Sometimes I wonder if my wiring is off. I've blogged about my vivid dreams before, these narratives that roll around in my head at night, waking me up sometimes in a sweat, other times in tears or a cry, a yelp. Sometimes the vivid nature of my dreams is awesome, it's like a movie reel spinning rapidly. But recently, my dreams have been haunting and horrifying. It makes me wonder what's wrong; is my subconscious trying to tell me something?
Last week I had a few horrifying dreams. One I won't share the details of, but let's just say it involved death and my parents. The other dream was weird in that it was repetitive, as in Groundhog Day (the movie) style. The dream played out once, with horrifying results. So my mind replayed the dream over and over, trying to fix the situation, trying to lessen the damage and the casualties. But when I woke up, it was still death and damages. You see, the dream involved me walking into a big stone building on some college campus, and in the hallway I spotted this gigantic electrical cable sitting in a pile of water in the hallway. It was sparking a little, but I assumed someone was taking care of it. So I walked down the hallway, in my socks, and there was a spark. Suddenly, a fire broke out and I took off running, flames flying down the hallway, ready to consume me. I yelled for people to get out, I ran into classrooms, I screamed, and people ignored me. The dream ended -- the first time around -- with me outside, watching the building burn and people running out all ablaze. As the dream went on, I handled the logistics better, got more people out, but there were still casualties. When I woke up, I felt defeated. After five re-tries, I still couldn't save everyone.
This week, as in last night, I woke up almost crying. Tuvia had to wake me up, actually, because I was breathing funny and started to yelp out cries. I was in China, driving down a road, looking for something with Evan and someone else, and I finally found it. I dove out of the car, and ran into this building, and there was a gigantic pool-like space with milky green and yellow water, bodies just floating in it. There were women there giving birth into the water, willing their children to die rather than be born into China and a downtrodden life. I tried to stop them, made women go in the water to rescue the babies, but women were also diving in, drowning. I was frantic, trying to save them. Again, I couldn't save them; they wouldn't listen.
Any dream interpreters out there? It's probably stress, but I get an overwhelming sense of helplessness with these dreams. But let's just say, I'm tired of having such rotten, depressing, vivid dreams, because the horrific images stay with me, appearing at the most random times -- like when I'm driving down the highway.
Here's to more restful nights, less vivid dreams, or at least the kind that don't have me feeling miswired.