Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Guilt is just part of the gig.

So being done with my undergraduate career has made me bored. Incredibly bored. And mental fists shake whenever someone says "how're finals?" and I reply "I'm done, I had none, I'm bored." So I decided today that it's time to restart some personal reading. Unfortunately, I've kept a really bad list of books to read, so I've had to pick through my collection of unread books, which, as it turns out, isn't that great. So I settled on The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt by a variety of well-known and not-so-well-known authors, rabbis, etc. And so far, bits and pieces have been amusing. Perhaps my favorite piece is on weight ... it starts off with a woman getting a massage and the guy says to her, "Why are Jewish women so fat?" To which she decides the answer is simple.
When in doubt on a Jewish question, the answer is always the Holocaust.
Then eloquently several pages later after going into the full-figured, full-busted figure that is the Jewish woman, she says,
We forget that women are literally built to feed other humans.
Damn, this woman is head on. HEAD on.

And then, I ran into a friend from Hillel tonight while reading said book at The Coffee House. It's heart wrenching for people to say "I'm going to miss you" because most of the people saying it are people I barely know. People who just came into this incredibly green life just recently. Sucks how that happens, and it's the only way it happens. It's like falling in love with some shmo and then moving to Zimbabwe for 10 years -- you KNOW he'll find someone else. People don't wait or stick around for life stories anymore. It isn't World War II and these aren't Western Union telegrams. My grandparents shifted telegrams during the war. I thought it was romantic.

There's a lot that's lost on me these days. I can't tell if it's the boredom or the fact that while learning to point myself in the right direction I'm also occasionally veering off the path of "good" into the path of "sort of questionable" behavior.

I'm broke, and damnit, I need something to fill the next three weeks or I'll go stir crazy waiting to pack my car and head east.