Prepare to Microwave Your Chicken

The greatest thing I miss about not being kosher is the convenience of many heat-and-eat products (after all, I once upon a time wrote food treyf-style reviews for HeatEatReview.com). I also was able to lose a hefty amount of weight by subsisting on Lean Cuisines, which are, from my memory, absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, being kosher means very few healthy, heat-and-eat options. Among the available options is probably the only healthy one, which is Garden Lites, but it's all veggies, all the time. You have to be a real lover of things like zucchini to take those on. But there's nothing like those giant family-size frozen options that I've found that are both gluten-free and won't clog my arteries on first-bite.


What if, say, you want a full-size chicken. And you want it in 20 minutes. You want it delicious. You want it moist. And? You want to make it in your microwave.

Tuvia got really excited. And he wanted to do the "Susanne Face."

I know, it's crazy. I thought it was crazy. When a rep with Empire Kosher called me about this new product -- the Ready to Roast Garlic and Herb Seasoned Chicken, I seriously thought he was insane. You can't buy un-kosher chicken that you can cook in 20 minutes in your microwave, so why on earth would the kosher market produce something?

There were some juices leaking from the bag, but otherwise? Ready to cook.

In my mind, all I can think is that the folks at Empire realize that we're busy -- all of us, not just Jews -- and having a fresh, delicious, kosher, seasoned chicken ready in 20 minutes is the best thing since sliced bread. The directions couldn't be more simple [this is my take on them, actually]:

Open the big bag. Inside is another bag. On one side it says "This side up" or something to that effect. Put the bag of chicken on a plate with the right side up. Cut two holes. Put in microwave. Cook for 20-22 minutes. Eat delicious, moist, seasoned chicken. Be happy. Use the time you could have used waiting for your chicken to be done to eat some delicious dessert or go for a walk or snuggle with your sweetie.  

He's got a knife! Steam.

My dear husband Tuvia described the chicken as "moist and flavorful." To which I responded, that's it? And he responded, "sure thing." Okay, so he's not one for words. The great thing about this chicken is that the seasoning really permeates throughout the bird. Oftentimes, as I've noticed in my own imperfect cooking, the seasoning I put on the skin sits there, and a lot of people don't eat the skin, so the flavor is lost. Empire did a great job making sure the flavor was throughout, and that the bird stayed super moist, even in the microwave.

I will say that the perfect cooking takes a bit of tweaking, and you have to check the packaging with the wattage of your microwave. We cooked ours initially for 20 minutes, then for another 2, and there were still a few spots we weren't sure about, but the thermometer (our's) showed us otherwise. We devoured the chicken, leaving just enough for me to take on a Chicken Taco Salad tomorrow. Leftovers are wonderful (and that shows you how plentiful the chicken is).

Yes, Empire gave me this bird to try. Yes, I'm happy that it was free. But seriously? It was at Glatt Express here in Teaneck for about $15, which is nothing for a meal that with some potatoes and veggies could easily feed four people. But those of you who've read me for a while know that I'm honest in my reviews. If you don't believe me, check out some of my honesty over on my Yelp page. So go out, buy a delicious Empire Kosher Chicken, and be prepared to kick back and have dinner in no time at all.

Happy eating! (PS: I'm pretty sure this is NASA technology ... what else could it be!?)

The delicious, well-seasoned, moist as a summer night in Washington D.C. chicken. B'tayavon! (Bon appetit!)

Medium-Rare, That's How It's Done

I joined Yelp.com, the restaurant and general review site, back in the day, probably in 2007, and I really took off in 2008 reviewing restaurants like crazy while living in Chicago. When I moved to Connecticut and became kosher, my reviews became some of the first on kosher restaurants in Connecticut, Monsey (NY), New Jersey and elsewhere. Now, I'm blessed with a bevy of restaurants to review on a weekly basis, and believe me, I do. I review Starbucks locales, local coffee shops, and, of course, as this blog's title post suggests ... Steak Houses.

Lucky for me (and you), I've got a stellar review right here for you, on ETC Steakhouse (that's E, T, C steakhouse, not etcetera), and a very sweet deal, too. I know what you're thinking ... I'm hocking lots of stuff lately, but 'tis the season for tightening purse strings. Thus, for places like steakhouses and fancy pasta joints and sushi digs, you want to save a little change, right?

Then, I insist that you all go to KosherAdvantage.com and sign up for a card. The card works at butchers and restaurants around New Jersey and New York, but also places online and in locations like California and Florida and Baltimore and, yes, Canada. I have no doubt in my mind that the Kosher Advantage card is going to spread its wings and fly across the country in all cities with a substantial kosher consumer population, but for now, simply go to the website and check out the many places that do take Kosher Advantage.

THE DEAL

And? You can get THREE FREE MONTHS of membership by using the code "kvetching" at checkout on KosherAdvantage.com. (There will be a little box that asks if someone suggested it to you, and that's where you enter "kvetching.") If you decide to give them a call, just mention "kvetching," too. Three months free is worth a try, eh? Yes. Yes it is. And now? My review of ETC Steakhouse in Teaneck, New Jersey. Prepare to salivate.

THE REVIEW

Note: ETC Steakhouse did not pay me to post this. In fact, they didn't even pay me to eat there. I paid for the meal. Except the cake, because that was Tuvia's birthday cake. This is all me here. And really, it was that good. 

Five, blazing red Yelp stars on this one.  I would have taken a photo of my food, but, well, I sort of ate it really fast. 


If you scout out my reviews, you'll notice that I wasn't always kosher. In fact, I went kosher strictly in mid-2009. Before that? I indulged in all the non-kosher food out there, including a bounty of steakhouses while living in Chicago. In fact, if you check out my reviews, you'll notice some particularly drool-worthy ones where I go on and on about the masterful filets at some of Chicago's best joints.

But then, I went kosher. Technically, filet mignon isn't kosher. Steakhouses, all the good ones, weren't kosher. I was left on an oasis of meatlessness.

I've had plenty of kosher steaks since then. Plenty of "filets" at kosher joints, with the requested cooking style of "medium rare" (it's the only way to eat beef, people). And all of them have been less than impressive. Doable, but simply impressive.

Enter ETC. Steakhouse. Yes, it was my husband's birthday. Yes, he should have been the one having the ethereal experience (which, by the way, he did, but this is about me here), but it was I who ordered the Peppercorn Encrusted Filet with frittes, marrow, and some kind of greens. I got mine sans marrow, because I'm a gluten-free eater, and ordered it medium rare. I also ordered the Potato-Leek Soup as a starter.

Evan's delicious gluten-free "happy birthday" cake!

The soup was good, but nothing I'd write home about. I make my own potato-leek soup at home and it's thick and creamy (not to mention vegan). This soup was a little on the oily side. But I came here for the meat. So when the main course arrived, I was elated. The steak was huge, thick, and was oozing juice. The filet was cooked perfectly. I mean, absolutely perfectly. It had the perfect crust with a juicy, pink center. And the taste? You'd need taste-o-vision or smell-o-vision to really get the full impact of just how good this was.

When I say this is the BEST steak I've ever had, I mean it. I really, really mean it. I've had a million steaks in my life, and this was, hands down, the most delicious, perfectly cooked filet I have ever had. And I take meat seriously. Very, very seriously.

The frittes were good, and I didn't eat the greens (it seemed kind of like sprouts, but was more for decoration). We got the Gluten-Free Chocolate Cake with Orange Mousse for dessert because, as I mentioned, it was my husband's birthday. If you ever though gluten-free cake couldn't be delicious, you were lied to or mistake or insane. It was moist, rich, and absolutely to die for.

I've decided that my last meal on earth will be a steak cooked by the chef here, who, by the way, came in to say "hello" to us and the other tables and see how the meal was. If you don't fine-dine much, this is a sign of a really high-class joint. To have the chef come out? You see the face behind the plate, and that's important.

Take-away: Go here. Order the filet. Order it medium-rare. And be prepared to want that steak for every meal for the rest of your life. And if you think I'm wrong? Let me know. I'd love to hear you kvetch. 

(Also: A nod to our amazing waitress, Lily, who made the entire experience excellent. The cozy little joint is perfectly coifed in that red-black steakhouse feel, but without being cheesy. The wait staff is all in black, making it a classy, classy joint.)

The Other End of Things: Review Backlash!

I have another blog, and that blog is a blog devoted to Gluten-Free and Kosher products, most of which I purchase myself and review -- honestly, to the core. More recently, companies have jumped on the bandwagon of sending me products to review, and I'm waiting to get some of those in the mail and/or try them, but I'm stoked. If I can preach the gospel of good gluten-free and kosher nosh, then color me happy.

But with the reviewing of products comes that fateful issue of angry product makers with a keyboard and an email account. Listen. Someone commented to me that my review of Susie Fishbein's cookbook was "honest," which was enlightening or refreshing or something like that. My policy in all reviews -- be they hair coverings or cookbooks or delicious gluten-free raisin bread -- is to be completely honest. I touch the highs and the lows. That is, if there are lows. Sometimes there isn't, and sometimes those lows are simply things that can't be controlled -- price at the supermarket or packaging and design. But I go for it all, from the calorie count all the way up to the way the pages of a book or the outside of a package look. I'm detailed, I'm thorough, and Technorati's recent study on the State of the Blogsphere says people trust other bloggers when it comes to product reviews. So here I am.

I recently reviewed a product on my Gluten-Free and Kosher Critic blog called Slurpin' Good Soup -- a product that is homegrown right here in Teaneck. I'm not sure if it's because of that or because of an unprofessional devotion to a my product is amazing everyone tells me so kind of mentality, but the chef behind these soup sent me a, well, backhanded "thanks" for mentioning his product by saying that "Needlessly trashing my product so you can feel better about yourself is hardly the way to go." Need I repeat myself? The chef then went on to tell me about a 7-year-old who calls him Chili and how everyone loves his product. My attempts to explain a review to this man were returned with "It was not a review, it was the comments of a student who trashed a product and company." You be the judge. I'm just a student. Pshaw.

Listen, that's super. Everyone thinks their product or creation or book are amazing. That's the nature of things. If you didn't think that, you wouldn't be making/cooking/writing it. But the nature of reviews is honesty. I went out of my way to give this guy press -- and at the end of the day, even bad press is press. Your name is out there, people will see the product and wonder "wait, how do I know that name?"

Am I wrong? Do those of you out there in the Blogosphere sing praises to every product you purchase in the hopes that, I dunno, maybe you'll get something for free? What's the point? How do you handle such individuals, when it's clear that they're, in a word, unprofessional?

Books Out My Ears!

I recently posted my review of "Kosher Nation," which comes out in hardcover tomorrow! What I didn't mention was the stack of books materializing on my doorstep for review. I'm elated, of course, because I love books and I love supporting authors of every time of literature -- be it a cookbook or a popular fiction reprint. So what can you look forward to here in the coming weeks ... er ... months, probably. I've got a lot to read and there are no more three-day chagim coming up for me to use and abuse for reading purposes.

After "Kosher Nation" arrived, I received a package from Other Press with "The Brothers Ashkenazi," the famed book by I.J. Singer. The book comes out in paperback on October 19, 2010, and the cover is incredibly telling. I read about 10 pages a few days ago, and it has a very good feel to it so far. The book, written originally in Yiddish in 1936, takes place in Lodz and tells of the changes that came after the 1905 revolution, the Industrial Revolution, and ends just after World War I. Color me stoked to sit down with this. I might, however, hold this until my Israel trip at the end of November (plenty of time on a plane to read, you know).

The next book to arrive also was from Other Press. The book, "The Witness House" is really up my alley, a it's a work of nonfiction (I was surprised to find that out, actually) and tells the story of Nazis and Holocaust survivors sharing a villa during the Nuremburg Trials. I know, you're thinking: Seriously? Really? And the answer is yes. I'm so excited to read Christiane Kohl's account of this microcosm of the trial scene in a vila on the outskirts of town. This book also comes out tomorrow in paperback.

And then? There are the cookbooks. Yes, delicious, awesome, cookbooks. Okay, for now there's just one, but I'm planning on receiving another as well. I received Susie Fishbein's newest addition to her Kosher by Design collection: "Kosher by Design Teens and 20-Somethings." You'll have to wait for a full review from me until October 27, when the book comes out officially, but if you stay on top of things, you'll be able to enter a contest here on the blog for your very own copy of the book -- and they ship anywhere, so it isn't just a U.S.-only contest! If you want to enter as much as possible, check out what other blogs will be posting reviews of Susie's newest cookbook (which, by the way, as a teaser, includes a recipe for a Chickie's-like sandwich in homage to the popular Teaneck establishment) over on http://kosherbydesignblog.com. The contest for the book here on the blog will be very unique, so stay tuned!

The other cookbook? The newest installment in Jamie Geller's Quick & Kosher series. I'm still waiting, but I should receive this soon and offer you some delicious goodies in the form of a review. The new edition is "Quick & Kosher: Meals in Minutes" and comes out on November 1, 2010.

And, while you're on the reading kick, check out the New York Times' Magazine's "Shared Plates: Keeping it Kosher," which discusses the ups and downs of Crown Heights' Basil restaurant. The restaurant has an interesting backstory and the staff there is also interesting to read about. Will it survive? As a kosher restaurant? Let me know what you think.

If this doesn't excite you about the books coming out these days, then I don't know what will. Let me know if you pick any of these reads up and what you think. Oh, and get your ovens ready ... the Kosher by Design giveaway will require a little kitchen savvy.