Tuesday, June 13, 2006

We'll be Lovers yet.

"Pursue her lovers as she will, she shall never find them ... and she will say, 'I shall return to my first husband, for I fared better there than now.' "

I know what it means, at least what the great thinkers said it means and what I clearly read from it. I know that it was meant to show that those who had idols always made their way back to the original G-d of Israel. It's clear as mud, yes? But for me it's something that echoes in both a religious and nonreligious way. I sought things and returned to the G-d of our mothers and our fathers, yes yes. But also, I pursued my lovers as I did, and quite frankly nothing but pain came out of those. Pain for me, pain for others. So now I'm purging that part of my life. A learning lesson, I told myself. But most recently I really realized the magnitude and foolish fancifree I had partaken in. So now I'm working my way back up. I'm returning, damnit. With a vengeance. And I'm thinking about the next 10 years and what I want and need from them. I'm young, I'm silly, I've got time. But unless you have some idea, you can't plan with someone else, now can you.

In other news: I picked up a few books from work tonight that happened to be laying about for free taking. One is on a man's travels in the Holy Land, another is a book of cartoon strips about G.W. and the war and the third is a book called The Bone Woman, about a forensic anthropologist digging around in Rwanda, Kosovo, Croatia and Bosnia. I started reading it while waiting for the bus tonight and got several pages in and was amazed at how focused I was with it. It's been a while since I found a book I could immerse myself (happily) in. Amen for that.

Two days off now. I think I may go wander by the White House tomorrow, pretend I'm in the world of the West Wing. Perhaps poke around the Smithsonian or something. The world is my oyster, and I have all the time in the world to think.