It's hard, figuring out why we do what we do.

Well, I'm getting up at 7 a.m. I have things to do. Places to go. Copies to make. You know the drill. Or maybe you don't. I'm looking at an apartment tomorrow. It's a basement studio up in University Park. Sort of far away, but it looks perfect. Then, I'm working 12ish to 7ish and then hopping a plane from National to Riverside, Calif. I'll be there through Thursday, at which time I return to D.C. and go straight to work. Luckily, I have lots of free time at night in Riverside. Time to read, to lounge, to be someplace that isn't here. To feel temporary, and for it to be OK.

You know, that feeling like it's fine to feel out of sorts for a few. But then, then I have to figure out my life by Friday. Round about Friday. That's what I want, anyhow.

So for the flight and more I've printed out some essays. Things I want to read, things I want to reread. They are as follows

• Theodor Herzl's "The Jewish State" -- It's the introduction, and that's where I'm starting. I remember reading the whole piece my sophomore or junior year and being enraged at Herzl, the mastermind of the Zionist ideal. We'll see if I can remember why I was so angry.
• "The Laws Concerning Mashiach" by Maimonides himself, from Hilchos Melachim (it's chapters 11 and 12).
  
• Eric Cohen's "Why Have Children" from Commentary magazine.
• "Whatever Happened to the Jewish People" by Steven M. Cohen & Jack Wertheimer
• And last, but not least, an e-mail from a gal at work about how she handled a work offer extension ... mostly because I want to read it repeatedly so I don't forget it.
  

Anyhow, I should have a lot to say upon my return. And hopefully, an immediate-future plan. Until then ...