#ChabadLife

Okay, I really really hope the person who created and has been updating this Tumblr continues to do so because, well, this is one of the few things I've come across that has had me laughing out loud. Really, really loud. Bravo!

Here's a screen cap of one of my favorites (except on the actual site, it's all animated gifs!).

Because the Internet Doesn't Know from Adam ...

I just got this in my inbox, and, seriously, too funny for words.

A Funny Thing Happened ...

Sometimes funny things happen and it's just worth sharing. So ... I was at Whole Foods today picking up the weekly supply of bananas and other goodies when, during checkout, the following conversation(s) took place.

• Bagger: Thanks for bringing the watermelon! (spins the melon up and down his arms)
• Me: Do you ever drop it and disappoint your customers?
• Bagger: Nope! And I'd never disappoint you!

(woman behind me spills blueberries all over the floor and bagger runs to get a broom)

• Checker: What is this?
• Me: A yucca I think? It's my first time buying it.
• Checker: *mumbles*
• Me: I said it's my first time buying it.
• Checker: No, I said have you ever tasted it.
• Me: Nope, I like to be adventurous with my vegetables.

(something transpires, but I forget how we get to this point)

• Me: So, is Maxary even a real name?
• Checker: Yes, is your name a real name?
• Me: Chaviva? Yeah, it's Hebrew.
• Checker: Well, so is mine. Maxary ben Moishe (he even says it this way).
• Me: Oh ... um ... well, isn't that interesting. 
• Bagger: My last name has Jewish origins. At least, according to a guy in the drive through. When Gonzalez is spelled with an "s."
• Me: Oh yeah, totally. Sephardic origins, like Gutierrez. 
• Checker: My name isn't really a Jewish name. It's just Max. 
• Me: I figured as much ... 

(bagger finishes bagging my things)

• Checker: Well, have a good rest of your Shabbos!

Hilarious. It had me giggling all the way to my car ...

Gefilte Gone Gone Gone!

I have to hand it to my husband. He's ridiculous. This was sent to the Teaneck Shuls Listserv.

Last night I purchased a gefilte fish from Glatt Express. I know it was in my bag when I left the store but I couldn't find it when I got home. I went back and couldn't find it in the parking lot. Did anyone pick it up? 

Yes, he actually asked that. One response raises a really good point, however.

Hi. Just a thought . . . if someone did find the fish in the parking lot would it remain kosher after having lain unmonitored on the ground?

Indeed! What do you think? And, also, do you think my dear husband was being serious?

A Break for the Hilarious!

Last week, I met up for some delicious University Pita (which, by the way, had the best schwarma I've ever had) with bestie Marissa, followed by a jaunt around the library to nab a book (and I ended up checking out the wrong one, believe it or not). We took a break in front of the gigantic board of advertisements and notices that people post in the library, and among the language teaching ads and the bible study group posters, there was this. This, which made us laugh hysterically and kept us giggling for minutes on end. We couldn't help but nab it and disperse it to the world. So here, for my 7 percent non-Judaics related posts, is a moment of hilarity.

The funny thing is that there were multiple posters posted, and the name was spelled "Eon" and "Ian" at random. I just like the funny comments posted and the look on the face of the kid. In truth, I think this poster is a joke. I dare you to call the number and find out :) I know some of you must have b'nai mitzvah coming up, right?!

And now? Back to our regularly scheduled program ...

WANTED: Rabbi to Make Golem!

I have to hat tip my dear friend Rabbi V (that's a nickname he doesn't like, but I'm okay with that) for posting this up to Facebook. I can't help but giggle uncontrollably about this ad on Craigslist that popped up two days ago.

Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM. (Astoria, NY)

WANTED:

One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from intimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.

Location: Astoria, NY

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: no pay

No pay?! What a bum deal. I do like how they iterated the difference between Gollum and Golem. How astute of them!

Tee hee ... a funny.

Happy Chanukah! Want some HAM with that gelt?


For more of the hilarity from Balducci's, visit NancyKay Shapiro's LiveJournal.

A ha ha here, a message there.

I couldn't help but post this. Yes, it's part of a larger, very interesting article on Levirate marriage (as part of this week's Torah portion). And perhaps this opening funny will have you reading the article by Rabbi Yosef Jacobson in no time. Either way, I hope it gives you a little giggle.

The Secret Jew

Ira Goldberg was heading out of the Synagogue on Yom Kippur and, as always, the rabbi was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed.

The rabbi grabbed Ira by the hand and pulled him aside.

The rabbi lunged these words at him, "You need to join the Army of G-d!"

Ira replied, "I'm already in the Army of G-d, Rabbi."

Rabbi questioned, "How come I don't see you in Synagogue except for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

The article, by the way, can be found here: When Your Passion Dies.