Friday, April 17, 2009

Wait, What Just Happened?

Well, Pesach is over. I really anticipated Passover this year, too. I planned a menu, a shopping list, I planned some more, cleaned, I did everything by the book (what book?) and in the end I was still overwhelmed and ill prepared. I ran out of cream cheese three days in, didn't get enough veggies and had to go buy some and neglected to really get anything on my shopping list beforehand because, well, I put the list in a "Passover 2009" folder which promptly got buried under a gigantic stack of papers about two weeks ago.

So much for planning!

But the whole week flew by, and my initial reaction to it being over is "Wait, what just happened?" I didn't feel spiritually connected to Passover this year. I didn't spend much time studying or reading about the actual seder itself, why we celebrate, all the things I like to do before major holidays. You see, these holidays happen only once a year. I'm a pro at Shabbat -- it happens every week! I always feel spiritually and emotionally connected to Shabbos. But the holidays? They come once a year and that means I have very, very few under my belt. I get that everyone else has been doing Pesach since birth and the seders are exhausting and irritating. The traditions and practices are old and lengthy and I get why people don't get into seders and just want them to end. But for those of us who haven't really had the chance to experience 15, 18, 30, 50 of them? Well, we're at a loss. I know I should have done more to really get myself into the holiday, but we were traveling and kashering and toveling. I had homework, quizes, tests, stressors. The holiday came, it went, and I'm left jaw dropped wondering why it passed without me feeling it pass over.

Next year! That's what I say every year. Next year? I'll start preparing in January. The moment Chanukah comes I'll get the books and read the essays and study the services and the haggadot. I'll be better prepared. Next year. It'll pass me over and I'll feel its breeze on my face.

Until then? Well, it's back to the regular chametz-eating schedule. Bread, cereal, bagels, muffins. Color me stoked. I enjoy my matzo and cream cheese, but a girl can only take so much.