Monday, May 14, 2012

Ask Chaviva Anything!: Wait, What Happened?

The tune: "Breaking up is hard to do ... "

Okay, holy wow! I didn't expect so many people to go "Wait, what happened with you and Taylor!?" followed by questions of "Would you date a non-Jew again?" I was trying my best to avoid talking about it, mostly out of respect for Taylor but also because I didn't want to hear "I told you sos" from the camp of "She's just acting out post-divorce," but since it wasn't a bad or mean breakup, I'm pretty sure he'll be kosher with me posting about it.

I left my relationship with Taylor roughly a month ago. The reason? There were many. There was an evening I found myself frustrated with him and called him by my ex-husband's name -- twice. I started to realize that I did what I always do -- I jumped into a new relationship shortly after relocating without focusing on myself, the things I need, my own spirit and growth. Although Taylor wanted to go on that journey with me, it was something I needed to do alone, because in the past I never was able to do it alone. On that note, it's amazing that in the past month I feel like I've grown and altered my perspective on life in so very many ways. Taylor really helped me to see so much in myself that was positive and worth banking on, and for that, I'm eternally in his debt. To that end, Taylor treated me better than any man I've ever dated, with a patience and calm in arguments and with emotions the likes of which I have never experienced, and may never will again. But if there's one thing I got out of our relationship, it's that I deserve the best, the kindest, the most patient, and the most loving man out there. Period.

We haven't spoken in the past month, and probably won't until I return from Israel (a three-month separation to calm the pain of a breakup that was literally "it's not you, it's me"), and I hope that he'll continue to play a part in my life. We're both foodies, love coffee, we both love rodents, we're vegetarians (although I'm going vegan), museums, you name it. We have so much in common.

Did Judaism come into play? Believe it or not, no. Sure, it was strange not being able to schlep my boyfriend along to Shabbat dinners because he was working or doing movie stuff, but we kept our own lives, our own habits, and just came together for us. He was inquisitive and we talked about existentialism, Judaism, atheism, and agnosticism. We discovered that many of his views aren't so different from many of the values and ethics of a Jewish lifestyle. But he had no intention of converting, and I wasn't about to make him. He learned the ins and outs of my kitchen, and I gave him my cRc Kosher Card with all of the hechshers on it so if he ever brought anything into the house, it was properly labeled. He did so much to make me comfortable. I really can't express to you how simple of a relationship it was. Five months flew by like nothing.

Would I do it again? Well, here's the thing: I've always been one to fall for a person, not their creed or color or shape of their face. Would it happen again? Who knows. Would I do it again? Who knows. Of course, it's easier to seek out a Jewish mate for one million reasons. It's funny that it took me dating a non-Jew to really understand what I deserve in a mate. Am I going to seek out a non-Jew? No, of course not. I've never sought out the non-Jewish mate, sometimes life just happens.

So, in a nutshell, that's that. And if you're missing the old blog, the archives, then just look up at the top of the page and bam! There they are! Also, if you have questions, ask away right here.