Perplexed!

So, I'm baffled at this whole omer beard thing. Who grows them, who doesn't? Can you trim them? Can you keep them cleaned up at all? I've noticed a lot of the Orthodox Jews I know don't grow beards, and those who do keep them very trimmed and neat. My Tuvia, on the other hand, doesn't. Our understanding has always been to let it grow, and let it grow as it will. So what gives?

And women -- do you shave? Do you just let everything go?

(For those who might not know, between Passover and Shavuot, men -- in honor of a variety of things, namely the death of Akiva's students -- do not cut their hair while counting the days, called the omer! It's like a period of mourning, even though at one point, prior to the death of Akiva's students, the period of the omer was a joyous time!)