that they view as necessary, and for that I admire them. It just takes a few seconds to get to "respect" after "assumed insanity."

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you?
For me, the first thing I think of is, "Where does it come from? What does it mean? Why do we do it?" I suppose it's only natural that I'm plagued with questions from square one. It's easy for me to explain to people why we cover our hair (the sotah portion) and why we cover as much or as little as we do. But when it comes to clothing and speech and thought, it's a lot harder. As many others have said, it's a type of lifestyle, but lifestyle sounds too much like choice to me, and for me, yes I choose to do it, but the outline of what's to be done is less of a choice. Tzniut means more than modesty, it means living your life in a way that others wish to emulate. Making your modest clothes look beautiful, to emanate inner beauty, to carry yourself in thought and speech in a way that others say "Wow, if that's what tzniut is, then count me in." It's being a light, really, unto all people. It's being humbled before haShem and all that's been provided us.

From Micah 6:8:

הגיד לך אדם מה טוב ומה יי דורש ממך כי אם עשות משפט ואהבת חסד והצנע לכת עם יי

HaShem told you what is good and what is required of you: do justly, love mercy (loving-kindness), and walk humbly (modestly) with HaShem.

The word used -- הצנע (ha'tznea) -- is the same word/root for tzniut. So, basically HaShem is saying "Walk this way."

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more! 
I think I've said enough ... for now.

The Tzniut Project 10: "What, are you frum?"

This is the tenth in a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. Women from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project to read more stories and comment abundantly!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader. It's a twist on the other posts in this series, and I think you'll find out why as your read. Keep an open mind, and please let me know what you think.

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself.
I am a proud product of the Reform movement. However, my personal praxis causes confusion to folks on both sides of the aisle. My parents raised us with the understanding that Reform Judaism is not an excuse to do nothing. Rather, they taught us that Reform theology and philosophy demands of us a Jewish behavior that is refracted through a modern lens. For example, did we drive on Shabbos? Yes. To shul. And as we grew older, we were able to participate in select activities after Shabbos dinner with the family. Unfortunately, most Reform Jews are not schooled in the core principles of Reform Judaism and opt out of nearly all rituals. But since my general outlook is progressive and egalitarian, I don’t really fit in communities to the right. As a result, I continuously feel out-of-step.

2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up?
I do not believe that my Grandmother, z"l, EVER wore slacks to shul. She would wear them out of the house, but never any immodest style. Though there are certain boundaries as far as what she would at shul, most of her daily clothing choices are not ones that I would make and often make me uncomfortable. I've always dressed more on the conservative side. In the past few years, it has become more important for me to dress modestly. I have often been envious of others whose clothing identifies them religiously.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you?
Not much of a dialogue. My husband, quite honestly, would prefer me to dress less modestly. His family is far less observant than mine and he has had to make a lot of adjustments these past fifteen years. Most of them, he has made quite readily. Like most American men, however, he has what I see as a superficial notion of beauty. Less is more. Though I don’t have necklines up to my collarbone, I do believe that more is more. As for head covering, I’d do it in a heartbeat! But for the sake of shalom bayit [peace at home, domestic peace], kissui rosh [head covering] continues to be a “not-yet” mitzvah.

4. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how?
Last August, I stopped wearing pants. I didn’t make a big deal about it. No announcement or proclamation. I cannot even say that it was as a result of anything other than I’d been thinking about it for a long time and just did it. I’ve gotten a lot of inspiration and support from some bloggers.

Interestingly, no one has noticed the absence of pants. So skirts are my weekday wear and either dresses or skirt suits for Shabbos.

5. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”)
The few times I’ve covered my hair with a cute hat, I’ve received some comments from congregants. Definitely judgemental. “What, are you frum?” I just smile and remind them that Reform ideology allows for a wide range of practices. Which makes it particularly frustrating those times that I have had to defend my choice to some close-minded rabbinic colleagues who think dressing modestly is incongruous with Reform Judaism.

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew?
I think that by dressing modestly, I most definitely make folks rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be a liberal observant Jew. I’m a constant surprise.

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them?
I have yet to find anyone in my community who observes any level of tzniut. As a matter of course, I discuss issues of modesty with the girls in our seventh grade class as well as those in our 10th grade Confirmation class. Mostly in reaction to some of the shockingly short skirts they’ve been wearing.

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you?
It’s more than a simple choice in clothing. Tzniut dictates appearance, actions, and speech. An individual who expresses devotion to God by dressing and behaving in a way that brings honour to our people.

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more!
Though this is not my impetus for dressing modestly, I have discovered that I feel more feminine when having to think about what and why I am wearing certain things.

One Year Down ... Marriage!

Tuvia and I spent Memorial Day weekend in the Poconos to celebrate our one-year anniversary, which was Memorial Day last year, but in 2010 it was May 31. Oh the confusion of U.S. holidays.

The Hebrew date -- 18 Sivan -- falls on June 20, for those keeping score at home. So, in a way, it's like a month of anniversary awesomeness! Except, of course, for the fact that I'm going to be in Israel for that entire month starting late Sunday night.

At least, for us, we had the weekend!

The Tzniut Project 9: Letter and Spirit of the Law

This is the ninth in a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. Women from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project to read more stories and comment abundantly!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader.


1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself.
I would call myself Modern Orthodox and Daati Leumi (religious Zionist). I also identify with being ba'alat teshuva, a person who grew up unobservant and who took upon herself to observe halacha.

2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up?
Modesty in a more general sense as a quality of personal character was instilled in me by my family. As a child and a teenager, I dressed on the more conservative side with regard to my peers. This was of course without regard to halacha, but rather just out of my own sense of what was comfortable, appropriate, and sometimes simply because I wasn't so confident in how I looked.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you?
I got married very recently. Tzniut, including dress and haircovering, has occasionally been a point of discussion, but mostly my husband leaves the choices up to me. I know that he appreciates that my body is not on display for the whole world to see.

4. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how?
On a typical day I wear a knee-length skirt. In the winter I wear a skirt down to my ankles, usually with sweatpants underneath (it's like wearing pajamas all day long but still looking nice!) When I'm exercising I wear pants or tights with one of these skirts I bought that's meant for exercising in (probably a tennis skirt). It's my compromise between following the opinion that pants are okay for working out in, my own personal belief that pants are often more modest than a skirt, reasoning that the skirt covers the most important areas and also that it identifies that outfit as female (to address the cross-dressing argument for not wearing pants). In the summer though, I really suffer in the heat and don't like wearing two layers. I have occasionally worn just pants, especially when jogging in non-religious neighborhoods, because it's far from the most scandalous outfit around.

5. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”)
I think about this a lot. I wish that I cared less about what other people thought, but it's so much of being human. Plus, a lot of tzniut halacha is community-based. So, from a halachic perspective, you sort of have to care.

I try to convey the image of modern but frum. I bike to work in a skirt (shorts underneath), tails of my mitpachat flapping in the wind.

I live in Israel, and Jerusalem at that, so if I wear a skirt or a headcovering, almost everyone would interpret that as a symbol that I'm an observant Jew. If I were back in the U.S., that part would be different. Here it also makes a statement about what kind of Jew I am.

I've walked through Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) neighborhoods wearing a knee-length jean skirt and a top with bright colors and feeling downright provocative. On the other hand, I've noticed that non-religious male cashiers will sometimes put the change down instead of handing it to me -- figuring that I'm so frum that I won't want to touch them. Everything is relative, really.

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew?
I don't think so. I think of my Jewish dress code of wearing skirts (except for certain limited sporting activities) as similar to men wearing a kippah. It's a statement that I'm a Jew.

Probably the most surprising thing that I've done in this realm that I'm aware of is to cover my hair. I wrote a blog post about my gripes about the practice, and after reading it, most people who know me naturally thought that I wouldn't follow through and do it. I'm still in the process of clarifying my thoughts on this matter. Although I'd like to act according to my way of following halacha, here is an instance in which I look elsewhere, because the halacha is unclear to me (and I don't have a rabbi to ask right now, and I'm not sure I want to ask a rabbi about this). Simply, my female religious role models cover their hair, as do most women in the communities in which I identify. I would like to identify and be identified with them.

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them?
I always try to recognize that it's not a simple matter. I try to be careful to note that how a person dresses is that -- how they dress. For instance, just because I see a woman who is dressed tznuah eating in a restaurant, I will not assume that the restaurant is kosher. I'll figure that there is a good chance it is, sure, but I won't jump to a conclusion.

The truth is that I definitely judge other people and other Jews by what they do or don't wear. I don't particularly like it, but I can't help it. I automatically assume that a woman that covers every inch of her hair is a very religious woman, even though I recognize intellectually that tzniut or a way of dressing, is a way of relating oneself and/or to God, or maybe it's just to fit in socially. It doesn't make someone actually more religious.

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you?
It means preserving a sense of self, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I don't show off my whole body; I don't pour out all of my thoughts and emotions without a filter. And yes, I also think that today it means the length of your sleeves, as silly as that may be.

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more!
Something I see a lot of, especially in the United States, is women who have all the right parts covered, but they're wearing a material or a cut that is so sexy that it's really not tznua. I believe that details such as sleeve length were meant to be guidelines that keep focus in the right area, but just as with any piece of halacha, one can keep the letter, but not the spirit of the law.

On another note, I've met mothers who have told me that they won't let their children eat in the homes of friends whose mothers don't cover their hair. I find this totally preposterous!

Lastly, I want to share a gripe that tzniut has been explained to me as a way to keep men away from temptation. I don't buy it. Before I was observant, I noticed that there were many days that I wore more covering clothing such as a turtleneck and received unexpected additional male attention. Men need to be responsible for themselves.

The Tzniut Project 8: Giving Kavod to Shabbos

This is the eighth in a multi-part series called The Tzniut Project. Women from a variety of backgrounds with a variety of observances have volunteered to anonymously answer questions that I have written about their practices, people's assumptions, and more. For more information on the project, click here. Please continue to check back with The Tzniut Project to read more stories and comment abundantly!

Note: This post is contributed by a reader.

1. How do you affiliate Jewishly? Feel free to elaborate on the words people use to describe you and the words you use to describe yourself. 
I would probably define myself as Modern Orthodox.  I grew up conservative but attending a (non-New York) Orthodox synagogue -- although probably only a handful of families were 100 percent Orthodox. In high school started to become more observant (NCSY) and then went to Stern College. While at Stern and for about five years after, I was identifying as more right-wing in my views/observance, but I've gradually drifted to a more Modern Orthodox hashkafa (during the past 20 years).

2. Growing up, did your mother or grandmother dress modestly in any way? Do you think modesty was something instilled in you by your family? Did you dress modestly growing up? 
Although there were no overt religious influences regarding modest dress, I would definitely say that my mother never dressed in tight-fitting clothing or plunging necklines. And that way of dress certainly was a model for me.  Although I (and my mother) wore pants and sleeveless tops growing up, again it wasn't anything that was too flashy/sexual.  I do remember in the late 1960s when I was 5- to 10-years-old, what hemline length was acceptable in skirts/dresses -- this was when mini-dresses were in fashion -- was a frequent discussion. I guess the message was that one could wear them after a fashion, if they were just slightly short without looking trashy.

3. Are you married? How does your spouse feel about your choices for modest dress? Is it a dialogue or does your partner leave the mitzvah to you? 
I'm not married ... when I've been in relationships, sleeve length/neckline definitely hasn't been an issue.  Occasionally pants versus skirts has come up.  But I definitely wouldn't say that's been a deal breaker!  Although it does irk me (greatly) that every shadchan/dating service geared to Orthodox people, asks (of women) if they wear pants and if they plan on covering their hair (and usually that's all they ask in regard to religious practice) -- as if these two issues define a person's hashkafa and practice of Judaism.

4. What would you wear on a typical day? On Shabbos? If you dress differently on weekdays and Shabbos, why do you make this distinction and how? 
I'm currently in a skirt-wearing phase (I've gone back and forth re: pants versus skirts vis a vis tzinut) so I must say there's not much difference in my dress between weekday and Shabbat.  I try to wear nicer/newer clothing on Shabbat but can't say I'm very strict about this.  The reason I think to wear nicer/newer clothing on Shabbat is to make Shabbat more special, to give it kavod (honor).  In warm weather I will go to synagogue without hose. I usually wear sleeves of some kind but am not strict on length nor on neckline.

5. What do you think other people infer from your clothing and hair covering choices? Has anyone ever said anything to you outright that expresses a judgment based on your appearance? (Ex: “You don’t cover your hair or wear skirts, so why do you keep kosher?”) 
I definitely think people in the Orthodox world make assumptions/judgements based on if a woman is wearing pants or skirts or (if married) covers her hair (and how) or doesn't.  And I must admit to being guilty of the same.  I think this is especially true in the metro-NY area ... I think in a smaller community, these differences wouldn't matter as much.  And people have definitely expressed surprise that I attend/support women's tefilla groups and more egalitarian Shabbat morning services based on, among other things, my dress.  And people have assumed that I'm not as committed to keeping the (minor) fast days ... and I would guess that assumption is in large part because of wearing skirts only.

6. Have you ever surprised someone by dressing more or less modestly and making them rethink their stereotypes about what it means to be an observant Jew? 
Occasionally non-Jewish co-workers will be surprised at the shortness of a skirt (top of the knee) ... I work in an office owned and run by observant Jews, many chasidish.

7. When you see someone who observes tzniut differently than you, what are your initial thoughts? How do you deal with them? 
As mentioned above, I would say I usually make an assumption based on how someone is dressed ... but I also think I'm easily dissuaded of that impression if the persons actions/words don't jive with my impression.  Certainly the person who I find out has thought about how and why they dress, even if it's different than me, impresses me ... and I'm happy to have that exposure (to their thinking).

8. I say modesty or tzniut … what does that mean to you? 
I think it means dressing fashionably but not overly sexual.  I think of tzniut also as a way of conduct -- and I could be totally wrong here -- but to me there's a connection between untzinut and chillul hashem.

9. Anything else you’d like to add about your choices, experiences, and more!
N/A