Quick Query to my Readership!

Hey readers! Would anyone be interested in me creating a private group (via Google Groups probably) geared toward a Conversion Conversation? You could ask me anything you want in private (that is, not in the comments here if you're concerned) and ask other converts similar questions. This, of course, includes converts in training and those simply curious.

Let me know if you're interested!

Shabbat Shalom!

A Pro-Convert, Pre-Shabbos Anecdote

Shabbat cometh, so I thought I'd share a cute little "yay convert!" anecdote with everyone. ready?

While in Austin, standing in line at the kosher grill at H-E-B, a little old man, who also is a professor at the university there, turned to me, looked at my SXSW Interactive nametag, and said, "Chaviva? Are you Israeli?"

I responded that I was not, and left it at that.

He replied, "Are your parents Israeli? Such a weird name to give an American girl!" I responded, hesitatingly, "Nope, I chose this name myself, actually." The little old man grinned broadly, saying, "Ahh! A convert! I love converts!"

At first I wasn't entirely sure how to react. It was funny to me how typically I anticipate people experiencing my "I'm a convert" moment through asking me where I'm from (Nebraska, there are Jews there?!) or where I was bat mitzvahed (no where). Never before, although perhaps it will become a more regular occurrence, has my name become the topic for my "coming out." Although, now that I think about it, Chaviva is a very Israeli name. In the U.S. the names Ahava and Aviva are much more popular to express the same idea.

So the little old man went on to tell me stories about the converts he knows, how he "adopted" their children, how authentic and genuine the converts he knows are. He was giddy with love for gerim! So I stood, smiled, nodded, and was pleased to experience the happier side of convert acceptance.

Later, as I sat eating with a friend and two Israelis we'd bumped into, the little old man came over and said something along the lines of, "It was good to meet you all. But it was especially good to meet her (pointing at me); SHE is something very special."

This left me glowing, feeling special, and the Israeli guests puzzled as to what was going on (they didn't know, of course, what the little old man was so excited about). Surrounded by Israelis and kosher food and friends, I felt utterly loved and, as the little old man said, special.

Shabbat shalom, friends!

I Know Y'all Love Me

I want to win some yummy tech stuff for being all silly at a SXSW Interactive party (Alltop), so do me a favor. Click on one of the photos below and VOTE for me to win. Pretty please? I'll love you forever :) Plus, the more free stuff I get, the more free stuff I give away. We all win, right?

Jews Gone Texas

or

Texas Schmexus, I'm from Nebraska!

Todah rabah!

The Sabbath Manifesto

I'm a sucker for viral web projects, and I just happened upon one (okay, they started following me on Twitter) today. The project? It's called the Sabbath Manifesto. The tagline? "Slowing down lives since 2010."

Listen, when I started going shomer Shabbos, the first thing I tried (keyword: tried) to do was unplug entirely. I did it cold turkey. No internet, no phone, no tv, no iPod. And believe me, it was hell on wheels. But now? I honestly -- and I'm not trying to lift you up and drop you in the dark side of "strict observance" here -- can't survive without Shabbat. My week used to turn into another week and another and months flowed together into years and there was no break; it was a continuous flow of noise and mess and chaos. But when I figured out how to make a day of rest from technology work, it turned into a day of rest from a ton of other things, which turned into a big day of rest from all of the stuff I do every other day of the week. It allowed me to read books for pleasure, talk with people, rest, just sit, to watch life go by around me while I rested, sound and relaxed in mind and thought.

And, you know what, a sabbath -- while it has a loaded "religious" tone -- really is for everyone. I think now about people who function on a 24/7 schedule of Twitter and blogging and Facebook and their phone and text messaging and fidgeting with worthless apps and my face hurts. In a world burdened with noise, I think everyone could take a day to step back and just say "wow, there's more to life than all of this other stuff." I hear from people all the time how mystified they are at the idea of a day without technology, and then later from the same people how they sincerely wish they had the will power to do so.

Of course, the question people always ask: What if there's an emergency? What if someone needs to get ahold of you?

The answer? Nothing is so important that it can't wait a few hours. Someone calls me from Nebraska to say there's an emergency, it's not like I can hop a flight instantly and help it get better. Someone has a pressing question? It can wait. Imagine how things were a hundred years ago -- you had to wait, you didn't have a choice. Did people survive? Heck yeah!

So listen, go to the website, give it a gander, and make it happen. We all need a break; we're on overload; we're liable to implode. Give yourself new life, and wrap yourself around the Sabbath Manifesto.

SXSW Interactive: A Wrap-Up

Everything's bigger in Texas, including the fake hair on their airport bathroom mirrors!

Here I sit, coming to you live from BWI Airport near Baltimore, Maryland, with heavy thoughts on my mind. The most pressing, of course, is why on earth this airport doesn't have Kosher Vending machines. After all, the Baltimore/DC Jewish community is massive, and the kosher crowd in Baltimore alone calls for such amenities, right? Alas. I'll pull out my horribly squished PB&J (made in my hotel around 10 p.m. last night) and pray for tastiness. One thing's for sure: I can't wait for a home-cooked meal. And another thing's for sure: Next year, SXSW Interactive better prepare itself for some serious, rocking, Israeli and Jewish folks who will be chowing with a vengeance on kosher food every day of the week. Believe me, the vision is there, the passion is there, the drive is there -- we just have to start planning, and by that, I mean planning starting today. SXSW Interactive is big doins, and you have to represent early. More on the vision later, however. Right now? More on the past four days!

Last night, we ventured to H-E-B, a grocery store in Austin that touts a little kosher grill (something we don't even have in West Hartford). These folks, in addition to having a crapton of kosher goodies (again, more than we have in West Hartford), they have a grill where you can order fries, burgers, chicken wraps, pastrami, and more. It's like an actual restaurant in the grocery store, and there's even seating! What a novel concept, right? So I opted for the Spicy Buffalo Wrap with some Spicy Fries. Stay tuned for a Yelp! review. The coolest thing about eating there, however, was running into some Israeli musicians who also were getting dinner. They sat down with us, and we ate together, talking about SXSW and those darn dairy Wal-Mart bread crumbs (no good for schnitzel, you know). The funniest thing about last night eating there with them, however, were two things they said. One was that my Hebrew accent is French, and the other was that I don't look outright Orthodox with my "Sex and the City" haircut. That made me want to roll on the floor giggling, but I maintained my composure. I'll be honest: No one has EVER told me my haircut is Sex and the City. What do you guys think?

Yes, I was at a party with Ashton Kutcher, Evan Williams (of Twitter fame), and Gary V., and yes I missed the "secret" U2 concert that was played at a local bar (I don't even like U2, sacrilege, I know). I met longtime friend (FINALLY) @caro, and I spent a great deal of time at the @FourSquare party with Dave Weinberg and Leah Jones, among others, sipping mojitos (which some Israeli friends told me actually is pronounced "moCHito" with a chet) and talking aliyah and the height of Mr. Kutcher. I dropped names to get into parties, enjoyed my VIP status and the stack of free t-shirts I picked up, not to mention stickers and pins and free Starbucks VIA coffee mugs and free Skype goodies ... but is that why I went to SXSW Interactive? To get free schwag and party with celebrities at branded parties?

I met folks from Stickybits (software doesn't work on my phone), folks from Grizzly and StumbleUpon. I talked to folks at the Google booth and at Glass, and I even walked past the PayPal station to express my disconcern about my account issues (resulting in free beer). My time at SXSW Interactive was peppered with a mass of THINGS and STUFF and PEOPLE, all selling themselves and their brands. It was a big love fest of tech startups and tech giants. So?

I think it was the moments like those at the H-E-B grill that really stick with me. That and some of the panel moments. I was thinking in the shower the other night that what I learned in the community management session was true: You have to talk to your customers. Even I was saying that, but from the viewpoint of the customer, not the producer. So I realized something: I produce a product every week, and sometimes every day, that consumers -- that's YOU guys -- buy into. I've gotten kind of bad in the past about not responding to comments, and I realized that's bad customer service. I've taken months to respond to emails, that's also bad customer service. So I learned something: I gotta care more! I also came into contact with some amazing people with amazing ideas. We had Microsoft Israel in our Judaism 2.0 panel (check out more on that at www.bit.ly/judaism20), I met a social media god at HP, I listened to Gary V. preach the good word of customer service and building relationships and doing what you love. I met (finally) two rappers who schlepped around SXSW seriously rocking and making their presence known, simply by rapping questions!

Although SXSW Interactive was a flurry of STUFF and THINGS, it was also incredibly powerful in the way that it brought more than 15,000 people into a space and made them interact, whether on the web through Twitter in sessions or face-to-face in core conversations like ours. A lot of people call it a big circle jerk, big dogs like Evan Williams and Gary V. tooting their own horns, but isn't that what we can use as a model? People from nothing turning into something in a thriving world of Social Media and Web 2.0? Aren't they our role models for success in business and e-creation? I think so.

Overall, however, the thing just wore the heck out of me. I didn't go to the closing party last night because I was spent. I felt really old, really lame, and really tired. I don't know how some of these people do it; many of these tech folks are very married and very much parents. I walked away from the entire thing invigorated, excited, and ready to do more. Gary V. says don't quit your job and think you're going to change the world with your tech and social media, but I don't know how every person that listened to him talk couldn't really want to do that.

I know I did. (Thank HaShem I'm a student for life!)

So stay tuned for LOTS of photos, including probably my most favorite panel at SXSW Film, and the only Film one I went to, which included the cast of the NEW MacGruber movie. Seth Meyers showed up (awesome), and I have a picture with him. I'm such a Midwestern girl, unexposed to stars and stardom and celebrity. I'm a sucker for a picture with someone famous and hilarious. Oh, and Val Kilmer? Yikes. He's gone downhill, a lot. The upside? He's hilarious.

Watch Judaism 2.0 LIVE!

We're LIVE streaming our Judaism 2.0 core conversation at SXSW Interactive at 3:30 p.m. CST! Check us out below, or on the website (www.bit.ly.com/judaism20).

Live video chat by Ustream

KoshaDillz Drops a Beat at SXSW

I didn't get a chance last night to blog about the day's events, but they were aplenty, fascinating, and exhausting (but in a good way). The pinnacle of the day probably came in the evening, however, which started with our big Kosher BBQ at the Chabad House at UT in Austin. We probably had 15 people show up, including a bunch of Israelis (which gave me a chance to show off my mad Hebrew skills), and we noshed on hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, and Shiner. The best part of the BBQ? KoshaDillz, the illustrious Jewish rapper, showed up with his cohort and they dropped some serious rhymes, kosher style. You need to watch this entire video to get the full effect, and listen closely for my name -- yes, I am in the rap. Ahh, to be rapped about. This surely will be the first of many rap inclusions, of course. So enjoy the video!





More about the evening, including an encounter with the one and only Ashton Kutcher (okay, he was like, five feet from me, but I got a picture), the party where I name-dropped, and more!

SXSW: One Big Party Palloozah!

What a day, what a day. There's so much to say ... yikes. From PETA girls walking around in nothing but lettuce to experiencing the weirdest party bus EVER (I was surprised something wasn't being passed around, you know) to buying rolls, turkey pastrami, mustard, Gatorade and chips for dinner (real food is better than fake La Briute any day!) ... this day was unique. I can't say I got a lot out of the sessions, because it was almost impossible to get into the really interesting sessions that I sought out. So tomorrow? Starting anew.

And also? I'm charging the heck out of my phone. It died around 9:30 tonight, which left me without photos or Foursquare or Twitter or any kind of communication, period. For someone like me, at something like this, it was devastating to say the least.

But one thing is for sure: I am far too old for partying all night, not sleeping all day, and relying on free beer from the Paypal lady and overpriced coffee to get me by. Maybe this means I'm entering lameness. Maybe it means that someday I'll want to relive my early years (like a lot of the "adults" here are seeming to do). Who knows. But this chick is going to bed

Live Bloggin SXSW: Part II, Oh to be Kosher

My mind officially has been blown out of the water. I never expected as much as I got here. I've spent the bulk of my time at the Interactive Trade Show, scoping booths by Google, Bing, and a ton of little startups whose names I subsequently have forgotten. I've got the stickers, however, so don't worry, I'll list them all and issue them their due credit in no time. But I am exhausted, running on a free cup of beer from Paypal for my recent woes with their purchasing system and third-party accessors, as well as an overpriced Starbucks latte that, interestingly, was totally worth it because it tasted about 30 times better than the kind I get in the store. Could the reason be that, well, I'm running on about 1.5 hours of sleep?

I've drained my phone twice today, checking in on Foursquare, taking photos and Twittering them, and trying to figure out where @Mottel is. So now, I'm hanging out in the "Chevy" Recharge Station where there are boatloads of little docks on tiny tables and around coffee tables and couches for people to sit, chill, drink free Sobe (not kosher) and hang. There is a crapton of free food here, and the bummer is that I can't eat any of it. MY hopes got up when I walked in and BAM, instantly there were free health food bars of some kind that happened to be OU-D; more on those later. And then? Everywhere cake and chips and salsa and candy and cookies and ... everything. Lots of beer. The amount of beer these people are drinking is insane! Oh, and hot dogs. And I've been craving hot dogs. What a wretched situation to be in!

I think next year I should push for some KOSHER vendors. I mean, how many Jews are here? Observant Jews? Probably not so many. I wonder if SXSW Interactive does any kind of demographic study. If not, they should. Heck, I'll do it for them.

So far, one of the most interesting things I came across was AOL Seed. Now, I hate AOL with every fiber of my being, but the Seed thing seems pretty gnarly. They outsource articles to people and average Joes can write for them, they pick the stuff, and ship it off to whatever vendor has requested it (Engaged, among them). So of course, being an editor, I had to ask -- Who does your editing? Bangalore, he said. BANGALORE!? Outsourcing your editing to foreign countries? Really? That's what really gets a copy editor down. Maybe I put the fear of G-d in him and he'll look me up, who knows.

Okay, I'm off to another adventure. The parties begin soon, and it's a million degrees outside. I'm praying it cools down ... this is no climate for a frum girl! Check out my Twitter stream for lots of fun photos, including a giant floaty Google box, half-naked cheerleaders, and MORE!

Welcome to Austin, TX ... and Smoking Food!

Check out my delicious La Briute meal a'cookin! It's smokin!

UPDATE: Okay, so it tasted just like the Sizzlin Cuisines version. Listen, beggars can't be choosers, so I'm cool with this. It tasted pretty good after having eaten bagged chips all day. And the cookies that come with it? MAGNIFICENT! And now? I'm off!

I'm Famous! Sort of ...

I always dream of being interviewed by newspapers on topics of Judaism, religion, and blogging, and I'm halfway there! Yes, I was tapped to talk about Toyota and the (sort of ) possibility of buying a Toyota. I mean, listen, I probably won't buy one, but if I do buy one, it'd be a Toyota. Why? Read the interview in the LA Times from yesterday! ;)

Toyota Aims for a Surge in Sales

Oh, and I just bought an Apple (going to pass my lappy off to Tuvia because I'm so over it), and I'm heading to Austin, Texas in not so many hours ... color ... me ... STOKED!

Shabbos Menu a la Chaviva, Part Deux

I was tasked with making Shabbos lunch this weekend. Me being a perfectionist/worry wart, I have no idea what the friends we're eating with will think. I can only hope that it'll be delicious. It quickly turned into a big, fat Asian Shabbos meal, but I'm okay with that. Who doesn't dig some yummy Asian goods!? Here's the menu:

Pull-apart Challah

Carrot Muffins

Asian Noodles

General Tso Meatballs

Sweet and Sour Meatballs

Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

For the Asian Noodles, I did this: Cooked spaghetti, threw in some soy, some honey, some sesame seeds, and some garlic. BAM! Asian Noodles. For the meatballs, I used a basic baked meatball recipe with some Asian glazes/sauces to kick them up. I think I've posted the Carrot Muffins recipe before, but it's pretty simple (baby food carrots, honey, flour, vanilla, oil, and a few dashes of salt). And, of course, in the desire to clean out the cupboard pre-Pesach, the Chocolate Cake is Duncan Hines (parve) and the Cream Cheese Frosting is the yummy parve in-a-can stuff!

I find making lunch more difficult because you really have to be careful about liquids in your dishes. On Friday night, you can bake up to the point that you're food is hot right before Shabbos and you're set. But when you're reheating foods, the liquid thing can be a serious issue. So I'm a little distressed and worried I'm going to screw up, but thank G-d for wonderful friends who will tell me if I did something wrong. I just like being able to finally cook for friends -- I LOVE TO COOK. I used to hate it, and now I love it.

I'm such a Yiddishe Mama! Shabbat Shalom!

Note: If you're looking for posts with more substance, stay tuned. I'm probably going to blog about some of the research I'm doing, and as of Sunday I'll be in Austin for SXSW, so there will be oodles of good on-location posts!

If Jews Ruled the World ...

It occurred to me, just a few days ago, long after I booked my flight to SXSW Interactive, that big Music, Interactive, and Film festival in Austin, Texas every year around this time, that Daylight Savings is going to rain on my parade. My flight, at 6:45 a.m. on Sunday, will really be more like 5:45 a.m. on Sunday. This means that I'll have to be at the airport around 5 a.m., which is really more like 4 a.m. This means I'll probably, if I'm lucky, get something along the lines of four hours of sleep, before flying off to three days of interactive, social media awesomeness and geekatude in one of the nation's greatest (and most humid) cities.

Sigh. So much for planning well.

In a perfect world, with the time change, there would be more late motzei Shabbos flights. Then again, "if only Jews ruled the world!" Yeah, if we ruled the world there'd be late flights everywhere! Especially time zones behind the East Coast, because, well, they're behind us in time. Wait, don't Jews run the world? Isn't that the rumor/stereotype?

All I'm going to say is, if that rumor were true, I'd be flying to SXSW on Saturday night, not Sunday morning at the tush-crack of dawn.

For those of you planning to be at SXSWi, check out the Judaism 2.0 panel at 3:30 p.m. on Tuesday. Come and partake in the goodness hosted by myself and Mordechai, and meet the awesomest of attendees, including Leah Jones and others. Also, if you're in the Austin area but NOT attending SXSW, let me know and maybe we can do a meetup.

OU Cabot Cheese!? Hallelujah!

I'm not sure why Cabot doesn't suck it up and go OU Kosher year round, especially after my horrifying incident with their hashgacha, Tablet K, over the summer in Middlebury, Vermont, but at least they have the decency to run a limited production of OU Kosher for Passover Sharp Cheddar Cheese once a year. ONCE a year, folks. One of the local shuls is doing a fundraiser, and on the Cabot website they even tout the option of selling their cheese as a fundraiser.

Anyhow, I just thought I'd rock out this public service announcement for some delicious Cabot, OU-approved kosher for Passover cheese. After all, no Passover meal is complete without a big brick of cheese with some ... matzo?

So go buy some. And then write a letter to Cabot begging them to sell the business of kashrut to the OU permanently!

Gotta Love the Stuff You Find on the Web

I was browsing something on Wikipedia and came across this stellar Google Sketchup image made by some fellow named Gabriel Fink of what the Tabernacle probably looked like. Of course, I don't have the specs here with me, but I think it's a pretty convincing portrait. Now if I could master the art of Google Sketchup!

Another Giveaway: Books A-Go-Go

I've come upon an extra copy of Marc Angel's "The Search Committee," and because I love you guys and the past month has been a big ole' month of giveaways, I thought I'd keep things rolling. I want to leave this giveaway open until I get back from SXSW Interactive next week, so the official drawing for this book will be on Thursday, March 18, 2010. How can you enter the contest? Comment on this post with the best book you've read -- fiction or nonfiction -- in the past few months.

I'm copying and pasting below what I wrote in September 2008 about my having read this book, so if you're interested, comment and wait! Here goes:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As if we ever talk about anything at else around here anymore? Books are my joy, my life, my livelihood! As evidenced in my bookworm/bibliophile post of recent. I'd wanted to do this in a vlog, but I'm just not in the mood, and I'm in desperate need of a haircut. So for now, this is how we'll roll.

I've been meaning to write about Rabbi Marc D. Angel's new novel, "The Search Committee," for about three weeks now. The rabbi was kind enough to send me a copy of whose words I devoured quickly and with delight. To be honest, the book is an incredibly quick read. I do find it interesting, though, that his name appears on the book as "Marc Angel" and not "Rabbi ..." But maybe I'm just nitpicking! So first, some background on the rabbi.

Rabbi Angel is the rabbi emeritus of Congregation Shearith Israel of New York City (a Sephardi congregation), and is the founder of the Institute for Jewish Ideas and Ideals -- a group which I highly recommend you look into. They put out oodles of interesting papers and responsa about issues facing Orthodox Judaism, not to mention the greater Jewish community. Rabbi Angel is the author and editor of more than two dozen books, and this is his first work of fiction! How exciting for him and for us, eh?

So where to begin? The story revolves around a series of testimonials issued to the search committee at a prominent Yeshiveh. The most recent rosh yeshiva has died, and his replacement is to be made by this search committee. There are two rabbis in the running -- one the son of the former head of the school who is essentially staunchly similar to his father and maintaining the present order, and the other a younger rabbi who comes across as very modern in his Orthodoxy. We hear from each rabbi, their wives, students, philanthropists who give to the school, yet interestingly -- we NEVER hear from the committee itself. What a juxtaposition for the book to be titled as such and yet the committee never graces our presence.

Many of the characters are entirely believable, their testimonies sounding as though they were truly coming from the mouths of real individuals. Other characters, including (in my opinion) the deceased rosh yeshiva's son, seem almost unreal in their outrageousness. I do appreciate that the characters -- both those believable and perhaps not so much -- are deeply encamped in their Jewishness. As characters are giving their backgrounds and how they arrived at the present situation, we get long, meandering stories with often unnecessary details -- I can picture the traditional rabbi and his wife at the meeting, as if standing at the pulpit, carrying on and on with over-emphasizing hand gestures and a deep accent. The book is written very much so that we can sympathize with one party over the other, I think, and it is quite obvious that there is a message here about the old versus the new, tradition as it evolves, and the world of the yeshiveh and Orthodoxy in general -- as it accepts outsiders, new ideas and approaches, and makes decisions about the future of how it schools its children.

But to be honest, the book's outcome absolutely surprised me, and I think that for those who take the chance to pick the book, you also will be surprised. The book seems to lean one way -- it is cut and dry that there are two definite sides of Orthodoxy here -- but the outcome chosen by the search committee left me feeling perplexed and almost uncomfortable. But perhaps that is Rabbi Angel's intention, and if so, then I applaud him for a well-composed book that questions what we know and what we think we know.

I think anyone and everyone should pick up this book. I imagine Rabbi Angel has unique experiences that allow him to assist us in delving into the world of the yeshiva and the schisms between more traditional Orthodoxy and more modern Orthodoxy. It is, as I said, an incredibly quick read. So nu? Pick it up already!

I've Got Questions, You've Got Answers!

From my questioning brain to your eager eyeballs, I have a question. Are you ready?

On which hand/finger do you wear your wedding band and/or engagement ring? 

I think it's interesting that the logic behind the left-hand-ring-wearing tradition is partly due to the fact that most people are right handed and thus the ring might become busted up if worn on the dominant hand. I do, however, appreciate the idea (shared also by the Eastern Orthodox Church) of using the right hand. Why? The right hand resembles oaths, at least traditionally. Think about when you go to court or swear an oath, you're always asked to "raise your right hand." This also was a Roman and biblical tradition, that is to use the right hand. If you want to get more sticky, you can also reference the fact that the left hand is viewed as evil or sinister. Interestingly, there was a long-standing belief that people who were left-handed were somehow defective or damned. In many cultures, children were trained (I even know someone who had to deal with this in the not-so-distant past) to write with their right hand, just in case. It's just a hand people!

Anyhow, feel free to answer. I know the traditional way is to wear the wedding band on your right finger, and only much later did Jews start wearing the band on their left finger in the Protestant fashion. I'm also curious how other folks roll -- Buddhists, Hindus, Christians, etc. Different people have different traditions, so fill me in!

Arts & Crafts with Chaviva & Tuvia!

I've been dying to do something crafty, and because my crocheting skills have fallen very much by the wayside, I decided that motzei Shabbat Tuvia and I needed to go to one of those "paint it yourself" shops. Unfortunately, because we lollygagged so much after Shabbos ended, we were left with a mere hour to paint our masterpieces! I talked Tuvia into painting one of those things you put your rings on when you're doing the dishes or washing your hands, and I, inspired by the Gefilte Fish Plate in Judaikitsch, decided to mimic the design to the best of my ability. Here are some photos of the experience, and stay tuned for the finished, glazed and fired products (due to be picked up on Friday, March 12). Thanks to the kind lady at Claypen in West Hartford Center.

Some Light and Fluffy Jewish Folklore

I give to you, some hilarious little Folktales from "A Treasury of Jewish Folklore." Why? Because after that last post, I need something amusing.

Strictly Kosher

The teacher of Scripture in a little Polish town got sick and tired of his drudgery and of suffering cold and hunger. He decided to become a robber. 

One day, he took a knife from the kitchen and went into the woods. Hiding behind a tree he lay in ambush for passersby. At last he saw a rich lumber dealer of the town trudging along unsuspectingly. Without a word, he threw himself upon him and raised his knife as if to stab him. Suddenly, he seemed to recall something and let the knife drop to the ground. 

"It's your lucky," he muttered. " I just remembered that this is a milchig knife!"

This is particularly funny to me because Tuvia and I actually were discussing whether a knife becomes unkosher or whether it must be a fleishig knife if you use it to stab a human. Yes, we think these things. Moving on!

Potatoes

A poor Talmud student was making the rounds from one householder to another. each one, out of the goodness of his heart and as an act of piety, gave him food and lodging for several days. In one of these homes, however, he was treated with ill-grace and in a perfunctory manner. Three times daily they gave him only one dish to eat -- potatoes.

One day, when he saw the platter of potatoes being placed before hijm, he shuddered and asked his host, "Tell me please, what is the benediction that is said over potatoes?

"What a question to ask!" exclaimed his host. "You're a Talmud student, aren't you? Why, even the most ignorant man knows that you say: 'Blessed are the fruits of the earth,' over everything that comes out of the soil."

"This may be so," retorted the Talmud student, "but what should I say when the potatoes are coming out of my ears?"

Oh *giggle, giggle* and *snort, snort!* And lastly, I give you the plight of the Yeshiva Bochur made for a shidduch.

A remedy for ugliness

A Talmudic student was engaged to a very ugly girl; his father had forced the match on him. He therefore took the matter very much to heart and went to talk it over with the rabbi.

"Really, Rabbi," he complained, "she's so ugly she'll make me miserable if I marry her!"

"My son, use your head!" rebuked the rabbi, with impatience. "Now let's examine the problem at issue. All right -- she's ugly. Nu, so what? Just answer me: when you're in the House of Study all day -- will you look at her? No! When you come home for meals -- will you look at her while you eat? No! When you go to bed at night -- will you look at her in the dark? No! Furthermore, when you are asleep -- will you look at her? No! Finally, in your leisure time -- will you want to look at her? No! You'll go out for a walk. So I ask -- waht's all your excitement about? When will you look at her?"

Again, *giggle, giggle* and *snort, snort!* This simple folktale would solve the shidduch crisis, no? 

Shabbat Shalom!

Have I Become a Monster?

This post has been stewing for some time now. I feel really uncomfortable writing it, to be honest with you, but I feel like I need to write it. Maybe I should really look into a therapist, seriously. I think if I did do this, however, I'd run out of the stellar content I have. I have to precursor this by saying that those of you who know me will read this post with my voice in mind, not to mention my evolution and experiences. Whatever you do, please don't read only this post and attempt to pass judgment on me; you've got to know the whole story. So here goes nothing.

I converted under Reform auspices in April 2006 (wow, I'm almost four years out from that) after about 3 years of personal study, as well as studying with a rabbi. Flash forward to January 2010, and I've become more frum, keeping kosher, maintaining a shomer Shabbat lifestyle, and observing shomer negiah (much to the shock of some friends in the community). For all intents and purposes, I'm a modern frum Jew. Along with this evolution has come many other, small things, that I don't necessarily think about on a day-to-day basis. How I carry myself or the things I say. Saying modeh ani in the morning and the shema in the evening has become old hat for me. It's a reflex, if anything. And that's probably teh most appropriate way to relate these things: They have become reflexes.

Every now and again, I sit back and think, "Wow, I remembered to do this or that," and it makes me smile to know that I'm conscious of living in the manner that I do. But there are some things, some reflexes, of which I am not so proud. They're things that make me cringe and make me wonder whom I'm becoming.

My community, for example, is wonderful; I love my community. It's incredibly modern and the paths of Conservadoxish and Orthodox and Hasidic and other flavors of Judaism cross. But for the most part, if you asked anyone in my community, they would tell you that the number of families that keeps strictly shomer Shabbos is small, and the number of families that keep kosher both in and outside the house is even smaller still. I could count on probably two hands and a foot the number of families/couples I know that understand what it means to be a modern, frum Jew in a manner that is on par with Orthodoxy today, and I'm talking modern Orthodoxy, nothing Haredi or hard-line. Just your run-of-the-mill modern, Orthodox Jew.

At first, I was fine with this. I mean, I pride myself on being non-judgmental. My policy, as it always has been, is that what you do is what you do and it's your relationship with the Big Man Upstairs. I can't say whether Christians or Muslims or Jews or Buddhists or Scientologists have it right -- it's impossible, I repeat INCONCEIVABLE -- to say "I have it right, and you have it wrong." In my mind, you do what's right for you, and you call it a day. For me, Judaism is right. For others, Christianity is right. The problem comes when you look at those who are rocking the same thing. And I never thought I'd feel this way, but good lord. I think I'm becoming someone I don't like.

Within Judaism, you have Reform, Conservative, Humanist, Reconstructionist, JewBu, Hasidic, Chabad, Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, Secular, Cultural ... the list goes on and on. If they thought they had it rough back in the day with the Essenes, Sadducees, Dead Sea Sect, and Pharisees, they were just tipping the iceberg. When I was Reform, I was sort of at the "bottom of the rung" as far as the evolution of Judaism went. It was probably the most progressive and most new, and I felt the same -- fresh and new. Then I started picking up more mitzvot, and then I ended up here. Shomer mitzvot, plain and simple. The result, however, is that I look at Jews who aren't shomer mitzvot and wonder, "Why do you NOT want to be shomer mitzvot?" This happens less so when I look at my Reform or Conservative brethren than when I look at those who flatly and boldly identify themselves as "Orthodox" Jews.

I'm coming to realize that I'm not comfortable eating at the homes of people I've felt comfortable with before, because our views of shomer mitzvot are not the same. I find myself looking at friends and scrutinizing how they run their households and the choices they make. I find myself critical of those around me, how they dress and how they observe tzniut. In the beginning I thought, "I'm trying to help figure out who I am and how I'll do shomer mitzvot." And then? I woke up one day and realized that I wasn't doing that. I was doing more than that. I was noticing how frum and un-frum all of these people around me were. It made me uncomfortable, it made my stomach turn.

How do you look at a friend and say, You make me uncomfortable, over something like religion? Or not even religion, but observance of that religion. And like I said, I'm less concerned about those who aren't Orthodox than I am for those who are Orthodox. After all, if you say that you think the mitzvot aren't binding, then they aren't binding to you. Stand proud in your understanding of your chosen path. But if you say, I'm Orthodox, and the mitzvot are binding, then how can you turn around and break Shabbos or go out to eat non-kosher or any of a number of things that most people -- even people in past generations -- never thought twice about.

Who on earth am I becoming? Or have I become. I would like to think the problem is the problem of the people who say one thing and do another. But, as most psychologists would say, there's something I see in these people that I'm deflecting, it's something I don't dig about myself. But I think that's only half the battle. Perhaps the zealousness of the convert in my neshama is just frustrated, extremely frustrated. I look at every Jew and think, "You! You were born a Jew! Stand proud, stand tall, love who you are and observe the mitzvot with the passion and fire that your ancestors surely espoused!" There are those of us who fight, out of nature, to be frum. Not as a competition or because we feel like we need to be MORE Jewish or MORE observant than others, but because our neshamot are insatiably hungry. We need the mitzvot. 

I don't know. This is something that's been eating at me for a few weeks now. I go through these phases of feeling like a horrible person because I don't feel comfortable being around people that a year ago or even six months ago I was completely comfortable around. Is this the ebb and flow of a convert? Do baalei teshuvah go through the same thing? Is this natural? It feels uncomfortable, but expected.

Sigh. Mah la'asot?


Have I become a monster? To look at my fellow Orthodox Jew and think, Shame on you. Stand firm in what you firmly believe is true, no matter what that belief is. Just, be honest with yourself and those around you. Do not be two-faced, do not be double-sided, do not be someone that you truly are not.

Is that so wrong?