It's a new month, and if you recall from this post, I promised to focus on a different thing every day that will help me refocus on myself. So I give you ...
Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.UGH. Seriously? Day Two and I have to take all of my problems head on. My problems, as you well know, are vast and ridiculous and I'm really good at shoving my problems into tiny little holes and forgetting about them. Despite being one who often preaches that the only thing we can control is how we react to problems, I rarely practice what I preach.
Wait, I take that back.
When it comes to life's small problems, this is precisely what I do. When it comes to divorce, family excision, financial problems, and the like, I react poorly. Despair has become second nature for me. It's the easiest way to react to any situation. Pain and hurt and hate are always easier than healing and learning to love again.
I'm working hard right now not to push the pain of the past year and a half of my life. It's what I know, it's what easy, but it's also stopped working. For years, it worked. And then something broke and it stopped working. So acknowledging what I have done is all that I can do now. Baby steps!
I'm just eager to make those steps turn into miles. Because once there are miles, I'll be ready for all that life has to offer.
Also, I have to add an anecdote I recently read about worries. There's a classic Yiddish blessing that says:
May you have many worries.At first glance, it seems like a horrible blessing. Why would you tell someone to have many worries!? It's counterintuitive. However, when you think about it, many worries are better than one gigantic worry.
I'll take that. I just have to let those many problems and worries stop defining me. 5 Comments »
I totally run and hide when problems pop up. I wait so long that they become beasts that can't be ignored. Most usually when I finally face them, I discover that I have more power over them than I thought.
ReplyDeleteconcentrate on the good
ReplyDeletesearch for it
write a joke...
We all have many problems. When I decided to get divorced, get out of the closet and take control of my life, my parents disowned me, wishing me dead, I resigned from my job and got a new one in a new city. Phew it was lonely and I was alone. No friends, family or support network. One night I realised that if I die, maybe my employer will realise something is wrong, but nobody will miss me. Years later, literally took me 5 years to get back on my feet, I am happily married, to a lovely lady (in South Africa it is recognised), I have a lovely home, I completed my Liberal Conversion, I am happy, I still do not have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have count. I am no longer on anti-depressants, I no longer think of death as an option. Keeping busy with healthy relationships, activities and living my life.
ReplyDeleteThere are still worries in my life, no parents or family, but I am building my own family of choice.
I write this to you, out of empathy and sympathy. I can relate to this very much. There are no short cuts to happiness. It is boring but it is a process.
Good luck with you journey to rediscover yourself and building YOUR life.
C
Amanda has family. What she refers to is that her mother disowned her for accusations that almost broke a marriage. And since that time her mother has tried to reconnect. We are a family seeing separate counselors and will hopefully one day be a complete family again. I will be there when and if she finds it in her heart to try to work things out. I, her mother, love her and she will always be my daughter...regardless of words spoken out of hurt and anger!
ReplyDeleteI know all about family excision. My father decided to "disown" me because of something seriously stupid. I realised for the first time in my life just how passive-aggressive and manipulative he is and finally came to a point where it doesn't matter. Because it's not my problem, it's his.
ReplyDeleteHopefully you get to a place soon where you can start that first mile. I did, and the first run was great. Endless possibilities. :)