Thursday, March 13, 2008


This morning on my way to work I popped in the iPod and hit play. I'd forgotten that the last music I was listening to yesterday was Incubus, while at the gym. I find Incubus to be the perfect "amped up" music for getting down and dirty on the treadmill, and while it isn't exactly my cup of tea for the morning commute, it fit today. About three songs and four El stops in, the song "I Miss You" came on. Now, I don't know how many of you out there are Incubus fans (listen, I have and have always and will always have a crush on Gavin Rossdale), but in case you have never heard the song, I'm posting a YouTube video from a live concert in 2001 of the song. The song doesn't really start until about two minutes in, though.

See, I'm a sap. This song was first brought to my attention by my high school boyfriend, the first love of my life, Kevin. It was summertime and he was heading off on a dig with his father in what I remember was Utah (his dad was a geologist), and he was going to be gone for several weeks with no contact. I, being a sappy high school, was devastated and incredibly upset. So the morning he was leaving, he got up and sent me an e-mail in the wee hours with the song "I Miss You" as an attachment. When I checked my mail that day, I cried. I played the song probably 5 million times on repeat, thinking of Kevin and crying. It was really pretty pathetic, but I mean, I was really, really in love with him. We dated for about two years, and he was the sweetest, smartest, most awesome high school boyfriend a girl could have asked for.

So I'm listening to this song on the train and just smiling, hugely. It brought back this rush of memories of he and I standing on the balcony of the student union my junior year (his sophomore year) looking at all of his (and my) sophomore friends outside the union, waving at us (see, it was only a junior-senior prom, so his friends couldn't go, but he could). It reminds me of that special moment when I felt like a princess. In truth, I'd die if I lost any of the memories I have of that part of my life. Kevin meant the world to me, and I was fully integrated into his life and the life of his friends and family. I remember the split and how hard it was for me, especially when he started dating a close friend shortly thereafter (let it be known, that close friend is someone I haven't spoken to since high school and now she's married, though not to Kevin).

I love how music has this affect on us. A simple set of memories, brought rushing back by one, cheesy song. It's so magical, and it really helped me get started on a positive note this morning.

I still talk to Kevin every now and again. I have frequent dreams involving him, which then usually results in me sending him an e-mail making sure everything is fine and dandy. I think he's off in Costa Rica or something right now. It's so strange, though. He was this 6-foot-something redhead -- completely outside the realm of anyone else I've ever dated. His height was one of my favorite things. He's also the person who tipped me off to Weezer and the Pixies and all those other good bands I still listen to. So here's to Kevin, and my memories of us, and that one summer that he made me feel so lucky, so special.