"Pursue her lovers as she will, she shall never find them ... and she will say, 'I shall return to my first husband, for I fared better there than now.' "
I know what it means, at least what the great thinkers said it means and what I clearly read from it. I know that it was meant to show that those who had idols always made their way back to the original G-d of Israel. It's clear as mud, yes? But for me it's something that echoes in both a religious and nonreligious way. I sought things and returned to the G-d of our mothers and our fathers, yes yes. But also, I pursued my lovers as I did, and quite frankly nothing but pain came out of those. Pain for me, pain for others. So now I'm purging that part of my life. A learning lesson, I told myself. But most recently I really realized the magnitude and foolish fancifree I had partaken in. So now I'm working my way back up. I'm returning, damnit. With a vengeance. And I'm thinking about the next 10 years and what I want and need from them. I'm young, I'm silly, I've got time. But unless you have some idea, you can't plan with someone else, now can you.
In other news: I picked up a few books from work tonight that happened to be laying about for free taking. One is on a man's travels in the Holy Land, another is a book of cartoon strips about G.W. and the war and the third is a book called The Bone Woman, about a forensic anthropologist digging around in Rwanda, Kosovo, Croatia and Bosnia. I started reading it while waiting for the bus tonight and got several pages in and was amazed at how focused I was with it. It's been a while since I found a book I could immerse myself (happily) in. Amen for that.
Two days off now. I think I may go wander by the White House tomorrow, pretend I'm in the world of the West Wing. Perhaps poke around the Smithsonian or something. The world is my oyster, and I have all the time in the world to think.