Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A minor Chord.

The sensation of blogging. Topics and nontopics.

I tried to explain to my editor at work that there is, in fact, a difference between the folks who use LiveJournal and the folks who use Blogger. He looked at me strangely and I explained that folks without a focus use LiveJournal -- it's just journaling. Folks who use Blogger write with a purpose, a topic at hand (however broad it may be). It seems there are few people who just rant and moan on Blogger, whereas my 5+ years spent on Livejournal saw a lot of "Today I woke up and went to the market, then I sat with Susie and we drank sodas, blah blah blah." Just a thought.

I've decided I need to re-center myself. Not having my Friday nights to break in the Sabbath is hurting me, but at this point, I need to work around it. I don't know if it's something I can throw on a bargaining table and demand (though it should be). I need to refocus myself and decide who I want to be within my Judaism, and how strong a role I want it to play in my life. I have my books, my prayers I hum and chant throughout the day. I thank G-d while washing my hands and wake up praising the fact that I actually woke up. Shamayim, aretz, Shamayim, aretz, ba lev. I haven't been to the mikvah and I haven't been going to services on Saturday mornings. I haven't been really giving myself what I need. And I feel it. Maybe it sounds silly, but everyone has that thing they do consistently that gives them structure. STRUCTURE! And I? I seem to be losing that thing.

So I'll finish my Philip Roth book and throw myself into something semi-educational. I'm THIS CLOSE to considering calling up a NYC Jewish rag to see if anyone needs a copy editor. I suppose it's most sensible to place ourselves in papers and positions that mean we are able to completely be who we are, without the worry of losing ourselves, no? I also discovered yesterday after having smoothies with a friend that I really, desperately want a life with someone as empassioned as I am. It's hard to find in my generation of Jews, it is. But, well, it can be done, I believe.

But until then: A meeting on my day off and a luncheon on my day off -- both at work. It seems unfair, and maybe I shouldn't complain since I'm merely an intern, but damnit, I'd prefer not to spend every day of the week at my place of employment.