Covering My Hair: A Hilarious Encounter

Most of the time, I get really sweet compliments on my hair wrapping.

"That scarf is gorgeous! Where did you get it?" (Most of the time, I can't remember.)

"You look like a queen." (I get this a lot from Ethiopian men.)

"How did you learn to wrap like that?" (Trial and error, is my usual response.)

But today, as Mr. T and I went through security at Coors Field for a Rockies vs. Dodgers game (Rockies won, all thanks to Charlie Blackmon, my secret boyfriend), this exchange occurred between two older gentleman and me:

Security #1: Do you have anything in there? (He gestures at my scarf.)
Me: What? No.
Security #1: You're not hiding anything?
Me: No ...
Security #2 (with an awesome curly mustache): He's just being ... (I can't remember what he said).
Me: Ha ha. Oh, okay.
Security #2: Do you hide your weed in there?
Me: Ha ha ha, right.
Security #2: I once used to have this metal container in my car but I swapped it out for wood and this copy stopped me to ask if I hid my coke in there! Ha!
Me: Uh, okay ...

Seriously, it was weird. And funny. And I never thought that anyone thought I could hide anything in my hair covering. I mean, I suppose I could. I suppose it's why when I go to the airport, inevitably they have to wand my head to make sure I'm not accessorizing with the newest trends in small bombs. But weed? Drug paraphernalia!? It had never occurred to me.

Perhaps this is a new business model I should look into ...

But seriously, I'm having a hardcore love-hate relationship with hair covering lately. Not that I'm considering uncovering or going to sheitels (wigs) full time or anything, but mostly that I just am not loving the way I look in my scarves these days. My volumizer is too big or too small. The scarf doesn't fit right. It makes my head look gigantic, it makes my head look lopsided ... everything is just wrong with it. I hit this slump once a year, it seems. I'm not sure why, and I don't know how I usually come out of it, but I pretty much hate it because hair covering is something I truly love.

Do you ever get in a slump? How do you dig yourself out of it? 

Thread and Flourish Box Review!

Love scarves? Love handmade goodies? Check out the Thread and Flourish Box (and a quick look at doing a head wrap with an infinity wrap).

Mourning My Bangs

Fewer than two years ago, while debating what my head and hair would look like after I married Mr. T and entered my second marriage, I asked the question: Goodbye Bangs? And now, well, I've finally committed to saying goodbye.

I've written a lot on hair and head covering over the years. It's a central component to living life as a religious Jewish woman (not to mention a host of other religious and trendy lifestyles), so of course it comes up.

• Goodbye Bangs? 
• Covering Your Hair: Why?
• Covering Your Hair: Leprous Plague?
• Taking the (Hair) Plunge
• The Hair That's There: You Can Never Go Back

Nearly six months ago I purchased my first synthetic wig online. It was a short, dark bob, and it was cute, but not the right style. Then I found a long, flowing synthetic wig on Amazon for a mere $16 and purchased it. Crazy long, I cut some of the length and was in love with the look (always paired with a knit hat because, it being synthetic and cheap, the crown looked weird without the hat). I wore the cheap wig for about a month for Shabbat and various functions before it got ratted and knotty. I washed it according to the best instructions on YouTube but it, well, it died. At $16 a pop, I purchased another one for a few annual events and a Purim trip to the UK, but, well, that died after about two wears. 

So for now, I say goodbye to synthetic wigs. I've love a real wig to wear to special events, weddings, and for the occasional Shabbat where I just want to feel va-va-voom and beautiful, but let's be honest, there's no way I'll be able to afford a wig in this lifetime, and I'm okay with that. Because I love scarves, also known as tichles or mitpachot. I love the variety, the act of wrapping, the beauty of accessorizing with something so simple. 

While in the UK, having forgot my volumizer (that poof I wear on my head under my scarves to make it look like I have masses of beautiful locks underneath), I basically lived for 10 days in knit, winter hats. The upside? I didn't scream "I'm a Jew! Look at me!" The downside? I didn't wear any scarves, I felt frumpy, and I slowly realized that my bangs, the bangs that I've had my entire life (I joke that I came out of the womb with bangs), got frizzy and gross and unmanageable. 

Now, they've been on the outs for a while. While pregnant with Ash my hair got really full and luscious. It was wonderful. Then he was born and I've basically spent the past 15 months watching my hair thin, fall out, and deteriorate. All the treatments, conditioners, and love in the world hasn't helped. 

I'm mourning my hair. But in a way I never thought I would. Covering came easy to me. I've always loved covering my hair. It shows that I'm married, that I'm Jewish, that I'm proud. It's an outward mitzvah that makes me feel like I'm doing something for all of Am Yisrael. I'm going my part in my little corner of the world, the best I can. But I never thought I'd cover all of it, every last strand. It was never part of the plan. 

So here I am. Sans bangs. Turning another corner in hair covering with an open mind and a bit of hesitance. 

I suppose the one major upside is that I don't have to think about that tefach (hand's breath allowed showing) anymore. Also? I can finally do all of those fun styles I never could before with bangs. I'm going to view this as a new beginning rather than a loss. 

Forehead, say hello to the world for the first time in 30 some years. 

Long Awaited: How to Tie Your Tichel

I've had many requests, so I finally sat down last week and did this. Of course, then I neglected to take the time to edit the video and upload it, but I finally got to it and here we are!

In these two videos you'll see just what "the bump" really is and several different types of scarves I use with the bump and how I tie them.

If there's one thing you should walk away from these videos with, it's that it's not a perfect science and learning to roll and tuck those pesky pieces of scarf away will become a piece of cake.

The Bump: A How-To Guide (Please forgive my misspelling ... I'm under the weather!)


How to Tie Your Tichel 

It's a Modest, Modest World

For this installment, we have two great questions about issues that fall under modesty or tzniut in Judaism. (Note: tzanua or anav is the adjective form, meaning modest.) We'll start out at the head and end up at the toe!

Hair covering - do you cover all the time? At home alone? What about at home with just the family? What if you were hanging out with just a bunch of women, with no chance of a man interrupting you?

I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone around my house alone without my head covered, and there are zero times countable that I've been at home with the family or in a group of women and not covered my hair. A good example of this is earlier this week at the Pre-Shavuot Sushi Night here in Neve Daniel -- not a dude in sight, and plenty of women were taking off their tichels to try on new scarves to buy, but not me. I'm the kind of gal who will try a tichel on on top of other scarves. It's just my way.

This is the tichel I purchased at sushi night!

Consistency allows me to feel completely comfortable when I am covering all the time, and the truth is I really do love covering. For me, the sentiment from Micah 6:8 to walk humbly with HaShem is something that I try to enact at all times, and it shows that it really isn't about the involvement of a man in my hair-covering experience.

Hi Chaviva. (Great blog btw.) I live in a charedi community in Eretz Yisrael where the custom is for us to wear stockings outside (in the 36 degree Celsius heat) all year round, and most of us also in the house also. I have seen that some communities do differ in this opinion - what is the stance of your community?  How do you find tznius and Eretz Yisrael in your time here so far?

This writer (thanks!) also included a link to an interesting piece from the Rav Kook perspective on stockings, which says the following,

... in regards to the part of the leg below the knee, the halacha depends on the custom of the place: if it is the custom to cover it, it must be covered. If not, it need not be covered. In practice, since the majority of ‘poskim’ are stringent, it is preferable to act in this way. A woman who chooses to be lenient is permitted, for she has reputable sources to rely on.

To be completely honest, the entire concept of stockings isn't something I've thought much on in the past, mostly because where I grew up (non-Jewishly), stockings were meant for two things: winter and dressy occasions. For some reason, my mental place for stockings and tights is still in that place. Where I lived in Teaneck, Denver, and now in Neve Daniel, the standard of the community seems to be stocking-less in the summer and various observances in the winter. Some people wear leggings and others wear tights. Until very recently, I couldn't find a comfortable pair of tights so would often wear leggings under a long skirt or leggings with heavy socks over it.

So far, there is definitely a much more clear community dividing line than places I've lived in the U.S. as far as what people wear. Looking around the room at the Sushi Night earlier this week, I realized how very similar everyone in Neve Daniel dresses. It's very flowy, simple casual but put together, and the hair-covering style is up my alley (tichels, tichels, tichels). Although there is a certain set of women who wear pants and short sleeve shirts, it doesn't seem to be the norm here.

What do you think about stockings in the dead of summer and covering all the time? Have a related question or something off the wall? Just ask!

Ask Chaviva Anything: The Grab-Bag Edition

As I prepare for yet another bowl of Gluten-Free Fruity Pebbles ...

This is going to be quite the grab bag, because there hasn't been a theme as of late. Question Number One asks,

How does hair care when you cover your hair work? Do you get your hair trimmed or cut, or do you just let it do whatever? And if you do get it cut, how does that work?

Since moving to Israel, I've had my hair cut twice -- once up in Ra'anana (near Tel Aviv) in December and one by a local friend before the wedding. Since getting married, I've been sort of letting my hair do whatever it wants, occasionally trimming my own bangs (or, if you're from the U.K., "fringe") against my own intuition. It's long enough now that I can put it in two little pigtails in the lower back, or one sort of loose small ponytail in the back with pins. The interesting thing that I've experienced is that my hair is reacting a lot better to being covered this time around than last. When I was married the first time, my hair started thinning out and became really frail, but this time around it's getting thicker and longer much faster. It can be hard to maintain hair while covering, but it just takes some attention to shampooing and conditioning to really make it work.

How long did your Orthodox conversion process take? 

I started attending an Orthodox synagogue before Pesach in 2008, moved to Connecticut in August 2008 and started attending an Orthodox synagogue in West Hartford around November 2008. My official "training" began in January 2009, I applied with the RCA to officially convert in October 2009, and had my conversion dip on January 1, 2010. So it was roughly, officially, a year.

I'm turning green with envy at your head covers you're posting on Instagram. I live in the U.S. Do you know where I can find some like that?

I wish I knew where you could find some of these coverings. The thing that I've noticed about head coverings here in Israel is that the fabric is more breathable, flexible, and forgiving than those I've seen in the U.S. Here, the designs are functional and easy to wear, and in the U.S. they're just ... fabric. Maybe I should start an import-export business? If you can, find a way to get someone to bring you the scarves they sell at Hoodies -- they are a lightweight stretchy cotton that is so comfortable and flexible and gives an amazing body. Also, look out for the "fake poof" -- yes, I use a fake poof to give my scarves body. Until my hair is long enough to build it up, I'm faking it. (Fake it 'til you make it!)

Hi Chaviva, I'm learning hebrew and I'm interested in knowing about you experience with this language? it's hard? what books do you use (or did you use)?

I wish I had an answer to this question. The truth is that my best and most valuable Hebrew learning experiences were by sitting in a classroom or at an ulpan desk. When you're immersed, things stick. When you're learning in a book and then going back to the "real world" where English is the norm, it's hard to really feel entrenched in the language. That being said, there are all sorts of learners out there, and some really do benefit from Rosetta Stone or similar programs. I, unfortunately, did not. The best textbook out there is the one put out by the Brandeis University Modern Hebrew program, but I'm not sure if you can find the answer book.

Does anyone have tips on hair care while covering, Hebrew language learning, or any other topics discussed here? Please share!

Have a question? Just ask at Ask Chaviva Anything!

Too Busy to Breathe

I made gluten-filled challah for the first time in exactly 1.5 years.

Mr. T and iBoy got to take part, and I heard it was delish. 

Oh, and it also was the first time I was able to say the bracha. Winning!

Hello faithful blog readers. Yes, I've been neglectful -- horribly neglectful. What happened? What have I been doing? How is married life? How is ulpan and work? How is Israel? Am I still sane?

So very many questions, so little time. I have some announcements to make about some executive decisions I've made, some fun quips about being married, and some hilarious tales about the goings on with bureaucracy (I am now the "mayor" of the Ministry of the Interior in Jerusalem, if that tells you anything). But for now, I'm going to give you a collage of the various head coverings over the past several weeks. I'm going to work on a few videos and some tutorials on how I rock my scarves because I've had requests.

For those that are curious this very second -- no, I don't watch other videos or read books on how to tie my scarves, I just do it naturally. How? Why? It's the neshama, folks. It was born to love gefilte fish and wrap mitpachot, what can I tell you?

So stay tuned. I promise a post in the next few days. Also? More wedding pictures because we just got the gigantic load of photos from the wedding from our amazing photographer Shmuel Diamond.

Want to know something? Demanding answers about what's going on with me? Just ask!

England: Cover Thy Head!

After I posted about being unsure what type of headcovering made the most sense as far as "fitting in" in England, I got an email from my future father-in-law with the above image. My initial reaction was laughter, followed by a quick email saying, "Did you find this online? Or make it yourself?"

The reason I asked was because my future father-in-law has an amazing talent for creating stories for iBoy, so I thought that just maybe he crafted this little gem himself. Lo and behold, he did!

For those of you who have lived in England, live there now, or are familiar with the trends there, how does this very crafty graphic measure up?

Goodbye to the Bangs?

This is me in June 2011 in Israel. I miss this scarf. Will I miss my bangs?

I've spent a long time on this blog talking about hair covering or, more accurately, head covering (kisui rosh), both before, during, and after my first marriage. Some of my most-read posts are on both the religious/halachic and historic origins of hair covering, head covering, and sheitels (wigs). 

• Covering Your Hair: Why?
• Covering Your Hair: Leprous Plague?
• Taking the (Hair) Plunge
• The Hair That's There: You Can Never Go Back

Through the years, I moved from "yes I'm covering" to "yes I'm covering with scarves and knit hats" to "maybe I'll get a sheitel" to "okay I bought a headband fall" to "I'm uncovering because I'm divorced."

And now? I'm a mere three weeks away from getting hitched (Part Deux: It's Going to Be Amazing), and I've been saying for quite some time now that I'm more than ready to get back to hair covering. A lot of observant women struggle intensely with the concepts of tzniut and kisui rosh, and there are a lot of gray areas that people cling to as they struggle with where they are in their observance.

For me?

Getting rid of my pants was a breeze. You mean I don't have to spend the rest of my life uncomfortably and angrily searching for the pair of perfect jeans? You mean I can purchase skirts that are both sexy and flattering and fit a whole lot easier than pants ever did or will? Yes, please. Fulfilling a mitzvah of walking modestly with HaShem in the process? Yes sir!

As for head covering, everyone has their up days and down days, and even I kvetched when I was covering my head with scarves. Yes, I left my bangs out according to the rule of the tefach (hand's breath allowed showing), but even now I'm struggling with whether to keep them or not. It gets hot in Israel in the summer (sweaty foreheads aren't hot), and I've done bangs before. I'm going to cover, and in Israel scarves in beautiful colors and styles are the norm, making life a lot easier than when I was schlepping a scarf-covered head through the Carolinas. Hats? No. Knit hats? Probably, but the hotter it gets, the chances of me sporting them decrease. The major kvetch I've had in the past about scarves was that I didn't have long hair to create body with my scarves, but there are all sorts of tricks that people use in Israel to create height and body, so expect some changes in the scarf department. So why am I excited to get back to head covering? Life is easier, simpler, more easily changeable when all you need is a tichel in the morning. Am I simplifying the mitzvah? Maybe, but I know the why, it's the how and when that are coming back to me now.

The one thing I'm minorly struggling with is the trip to England over Pesach, where I'll be -- for the first time in a long time -- in a place where scarves are not the norm. The question is, do I cave to cultural pressures or sport my classic Israeli-style scarves?

Now if I could just start the covering now. I grow weary of having to do my hair. I'm looking forward to growing it out, seeing what I can do with it to keep Mr. T happy, and see where the world of Israeli head coverings can take me!

Parshat Naso: The Origins of Hair Covering

That's me with a tichel, circa this time last year in Jerusalem.

Hello faithful blog readers! I've been meaning to do a video blog for a while, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and do it. Any topics you'd like me to speak frankly on?

Anyhow, I wanted to post really quick about this week's parshah or Torah portion (Naso), because it is within this that we find the beginnings of the laws of hair covering. I've written extensively on it, because I think that it's important that we understand the halachot or laws of hair covering, but also the societal and cultural norms that have painted our colorful history of hair covering. Thus, I give you two blog posts:

• Cover Your Hair: Why? -- This gives the halachot and rabbinic background on the topic.

• Covering Your Hair: Leprous Plague? -- This looks at the cultural context of hair covering and how/when sheitels or wigs came into practice and the various opinions on the tichel (scarf) versus the sheitel, as well as different modern rabbinic takes on hair covering.

Enjoy!

Ask Chaviva Anything!: Hair, Struggles, and School

I've already received so many great questions for my new Ask Chaviva Anything! series. Here's my response to a few of them, and stay tuned for more! If you want to ask me something, anything, just click here.

For you, what's the hardest part of being a convert?

That's a really excellent question, for which there are many answers! I think the hardest thing about being a convert is those moments when you feel lost or wandering (which is how I feel right now post-divorce and post-move). The thing about being a born-Jew is that no matter how far you stray, you can always come back -- Once a Jew, Always a Jew. (Okay, let's not talk about Spinoza here.) When you're a convert, you can't stray and come back, because your credibility is shot. As an Orthodox convert, the option to give up kashrut and the mitzvot just isn't an option if I want to stay or be accepted by Israel and Orthodox Jewry. I'm not saying I want to give everything up, but that the pressure to stay on the straight-and-narrow sometimes means that you feel as though you can't spread your wings and fly in ways that you might before converting.

As I wrote here, the temptations to fly in either direction -- more religious, less religious -- are strong when you're feeling lost, and staying the derech can be exceedingly hard, but that's part of being Jewish, and that's what I signed up for!

Did you get a heter from a reliable rav to uncover your hair? 

Believe it or not, I answered this in a recent blog post! I didn't name the rabbi, but if you really want to know, shoot me an email.

What happened to grad school? Are you going to have to pay back your scholarship? Are you going to go back or are you finished?

Currently, I'm on a "Leave of Absence" with the option to return in the Spring. Will I? Probably not. I might see about getting it extended with the option to return in Fall 2012, but I'm still undecided.

When I initially started my second and third masters' degrees at NYU, I wanted to be a Hebrew language educator, or at least a trail-blazer to update and revamp the way Hebrew is taught in the United States. I was super stoked to be at NYU after getting my first M.A. at the University of Connecticut -- I'd dreamed of going to NYU since I was in high school. When I moved to the NY area, however, my focus changed over to Social Media and the role it plays in the Jewish nonprofit world and in Jewish day schools. The problem? There isn't much of a curriculum at NYU for such a field, because it's hard to teach Social Media to someone like me who knows and does as much as I do already. Also, it being an experimental field, I'm probably better suited to be teaching than taking the classes. (Man, that sounds snobby, but I was going to take a Social Networking course and the teacher asked me to come speak to her class because of my experience.) So I'm really torn and questioning what the Education and Jewish Studies program can really do for me; I was struggling to find meaning in the program for a while now, and it might just be chocked up to the difficult emotional time I was going through.

I don't have to pay back the scholarship, but I know what a hardship it will be for the program and thus this is not a decision I'm making lightly. NYU was my dream, but some things just don't turn out to be what we think they are.

The Hair That's There: You Can Never Go Back

So I know you're all wondering: What gives on the hair-uncovering, Chavi? My most-read posts on this blog are in the vein of hair-covering and mikvah and all things involving shomer negiah, so it must seem weird that I uncovered when we all know that even divorced women are supposed to continue covering their hair, right?

Also, I know that it might come as a shock to some that I uncovered so soon after receiving my get. Around 1 p.m. on September 21, the get was given, and I walked away an unmarried woman according to Jewish law. (I'll write about the ceremony itself, so consider this a "to be continued.") I know of some women who throw off their sheitel or hat or tichel immediately as they walk out of the room, but I couldn't do that. I was still undecided about my uncovering. I got a boost of confidence and support, however, from the rabbi who headed up the beth din (rabbinical court) of the get ceremony. After he shared some very kind words about me (which could go either way for boosting the convert's self-esteem -- ask me if you want to hear the story), I mentioned that I knew Rav Moshe Feinstein's ruling on a divorced woman's hair-covering, but I know that there are leniencies. My query was based on the following:

[Rav Feinstein] is concerned for the divorcée who needs to get on with her life. In one text, he gives a divorced woman permission to uncover her hair for dating purposes (IM EH 4:32.4). The young woman wants to be able to meet men for matrimonial purposes. She is afraid that a head covering will automatically indicate that she is currently married. Rabbi Feinstein is persuaded that her motive is legitimate and so allows her to remove her head covering. But, he warns, there are conditions. She must inform the man as soon as possible that she is divorced. He will not allow her to mislead a man just to dispel an incorrect first impression so that she might eventually marry. 

The rabbi, impressed with my citation of Rav Feinstein, said, "You're young, you have no kids, you're relocating to a new community, and you want to remarry, yes?" I responded yes to all and he advised to uncover as necessary. 

So here I am, uncovering my hair. It took me a few days, until that following Sunday, actually. After having hacked my hair off a few times during September, I was in need of a serious shape-up haircut. I pulled into Lincoln, Nebraska, checked into my hotel, and went to get a haircut. When I got up that day, I showered and debated whether to cover on the way to the hair-cutting place, but just grabbed a hat and shoved it in my purse -- just in case it didn't feel right. I walked out into the cool Nebraska morning, sun beating down on my freed tresses, and for a split second I felt a freedom, a release, like I was reclaiming my independence, my personality, my happiness. 

But it was fleeting, as all things are. 

I went to the cuttery, showed a picture of my hair from before I got married, and said, "Can we do this, please?" After she was done, I felt that feeling of freedom again. Like, I'm back to the old me! Huzzah! But again, fleeting. I went home to see my family for the first time since May, and I think they were happy to see the hair open and free -- I'm not sure they ever got the whole hair-covering thing to begin with. I toyed with grabbing the hat from my purse and covering up, just to feel a little bit like the married me again, but realized that just as mucha as I couldn't go back to my old haircut, I couldn't go back to covered, married me. 

Who am I? Maybe I just need a new 'do. 

It's funny how much our hair controls our feelings and who we are. It feels horribly wrong, too. It feels shallow and vain. 

So I wake up every day and look in the mirror and let out a huge, heaving sigh because I have to do something with this hair that no longer expresses who I am but that I have anyway. I want to grow it out, to get a cute bob or something, like my dream sheitel, but that's going to take time, and growing hair out when it's been short is a huge pain in the tuches. 

Or maybe I won't grow it. Maybe I'll give up and when winter rolls around go back to my most favorite knit hats that I sported all winter last year, when I was married. I do know several women who were uncovering for months only to start covering again after realizing the same thing I did.

You can never go back. 

G-d willing, I'll get married in the right time and get back to hair covering, a place that I feel is home now. Who woulda thunk it, eh? 

**Most Popular Posts of All-Time in order:

• Taking the (Hair) Plunge
• Modesty, Shomer Negiah, and Me
• Swallowed Up in the Mikvah
• The Mikvah is Lost on Me
• (And a few bumps down:) Covering Your Hair: Leprous Plague

The Underground Scoop on Tzniut Style

I try really hard not to contact awesome retailers for product samples, because, well, I feel like it cheapens the whole experience. But when retailers contact me with beautiful, tzniut products, I can't turn them down, and I never have! Thus, I'm excited to share with you a retailer that I've been hoping and praying would contact me for some time now (ever since I moved into Teaneck and heard about it, that is), and that is The Style Underground, the fine purveyors of innovative, classic, and modest hairwear and headgear. Julie at TSU contacted me and sent me two amazing products: A Purple Yoshi Braid Hat and the Luxe Silk Voile Scarf.

I'll admit it -- when the package came, it was small and well wrapped, and I was concerned. Will her products fit my gigantic German noggin? Yes, I have a big head, and it's always caused me woe and drama when it comes to buying hats, which is why I don't really wear hats outside of winter when slouchy, knit hats are oversized and comfortable. If I had my way, I'd wear comfy hats all year round, so consider me stoked to discover that TSU makes a comfortable, stretch-cotton hat, called the "Yoshi Braid Hat."

The Yoshi Braid Hat is what it says -- it's soft, cotton, and stretchy, but without that "you wore it once and now it's stretched out" kind of feeling. It was comfortable, looked like a tichel (according to Tuvia), and it provided versatility, as the braid is attached in the back but is able to be moved around on the crown of your head. I was incredibly excited the moment I put it on -- I felt like summer wouldn't be so bad after all! My only concern is that, because my noggin is so big, the hat doesn't look exactly like it does on Julie on her website. It's just a little too snug to look casual. As Tuvia said, from the side I look like an elf. I tried to rectify the situation by pulling and tucking the extra fabric in, and it worked for the most part, but I noticed throughout the day that I did suffer some slippage of the hat because, well, of my gigantic head. (I know, I know, it doesn't look that big, but it is.) Overall, however, I'm super excited about the hat, and I'm excited to buy the other colors (especially the versatile black!).

The Luxe Scarf at first glance had me thinking that this wasn't anything special, but then I unwrapped it and ... holy wow ... it's shaped like a triangle! Which means there isn't gobs of extra fabric to try and tuck away, and it makes it easier to leave the part around the neck out without it reaching half-way down my back and making me look like a peasant. The fabric is incredibly lightweight and comfortable -- it honestly feels like I'm wearing nothing on my head, which is perfect in time for summer. The stitching on the scarf, too, is impressive. I can't use a sewing machine, let alone make something this elegant.

Overall, I have to say I am very, very impressed with what The Style Underground has to offer. I was taken aback at first by the prices, but after receiving the products, I can tell you that it is beyond worth it. The product is elegant, the stitching is expert and flawless, and the color options are innovative and seasonal. I'll be wearing these for years, and they won't show the wear, either. We're talking Boutique Tzniut, folks! And I'm sold.

Do you have a favorite The Style Underground scarf or hat? Let me know what you think!

EDIT: Don't forget to check out the invaluable resource of The Style Underground's scarf-tying videos on Facebook!

The Tale of the Magic Tichel and Its Hijab Envy

Last week I was sitting in the office of a coworker (I use that term loosely since I work from home and don't technically have coworkers) when a woman walked in and began talking to him swiftly in Hebrew about something he had sitting on his desk. The conversation was incredibly fast-paced, even for me, and I didn't catch most of what was going on. Something one of them said I did understand and I smiled, and the woman looked at me and said something in Hebrew (I forget what) and then asked if I spoke/understood Hebrew, to which I motioned that "so-so" thing with my hand. She apologized and said she'd assumed I spoke Hebrew, I said "kol b'seder" (it's okay), and they continued their conversation.

I immediately realized why this woman had assumed I spoke Hebrew. I was sitting in an office at a Jewish institution, and I was wearing a tichel (nifty Isreali head-scarf) on my head.

The tichel, I realized was the tip-off to my supposed mastery of Hebrew. The tichel meant I was Israeli or had some connection. I wasn't wearing a hat or a sheitel (wig).

That got me thinking -- again, as always -- about head coverings and what they mean. In my Hebrew class last week we read an article about the politics of the kippah and what it means, whether it's black velvet, or knitted, or one of those Nah Nach style ones. Our headgear, it seems, delegates how others view and categorize us, both politically and religiously. If you wear a tichel, chances are people will assume you're somehow tied to or involved in Zionism and Israel. If you wear a sheitel, you're from Monsey or one of the more religious and showy areas of Teaneck. And if you wear a hat -- especially a baseball cap -- well, then we all know you're just doing it to appease everyone else. (These are generalizations, folks, not my own beliefs.)

And then I was sitting in Bergen Town Center, biding time waiting for Tuvia to show up so we could look at those fancy lightweight suitcases since I'm going to be traveling so much and have a problem with ... ahem ... overpacking. I was people-watching near the fancy fishtanks that attract children and elderly alike for their bizarre, prehistoric-style fish that just look fake. Two Muslim girls walked past me in the most beautiful hijab coverings I've ever seen. I started thinking: These women look so beautiful in their head coverings that wrap over and around and here I am, wearing a headscarf that I'm perpetually shifting and pulling and tucking and I don't feel beautiful in it.

I expressed my frustration on Twitter and people suggested that it's because no hair is showing -- the focus of the viewer rests entirely on the face of the woman. Someone else posed a question that I've been wondering for quite some time: Is there anything that says a Jewish woman can't cover her hair hijab-style? And if not, why don't we? Is it because it's a Muslim thing to do and we want to distinguish ourselves? I know that in many parts of the world, Jewish women do cover their hair hijab-style, and it tends to be those with historic ties to historically Muslim lands.

Yes, that's J.Lo on the right. Stylin' in her tichel.

I guess, what I'm saying is, the hijab seems to be more, well, more tzniut and more stylish -- more mysterious, if you will. Am I nuts?

When the seasons change, I always have this kind of existential hair-covering crisis. I got married as spring was upon us, then I dealt with the summer-to-fall change, the fall-to-winter change, and now I'm dealing once again with that winter-to-spring change. I'm almost a full cycle of weather-related hair woes, and I don't think I'm a pro yet. I've had my bangs since I was a wee lass, and I just can't get rid of them. That bodes well for cute winter knit hats, but I am not loving how it looks with a tichel these days. I feel like I'm cheating. Tefach (the hand's breadth allotment of hair showing) or not.

I'm guessing if I walked out of my house and to shul with my scarf wrapped all hijab-like, I'd probably be chastised, and my conversion would go out in the window (she's a closet Muslim!). But sometimes, I troll the sites that sell these beautiful scarves and am jealous. Envious. I sometimes covet the beauty that these women accomplish in their clothing and hair coverings.

Sure, some might say I fall into the Orthofox category with my fashion sensibilities, but I'll never look as good as some of the women I see schlepping around the mall. And my tichel will never fit the way it should -- even so far as my ability to suddenly master Hebrew when it's placed upon my head (like a magic slipper or something).

Thoughts?

A Chasidishe Woman Waxes Frum on Fly-Aways

Just. Breathe.

It appears that 1:30 in the morning is the only time that I have to myself these days. I'm insanely busy with two part-time jobs (that really seem full-time), full-time school, full-time being a wife, and the list goes on and on. Even Shabbat doesn't last long enough. By the time I get my nap in, the day is gone, and I'm looking at my inbox and going into anxiety overdrive about how much I have to do.

Just. Breathe.

I had a great Shabbat this past weekend in Monsey for the bar mitzvah of In The Pink's beloved second-youngest son. Tuvia and I descended upon the home of good friends who feel more like family than friends these days (and this is, of course, a good thing). There was good food, good people, good accommodations, and, most of all, good simcha. There were a few anecdote worthy moments, including one that Hadassah reported on in which her youngest, who we call The Big Mo, walked up to my dear husband Tuvia and said, "Do you want me to sit on your lap so you can practice for when you have babies?" to which Tuvia said, "Um ... no?" The Big Mo responded, "Don't you remember last time?" in reference to the last time we were around for Shabbat when The Big Mo spent some quality time with Tuvia bouncin' cowboy-like on his lap. Adorable, right?

The other anecdote-worthy moment was in the vein of A Wedding and a Stylish Hasidic Woman (Er ... Me). I'm standing at kiddush with newfound in-real-life friends when a woman walks up to me asking me if I'm So-and-So. I respond that I'm not, after which she proceeds to tell me about how she's looking for a "Chasidish woman," and I looked the part. She said she'd heard that a sheitel with a headband (my style) is representative of chasidish women, so thus she saw me among the dozens of sheiteled women in the room and assumed I was the chasidish one in the crowd.

I really think that if you picked me up and put me down in Williamsburg that I would stick out like a sore thumb, but with all of this newfound information about the Satmar heritage of Tuvia's family, maybe we're coming full circle or something. Unfortunately for you all, the only picture I have of my chasidishe look from the bar mitzvah weekend are post-sheitel removal. Lame, I know.

What a family, eh?

I'd really wanted to make this post about hair covering and where I currently am at with it, as far as emotionally, but it's late, and I'm quite tired. Sunday night we went to a big dinner for AABJ&D, the big shul in West Orange that Tuvia's family helped found. I sported my sheitel in the class look then, too. I got a lot of compliments on the 'do, actually, but there was one thing that made me roll back -- "I was trying to describe you to her, but, well, without your hair ..." Or something to that effect. It's hard being easily spot-able without my traditional, spiked-up 'do. It isn't that I miss the hair or the cut or the style insomuch as I'd ever consider giving up hair covering (at this point), but sometimes I wonder if I'm still that recognizable person with only my signature glasses, which, by the way, are set to be changed this week to something more ... purple.

It used to be easy to be spotted in a crowd, the motions of spikey hair done with fingers to strangers being pointed in my direction. Spikes gone, hair grown long, I'm still figuring out what I like best. Tichels and sheitels and scrunchy knit hats. I keep saying there's a time and a place for each type of hair covering, and it's true. In Israel, I felt comfortable only in my tichel. When at weddings and party-like functions, I feel naked without my sheitel. In the winter, I rationalize a knit hat almost everyday because not only do I "fit in," but it's easy, casual, and stylish. In certain company, I would never sport a sheitel and in other company I wouldn't think of wearing a hat. Times and places, folks.

No matter what I do, I spend all day shoving my hair back in, tiny hairs that fly out and try to break free, darn them. All the pins and bobbles in the world can't seem to keep them away from sunlight and fresh air. They're jealous of my bangs, my homegrown bangs that no, are not clip-ins. My bangs that I can't seem to get right no matter how many times I cut them. But I look at the picture in my banner and think, Damn, I look good. I look stylishly frum. I'm the model frummie for the 21st century! Plaster me on the cover of Frum Yid Quarterly.

Hair. I longed for the day that I would cover my hair and not have to worry about putting it away and styling it and blow-drying it. Yet, I stress about it morning, noon, and night. Is it falling out? Do I look good? Do people know I'm Jewish because of my head-gear?

Over the weekend, while I was at Starbucks (I'm holding by the OU, folks), a very frum woman made her way to me -- of all people in the store, including the employees -- to ask where a certain street was. I was wearing a tichel, and clearly she knew I was a yid. It made me smile inside. She felt more comfortable asking me than anyone else. It was a hair-covered connection.

Just. Breathe.

It's late, and I should sleep. This chasidishe woman who battles with fly-away hairs needs her beauty rest. Time to recoup and refresh and figure out what the weather's going to be like and whether the day will call for a knit hat or something more, something less. And since I'm a month behind in laundry, well, our options for clothing to pair with covered hair are limited. Am I kvetching? Probably, maybe. I don't do much of that here on the blog, so pardon the tone if this post is a little ... morose. It's not meant to be, but it's one of those stream-of-consciousness posts in the wee hours of the morning and thus you get what you get. But seriously ...

May these be the worst of my problems. 

Niddah: Cover Your Hair in Bed?

Hair Covering Giveaway!

Yes, it's that time of year. The time of year to buy new head coverings! Why? The weather is changing, the leaves have all but disappeared, and, well, who doesn't want or need new, beautiful head coverings? Thus, I give you a giveaway from CoverYourHair.com (aka CYH)!

First, I have to tell you about the cute hat they sent me to get you guys excited about what's in store for the colder-weather months (and for those of you in Texas or Israel or countries where it doesn't get so cold, there are plenty of beautiful tichels and headbands available). Called The New Fashionable Beret on the site, this knit hat is a wonder. I buy a lot of knit winter hats at places like K-Mart and Conway (in NYC), but they tend to be plain, and I often wish that they had just a little something to jazz them up. Thus enters these hats. With a simple bow, the hat really does give off a different vibe than if it were sans the bow. And, believe it or not, adult bows are in fashion this season (so sue me, I saw it on TV). The hat is actually a lot thicker, which plays into a serious high-quality look and feel. Overall? I'm loving this hat! Can't you tell?

Here are the details:

• One winner will receive a box of surprise hair accessories worth $25!
• You have many ways to enter the contest, and for each thing you do, please mention it in the comments (honor system!) in a single comment, please. Here are the ways to add entries to your comment.
• Post a comment here telling me about the best hair accessory in your collection. 
• Join Google Friend Connect by going to www.hairaccessoryblog.com, click "Join This Site" in the Google Friend Connect box.
• Subscribe to CYH on at www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/coveryourhair.
• Follow CYH on Twitter.
• Add www.hairaccessoryblog.com to your blog roll. 
• Add CoverYourHair.com to your blog roll. 
• Follow CYH on Networked Blogs by clicking here and choosing "Follow This Blog."
• Bookmark CYH on Delicious. 
• Fan CYH on Facebook. 
• And, last, but not least, subscribe to the CYH feed on YouTube!
• Remember: Post a comment on MY BLOG with all of the things that you did to enter. 
• The contest will close at 10 p.m. on Thursday, November 18. The winner will be chosen at random! Men, enter for your wives, too!

Note: This CAN be shipped worldwide -- so, no matter where you are, enter enter enter!

And, just so you don't walk away empty handed if you don't win, you, my lucky blog readers, have the opportunity to receive 20% off at CoverYourHair.com through December 31, 2010 using promo code "blog1231." Enjoy!

The Chavi and the Hair

Tuvia and I were married May 31, 2010, which means that on November 31, while we're gallivanting around Israel, we'll celebrate our Six Month Anniversary (cue loud, booming voice and doomful music). That will be six months of tichels, hats, scarves, and a sheitel (that's really a fall meant to be worn with headbands and hats). That also will be six months of an experience that seems to entertain or captivate the likes of blog readers the world-over. My posts on hair and hair covering are some of my most well-read and most talked about. Most days I wonder why that is, but I usually come to the conclusion that it's because it's 2010. It's the 21st century and the idea that there are women out there willing to cover their hair in a bounty of ways seems foreign, if not archaic or unsensible, to probably 90 percent of the population. Women, after all, are liberated, right? We're proud to share the right to vote (in the U.S. anyway) and equal opportunity for jobs (even though we still make less than men for equivalent work) and those with house husbands are free to work their tushes off without worrying about raising their kids full-time. Women are free, free to do whatever they want, which to most means wearing pants and letting those locks fly freely in the dirty, NYC wind.

When I first posted about hair covering, I got a lot of comments that my sentiments would change. I'd grow weary of it quickly, my head would itch and I would throw off my scarf in rebellion, embracing my awesome hair and the liberation that uncovering can bring. I'm not being flippant, but there were people who expected me to give up on covering. So we're only six months in, and maybe there's still hope that I'll go back to my awesome 'do next year or in ten years or moments before I kick the bucket ... but don't count on it.

I've got drawers and nooks and crannies stuffed with scarves of every color and size, headbands for my fall, and now that winter is upon us, boatloads of cute knit winter hats. I'll admit, hair covering in summer sucks. It's hot, no matter how thin your tichel, and with my style -- homegrown bangs -- it's an even hotter mess. Thus, thank G-d for winter ... I can wear my knit hats with or without the fall, and look like a cute ski bunny in the process.

My hair has finally grown a bit to the point where I can comfortably leave a bit less than a tefach out of my knit hat without feeling uncomfortable. The look, I think, suits me. Of course, I was concerned about meeting the criteria -- being covered and being bound. My hair is short enough that I can't bind it, so the rim of the hat tends to keep it bound in place (that is, it doesn't move), so through executive decision, I've deemed it both stylish and legitimate as far as kisui rosh goes. My knit hats are blue and gray and brown and black and one even has a big ridiculous bow on it. I've discovered that K-Mart is an excellent locale for knit hat shopping, and even my super sequined sparkly black hat from Target gets the job done. Winter, for me, is without scarves and tichels for the most part, although we're going to Israel at the end of the month and Israel is a place where wearing a scarf is more comfortable than a hat or sheitel. I intend on packing a few necessary scarves and to buy up Israeli ones while I'm there.

I can't say that I'm any more comfortable in my sheitel than I was a few months ago when I got it. To be honest, I probably went a month without even wearing it, bringing it out this Shabbos for a schlep to family in Monsey. The weather was up and down, and, feeling perpetually warm, I opted out of the hairy option. I keep toying with the idea of getting it chopped, as sometimes it feels bulky and annoying. I see so many women with cute short 'dos, and I have to wonder what would work for me. Sure, long hair is sultry and sexy, but that's not exactly the point of it, nor is it what I'm going for. Functional and comfortable are the key words for hair covering in my book.

Overall, hair covering ain't no thing for me. I wake up, I throw on a hat, I run out the door. If anything, it's made my life loads easier. I've almost mastered cutting my own bangs (okay, not really, but I try), and I look darn cute in a winter knit hat. It might push me to move to the Great White North so I can rock this look 24/7/365. I'm still coping with the bangs + tichel/scarf look. I feel like it looks weird, where I once thought it looked awesome. Would I get rid of my bangs? Probably not. They're my signature. People usually ask whether they're homegrown or fake (yes, you can buy clip-on bangs). The question I'm sure most are wondering is whether if it "ain't no thing" if I'm getting anything spiritual or religious out of it. The answer is a resounding "of course." I walk a certain way, talk a certain way, dress a certain way, and it all starts at the tip-top of my head. It allows for a full and embodying sense of self-awareness that I strengthen with each day I cover my noggin and hair.

What about you, readers? For those of you who cover, does it get easier, harder? What has really pushed you to reconsider or reevaluate your own hair covering? What keeps you trucking and what trips you up?

Pardon the Interruption

Please excuse me, those of you who value the academic and intellectual integrity of this blog, for a few seconds while I make a very, very girly inquiry to my head-covering female readers (or the attentive man with a head-covering wife).

My hair, which I have decided to just sort of let grow now that I'm covering (it hasn't been longer than VERY SHORT since probably 2001), is at this really awkward length where I can't put it into a pony tail, but a headband doesn't keep all the tiny pieces in check. So a half-hour into wearing any type of tichel or scarf (and don't get me started about how hard it is to wear a hat right now), my hair is flying out of every nook and cranny possible, attempting a not-so-crafty escape.

Is there anything I can put on my head that will keep everything in check? All I can think of is like a knit hat one would wear in the winter that's tight fitting, but I need something smaller, more lightweight, that will keep all of my hair in place until it's long enough to put in a ponytail under my tichel.

Thoughts?

Stay tuned for our regularly scheduled programming, including a rehash of the mechitzah issue.

Falling in Love, With Teaneck, New Jersey.

I. Love. Teaneck!

Okay, let me start over. I know, we're new and it's that honeymoon period of newness and awesomeness, and technically we haven't even moved in yet, but we spent last Shabbos in Teaneck and, frankly, I'm in love. The community is young, vibrant, impassioned, and ALIVE. Alive. Yes, I felt alive and active and excited the entire time I was around the other individuals and couples in the apartment community. I mean, we were only there for one Shabbos, and I already feel like I have a new community-family, because they opened us with welcome arms (EDIT: of course I meant "welcomed us with open arms, but I spoonerized that, and it's so funny, I'm leaving it there!), put a roof over our heads, fed and fed and fed us, and took part in conversation and Jewish geography with us. What's more to ask for?

The amazing thing about the community is that the welcoming wagon is a serious one. We're moving in on Thursday/Friday and folks are willing to host us for meals, cook for us for the first week, help us literally move the boxes and furniture, and to help unpack. I mean, wow. I'm not saying other communities aren't so gracious, but it's the proactivity of these folks that astounds and elates me.

I didn't spot a single doily over the weekend, but I did spot some strange and interesting styles of covering ye olde locks, which I may or may not write about depending on how I think the community would react. The interesting thing about moving to Teaneck is that I'm starting to feel an underlying sense of self-censorship, but not actual self-censorship. Like, I shouldn't blog about certain things for fear of people reading them and/or getting their panties in a bunch about my most-of-the-time benign comments, but at the same time knowing that I can't help but blog about them.

So, just to test the waters (like a 3-year-old with a crayon and nice, clean white wall), I have to mention this interesting hair-covering style. I think I'll call it the "Captain Jack Sparrow." It's where you take a scarf and sort of tie it back, pirate-style, but with all your locks still dangling out freely. Like the un-tichel, tichel. What I don't get is how it fits into the whole tefach of hair thing. It's sort of like edging on not covering, while still covering. I did see one woman at a kosher restaurant elsewhere in Jersey recently sporting such a scarf, but she definitely had a fall on underneath. I give mad props to the women who choose to cover like this, I just don't know how the greater Orthodox (modern and otherwise) community approaches that kind of style.

Speaking of, I'd really like to get some knowledgeable source in the arena of the halakot and community standards of hair covering to guest post something for me as far as what is hardcore, what is lenient, and what is necessary and what is not. I want to be a whole heckuva lot more informed than I am right now.

I also am seriously pondering the sheitel or fall, now. I don't know why. I'm very not down with the sheitel, but I'm not sure WHY I am. Some look so chic. But is that the point? I'm also struggling with what to do with my hair -- cut it? Let it grow? It's at this uncomfortable impasse where I can't really leave the back out but it really doesn't want to stay up despite the amount of clippy and rubber things I attempt to keep it in with. It's Hair Wars 2010. Suggestions? I haven't had it long since 2001, so it might be fun to grow it. I wonder how Tuvia feels?

I have a bucketload of posts I'd like to write, many of them based on experiences (all good, by the way) in my new Teaneck community. I got the impression that most of my new friends don't read or keep up with blogs (although they seem to be obsessed with Friends and Seinfeld, so I'm planning on watching EVERY season/episode from start to finish on BOTH of those), so I might just be in the clear. I pride myself on a positive dialogue about any and all of my queries and curiosities when it comes to halakot and community standards, and I don't see that changing. Any baggage brought to this blog by individuals I can't freak out about. After all, it's baggage.

Stay tuned for more exciting and intriguing adventures in the life of Chaviva G. Hrm ... maybe someday kids will call me "Mrs. G." Which, of course, reminds me of one of the greatest shows of all time: The Facts of Life!